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  1. #1
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    I am a Christian and James doesn't believe in God. I've always raised Cameron to believe what I do, she has been baptized, goes to Sunday School etc. I started church with her before James and I started dating and before he took over the father figure role. I never felt that I should change what Cameron and I do because of my relationship with James. James and I are now separated, about a year now, but are expecting twins. Clearly we are not separate enough. ;)

    Anyway here is where my question comes in. I want the babies baptized. James has a very "whatever" attitude about it. He thinks that people who are religious are ignorant and doesn't care if I "splash water" on them. We are planning on a hospital baptism, hopefully Nathaniel will live long enough to be alive during the baptism, but regardless my pastor will baptize them together. I still feel bad that I'm choosing to baptize his sons when he cares so little for religion.

    Should I just be glad he is indifferent to having them "splashed with water" and that we aren't fighting over it? How would you feel about it if your DH wanted to baptize your children? Right now I'm pretty set that I will do what I want since I won't have a chance to baptize Nathaniel later on and it's not something that can wait. I just feel bad that I'm doing something to his sons that he doesn't care about. Thanks for any input.

  2. #2

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    Well, I don't think I'd be married to my DH if he wanted to baptize my kids because it would be an indication that we were really far apart in terms of basic life philosophy. However, if for some reason, baptism was really important to him, and especially in the case where one of my babies wouldn't survive long, there's no way I would take that comfort from him. To me baptism accomplishes nothing because I'm not a believer. That means it's really "just splashing some water" to me and wouldn't cause me any discomfort. BUT, if it brings comfort to someone in a difficult situation, there's no way I would deny it since I don't think it causes any harm.

    I hope I explained that well.



  3. #3

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    I think you should go ahead with the baptism. He has already stated that he doesn't care whether or not your do it so I don't see any conflict in the situation. Since you know that Nathaniel may not live long after birth and because your faith is something that is important to you, I think you should follow your desires.

    My DH is a Christian, but doesn't attend church regularly or practice religion very much. I don't really care if he shares his religion with our kids, which he has with Bible stories and such. They have not been baptized though as both of our families now subscribe to the belief that baptism is something that should only be done with adults who chose to be "born again." Both our families do have "blessings" for babies, but not christenings or baptisms per se, more just like a ceremony with a prayer and an official name, sometimes they are called naming ceremonies. FWIW, I actually was baptized by my grandmother without my mom's permission or knowledge. It was something my grandma felt was important and my mom was a teen mom and not as religious as she is now so didn't care about baptisms back then. Mom got over it and didn't have any ill will toward her own mom because of it and it is now a funny family story.

    Erin

  4. #4

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    I also agree that you should not have any reservations about baptizing them as it is important to you and he does not care either way. I find it very thoughtful of you to put so much thought into his feelings and hope he does the same for you.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    Well, I don't think I'd be married to my DH if he wanted to baptize my kids because it would be an indication that we were really far apart in terms of basic life philosophy. However, if for some reason, baptism was really important to him, and especially in the case where one of my babies wouldn't survive long, there's no way I would take that comfort from him. To me baptism accomplishes nothing because I'm not a believer. That means it's really "just splashing some water" to me and wouldn't cause me any discomfort. BUT, if it brings comfort to someone in a difficult situation, there's no way I would deny it since I don't think it causes any harm.
    Agreed, completely. Since he is indifferent, don't worry. Do what feels right to you. Even if he were against it, in this situation I think I'd advocate strongly for you to do what brings you peace and comfort. Since he doesn't care, there's even less reason for you to be concerned. And I agree with Bridget -- it's so kind of you to worry about his feelings, and hopefully he shows you the same consideration.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    Well, I don't think I'd be married to my DH if he wanted to baptize my kids because it would be an indication that we were really far apart in terms of basic life philosophy. However, if for some reason, baptism was really important to him, and especially in the case where one of my babies wouldn't survive long, there's no way I would take that comfort from him. To me baptism accomplishes nothing because I'm not a believer. That means it's really "just splashing some water" to me and wouldn't cause me any discomfort. BUT, if it brings comfort to someone in a difficult situation, there's no way I would deny it since I don't think it causes any harm.

    I hope I explained that well.
    I agree completely. The baptism is not something hurtful, so if James is indifferent, I don't see any problems with doing it. It is very nice of you to take his feelings into account, although you have strongly held beliefs on the matter.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I also agree that you should not have any reservations about baptizing them as it is important to you and he does not care either way. I find it very thoughtful of you to put so much thought into his feelings and hope he does the same for you.
    I agree and I kind of think he is taking your feelings into consideration too because he is going along with it. Seeing as it's meaningless to him and important to you it's nice that he is not fighting you on it.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  8. #8
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    I agree with the other ladies.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  9. #9

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    I think my mother tried to secretly baptize my son in the bath, and it really doesn't bother me one bit.

    ETA: I'm sorry. I just read the part about the fact that Nathaniel may not survive. Then yes, I totally agree with these ladies. He shouldn't be fighting you on it. It sounds like he's ok with it taking place, but you didn't like his choice of words: "just splashing water" and felt it was disrespectful. I hope he can be big enough to choose his words more carefully on the occasion. I'm so sorry to hear about Nathaniel!
    Last edited by demigraf; 01-18-2013 at 12:04 PM.

  10. #10

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    I think in the case of religious rituals, as long as they aren't causing harm, then the non-religious parent should submit to the ritual. I emphasize as long as the ritual isn't harmful.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    Well, I don't think I'd be married to my DH if he wanted to baptize my kids because it would be an indication that we were really far apart in terms of basic life philosophy. However, if for some reason, baptism was really important to him, and especially in the case where one of my babies wouldn't survive long, there's no way I would take that comfort from him. To me baptism accomplishes nothing because I'm not a believer. That means it's really "just splashing some water" to me and wouldn't cause me any discomfort. BUT, if it brings comfort to someone in a difficult situation, there's no way I would deny it since I don't think it causes any harm.

    I hope I explained that well.

    I agree with this. I think you explained it perfectly.


  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    Well, I don't think I'd be married to my DH if he wanted to baptize my kids because it would be an indication that we were really far apart in terms of basic life philosophy. However, if for some reason, baptism was really important to him, and especially in the case where one of my babies wouldn't survive long, there's no way I would take that comfort from him. To me baptism accomplishes nothing because I'm not a believer. That means it's really "just splashing some water" to me and wouldn't cause me any discomfort. BUT, if it brings comfort to someone in a difficult situation, there's no way I would deny it since I don't think it causes any harm.

    I hope I explained that well.
    I agree.

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