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Thread: would you say something?

  1. #31

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    I have to admit I don't know the politics and culture surrounding Nannies. Is it possible that the director doesn't either? Just because other parents with nannies know that it is taboo to "hire away" some one else's nanny doesn't mean that the general public does. I wouldn't see any problem at all of asking a neighbors nanny to also work for me if I knew she wasn't working during the hours I needed her. Is this possibly a case of a difference in culture rather than a deliberate under handed maneuver? If that is possible, than i think a FYI conversation with the director would be a good thing, to let him know that what he did was generally frowned upon in the nanny/client world. I wouldn't be rude about it, just informative. If I were the director and had inadvertently made such a huge faux pas I would want to know.

    I think the perspective most of us are coming from is this-- would you expect your prospective new employer to ask your current employer if they can offer you a job? Especially if the prospective job theoretically wouldn't interfere with your current job and employer? I know in my husband's line of work he gets offers all the time and his current bosses are not contacted. Some times these are offers from a different group within the same company, sometimes they are from customers hoping to hire him.

    I'm curious if you have told your nanny that you won't be enrolling your children at the gym because the director offered her a job?


  2. #32

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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    I'm confused about what the difference is between Starbucks and your kids preschool or Little Gym. I don't get it at all. And I do live in a "nanny culture," so I'm not unfamiliar with the dynamics.
    The success of Little Gym as a business model depends entirely upon its relationships with parents - good reviews from parents, continued patronage from parents as children get older and as siblings are born, etc. If they have 6 spots to fill and they approach the nannies / babysitters of their long-time families, they are going to jeopardize their relationships with those 6 families. Whether you think it's valid or not, I am angry about this and won't be participating in their classes anymore. They just lost about $1500 or so per year. I told my close friend, another part-time working mom with a part-time nanny. She agreed with me - if they approached her nanny behind her back, she said she would do the same thing (her kids are older now, so it's not an issue).

    Starbucks doesn't depend upon happy moms and dads for its business. I don't have any idea where my nanny goes for coffee in the morning - I'm not paying for it, and I don't really care. I didn't introduce her to the local Starbucks manager. I haven't paid Starbucks for repeated gym and tumbling and dance classes for my kids. At Starbucks, her main job is not going to be interacting with parents and children from my community who have child care needs and are inevitably going to ask her to fill them.

    My nanny has an incredible schedule with us. She gets like 4 weeks of vacation, much of it paid. Anytime she wants a day off, she just gives me notice and I am almost always able to rearrange my schedule. And I know a tremendous amount about what she does in her off hours - we don't have an arms' length relationship, and neither of us would have it any other way. She works a few evenings a week at the local university, in their student cafe. She volunteers at an animal shelter one afternoon a week. When, two months or so into her employment with us, a neighbor I didn't know well asked her to babysit (after seeing her outside with my kids), she asked me how I felt about it. Asking someone's nanny to work part-time in a childcare capacity is commonly known to be bad form, unless there is full disclosure among all the parties involved. The Director of Little Gym should be an authority on the subject.

  3. #33

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    Quote Originally Posted by runningmomofmany View Post
    I have to admit I don't know the politics and culture surrounding Nannies. Is it possible that the director doesn't either? Just because other parents with nannies know that it is taboo to "hire away" some one else's nanny doesn't mean that the general public does. I wouldn't see any problem at all of asking a neighbors nanny to also work for me if I knew she wasn't working during the hours I needed her. Is this possibly a case of a difference in culture rather than a deliberate under handed maneuver? If that is possible, than i think a FYI conversation with the director would be a good thing, to let him know that what he did was generally frowned upon in the nanny/client world. I wouldn't be rude about it, just informative. If I were the director and had inadvertently made such a huge faux pas I would want to know.

    I think the perspective most of us are coming from is this-- would you expect your prospective new employer to ask your current employer if they can offer you a job? Especially if the prospective job theoretically wouldn't interfere with your current job and employer? I know in my husband's line of work he gets offers all the time and his current bosses are not contacted. Some times these are offers from a different group within the same company, sometimes they are from customers hoping to hire him.

    I'm curious if you have told your nanny that you won't be enrolling your children at the gym because the director offered her a job?
    I have not told my nanny that we won't be going to Little Gym anymore. The semester ends in May. Like I said, it is more than likely that she and her husband are leaving town after he graduates this summer. Until then, I don't want to mess anything up for her, especially since this could be a good resume-builder for her. Once she's gone, I will absolutely talk to the Director about it. Carrrie hit the nail on the head - my request for advice was entirely based on what effect the conversation would have on my nanny's new position. I think the Director would not say anything to my nanny right away, but ultimately it would come out one way or another.

  4. #34
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    I should probably start a new thread, as this is completely OT but....
    Marcie, my understanding is that you are an attorney, right? I was consider ing law school but I didn't want to work the hours of a lawyer. ( I probably watchtoo much law and order )
    How do you do part time lawyer? Does it just depend on the kind if law you practice?

  5. #35
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    Oh, and on the orginal topic, I don't think it's about you 'trying to control your nanny.' It's about courtesy towards those that patron your business. Because if the director had been able to offer the nanny an amazing opportunity, even if it would have caused her to leave you, I'm sure you wouldn't have stood in her way. But the very fact that the situation reeks of 'nanny poaching' is exactly what the director should have tried to avoid.

  6. #36
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    While I am not part of the "nanny culture" I can totally understand why you are annoyed and think you have a right to be.

    I think what those who don't understand aren't getting is the etiquette of the situation. As you mentioned in a previous post - it's a common courtesy because the 2 jobs are related in a sense. Nannies or babysitters that one trusts and feels comfortable with are hard to come by. Someone who is proposing another paid position that could potentially make the nanny less available to her main employer is threatening that relationship. The offender is someone who knows both the family the nanny is working for and the nanny. Starbucks doesn't know the family and therefore is not under obligation to follow that etiquette. Of course the nanny is free to do as she pleases but the gym director (who also knows Lindsay and her family) has potentially made her less available to them which is just bad etiquette.
    Last edited by macksmom; 01-14-2013 at 06:36 PM.
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (20M)

  7. #37

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    I can totally see why you would be annoyed, but I don't really think that anyone intentionally did something bad. Just one of those things that upsets the boat sometimes. I hope that things settle back to normal quickly for you as it sounds like they will as soon as training is over with.

    "Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov


  8. #38

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    I would let it go. I don't see offering a part time position to a part time nanny as poaching. If they offered a full time position, sure that might be unprofessional of them.

  9. #39

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Nope. He is well within her rights to offer employment to anyone he feels is qualified, and she's well within her rights to do what's good for her career. Consulting with you is a polite thing to do on the nanny's part.
    Quote Originally Posted by futuresoccermom View Post
    I would work with it and try not to be annoyed. If that's what she wants to do, she sounds like she's taking your opinion/schedule into consideration. It's her life too! Especially since she only works for you 3 days a week.
    Ita


  10. #40

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    Quote Originally Posted by lazy8 View Post
    I should probably start a new thread, as this is completely OT but....
    Marcie, my understanding is that you are an attorney, right? I was consider ing law school but I didn't want to work the hours of a lawyer. ( I probably watchtoo much law and order )
    How do you do part time lawyer? Does it just depend on the kind if law you practice?
    Yes, it does depend on the type of law you practice. Before my DD was born, I had been practicing for about 8 years full time (which is 40-60 hours, depending on what you have going on at any given time). Once she was born, I left partner track and went down to 75% of full time, which means I basically work 3 days a week and evenings when necessary. It would be difficult to be a part-time trial attorney, since judges and partners don't care much if Friday is a day off or you have to take your kids to dance class. My schedule works because I focus on the academic side of the practice - writing and research and preparing attorneys for trial. I don't like the client interaction or being in a courtroom, it doesn't suit my personality. With my particular job, I can plan ahead for deadlines, work when the kids are in bed if necessary, and only go into the office once a week or so. For my life, my schedule is ideal. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

    The single biggest factor which would influence the variety and quality of job options available to you after law school is your grades. Graduate at the top of your class, and you can do pretty much anything. When first starting out, you have to put in your time and prove your worth - after that, you can certainly make a flex schedule work (despite the closed-minded old men who think you can't). I would definitely encourage you to visit a law school for a day if you're interested, and to talk to some attorneys who are also working moms.

  11. #41
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    I guess I'm just going to have to disagree in this instance. I have employed nannies and I also pay for childcare. I have paid a full time salary just to keep someone even though I only use them 2-3 days a week. I don't feel that another possible employer should contact me to make sure it is okay with me to employ her. Would I be upset to loose her yes. But in the end it is their decision. In fact I would find it strange to get a phone call asking if it is okay to hire her. That would make me feel like my opinion matters in whether the gym hired her. What if you said no then the manager didn't feel like they could offer her the position. Now she has lost a good chance at a position that would help build her resume. I just think that she is a grown adult and no one needs to check with you if it's okay to hire her. May the feelings on this just depends on where you live.

  12. #42

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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    While I am not part of the "nanny culture" I can totally understand why you are annoyed and think you have a right to be.

    I think what those who don't understand aren't getting is the etiquette of the situation. As you mentioned in a previous post - it's a common courtesy because the 2 jobs are related in a sense. Nannies or babysitters that one trusts and feels comfortable with are hard to come by. Someone who is proposing another paid position that could potentially make the nanny less available to her main employer is threatening that relationship. The offender is someone who knows both the family the nanny is working for and the nanny. Starbucks doesn't know the family and therefore is not under obligation to follow that etiquette. Of course the nanny is free to do as she pleases but the gym director (who also knows Lindsay and her family) has potentially made her less available to them which is just bad etiquette.
    I totally agree with this. The etiquette followed by the Director was poor at best. I would be upset as well, but would wait until the Nanny is no longer employed by Little Gym to say something to the Director (which, it sounds like that's what you're going to do).

    FWIW, I have never had a Nanny, but I do have a FT sitter, so while I'm not familiar with the nanny culture, I do know that awesome childcare providers are hard to come-by.

    ETA: Another point I wanted to mention (and this it totally my opinion)...this situation is a bit different than in the corporate world, because you form a bit of a personal relationship with your Nanny...I mean, they're taking care of your children! It would be hard not to, for me anyway. In the corporate world, going from one firm to another firm in the same field is strictly business.
    Last edited by sparks3; 01-16-2013 at 08:45 AM.




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