So I finally got up the nerve to talk to the SW today about the little boy and told her that we would have him come live with us too if the need ever arose. She said that he's not in any kind of care at all. He's not in foster or kinship care. So...why does he get visits at social services each week? I don't get it. I'm assuming it's just because the mom is there and maybe the mom has to go through social services to see him because the court said so...I don't know. She said he's not one of their cases though so he must be with a family member or something. Just makes me so confused and so nervous about the petition. I mean, if it's a family member that wants her, especially the person with the little boy, then they'll probably get her. Seems it'd pretty much be a done deal to me. But at the same time, wouldn't they have gone to them first before putting her in care? I would assume at the hospital they would contact anyone they could find that might be able to take her to prevent her going into any kind of care. I know they can't always contact everyone who is a possibility, but I would think the first thing they would do is look to where her other kids are and try to get her with them. If so, then the person who filed the petition wouldn't be them and we may have a chance. I feel like we have no chance at all if the people who filed are the people with the other child. I feel she'll automatically be sent to live with them no matter what just because her brother is there.

I feel like all I do sometimes is worry about who filed and wish I knew so bad who it was. I feel like I'd feel better if I knew something, anything. They just act like we aren't allowed to know anything and I don't understand why. I realize there's confidentiality but we're not asking for names or addresses, all we're asking for is it someone who is really a candidate. I know they can't guarantee that either and that it's the judges decision. But that's precisely why I can't figure out why we aren't allowed to know. Why can't they say "Oh it's her aunt and she has the little boy too" or something vague like that. It's not like it would change anything in the case. We certainly have no rights so it wouldn't make us more likely to get her knowing who filed the petition. I'm just so worried about it. I feel like everything in me wants to fight so hard to keep her and it just sucks to not even be able to fight. I know all we can do is do the best we can while we have her and I know that we'll be okay eventually if she has to leave because we've prepared ourselves as much as possible for it, but I can't stop worrying anyway. I hate having no info on anything. Sometimes we go to visits and we try so hard to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy and I know it's the right thing to do and we do care about birth mom and worry about her too, but sometimes I wonder if all the stress we put on ourselves to be perfect is going to be for nothing. I know even if she leaves it's not for nothing but it feels like it sometimes. Like why try so hard and why try to be perfect if it won't even make a difference and no one will care in the end? Ugh! Visitation day tends to make me really depressed for a few hours. I wish it didn't.