Just need to vent
Hi everyone,
Sorry I've been out of the loop for a while. My computer got very sick and Geek Squad just couldn't seem to make it (fully) better. So I've been enjoying a long break from all things internet. I hope everyone is doing well as we enter our second trimesters!!
I went in for my Genetic Counseling and it turns out I'm considered high-risk because I will turn 35 a month before I'm due. This meant I had a new test available to me. It's just been on the market since October, and it's non-invasive to the baby. It's also as accurate as an amnio and is being recommended to replace the amnio, since it doesn't have to occur so late. It's called a Cell Free DNA Test. They took two vials of my blood and checked it for chromosomes from the baby that were floating around in my blood. It covers the top 3 chromosomal abnormalities and potentially gender (if they find Y's, then you know it's a boy, but they might not find Y's in a particular sample, so they can't guarantee a girl diagnosis). Our big concern for the testing is being able to get a financial plan in place as soon as possible, as well as getting as well-informed about our baby's diagnosis as possible.
I just got my results back. Our baby has the normal numbers of chromosomes, so we don't have that concern anymore. They did find Y chromosomes, so we are having a little boy. I was surprised, since I was so sure I was carrying a girl. Having a boy actually makes me a bit nervous, to be honest. I've done quite a bit of nannying, but all the babies I cared for were girls. I'm afraid I may have higher expectations for my son, since the baby girls I nannied were very early learners and walkers and talkers. Plus I've never potty-trained a girl. I know I'll learn as I go and I, of course, know that every baby is different for aptitudes and milestones and they don't necessarily mean much in the overarching story. But I'm also worried about my son being like my brothers, with a natural anger management issue. I'm realizing as I type this, that having a son terrifies me. I want to be more excited about him and I feel guilty that I'm not. Everyone else is ecstatic. My husband is surprised, too, because he was sure we'd have a girl. He's very chill about having a son and is confident that our nurture will win out over any nature effects.
Some of my apathy also stems from the fact that I'm in pretty lousy health from this pregnancy. I sleep forever, but mostly because I'm constantly waking up from discomfort or bladder cues or the need to burp. I swear I burp like a frat boy! I've tried diet modification, lots of water, avoiding bubbly drinks, eating super-slowly, propping myself up when I sleep . . . but I still wake up all night with the need to burp choking me. I have no energy and no appetite. Getting food into me is a constant chore. I hate that I have to eat. Taking a shower exhausts me. When we go food shopping, I have to sit on the floor of the store multiple times to chase off nausea or rest. I've lost 10 pounds! I can no longer walk and talk without being out of breath. I wish I was showing, because people look at me weirdly all the time. I'm at a healthy weight, but I'm slender, so I often get total strangers coming up to me and telling me I should eat more, that I'm too skinny. Now, with my exhaustion, I get clucks of "anorexia" thrown at me. (I should note I live in Texas. When I lived in Japan and Korea, I was called fat because I have real curves. I am by no means underweight, either. I have some padding and could have probably lost 20 pounds pre-pregnancy quite safely.) I used to love walking and biking, now the thought of getting off the couch is almost too much effort. My food aversions are really quite strong and have cut out everything but carbs and dairy. I'm forcing myself to choke down fruit and yogurt in a desperate play to at least get some of my vitamins in a natural form. Vomiting is thankfully rare, but gagging, nausea, and near-vomiting occur quite often as hubby tries to make meals I will find appetizing. My docs have said this is normal and should fade and to just rely on my prenatal vitamins for now and play "catch up" in the second trimester, but that is almost here and I don't feel better. I enter week 14 tomorrow.
Does it really magically get better tomorrow?
I know I should just be grateful things aren't worse. My spotting showed back up the day of the genetic testing and the doc couldn't find a reason on the ultrasound, but the baby was measuring perfectly spot-on for my due date and his heartbeat was strong (148), so he wasn't worried. The spotting stopped a day later. I've only been able to have sex with my hubby once since week 4 (when I was was really spotting), either due to bleeding or just feeling rotten, but I don't think that triggered the spotting since it happened 5 days later. All he really said was if the baby is still viable at 20 weeks, then my chances of carrying to term rocket to 99%. (I'm glad he isn't my normal doc, I found his bedside manner off-putting. He suggested killing my cats as a solution to stopping them from jumping on my belly! I was just asking if that could have caused the bleeding.)
Well, thanks for lending me your shoulder.
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I am so sorry it has been rough and I would have stormed out of there if that doctor talked to me like that. I do not tolerate doctors with bad bedside manner and its the reason why only 2 of the 4 at my practice will be doing anything with me unless it is a medical emergency. Congrats on the little boy!
Boys are amazing and not as much worry as what you think. I am honestly scared if we get a little girl but just as scared if we get a little boy especially if its like DS lol. I hope you get feeling better soon and that the second trimester feel betterness starts showing for you. 
DH (31). DS Derek (2) + a bun in the oven! 
