Just starting out

[bfff17]

My husband & I have decided we are going look into the adoption process & hopefully get it started. Any tips or suggestions would be great. Would it be better to go through an adoption agency or an attorney? What has everyone's experiences been like? We are also wanting to adopt a new born and I have always wanted to breast feed has anyone had any experience with breast feeding an adopted new born? Looking forward to reading everyone's posts


Thanks

[sarahjill]

Good luck! Just do lots of research. We were going to use Catholic Charities, but had put off applying. Then we had a friend call us about adopting our dd. We're using an attorney to finalize. I wasn't worried about having a newborn, so this worked for us.

[Cosmosmom]

I want a newborn as well but do not even plan on trying to nurse. the nice thing with bottles is that DH gets to feed and use that bonding time as much as I do. We are planning on always holding the baby during feedings and doing some skin to skin contact for bonding.

I am using an agency. I didn't want to have to even think about finding a birth mom myself. I talked to a couple different agencies and one I didn't like at all but this one I did. Be prepared for an expensive and invasive process. It took about a year from the time I first talked to agencies to pick one and go throught the home study process (classes, tons of paperwork, even more paperwork, and finally it took me a few months to create our portfolio).

As of today, we have been waiting over 16 months. I don't think anyone has requested our portfolio yet. One couple from my group has already brought home their son. I think that there are two couples in my local area (agency really works in state with matching families) who have been waiting about two years. Another couple I know locally was waiting the longest and ended up bring home their son...a safe haven baby. Agency said average wait is two years but of course some go faster and some go a bit longer. But that everyone who was patient and stuck with the process eventually gets the right match.

what I liked about my agency is that they counsel birth moms and generally do not start showing them adoptive families until they are close to the end. they also do not charge the majority of the fees...about 2/3 until AFTER we are placed. In my state birth moms cannot terminate rights until they go to court and cannot ask for a court date until after birth. In that time, generally baby goes to bridge care. We will bring baby home between 3-5 weeks old (depends on which part of the state....some areas the courts are busier and it takes a bit longer to go to court).

My agency also requires that we are open to open adoption. We will most likely have at least some contact with the birth family. It's not legally enforceable in my state (some states the agreements are) but they really do expect you to be open and reasonable.

[keepingfaith]

Welcome to the group. We don't always have a lot of activity in here but I think we check in often (I do anyways). Sometimes we go for long periods of time without updating because nothing is new. To anyone starting out I'd just say read, read, read! It's important to know exactly what you're comfortable with and trust your gut. Our first adoption was quick, it was about a year from when we started the process to when we got our call, after that our daughter was born a few months later. I didn't breast feed but did a lot of holding when we fed her and did skin to skin contact. With our second adoption we've been waiting for almost 2 years. In that time we've done a ton of research and have started realize that we don't care if we put up a crib or a bed and are starting to look into adopting out of foster care. We've been with the same agency for both and have had several social workers due to staffing changes. That isn't easy. We've also had a failed placement which I know a few other ladies have also experienced in this group. Feel free to ask questions we've all been at the beginning before and pretty much everyone is open to sharing details if you ask. (as far as I know!)Good luck!

Jess

[Cosmosmom]

Jess, I had the same thing with a change in social worker. I really liked the one who did our home study but she has retired and we have someone new. And I have only met her once...and have email contact about every months to check in and see if anything is new. It does make it hard having staffing changes like that!

I have also found that the magazine Adoptive Families is really helpful.

[kellyowens]

! Welcome to the room Very excited for you to be starting the adoption process!!

We adopted a toddler from foster care so can't offer much info in regards to infant adoption but wanted to say best wishes, hope it goes smoothly, and you get to bring a little one home over very soon!!

(((Hugs)))...keep us posted