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Thread: would you say something?

  1. #1

    Default would you say something?

    My awesome nanny takes DS to a gym class on Monday mornings. The director of the gym asked her if she would ever want to work there. My nanny ran it by me, and I was supportive (though annoyed). She is finishing her masters in education and wants to ultimately work in developing programming for children at a museum or something like that. I know it will be good on her resume, and she said she would only work there on Saturdays and Sundays. For me, she generally works 3 days a week, but those days are pretty flexible if either of us needs to switch. I retain more flexibility of course, but we compensate her and treat her very well.

    I believe (and the moms with whom I've spoken, as well as DH, agree) the Director should have called me first to ask my opinion. She is basically trying to poach my nanny - a great way for her to lose customers, IMO. So should I call an express my frustration? Or just let it go? My nanny said she won't work there during the week, but I just asked her to switch days next week, and she can't because she has training. I don't want to cause problems for my nanny, but I do want to let the Director know I'm angry. Not sure what it will accomplish, I suppose.

  2. #2

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    I would work with it and try not to be annoyed. If that's what she wants to do, she sounds like she's taking your opinion/schedule into consideration. It's her life too! Especially since she only works for you 3 days a week.

  3. #3
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    Nope. He is well within her rights to offer employment to anyone he feels is qualified, and she's well within her rights to do what's good for her career. Consulting with you is a polite thing to do on the nanny's part.

  4. #4

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    The last sentence made me laugh. I would be angry but not sure what I would do. The gym director probably thought that it was not a big deal since she is a part time nanny but I know that a new job would inflict on her flexibility. Is it possible that the gym owner inquired about you and the nanny said you would be OK with the arrangement? I mean, are you 100% sure that the nanny is giving you the full story? I am not suggesting that she is lying but sometimes employee leave out details. She might feel that working at the gym is an excellent opportunity but she might also want to be on your good side as I am sure she makes good money.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  5. #5

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    I guess I don't understand why the director of the gym would have to ask you first? (I am not being snarky here, maybe I just missed something).
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Nope. He is well within her rights to offer employment to anyone he feels is qualified, and she's well within her rights to do what's good for her career. Consulting with you is a polite thing to do on the nanny's part.
    I certainly agree the Director was well within her rights. As a practical matter, however, I think offering a job to a nanny who works for one of their clients (we've taken many classes over the past few years) was inconsiderate. I won't be signing up for another class there.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lillismom View Post
    I guess I don't understand why the director of the gym would have to ask you first? (I am not being snarky here, maybe I just missed something).
    She didn't have to ask me. But she tried to steal my nanny. That makes me angry, so I won't be signing my kids up for any more classes there. Funny, every friend I've spoken to about this was appalled.

  8. #8

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    I want to clarify that while the owner has every right to offer employment to anyone they know, it is a gray area whether offering a job to a client's nanny is quite all right. If my friend offered a job to my other friend's nanny, things are gonna happen LOL. Not quite the same with the gym director but in our area, employers and families are careful about stealing or offering hours to someone's nanny. Sitter is different. I say that because when I stayed home, I helped a friend by watching her kids. Help is not the right word actually since I was paid for it. At some point another friend's nanny left for family emergency and that friend first checked with the first lady and then me about me watching her boy. Not the same scenario but I know all my friends are protective about their nannies. Most of them are full time, some of them are part time. I think the problem lies in that nannies are closely tied up to one's livelihood.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    Not the same scenario but I know all my friends are protective about their nannies. Most of them are full time, some of them are part time. I think the problem lies in that nannies are closely tied up to one's livelihood.
    Exactly. I hired this particular nanny because she suited my schedule perfectly (among several other reasons). If she had told me she worked at Little Gym occasionally, and her schedule changed often, that would have affected my decision. Again, my nanny is awesome and ran it by me ahead of time. I don't expect her to stay with us forever, and in fact her husband is graduating from law school and she is very likely leaving us this summer. But IMO it is totally inappropriate for the Director to be poaching nannies from the clients that support her business!

  10. #10
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    I have a nanny, and understand that this can put you in a tough spot. But, I don't expect that she or anyone that might offer her employment would run it by me first, unless they were a friend, though.

  11. #11

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    Okay, here is why I was confused, I thought you meant she takes a gym class (like 24 hour fitness or something) and the director of the gym asked her if she wanted a job. Apparently, I can't read. I didn't realize this was Little Gym (a child's place). I can totally see why you are annoyed. I was thinking to myself why the hell would a gym director have to be concerned about hiring your nanny
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




  12. #12

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    If you want to maintain friendship/contact with the nanny down the road, I wouldn't contact the manager at the gym. It may not happen right away, but at some point the manager will say something to your nanny about your conversation, and I think that could make things uncomfortable between the two of you.
    I would say if anything finish out the semester your DD is currently signed up for (if that's what you want to do), and when you don't sign up for the next semester you can let the manager know why....

  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by MomOfAnOnly View Post
    If you want to maintain friendship/contact with the nanny down the road, I wouldn't contact the manager at the gym. It may not happen right away, but at some point the manager will say something to your nanny about your conversation, and I think that could make things uncomfortable between the two of you.
    I would say if anything finish out the semester your DD is currently signed up for (if that's what you want to do), and when you don't sign up for the next semester you can let the manager know why....
    This was my concern too. I don't want to mess anything up for my nanny - she is seriously like a member of our family after almost 3 years. But how could the Director think this is good form?? And I know for a fact the parents who meet our nanny at Little Gym are going to ask her if she can babysit. She like the effing Pied Piper for kids.

  14. #14

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    In all honesty I would not say anything b/c I would not want a negative comment to get back to the nanny. The director might mention your comment since they will have an ongoing relationship. I don't like it when people tamper w/a situation that I like. However, If the director heard the nanny works 3 days a week and the director needs part time help, I'm not sure that it was out of line to mention hiring her. You just don't know for sure what conversation precipitated this. Curious to hear what you decide.
    My 3 yo cuties!

  15. #15

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    I'm w/suja here. I'd not say a word. It's the nanny's responsibility to make sure that the new job doesn't interfere with her current gig w/you. The owner of the Little Gym is under no obligation to ask your permission for . . . well for pretty much anything. It sounds like the owner wants her to work weekends and she probably knows that the nanny works for you during the week, meaning her working for the gym wouldn't be an issue, anyway.



  16. #16

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    I get where you are coming from. It's a grey area...perhaps the director noticed how good the nanny was with kids and thought she may have some open hours.

    That being said, my neighbor has been asking my sitter for hours and I can see what you are saying about "counting on the hours" or if you switch.

    How about..."Do what works for you" parenting

  17. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by Flynn08 View Post
    Curious to hear what you decide.
    I am pretty sure I won't say anything until my nanny leaves. And then I will definitely bring it up to Little Gym. IMO, it is biting the hand that feeds you.

  18. #18

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    I do agree that it is biting the hand that feeds you. I cannot imagine irritating paying clients to be the best strategy in this economy. There are plenty of children gym places in this area and I know for a fact I won't have a problem replacing the gym but all the kiddie gyms are in need for more customers. They are bending backwards to advertise, give promotions, deals. I have difficult time seeing our "My Gym" doing something similar with a nanny.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  19. #19
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    I have read this thread a couple of times here and call me dense but, If she works for you and it doesn't interfere with the schedule I guess I don't see the problem here. I might have missed something. :shrugs: Anyways I wouldn't say anything because if I understand correctly if I would hire someone and they would have a legitimate job on the side outside our agreement as far as a schedule does not interfere I would feel as though I would have no right to say what they do in their spare time. You said "stealing your nanny" I mean she is not an object.
    Last edited by hotpinkmomma0811; 01-14-2013 at 02:10 PM.



  20. #20

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    Nope. He is well within her rights to offer employment to anyone he feels is qualified, and she's well within her rights to do what's good for her career. Consulting with you is a polite thing to do on the nanny's part.
    Quote Originally Posted by hotpinkmomma0811 View Post
    I have read this thread a couple of times here and call me dense but, If she works for you and it doesn't interfere with the schedule I guess I don't see the problem here. I might have missed something. :shrugs: Anyways I wouldn't say anything because if I understand correctly if I would hire someone and they would have a legitimate job on the side outside our agreement as far as a schedule does not interfere I would feel as though I would have no right to say what they do in their spare time. You said "stealing your nanny" I mean she is not an object.
    I agree with these. To me, it seems as though you are trying to control your nanny. Then you say she is like family- but wouldn't that mean you want what's best for her? Unless you pay her for full time, in my humble opinion, you have no right to try to control what she does with the rest of her time. And unless you are giving her a life long career, you have no right to try to control the actions she takes to better her career. She may need the money, she seems to need it for her resume. If the director had to talk to you first, he probably wouldn't have offered her the job in the first place, and that would be screwing your nanny over and maybe making her miss a vital opportunity to improve her situation in life.

    As someone who has worked in HR and been able to offer jobs to people, it would NEVER in a million years cross my mind to ask someone permission to offer a job to someone else. That is more foreign to me than asking permission to marry someone! In fact, if I were in his (her?) shoes, I might even think that offering your nanny a job might make you MORE likely to stay with them. That would mean you obviously like at least one of his staff, and would mean you approve of the qualifications they look for in an employee.

    Maybe it's just because I don't have a nanny, nor am I in the class of people that can afford one, so maybe the whole thing is just foreign to me. Maybe in a nanny-hiring culture, these things go without saying. But maybe the director has never had a nanny, and maybe he is just naive like me...?

    I can tell this has upset you, though, so I am very sorry for that! If you do say something, maybe keep in mind that he may just be totally clueless like me, and rather than scold him, maybe try to educate him and tell him he can lose paying customers by doing that. He may really not know...

    Hope it all works out for you!!



  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krystal5 View Post
    I agree with these. To me, it seems as though you are trying to control your nanny. Then you say she is like family- but wouldn't that mean you want what's best for her? Unless you pay her for full time, in my humble opinion, you have no right to try to control what she does with the rest of her time. And unless you are giving her a life long career, you have no right to try to control the actions she takes to better her career. She may need the money, she seems to need it for her resume. If the director had to talk to you first, he probably wouldn't have offered her the job in the first place, and that would be screwing your nanny over and maybe making her miss a vital opportunity to improve her situation in life.

    As someone who has worked in HR and been able to offer jobs to people, it would NEVER in a million years cross my mind to ask someone permission to offer a job to someone else. That is more foreign to me than asking permission to marry someone! In fact, if I were in his (her?) shoes, I might even think that offering your nanny a job might make you MORE likely to stay with them. That would mean you obviously like at least one of his staff, and would mean you approve of the qualifications they look for in an employee.

    Maybe it's just because I don't have a nanny, nor am I in the class of people that can afford one, so maybe the whole thing is just foreign to me. Maybe in a nanny-hiring culture, these things go without saying. But maybe the director has never had a nanny, and maybe he is just naive like me...?

    I can tell this has upset you, though, so I am very sorry for that! If you do say something, maybe keep in mind that he may just be totally clueless like me, and rather than scold him, maybe try to educate him and tell him he can lose paying customers by doing that. He may really not know...

    Hope it all works out for you!!
    I agree with this. I do not know anyone who has a nanny before and don't understand really the problem at all. Unless the gym director knew she worked say weekends for you and still did that, than it would annoy me. But I would assume that the director saw a great nanny who works part-time and didn't even think that the weekend hours would be an issue.
    I mean if I got offerred a weekend job, I wouldn't think that they would contact my current employer to double check first and see if it was ok.

    I never was a nanny but I did babysit (and summers it was more than full-time) for a couple of families. I made sure that the hours worked ok and it would have been weird if the Jones called the Smiths first to see if I was ok if I babysat for them.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  22. #22
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    Speaking strictly from a business experience, I don't see any problem with the director making the offer. As one of PPs mentioned, I do not know if there is a different culture/expectation when it comes to nannies. Before kids, I worked for a technology company and competent employees were always sought out. Our customers would try and hire people that worked for us and we tried to hire people who worked for our customers. It was really a matter who could offer better package (pay, benefits, etc.). We all had to sign a 2 year non-compete agreement when it came to working for a competitor but there was nothing in regards to switching jobs between us and customers. (There was a lot of movement between the company and competitors as well but only once had my employer taken it to court - and won, the person had to leave the new job with the other company. But I don't see the gym and private home nanny job as a "competitor" situation.)

    But I understand that this is not just employment to you, it's a personal situation. I think it is very considerate of the nanny to speak to you about it, she must be a nice person.

  23. #23

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krystal5 View Post
    I agree with these. To me, it seems as though you are trying to control your nanny. Then you say she is like family- but wouldn't that mean you want what's best for her? Unless you pay her for full time, in my humble opinion, you have no right to try to control what she does with the rest of her time. And unless you are giving her a life long career, you have no right to try to control the actions she takes to better her career. She may need the money, she seems to need it for her resume. If the director had to talk to you first, he probably wouldn't have offered her the job in the first place, and that would be screwing your nanny over and maybe making her miss a vital opportunity to improve her situation in life.
    My goodness! I am hardly trying to control my nanny - and certainly not trying to control her future. (Though I have circulated her husband's resume to all my contacts in and out of town, to help him get the best job possible after he graduates....) Screwing her over?? Perhaps a little harsh?

    I am well aware that my nanny is not an object. This post has nothing to do with my nanny's conduct - as I've repeatedly said, she's fabulous, she did the right thing, and I have no doubt she will continue to do the right thing. For those of you who do not agree that the Director of Little Gym made an unprofessional decision in not consulting with me before approaching my nanny about a job, that's fine, we can agree to disagree.
    Last edited by Marcie; 01-14-2013 at 03:17 PM.

  24. #24

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    Also, for those who don't see any problem here....even though she is only working weekends, it has already interfered with my schedule and she hasn't even started. But for her new position, she would have been able to switch days for next week. Now that she has training, she cannot. And I accommodate her requests to switch days all the time - she and her husband take advantage of his law school schedule and travel frequently, so I rearrange my work schedule to suit her whenever I can.
    Last edited by Marcie; 01-14-2013 at 03:17 PM.

  25. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marcie View Post
    My goodness! I am hardly trying to control my nanny - and certainly not trying to control her future. (Though I have circulated her husband's resume to all my contacts in and out of town, to help him get the best job possible after he graduates....) Screwing her over?? Perhaps a little harsh?

    I am well aware that my nanny is not an object. This post has nothing to do with my nanny's conduct - as I've repeatedly said, she's fabulous, she did the right thing, and I have no doubt she will continue to do the right thing. For those of you who do not agree that the Director of Little Gym made an unprofessional decision in not consulting with me before approaching my nanny about a job, that's fine, we can agree to disagree.
    Sorry that came off wrong. I did not mean to make it sound like YOU were screwing her over... Just that if the director had thought "Eh, she's good, but I'll need to check with her other employer first... Maybe I'll ask Jane instead...", that that would have sucked for your nanny. That's all.

    And yes, we may have to agree to disagree, but I already said that it's just totally foreign to me. It's not that I understand and disagree... I just don't really understand- and what little I do understand obviously isn't the same as what you understand. To me a nanny is like any other employee- but I've never had one, nor do I know anyone who has. I only commented so that you could maybe understand this from someone else's point of view. I didn't mean to make you more upset, just thought that, since you weren't sure what complaining to her could accomplish, that maybe you could see a different angle to approach the situation, and therefore accomplish more. Or maybe that if I mentioned how someone like me sees it, maybe you might understand that the director may not even be aware that you feel like she is poaching her...



  26. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by Krystal5 View Post
    Sorry that came off wrong. I did not mean to make it sound like YOU were screwing her over... Just that if the director had thought "Eh, she's good, but I'll need to check with her other employer first... Maybe I'll ask Jane instead...", that that would have sucked for your nanny. That's all.

    And yes, we may have to agree to disagree, but I already said that it's just totally foreign to me. It's not that I understand and disagree... I just don't really understand- and what little I do understand obviously isn't the same as what you understand. To me a nanny is like any other employee- but I've never had one, nor do I know anyone who has. I only commented so that you could maybe understand this from someone else's point of view. I didn't mean to make you more upset, just thought that, since you weren't sure what complaining to her could accomplish, that maybe you could see a different angle to approach the situation, and therefore accomplish more. Or maybe that if I mentioned how someone like me sees it, maybe you might understand that the director may not even be aware that you feel like she is poaching her...
    People who deal with childcare issues may be more likely to understand my position. It is taboo to try to hire away someone else's nanny. That is just a fact - and the Director of Little Gym most certainly understands this. If I saw my neighbor had a part-time nanny, I would never, ever ask the nanny if she had a few extra hours to watch my kids unless I cleared it with my neighbor first. It is just common courtesy. Given that DH and I have spent a ton of money on classes at Little Gym for our kids over the past 3 years, I would expect that same courtesy from the Director.

  27. #27

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    I have noticed something on this board and in real life. The harshest critics are almost always the ones who have never dealt with the problem at hand or have not been involved with similar situation. Just food for thought. Plus, it is one thing to express your opinion, it is a different thing to be harsh and judgmental.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marcie View Post
    People who deal with childcare issues may be more likely to understand my position. It is taboo to try to hire away someone else's nanny. That is just a fact - and the Director of Little Gym most certainly understands this. If I saw my neighbor had a part-time nanny, I would never, ever ask the nanny if she had a few extra hours to watch my kids unless I cleared it with my neighbor first. It is just common courtesy. Given that DH and I have spent a ton of money on classes at Little Gym for our kids over the past 3 years, I would expect that same courtesy from the Director.
    My nanny currently works part time for us (she used to work full time). I have never bothered to find out what she does outside of the hours she works for us. Sometimes, I end up having to change my schedule because she is not open when I need her to be open, but that's just the hazard of employing someone part time, that they'd commit their other hours to someone else. I don't think I have any right to expect that it be any different. I don't expect her to run things by me when her work elsewhere does not impact our normal work arrangement, and I sure don't expect any of her employers to do it either.

  29. #29

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    My nanny currently works part time for us (she used to work full time). I have never bothered to find out what she does outside of the hours she works for us. Sometimes, I end up having to change my schedule because she is not open when I need her to be open, but that's just the hazard of employing someone part time, that they'd commit their other hours to someone else. I don't think I have any right to expect that it be any different. I don't expect her to run things by me when her work elsewhere does not impact our normal work arrangement, and I sure don't expect any of her employers to do it either.
    I am quite familiar with the hazards of employing someone part time, thanks. I would not expect ANY potential employer of hers to consult me. I would only expect THIS potential employer to consult me, since (1) I was the person who introduced the Director to her, and (2) I have paid Little Gym thousands of dollars over the past few years and might have continued to do so over the next few years. Someone at Starbucks wants to offer her a job, more power to them. One of my neighbors, my SIL, my kid's preschool, Little Gym - I think that's about the finite list I can think of - wants to offer her a job, I think they should run it by me first. You think my position is unreasonable, you've made that very clear.

  30. #30

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    I'm confused about what the difference is between Starbucks and your kids preschool or Little Gym. I don't get it at all. And I do live in a "nanny culture," so I'm not unfamiliar with the dynamics.



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