I am asking this for a good friend. She has 2 girls who are almost 5 and 3 (my kids' age). She has a full time nanny and really likes her. You know it is difficult to find a perfect match but the nanny has been with them since DD1's birth and has become part of the family. I consider her a friend too because we constantly set play dates since my friend works during the day. I like her a ton. She is in her late 40s, very calm and nice, gentle with the kids, obeys my friend's wishes with one exception. The nanny is overprotective with the kids "don't climb there, wait for me to help you with the ladder; watch out" You get the picture. My friend knows that and thinks that it is already affecting DD1. DD1 is overly cautious, freaks out easily if she falls down, gets frustrated easily if she cannot accomplish something quickly. My friend has found research suggesting that overprotective parenting has some long-term negative effects and wants the nanny to change her ways in that regard. My friend understands that some of it is her DD's personality but she wants the nanny to let go a bit. She has talked the nanny several times before, the nanny would change but quickly go back to her old ways.

My friend asked me what would be the best way to approach the nanny again without hurting the nanny's feelings and without making it sound like an ultimatum of sorts but be firm enough. I thought about it. I believe that the nanny does not see it as hurting the children but as helping them. I suggested that perhaps she should forward her the research, good articles or blogs; maybe select 3-4 (not too many) and then have an open discussion.

WWYD? For those who have nannies, how have you addressed sticky issues (or at least what you thought to be a sticky issue)?