Just thought I'd update real quick about how visitation went yesterday after the no show last week. I was pretty nervous about it, thought mom might be off of her meds or something. Seems she's still on them though she seemed a little different. They said once she realized she forgot she went to pieces and was on the phone with her mental health people for over an hour she was so upset. I think it helped her to know that we weren't mad and she loved the Christmas ornament of baby girl's foot that we made for her. We also gave her a lot of Christmas pics and she loved those too. We talked for a while before she got there with the lady supervising her visit (not a SW) I'm not sure what her job title is. She's an older lady and everyone calls her super Grandma. Lol. She's really really nice and knows how to handle these things so well. She told us that supervising the visits just made her so sad. She said that the mom was sweet and good natured but that from her observations because of her mental problems she just can't get it together.

She seems to think it's impossible and said she had real concerns about her forgetting that she had a baby for a while. She was talking about how gullible she is too and vulnerable and hearing all of that just breaks my heart. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in her world...having this problem, knowing you have it, and knowing it'll never go away. Seems even medicated her chances aren't very good she'll get any of her kids back. She loves them so much but she just hasn't a clue how to raise a child of any age it seems and it's just sad. I don't know who baby girl will end up with but I hope if it's not us that whoever it is will tell her how much her mom loves her and how she wanted her so so bad but that she just wasn't able to get it together. Honestly, if she could I couldn't be anything but happy for her but after 12 years of history it just really seems unlikely that it's a possibility because medicated or not she can only achieve a certain level of awareness. She's very child like in a way...her kids are more like dolls to her I think. It just makes me sad though because she's not a bad person. She's just a broken person and not by her own doing at all. She says it makes her happy to see how well baby girl is doing though and she knows she's safe and happy and loved. So that makes me feel a little better, that we can at least give her some peace of mind. Just had to write something about it. It's been with me since yesterday.