I really don't know what to do with her anymore. Her behavior is horrific. And it's only at home - only for DH and I. I just went for a parent-teacher conference for her preschool and she couldn't say enough nice things about her behavior at school. I am REALLY happy about that don't get me wrong! But it's obviously home that is the problem.
She doesn't listen. At all. Seems to have no respect for our house, our rules. She loves to push buttons and knows exactly how to do it. She is one who I can definitely say loves negative attention. She does naughty things - like draws on the walls, on furniture, cabinets, etc. Pours out drinks onto the floor. Smears toothpaste on mirrors, unrolls toilet paper....you get the idea. She also antagonizes DD1 so they are always fighting. She is very emotional so another aspect of her exhausting behavior is bursting into tears over EVERYTHING. Lately she is also acting totally helpless - wont put her shoes on, needs us to turn the light on, etc. She is extremely whiny so all this gets very hard to handle.
Stating the obvious - she is a middle child and probably adjusting to no longer being the baby in the family. I am sure that is most likely the problem. So WTF do I do??? We have tried every form of discipline - NOTHING works. We have tried not reacting to her nonsense. We have tried positive reinforcement, charts, rewards, punishments, etc. I really am at a total loss. I have no idea what to do.
One thing I will admit (sadly) is that I don't spend a lot of quality time with her despite the fact that we are together all day, every day (minus ~5hrs/week she is in school). I am so busy with the baby and sooooo behind in doing things around the house that when the baby finally naps I just want to get things done. Also if I do make an effort to try to focus on her I am mentally not there. I have so much going on in my head that I find it hard to focus. Her behavior is generally good when it's just us. It's at it's worst when DD1 is home.
Any ideas? I am at a loss