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Thread: I could use some advice for helping Kai

  1. #1

    Default I could use some advice for helping Kai

    I fear he is showings signs of adhd. He cannot complete a task without several reminders. If I ask him to go brush his teeth, he will get distracted on the way there and I will find him playing in his room. Or he will go in and go potty, come back out, and when I ask if he brushed his teeth he will say that when he got there, he forgot why he was there. It takes him 20 minutes to get ready to leave the house as I have to remind d him of each step several times. The other part of that is that, say, he is eating and his plate is off to the side so crumbs are spilling all over and I ask him to move his plate under him. He will stare into space and I have to repeat myself several times that usually results in me raising my voice which I do not like to do.

    The second issue is that he chews on things. Anything. The kitchen table, pens and pencils, books, yesterday I caught him licking the salt build up off the van. He is too old to be exploring things with his mouth. I have told him several times that this is dangerous and inapprpriate but he cannot seem to help himself.

    Kai is such a great kid. Eager to please and generally very sweet natured, smart, and just awesome. I do have few ideas of my own but wanted to come here where I always get great advice. What are some ways I can help him modify these behaviors without being punitive?
    Last edited by Bridget; 01-03-2013 at 08:15 AM.

  2. #2

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    I don't have a lot of experience with ADHD but I wouldn't think what you describe was that, mostly because I think they are regular kid things. Ky has done all the things you describe and he is still one to need reminders even though I have stopped reminding him so much as I expect him to do more by himself and face the consequences of his actions when he does not, usually that means he is late to school because of his inability to get himself together or if I am going somewhere and he wants to join me, he will be left because he takes forever to get ready.

    Ky also still chews on pens and pencils. At Kai's age, he chewed on all the things you named. He has never licked the car (and sorry but I had to lol at that as I would think he just wanted to taste it!) but I wouldn't have put it past him. DH did tell me he ate something out of the garbage when he was 5 or 6 and DH caught him and Ky begged DH not to tell me because he was embarrassed about it. As you can see DH did but I didn't tell Ky I knew.

    I would just keep reminding him until you feel he is mature enough to not need the constant reminding. I stopped with Ky this past year when he turned 10 and explained to him I felt he was old enough and mature enough to not need me to tell him everything to do. I also explained that I expect him to be more self sufficient and I knew he was capable of doing so and I have been impressed that he has risen to the occassion and since the start of this new school year he has not been late and can actually get dressed within 20 minutes instead of the 1.25 hours it used to take him last year. He is also being more responsible with his homework and some of his chores so I feel he just needed the time.

    And FWIW, I was having a conversation with DH and my aunt recently about Elle who is 4 and was putting some things in her mouth. DH thinks she is too old to be doing that and was being critical about it so I thought about me at 4 (I have a good long term memory and can remember being 3 and 4 years old) and I remember in first grade, when I was 6 I used to bite up pencils. They felt interesting on my teeth. I bit up pens and bookends as well of hard cover books. I also used to eat leaves and grass and all sorts of nasty things when I was 6 and 7 years old and even though I do still think I'm weird, I have been around enough kids to know that what I did was not all that abnormal lol.

    Erin

  3. #3

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    Thank you for responding, Erin. Really I am so glad to hear you say all of that because from what I know of your Ky, he is a pretty amazing young man so if you can compare him to my Kai, I am comforted! So what you are saying is that the adults in the house are the ones who need behavior modification? Lol. It becomes difficult for me when I hear others scolding him constantly and then I feel like maybe I'm not being "hard enough" on him as certain people complain of his behaviors. I should know by now what is developmentally appropriate or not but it's crazy how things can get muddled when you have other people in your ear. It's hard too because it hurts him when he can tell he's annoying adults that he cares for so much.
    Him eating and chewing on things is enough to make me lose my mind! Once he ate a mushroom from the yard! So dangerous! And he's been told to NEVER eat a wild mushroom. I will ask him, "Why did you eat that/lick that?" and he will say, "To see what it was." DUDE. Don't jump to tasting something to figure out what it is! You have 4 other senses you can use.

    Thanks again for your response.

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    I agree with Erin that he's still young yet and I'm not convinced he's doing anything other kids aren't doing. If you are looking for ideas, though, you might look into a book called "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun." It's got activities that target all the senses, including taste. Maybe some of those suggestions will help satisfy whatever is leading him to lick the car!

    And as for forgetting, just break things down into smaller steps. Brushing teeth is one task, but getting ready to go to the store can involve several things so I would just break it down into one thing at a time. Although I'm sure you're already doing that, anyway.
    Last edited by Gwenn; 01-03-2013 at 01:45 PM.
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    Bridget, I would like to second Gwenn's book recommendation. I also think that you should trust your gut if you think that something is "off". I wish I had more confidence in my "mommy intuition" as I could have seeked help for my son earlier. I felt that at home, DS's behavior was nothing to be concerned about but he cannot function in a preschool (we tried twice at 2 and at 4 years old). We (DH and I) are often told by family members that we are not strict enough with DS but we actually get much better response from him if we are flexible and gentle. With my DS, we have to be very aware of when he "won't" and when he "can't". It is still a learning process, but we are pretty good at recognizing that now but other family members who are not with him 24/7 cannot tell the difference. My DS is a very mellow, sweet, well mannered boy ... except when he is reacting to something. Then he is an emotional mess, has meltdowns, etc.

    In my opinion, chewing on stuff is a nervous behavior. My DS has similar behavior that gets bad when he is under stress. For example, he used to bite his nails. He stopped after we started the Feingold program (we saw many other improvements too) but started again when he started VPK. We continued with the Feingold program, but could not get him to stop nail biting. He progressed to chewing his whole fingers, hands, licking his hands and arms, etc. We pulled him out of VPK right before Thanksgiving, have been focusing on stress reduction and on New Years Eve I actually had to cut his nails. We also try to gently remind him to keep his hands out of his mouth. He still does it, but not to the same extent. We focus more on "you get germs on your hands, the you put them in your mouth and get sick" type of approach - no punishment or shaming.

    It breaks my heart to read about any child being scolded by adults for things they cannot keep themselves from doing. My DS has tics (probably Tourette's syndrome or PANDAS but we don't have an official diagnosis yet) and adult family members have scolded him or made fun of him for it. I tell them that he cannot stop it because it's a tic but it takes several reminders to the adults to quit what they are doing (and they probably think I am nuts anyway). So I also wanted to send (((hugs))) to you and Kai on that note.

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    I agree with the others but think if you feel there is a problem to keep an eye on it. I was really frustrated with DD1 this morning because it literally took her 45 mins to: get dressed, pee and brush her teeth. She doesn't have forgetful moments as you described with Kai but she just finds interest in everything in the bathroom and also will pretend that it's a classroom and she is the teacher so she will sit on the bowl for 30 mins at times! My mom had always suspected DD1 had ADHD but I was never convinced. She is in 1st grade and does perfectly well in school - never a complaint about her concentration or behavior. My MIL DEFINITELY has and bad. DH has it mildly but he functions fine and it never affected his education. My point is that perhaps there is something going on with Kai but it's kind of early and those things you described don't scream adhd to me.

    The mouth stuff I don't know. I still find my 6yo putting things in her mouth on occasion and licking things - like the couch or her sister or something. While it's odd I don't think it's that uncommon. His does sound like it may be a compulsion and I would look out for that otherwise I would remind him why he shouldn't do that.

    Things that may help: a time timer for getting ready. After yelling at DD1 the entire morning to complete each task of her before school routine I finally used our time timer for each one so she could see how much time she really had to do each thing. It's annoying but I have to get the kid out the door! It's hard to remember that their minds still don't process time the way ours do...and that is kind of a nice thing for them but makes it difficult when they have to be somewhere.

    Also since you mentioned 4 other senses in exploring things maybe you could make up a sensory game for him. Like blindfold him and have him use touch to try to figure out what something is like spaghetti or beans or sandpaper. You could maybe find sound files on the internet and play them and see if he can identify different ones like a hammer or car driving by, etc. Just exploring senses other than taste....
    Last edited by macksmom; 01-03-2013 at 05:43 PM.
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  7. #7

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    Bridget, you described Josh to a T. And I wrestle with people saying "it sounds like normal kid stuff" and I tend to not believe that because not every mother seems to be going bat **** crazy over telling her child something five million times and finally having to raise her voice, which is pretty much how most interactions go on at our house too.

    I read something in that "your spirited child" book about ADD that if a child can get things done even when he gets distracted, that's okay. (Like not being able to sit still at the dinner table, but still managing to eat well) It's a problem when a child gets distracted and can not finish the task at hand. What you said about Kai getting distracted on the way to the bathroom, for instance, sounds like ADD if he is not ultimately brushing his teeth.

    That said, I also read that it can still be a fuzzy line at this young age.

    It is so frustrating. I feel you

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by impatient View Post
    My DS has tics (probably Tourette's syndrome or PANDAS but we don't have an official diagnosis yet) .......

    I could kiss you right now for posting this! MY DD has been displaying behaviors that her pedi is puzzled by. He's given her a tentative diagnosis of tics, but has referred her on to a neurologist. I've been saying all along that the symptoms come and go with every illness she's had in the last couple months. I'll definitely be looking into this some more.

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    I'm only throwing this out there because he seems to have gluten related issues, but is it possible he has Pica? I think there is a correlation between pica and celiac's.

  10. #10

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    DS1 has every single symptom of ADD and takes him forever to get ready in the morning; it is a pain to leave the house if we are time pressed; he has difficulty transitioning; can't keep his focus on things; has difficulty falling asleep. It is a long list. People tell me it is too early to say but I can tell you that it is not. You can tell your child is off. My younger one does some of the above listed things but it is so much milder in comparison with DS1.

    I have learned that the following is important for my DS1

    1. I have to be especially careful with his physical needs. If he is tired, hungry, overstimulated I need to take care of the problem immediately. Every child starts acting out if their physical needs are not met but ADD kids tend to be 50 times worse. 50 times no kidding. I am very vigilant about his physical needs
    2. ADD kids have difficulties with their executive function and the parents need to teach them how to do a number of things, provide them with strategies etc. If a child needs 1,000 time repeating and showing, an ADD child needs 1 million times.
    3. Add children including DS1 tend to be anxious. So I have to help and explain and show and deal with his anxiety 10 times more than DS2 who is younger. I just need to explain and illustrate time after time.
    4. ADD kids can't always hear what you are saying because they get preoccupied with things around them. So when I use my calm, even voice, DS1 can't hear me and keeps doing something else. I had to raise my voice and feel bad, felt like I yelled at him for so many things. Then, I developed a different one - strong, demanding, but calm. I also ask him "Kevin, if you hear me, touch your head." That makes him look at me and listen.
    5. Break down all the commands - instead of go upstairs and get ready, I do "Kevin we need to leave in 10 minutes. 10 minutes. We have to get ready and leave in 10 minutes, Ok? Now, let's go upstairs." When we go upstairs, i say "we have to brush teeth now" after that is done, I tell him "go pick the clothes you want to wear" then, "dress up please" you get the picture
    6. a lot of warnings for big transitions - 10 min, 5 min, 2 min, 1 min, now we have to ....
    7. keep room tidy, make him clean up.
    8. i am extremely firm re: food time, rest time, calm down time etc. if i let him experience the natural consequences of his actions, he whips himself into a frenzy, he needs guidance with many things. he can starve himself and start screaming, so, i am firm "you may not do anything before you eat lunch. what do you want: A,B,C" if i don't do that it gets out of control

    these are the main things i do.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  11. #11

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    i also learned that add kids tend to get more stressed out because their minds race at 1,000 mph. they notice all these things around them, their thoughts jump from one thing to another. so i see a big difference with my DS1 when i regularly give him breaks, i let him rest, quiet room, pay one on one attention to him.

    diet restrictions, which i am 100% sure you know and follow
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

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    My DS is like that in a lot of ways. Not tasting things, but he has quirks of his own. It does take umpty-million reminders to get him out the door and into his car seat, even though since he could walk we always had the same routine (potty-shoes-door). I'm an organized person and follow a routine during certain parts of the day to get in and out the door, so he has had a lot of opportunity to develop the unconscious habit of certain tasks and still often wanders away with one shoe in his hand and a thought in his head.

    My DH does count-downs to get him ready for bed when he's particularly slow. TEN! NINE! EIGHT! for each task. Very loud and not calming to me or to anyone, but it keeps him going. I try to have him sit on the rug in his room with his clothes and not move off the rug until his clothes are on, if he's having a hard time doing it. I do a lot of positive reinforcement, and the first person in the car with straps on correctly and buckles fastened gets to pick the music, for example. We have not succeeded with rewards charts (6+ months of trying), competitions against himself or his sister for getting ready (ie racing to beat his own best time), and now that he's in school, the stakes have gotten higher with potential issues.

    His teacher has been talking to me about him not paying attention, having poor impulse control, moving around a lot, not keeping his hands to himself, despite being charming and sweet and intellectually well above the mark. I was getting very upset about her continued feedback, and talking to DS about how he was doing great at the schoolwork but he needed to be able to listen to the teacher as well if he wanted to stay in kindergarten, until I overheard my kids talking about some other kid in their class who got sent to the principals office for misbehavior. I asked DS if that had ever happened to him, because I was starting to think he was always in trouble. He said no. So I asked the teacher for some blunt feedback. I told her that I have been talking to my son every night about his behavior in the class. I said it's pretty obvious to me that other children can sit still for longer than my children can, and that mine like to run around a lot, and that my son in particular needs to be told to do things more than my daughter. His executive function is not as developed as hers is. He can sit still and concentrate and color for a long time, though. I asked her, in her experience, was he outside of the norm for a 5 year old boy? Was she giving me feedback or trying to tell me to look into a problem?

    The teacher told me that he was pretty normal for a 5 1/2 year old boy, and that I would probably start seeing more ability to pay attention in the next year. I have a book waiting for me, called Smart but Scattered, recommended in a list I read by a group of educators and parents and people with attention difficulties for helping all kids get better at both life and school.

    I do think my kids have more problems when I'm NOT around other kids more, actually. I start wondering why they are so this or that or the other thing, and then I get in a classroom of kids and see them all wiggling and squirming and poking each other and using potty words or staring off into space or crying over seemingly inconsequential things or being selfish or whatever, and then I realize that my kids are pretty normal.

    There was a post about turning on lights and dismantling machines and investigating people's houses that came up when I was on vacation last week, and I wanted to reply but couldn't handle it on my phone with three kids in the hotel room, but that sounds just like my DS, except for the exceptional intelligence. He does all of that. I can't stop him from turning things on or off, or taking things apart, even if I'm standing right there telling him not to do it, and he does wander around people's houses and snoop. He wants to be a spy when he grows up. Or a scientist. He thinks it would be good cover for a spy.

    Anyway, I didn't mean to make this all about me, but I wanted to say I've been wrestling with this too, and I think a lot of us do. I think a lot of it IS normal kid behavior. It's hard to say when it crosses the line, because it IS a continuum, and there are so many kids out there who sit quietly for meals at this age or who get ready for bed or to leave when they're told. I've seen it. Even my daughter, who is very active and may hop around the whole time while she's doing it, is a contrast to my DS, because she can follow through a multi-step direction and remember it and do it (more so when she's motivated). My son's teacher said that by 6 and 6 1/2 he should get much better.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Thank you for responding, Erin. Really I am so glad to hear you say all of that because from what I know of your Ky, he is a pretty amazing young man so if you can compare him to my Kai, I am comforted! So what you are saying is that the adults in the house are the ones who need behavior modification? Lol. It becomes difficult for me when I hear others scolding him constantly and then I feel like maybe I'm not being "hard enough" on him as certain people complain of his behaviors. I should know by now what is developmentally appropriate or not but it's crazy how things can get muddled when you have other people in your ear. It's hard too because it hurts him when he can tell he's annoying adults that he cares for so much.
    Him eating and chewing on things is enough to make me lose my mind! Once he ate a mushroom from the yard! So dangerous! And he's been told to NEVER eat a wild mushroom. I will ask him, "Why did you eat that/lick that?" and he will say, "To see what it was." DUDE. Don't jump to tasting something to figure out what it is! You have 4 other senses you can use.

    Thanks again for your response.

    Wanted to note that I also used to think the same way as Kai about my putting things in my mouth. Especially grass and things outside, I wanted to see how they were different in all sorts of ways. I remember having a magnifying glass, breaking up leaves, stepping on them, looking at different ones and even putting them in my mouth and chewing them to see how different they tasted when I was 4 or 5 (can't remember exactly but I remember the house I lived in during those ages). I also did eat wild mushrooms!! My mom didn't know because I didn't tell her until I was grown.

    And I also do agree with the other ladies that if your gut is telling you something, you should listen to it, but really it seems to me that other people are telling you something and you are thinking "maybe they have a point or maybe I should listen to them" and it doesn't sound like mommy instinct to me.

    Also FWIW, I have a rather large family and we are all rather quirky. I think everyone, especially children are rather quirky anyway. Oddly enough the smartest kids in my family have the most weirdness lol. I was probably the weirdest in the family as a kid and got a lot of looks. I have a nephew now who is 11 who is basically like I was when I was a kid right now. Everyone thinks he's funny, smart, and strange lol.

    I do think it helps to look at a group of kids around the same age as your kid, like L mentioned. Most 5 year olds I know put things in their mouths and have to be reminded constantly to do things. Most 10 year olds I know chew pencils and pens or other random plastic objects like the tops of pens especially. They chew them like gum. I also think kids can have anxiety or be nervous and I think both of those are normal and not necessarily cause for concern unless the child is having problems functioning in day to day life because of it. They may be nervous about something at school or fitting in with a group of friends or how mom/dad will respond to something. All of that is normal stuff.


    Ky was a nut when he was 5 lol. I kid you not and it was funny because I had my DH telling me he was "off" even though I didn't think he was. I thought he was funny and sweet and curious about the world. DH has not been around a lot of children and so he doesn't see them like I do and my own family. My family thought Ky was a "mature" kindergartner even though he did get into trouble similar to L's DS in kindergarten - fidgety, touching other kids, messing with things, moving around a lot, he also was boisterous and yelled outloud and liked to break things apart. He only recently stopped breaking thing. It has been astounding how much he has changed from 9 to 10 I tell you!! I remember him needing a lot of activity, it is amazing how lazy he is now compared to how he used to be. I would take him to the park and entice him to do laps before playing so he would get tired out lol. I had a timer and would challenge him to beat his previous lap time around the playground. I'm sure he licked plenty of things. My nephews and nieces have. My friends did when I was a kid. I had a cousin who ate bugs and mostly did it to impress other kids lol. I ate a lot of leaves to impress and gross out my friends on my street too just to show them something cool I could do.


    Erin

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    Quote Originally Posted by MomOfAnOnly View Post
    I could kiss you right now for posting this! MY DD has been displaying behaviors that her pedi is puzzled by. He's given her a tentative diagnosis of tics, but has referred her on to a neurologist. I've been saying all along that the symptoms come and go with every illness she's had in the last couple months. I'll definitely be looking into this some more.
    I hope you get it figured out soon. (((hugs)))

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    I ate a lot of leaves to impress and gross out my friends on my street too just to show them something cool I could do.


    Erin
    I can remember doing the exact same thing for the same reasons! LOL

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    Thanks everyone! It's nice to have this discussion with people who understand. I am not one to jump on the add train and think it's way over diagnosed but when I see Kai hurting and struggling because of these behaviors, that is when I become concerned and feel like I want to fix it. I do break down every task for him. Like, I don't tell him it's time to get ready to go. I say, "Go to your room and put your sock on" and then he will maybe go get his socks and will be holding them in his hand when I find him reading a book. He's famous for going potty every time I tell him do anything because he's so used to me telling him, "Go potty" as he urinates so freqently that he HAS to go before we leave the house or we won't even make it off our street. So I will tell him to go choose a bedtime story and he'll come galloping back empty handed and when questioned he's like, "AWWW Man! I went POTTY!"

    Suja, I've read about pica and that seems too extreme for Kai's behaviors. I did look into that as I've heard of the correlation between that and celiacs as well. Although, I do not think that he is a true celiac as lately I have been giving him bits of gluten here and there in sauces and such (in very small quanities after being totally gf for over a year) and he has no reaction anymore to these small amounts.

    I believe his diet is pretty right on for what they recommend as we don't do artificial ingredients and try to keep sugar at a minimum. I did hear once though that there were certain fruits and vegetables that were also restricted on that diet and have wondered what they are. If anyone wants to share, I'd be grateful. Please don't be apples. lol. He eats at least 2 a day.

    Erin, I would have loved to hang you with you as a kid. I mean, now too, but it would have been very entertaining to watch you eat weird stuff.

    I have spoken to the other adults in the house about how to better manage Kai's "annoying" behaviors in a way that does not crush his spirit because he means absolutely no harm at all in what he does. He wants to do the right thing and is the type of kid who you can tell is genuinely hurt when he gets in trouble.

  17. #17

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    My DS is a fair bit younger than yours (he'll be 4 in April), but he also does a lot of things you mentioned.

    Just today (and every day, multiple times a day when we leave the house more than once) I tell him "Go to the car and get in your seat, please." And instead he walks to the edge of the garage and stares out across the street at nothing (we don't even live on a busy street, so no cars passing to catch his eye.) I remind him while I'm buckling my DD in "Please get in your seat, so I can buckle you when I get over there." After a third reminder he shuffled to his door, but just stood there. Ten seconds pass, and he's still just standing there staring at stuff. It usually ends in a raised voice because he seems almost physically incapable of listening. Even shouting to him "Please open your door and GET IN," only resulted in a slightly opened door, and him still standing there distracted and not able to complete that one task.

    Every day we run into that same sock problem. "Cam, go get your socks and hurry back." I gave up on asking him to get his socks AND put them on, because that is seemingly beyond him. So at least if I ask him to hurry back, he can follow that direction and then I can give him the "Now put them on" step when he has returned. Asking him to put on the rest of his clothes is similarly complicated. And it's always because he's gotten too distracted with some toy, some show, some book...anything other than staying on task.

    He seems to have a hard time hearing when he's being told to stop doing something. Like he literally can't process it. He was ripping pieces of corkboard off the bottom of my mom's drink coaster today. And I asked him to stop. To no response. He didn't stop, pause, look up, protest, just continued. So I ask again firmer, "Cam, stop breaking the coaster." Nothing. "Camden, LOOK at me. Please look at me NOW." Almost nothing short of physically removing things from him and physically putting my face inches from his will get him to be able to attend to me talking to him. His teacher at preschool says he has the same problem with other children. When they ask him to stop getting in their face or taking something of theirs he seems to ignore them.
    He's so impulsive and physical. He can't disengage himself from crazy active rough play, even when it's clear the person he is playing with is not enjoying themselves. And he doesn't listen when repeatedly asked to step away. He pushes, and pushes, and pushes, until he has to be scolded and punished for not listening, and then he's crushed.

    I often wonder where the limits of normal are. Especially on his seeming inability to stay focused on a one-step task that should take less than 20 seconds to complete. I mean, I've gotten to the point where instead of saying "Go get in the car," I have to get down on his level, in his face, and say "We are leaving now, please go out to the car, open the door, and get in." As if, if I'm specific enough with a structure and script he can almost follow, but if I give the general "get in the car" he will forget halfway to the car where he was headed.

    Definitely checking out 'smart but scattered.'

    And wow, just for kicks googled ADHD symptoms and almost everything listed is something he struggles with daily and I've been noting as our big behavioral/discipline issues.
    Last edited by Capricity; 01-04-2013 at 10:00 PM.

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    I was considering whether I should give my story here or not. Then I read Bridget's last post and almost choked.
    My DS is displaying ADHD type behaviour. My son is having lots of trouble in daycare and they call at least once per week to have him collected as his behaviour is too disruptive. I looked up Feingold after seeing it on impatients siggy just before Christmas.
    Guess what his trigger food is....apples! The same healthy snack we have been giving him every day before daycare. He has had none for the last 2 weeks. No juice, nothing. His behaviour has been great. Until today.
    We got the call to collect him again. When DH got there, he found they had given him applesauce for lunch. That's when his bad behaviour started.
    I suggest you read the online Feingold information and see if it makes sense for you. Like us, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

  19. #19

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    Yes, check out Feingold; but also keep in mind that some foods might be on the list but not offenders for him. DS1 eats apples, grapes, strawberries and all fruit with no problems. But have him eat some unprocessed sugar and watch out the hysteria that comes after. I just dealt with some horrendous tantrums and waking up 3 times in a row; I had to give him some melatonin to calm down and sleep because my mom gave him a protein bar (full of sugar and chocolate that I keep as a treat for myself ) whatcha gonna do?! grandmas are the queens of breaking rules.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

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    Its hard to know for sure no advice other than maybe you can have an evaluation. I would do that just my opinion. KUP!



  21. #21

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    Does it matter at all how fun you make the activity or "chore"? I know with Emme she could give a rats ass about half the stuff I ask her to do, and since she's not that into it, it's harder for her to stay focused and make herself do it (granted she's younger, but stay with me...). BUT- if I turn it into a game (and one that she's interested in playing), suddenly I have all her attention on me and she can't hurry fast enough to complete a task.
    For instance when we're getting in the car (only works when my mom is with us because she sits in back with Emme and can buckle her in) I will "bet" Emme to see which one of us can get in our seat the fastest. She is normally that kid from the cartoon who takes 45 minutes before she even *looks* at her carseat, but if I bet her she suddenly has her door open and she's inside with her booty in the carseat before I can even get around my side of the car.
    Can you find/put on your shoes/jacket before I find/put on mine?
    Can you put the crayons away before I finish preparing lunch?
    Finish XYZ in 20 minutes (usually bedtime snack or vitamins, which she is awesome at dragging out for an hour) and you earn an extra bedtime book.
    And just for the sake of throwing out ideas on the kinds of games we play, at night I ask her to "sing" me a random song while we brush/floss with her mouth wide open. I started this one because she's normally so good about dental hygiene but sometimes at night she's so tired she wants to sit and cry while I brush & floss her teeth, but ask her to sing to me and she perks right up again, giggling at the sounds she makes.

    I'm also picturing some laminated flash cards with a picture (and word?) for each task Kai is supposed to do. Start by handing him the card with a picture of "socks" on it, ask him to go put on his socks, and come back to show you when he's done. Then he gets the "shoes" card and verbal request- he gets his shoes, puts them on, and comes back when he's done. Hopefully. Every time he completes a task and brings the card back you give him the next one. The visual reminder of the card may help him stay focused.
    Last edited by MomOfAnOnly; 01-05-2013 at 03:47 AM.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    Yes, check out Feingold; but also keep in mind that some foods might be on the list but not offenders for him. DS1 eats apples, grapes, strawberries and all fruit with no problems. But have him eat some unprocessed sugar and watch out the hysteria that comes after. I just dealt with some horrendous tantrums and waking up 3 times in a row; I had to give him some melatonin to calm down and sleep because my mom gave him a protein bar (full of sugar and chocolate that I keep as a treat for myself ) whatcha gonna do?! grandmas are the queens of breaking rules.
    Great point Tanya. I am on the Feingold message board and a lot of people there have trouble with sweeteners in general - even natural ones allowed on the program (like honey, maple syrup, etc.). Another major offender is corn. The great thing about following Feingold is that it helped me get a starting point and unpeel the extra layers. We follow Feingold but also eliminate gluten, casein, corn syrup, nitrates/nitrites and minimize soy.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by MomOfAnOnly View Post
    Does it matter at all how fun you make the activity or "chore"? I know with Emme she could give a rats ass about half the stuff I ask her to do, and since she's not that into it, it's harder for her to stay focused and make herself do it (granted she's younger, but stay with me...). BUT- if I turn it into a game (and one that she's interested in playing), suddenly I have all her attention on me and she can't hurry fast enough to complete a task.
    For instance when we're getting in the car (only works when my mom is with us because she sits in back with Emme and can buckle her in) I will "bet" Emme to see which one of us can get in our seat the fastest. She is normally that kid from the cartoon who takes 45 minutes before she even *looks* at her carseat, but if I bet her she suddenly has her door open and she's inside with her booty in the carseat before I can even get around my side of the car.
    Can you find/put on your shoes/jacket before I find/put on mine?
    Can you put the crayons away before I finish preparing lunch?
    Finish XYZ in 20 minutes (usually bedtime snack or vitamins, which she is awesome at dragging out for an hour) and you earn an extra bedtime book.
    And just for the sake of throwing out ideas on the kinds of games we play, at night I ask her to "sing" me a random song while we brush/floss with her mouth wide open. I started this one because she's normally so good about dental hygiene but sometimes at night she's so tired she wants to sit and cry while I brush & floss her teeth, but ask her to sing to me and she perks right up again, giggling at the sounds she makes.

    I'm also picturing some laminated flash cards with a picture (and word?) for each task Kai is supposed to do. Start by handing him the card with a picture of "socks" on it, ask him to go put on his socks, and come back to show you when he's done. Then he gets the "shoes" card and verbal request- he gets his shoes, puts them on, and comes back when he's done. Hopefully. Every time he completes a task and brings the card back you give him the next one. The visual reminder of the card may help him stay focused.
    this suggestion. Seriously, visual supports are like magic. Most adults use schedules and calendars to help them remember what to do when. Kids benefit from having a reminder they can check, too!
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  24. #24

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    I was reading this book tonight (http://www.amazon.com/Your-Childs-Se...ld+self-esteem) and it described what is described in the opening post. It went on to say that a child's one area where they have independence and control - and the one place where you'll see it exercised the most - is when you give a kid a direct order to do something. "Go brush your teeth and get ready for bed," no matter how nicely you ask, can become a lengthy task that worries, annoys or angers the person making the request. Depends on the kid and how the parent says it but the book made suggestions about engaging directly with the child, making games out of everything, and other tips. Which suggests 1) yeah, it may be totally normal kid stuff, and 2) if so, there are ways to deal with that age that can be constructive for everyone.

  25. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gwenn View Post
    this suggestion. Seriously, visual supports are like magic. Most adults use schedules and calendars to help them remember what to do when. Kids benefit from having a reminder they can check, too!

    Thanks I admit I was feeling pretty genius when I came up with that one Seriously though, I'm keeping that idea handy and may even implement it soon!

  26. #26
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    You came up with that on your own? I so want to recruit you ... it's a very real strategy and I recommend it to most of my parents to do at home as well as at school for their kids.
    Me (39) DH (46) & furbabies * m/c 7/08 4/12 11/12

  27. #27

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    I totally came up with it myself! I love that it's a real strategy, and now I want to know how others have implemented it and if there are already cards out there for this purpose.

  28. #28

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    I love the idea too and am hoping for ready made cards.

  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by MomOfAnOnly View Post
    I totally came up with it myself! I love that it's a real strategy, and now I want to know how others have implemented it and if there are already cards out there for this purpose.
    There are a lot of products on the market. Just google visual schedules. I make them by taking pictures of DS doing whatever task I wish to put on the schedule. I covered a couple of boards in felt, laminated the pictures and put little velcro stickers on the back of the pictures. That way he can remove the picture when he is done and I can move them around as I want. A lot of the products on the market use pockets to put the picture cards in.

  30. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by impatient View Post
    There are a lot of products on the market. Just google visual schedules. I make them by taking pictures of DS doing whatever task I wish to put on the schedule. I covered a couple of boards in felt, laminated the pictures and put little velcro stickers on the back of the pictures. That way he can remove the picture when he is done and I can move them around as I want. A lot of the products on the market use pockets to put the picture cards in.
    Good ideas!

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