Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Update on visitation no show

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,760

    Default Update on visitation no show

    Just thought I'd update real quick about how visitation went yesterday after the no show last week. I was pretty nervous about it, thought mom might be off of her meds or something. Seems she's still on them though she seemed a little different. They said once she realized she forgot she went to pieces and was on the phone with her mental health people for over an hour she was so upset. I think it helped her to know that we weren't mad and she loved the Christmas ornament of baby girl's foot that we made for her. We also gave her a lot of Christmas pics and she loved those too. We talked for a while before she got there with the lady supervising her visit (not a SW) I'm not sure what her job title is. She's an older lady and everyone calls her super Grandma. Lol. She's really really nice and knows how to handle these things so well. She told us that supervising the visits just made her so sad. She said that the mom was sweet and good natured but that from her observations because of her mental problems she just can't get it together.

    She seems to think it's impossible and said she had real concerns about her forgetting that she had a baby for a while. She was talking about how gullible she is too and vulnerable and hearing all of that just breaks my heart. I can't imagine what it must be like to live in her world...having this problem, knowing you have it, and knowing it'll never go away. Seems even medicated her chances aren't very good she'll get any of her kids back. She loves them so much but she just hasn't a clue how to raise a child of any age it seems and it's just sad. I don't know who baby girl will end up with but I hope if it's not us that whoever it is will tell her how much her mom loves her and how she wanted her so so bad but that she just wasn't able to get it together. Honestly, if she could I couldn't be anything but happy for her but after 12 years of history it just really seems unlikely that it's a possibility because medicated or not she can only achieve a certain level of awareness. She's very child like in a way...her kids are more like dolls to her I think. It just makes me sad though because she's not a bad person. She's just a broken person and not by her own doing at all. She says it makes her happy to see how well baby girl is doing though and she knows she's safe and happy and loved. So that makes me feel a little better, that we can at least give her some peace of mind. Just had to write something about it. It's been with me since yesterday.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  2. #2

    Default

    Mental illness is so very hard, especially when medications and treatment just aren't helping. It's not something she can make go away, like drug use or alcoholism.... I think it's even harder when people with severe mental illness want so bad to be better and think they are better and think they are functioning at a normal level and life just doesn't cooperate. The anti psychotics they use to treat most mental health issues too are awful and devastating for so many people, hence the reason there is so much non-compliance.

    I want to commend you for trying to understand and be aware of her feelings. It's so easy for people to dismiss mental health issues as not being real or those struggling just not wanting to comply. You and your DH are just amazing people. Baby would be so lucky to have the two of you as her parents.

    Just wondering if you ever asked your SW about her brother?

    Mommy to Piper 6/5/09 and an 11/2011
    Make a pregnancy ticker

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Super secret lair... Mwahahahaha!
    Posts
    839

    Default

    I've been silently stalking your threads.
    I know that you are trying to keep your hopes low but I have been hoping so badly that ya'll have the opportunity to adopt that sweet baby. I think about you often and hope that everything works out for the best.

    Amanda - 28 (Proud Single Mama)

  4. #4

    Default

    I'm glad the mom is ok. Sounds like y'all are doing a wonderful job!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,760

    Default

    Thank you ladies! The support is appreciated so very much. Really that's all we've received...just an amazing outpouring of support from anyone who is aware of our situation, and complete acceptance of this child into our lives as if she were our own bio child which is great whether we are able to adopt her or not. Even if she's just with us for a little while, she will have had that love and support around her for a time.

    Babidol thank you so much for your comments. It was hard at first. I was convinced she had to be bad if baby was placed in care but I judged too quickly. I should have known better really. I think I was just so desperate to have a child that I forgot about some of the important things involved in this situation. I have a primary immune disease and it took FOREVER to get it diagnosed. I had years and years of people telling me what I was going through wasn't valid, that I was crazy for feeling the way I did, docs trying to make me go to mental health professionals who would just put me on antidepressants or anti anxiety drugs. It was awful. In the end, it was finally proven that I had been sick all along and life threateningly so but for a good 8-10 years there I was treated like I didn't count and I didn't matter and that what I felt was pointless...I was treated like I was "crazy". So I can understand feeling like an outcast I guess for something that you can't control. My illness is not curable and medication can only do so much to help it so it's never entirely gone from my life. My level of functioning and quality of life are great now with proper treatment but I'm one of the lucky ones...it isn't true for a lot of people with what I have. So I feel like I can understand baby's mom in a way. I've never had my own brain keep me from something so I can't understand that aspect of it, but I can understand some of the other parts. I just hope that somehow she can find some peace with whatever happens. She deserves that much at the very least.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,760

    Default

    Oh and Babidol I haven't mentioned the brother yet because we haven't been able to speak to the SW yet. The lady that supervises the visits now isn't a SW, I'm not sure what her title is technically. So we haven't seen her yet. I called and left her a message today just verifying our visitation day and time for next week and think I might mention it when she calls back. I'm not entirely sure how to bring it up without it sounding bad. I figure I'd say that while we know nothing of his situation and realize he may have a great situation that we just wanted them to know that if there's a need for his situation to change that we would be happy to take him as well and that we already discussed it and made the decision together if that situation ever comes up. I don't want it to sound like we're trying to take all her kids or something but I just want them to know we're open to it.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  7. #7

    Default

    I would just let the SW know that you are open to siblings. That you feel comfortable with mom and should the need arise you would love to see the children together. Its about keeping siblings together anyway so I'm guessing she would totally be on board with that.

    And I know it's hard not judge. We are a society quick to judge, especially when mental illness is involved. The fact that you share a struggle (even though yours is physical) really helps. Mental illness is just as real as physical illness. Im a social worker and see it all too often. It's sad. It's almost worse when families are headed by a person struggling and the kids go unnoticed and grow up in a truly unstable house. You guys really are jewels in a sea of rocks. So many foster parents are too scared or jaded to think about the other parties involved in these situations. I'm sure you are a dream for your SW. Praying everything works out!

    Mommy to Piper 6/5/09 and an 11/2011
    Make a pregnancy ticker

  8. #8

    Default

    I'm a one of your stalkers that loves to read your updates.

    Were you able to talk to the SW?
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,760

    Default

    We haven't yet. She's been so hard to reach and I'm still trying to figure out how I want to say it so I don't sound weird. Lol. She called this morning to verify that visitation was back to it's normal time this week, but when she called I was asleep and I got off the phone with her before I realized I hadn't mentioned it yet...that happens a lot. She always calls first thing in the morning, usually when we've just gotten back to bed from being up at night. Lol. If I don't see her at visitation today I'll call her when we get home and talk to her about it. We might see the little boy again today too since I think they're trying to give them visitation at the same time. Also, the lady supervising visits now is really forthcoming with info so I thought we might talk to her a little bit more if we can too. Thanks for checking on us.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  10. #10

    Default

    I hope and pray so much that this baby girl is meant to be yours.
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •