Christian moms & unplanned pregnancy

[arlana]

I'm a Christian mom of a 4 yr old and wanted to find out if anyone has been in the boat of their family desiring more children but you not being on that same page? And to add to that, have you faced an unplanned pregnancy? I love my family just the way it is right now and am torn about having another. I'm almost 40 so I know I'm not getting any younger too, but for various reasons I've been content with our current family size. My hubby & daughter talk about wanting another and sometimes I wouldn't mind one but it's not 100% and I know people say the time is never just right but what if I just want to wait longer or not want another at all.

[hotpinkmomma0811]

I don't mean any disrespect but, I am sort of confused as why it would be an unplanned pregnancy if you and your husband are talking about it? I would talk more about with your husband write down the pros and cons of having another baby before deciding a yes or a no right now.

[arlana]

Happy to clarify - it would be unplanned because it wasn't discussed before hand. He's made comments about how he would like another so that is a well-known fact and that we need to have a talk, but there really hasn't been a heart-to-heart talk about the subject. Hope that helps some and thanks for your feedback.

[hotpinkmomma0811]

OK I understand. That would be a hard thing to go through. I would also suggest to speak with your ob/gyn to see about the risks with being an older mother. I would use those points that your ob/gyn speak about when you talk with your husband. I hope it all works out for you!

[arlana]

Thanks so much, and it's SO hard to walk in these shoes right now. I forgot to mention that I had a difficult labor & delivery (had emergency C-section and then complications where I was in the hospital for a week afterwards) and then had a painful miscarriage two years ago. I know God has His reasons, and He has always walked beside me. So that's one of the reasons why I'm quite content. So I battle with if that's wrong to feel that way. When the rest of your family wants another. I'm awaiting a call now to schedule something with my OB/GYN. She gave me a pamplet when I was seen in November for my yearly about having a baby at an older age. My husband & I talked alot last night and he's fine however things work out and supportive.

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

I think this is a topic that should be discussed between you, your DH, and God. I really don't think you should take your DD's opinion into account, IMO. I do agree that you should talk to your OB and get her medical opinion. However, I do not think there is anything wrong with feeling content with your family the way it is. Continue to talk to your DH about it and to pray over it. God will lead you both to the right decision.

[arlana]

Thanks - appreciate that. Concerning my DD, it's just hard when I hear her asking for a baby brother constantly. (Her cousin who she is close to and is her same age has one, so I'm sure that's one reason she would like one). Just last Friday she was pointing out things in a catalog she wants to order for her baby brother. We just got back from Target and she asked daddy if she could push her baby brother in the carts that have the baby seats attached. So it's just hard hearing those constant comments at times. And I know she would be an awesome big sister with her nurturing character. It broke my heart when my prior pregnancy didn't work out since I know she would make a good big sister.

All good advice so thanks so much!

[KC's wifey]

Deciding whether or not to have another child is sometimes one of the easiest decisions, and sometimes one of the hardest! (My DH and I have been going back and forth about having another one for a while.) I agree with Lisa that the decision really needs to be between you, your husband and God. While your daughter obviously wants a sibling, and I can understand how you would love to grant that wish, YOU will be the one to carry the baby, birth him/her, and you and your husband will be raising him/her, etc. I don't mean this in a mean way at all, but its not like getting a puppy, you know? You and your hubby know what having a child is all about, but she doesn't understand the depth of responsibility involved.
So if its what you guys want, then go for it! But if most of the pressure is coming from your daughter, but not what you and your husband think is right, then my advice would be to maybe have a talk with her. Hopefully it will help curb the constant comments that are weighing so heavily on you.
And as always, pray for wisdom.

[arlana]

I totally agree (those have been my exact thoughts and that's what I actually voice to my hubby when he expresses wanting another) and ultimately know that decision won't rest with DD. There hasn't been any pressure from her. Just innocent comments. i might feel I'm sometimes in a pressure cooker between the two of them, but not from her given she doesn't understand the depth of things. She'd probably actually settle for a puppy since she wants a dog too - LOL (yet I don't). I asked her today why she wants a baby brother so much and she said so she can babysit - LOL.

But moving on, in regards to the unplanned pregnancy it looks like I may be facing, it's definitely something he wants more than I do for reasons explained. I was not set on having a 2nd child but he wouldn't mind it. On that same token he understands my feelings about this situation and is being very supportive.

[KC's wifey]

Oh I didnt mean your daughter is deliberately pressuring you. Sorry if it came out that way. My daughter recently said she wanted me to have another baby, too, and she was so sweet when she said it I would have bought one right then and there for her, had it been an option. Lol So I just meant her sweet comments might unintentionally cause pressure.

Its wonderful that your DH is so understanding and supportive! Good luck! Whatever you decide!

[arlana]

Oh I didnt mean your daughter is deliberately pressuring you. Sorry if it came out that way. My daughter recently said she wanted me to have another baby, too, and she was so sweet when she said it I would have bought one right then and there for her, had it been an option. Lol So I just meant her sweet comments might unintentionally cause pressure.

Its wonderful that your DH is so understanding and supportive! Good luck! Whatever you decide!

Oh sure, no offense taken. I do understand how they can cause pressure - definitely can make you feel stuck in the middle. It's funny though....you know how they say "out of the mouths of babes" so I do sometimes wonder if God is speaking through her just by some of things she says. Thanks again!

[hotpinkmomma0811]

I can't help but, to be curious did you find anything out if your are expecting?