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Thread: How do you know?

  1. #1

    Default How do you know?

    How do you know you are done having children? It has been our plan for some time to TTC our final baby when youngest DD turned 1 (which she did 2 days ago) but now that we are there I am not much feeling it. When I think about never being pregnant and having a little baby again it makes me feel sad but I feel very satisfied with where we are at right now. When I think of any other baby other than Olivia as my baby I have a very hard time picturing it. I think the obvious solution right now is to not TTC at the moment since we are unsure but I wanted to ask this question of those who have a complete family.



  2. #2

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    The end of my baby days came against my will, so I can't really relate. I guess after my 4th I wa snt in a hurry to have another, but eventually I was eager for another.

    I think like you said the logical thing would be to wait. you might get broody in another year ;)

  3. #3
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    Mine is a different situation and i think you know what I mean. I hope that you find your answer hun cause it is not an easy decision to make. I would love to see what other beautiful babies you pop out if you decide to continue

    Sammi(me)~DH(Troy)~DS(Kyle)~DD(Rebecca)My Blog

  4. #4

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    For me, I had no desire to have a third and I too could not picture a third baby in my life/future. Even with my oopsie that ended being an ectopic PG, I could not "see"/feel a baby coming our way, which lead to me calling the doc and asking for an early US discovering the ectopic before it ruptured the tube. Anyway, I originally wanted 3 kids, DH wanted 2 but could have been talked to into 3. Once we had DS2, I felt happy with 2. I also felt that I could spend enough time with both, address their needs, take them to places without going over budget, save for retirement and college. Plus, I always wanted to work part time after DS2 turns 2/2.5 so I don't think I can spend enough time and give enough attention to 3 kids while working 2 days a week. Finally, I feel very comfortable taking my 2 boys anywhere by myself and while I am sure I could have gotten used to 3, it just sounds & looks more stressful to me. My DH works long hours so that comes into consideration.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  5. #5
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    My situation is a bit different because my baby days came involuntarily to an end. We tried and tried to add #3 and it's just not in the cards for us, biologically. So then adoption became my crusade. And while I won't say we've completely closed that door, the older my kids get, the farther away we are from the baby stage, the more content I feel. If we adopt, I see it being an older child at this point and not a baby. It just doesn't feel "right" for another baby for us. But it's taken me 2 years to get to that point since having Malcolm, and some days I don't feel it as strongly as others.

    I think this is something that is so individual. If you're not feeling like another baby is an immediate need or want-why rush it? Many people make these decisions based on house size, car, finances, emotional ability to care for another child, the needs of their current children, etc. So how one of us comes to our decision doesn't always help another reach theirs!

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  6. #6
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    Under different circumstances I could go for a 3rd, but in my current situation I am happy with the 2 girls I have. I would love them to have another sibling, but I have a history of complicated pregnancies, DH and I have had our struggles and I am creeping up in age. So, those factors have made it much easier to close the baby chapter of our lives. DH is scheduled for the big V in Feb. and I've had some baby dreams since we scheduled that, but I don't think we will regret our decision. I do sometimes get that twinge when I see families with 3 kids though!
    Growing fast... DD1 (6) & DD2 (4)
    Forever loved, forever missed... Twin Girls with us for 19w3d 6/12/06

  7. #7

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    I wanted to add that I have a couple of friends who change their minds every so often. I agree it is a personal decision. One of my closest friends often talks to me about how difficult it would be to have 3 because she admittedly wants to have a third but does not want at the same time. LOL.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  8. #8
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    James and I decided when we met and talked about children both of us wanted no more than two children. We both wanted a boy and a girl. Its amazing it happened that way. For me making my final choice to a permanent fix I had these factors: I am overwhelmed with two children, two high risk pregnancies, no driver's license some of which is due to vision issues (depth perception), money, housing costs, etc. With all of that being said my situation is not going to be the same as yours. If you aren't sure don't make any decisions right now. Good luck with whatever you decide.



  9. #9
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    I am feeling the same way. We are just going to wait until we feel we're ready. January was going to be our month, but like you, it just doesn't feel right. Not yet. I can see it in the future, but right now I want to focus on my two babies and see where things take me. I feel like if we got permanently "fixed" then I would regret it. I'm not ready for that yet. If it happens, awesome, if not, that's okay too. I'm going to focus on working out and trying to lose a little weight. Maybe once I have a little more confidence and the kids get a little older, there will be room. And if we don't have anymore, we don't. We are happy but that doesn't mean we need to quit, we're just temporarily shutting the doors in the uterus for a while.
    Dada (27) Mama-Jessie (26) Orion (4) Kadence (2) Baby (Uterus)

  10. #10
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    Right now I can't imagine a third baby, for obvious reasons. I just wanted to chime in and say give it time, you never know how you'll feel 6 months or 6 years from now. There doesn't have to be an end all/be all decision etched in stone. One day you might wake up and say, "let's try for a third kid!" or maybe not. You're not required to decide now, one way or the other I'm sure you'll be happy with your family because of the love you share, not because of how many members it possesses.
    Leigh(35)/Matt(39)/Sonja Lily(3.75)/Damien Andrew(1yr)




  11. #11
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    I really can't explain it better than this: It's just a feeling I had and I *knew I was done. When I was pregnant with DD1, I was still pregnant and knew I wanted another one. Twenty months later we had DS and I was pretty sure I wanted one more. Just not as soon as the last. We decided that 3 years apart was ideal between #2 and #3. While I was pregnant with DD2 (#3), I knew we were done. I feel it now and I know more than ever I do NOT want anymore. If I picture being pregnant again or having a newborn, I cringe. I loved loved LOVED being pregnant....but I think at this point if I crave a tiny baby, I'll have one of my friend's kids over lol. Also, our 3rd is only almost 8 months. But I already knew with both kids before her that I wanted another. This one i know im absolutely done. Hope that helped lol.

    I agree with pumpkinpeejays-you don't have to do it NOW. If you just aren't feeling it right now, hold off. You could always try again in a year or two or three. Who knows...maybe you will see that you are happy with things the way they are. Good luck
    Autumn (me) Darren () Naheana () Mahikoa () La'i () & Mana'o ()

  12. #12
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    It is so different for everyone. After #3 was born and had to stay in the hospital for a week, I was so hurt by his birth. Two weeks PP I was ready to TTC #4. The entire time I was pregnant with #3 I was debating getting a tubal. DH and I decided to give it a year of NPP to see if another babe would join us. So about 7 months after his birth we both felt done. We both were at peace with our family size and we felt like we were ready to move on to raising our kids instead of having more. My point is that feelings change and you can't really predict how you will feel down the road if you are still on the fence. Wait, give it time. They make a birth control just for women in this situation...unsure if they want more.

    Side note...we ended up pregnant at 9 months PP and then miscarried. Then five weeks after the DNC got pregnant again (gosh I'm fertile!). That conception was right before my son turned one, thusly fitting into the year time frame. While she wasn't planned, she has slid right into everyone's heart in our family. And now I can't imagine that I ever thought our family was complete. Good luck with your decision. This, by far, was the hardest question for me to come to an answer on as a parent.

    Jeanne, mom to Dev0n (5) Isabe11e (4) and C0rbin (3) Vio1et (16 months)


  13. #13

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    It was a very easy decision for me personally, but my situation is not yours. I had extremely difficult pregnancies. My first ended in a premature birth at 22 weeks. My second pregnancy was a blighted ovum. My third (my DS David, now 28) went to term, but not without months of bed rest and hospitalization on medication to prevent premature labor. My fourth (my DD Erin, now 26) resulted in a premature birth at 25 weeks, 4 1/2 months in the NICU. My fifth and final pregnancy (my DD Laura, now 25) was a surprise pregnancy before Erin even came home from the NICU and I managed to carry her until 35 weeks, but once again with months of bed rest and hospitalization to prevent her from coming any earlier. I knew before Laura was born that I simply could not do it again and had my tubes tied when she was born. As I told my doctor when he questioned me, I couldn't honestly say that I would never again want to have another baby, but I knew I could never go through another pregnancy again.

    Now, my son and his wife, on the other hand, have Brooke (who just turned 7) and Kayla (8 months) and they said they know they are done. While my son would really like a son of his own, he and his wife have both come to the conclusion that they just don't enjoy the "baby" stage, so they have made the decision to not try for a third.

    It's such a personal decision and your situation is going to be completely different from anyone else's. As cliche as it sounds, there will come a time when you'll just "know," as someone else said, that you are done.
    Last edited by LanceBabe; 12-30-2012 at 10:51 PM.
    Lynne, Grandma to three beautiful girls and one handsome little man!


  14. #14

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    I would have loved to have more children. I just physically couldn't go through it again because my pregnancies were really difficult on my body. I knew I needed to get my tubes tied because there was no way I could go through another pregnancy. My cardiologist told me never to get pregnant at all so I'm very blessed with my two little miracles. I am only 24 so it was something that was questioned by my dr every time I went in. I cried about it every time I thought about it for a few weeks after I got it done. I just knew in my heart it was the right thing to do but i still hated knowing the fact I would never have a small baby again. If I was you I would wait a while and reevaluate.

  15. #15
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    It wasn't really a hard decision for me. 2 children felt right. We can still travel relatively easily, we have enough time and energy for both of them, and it just feels like we were meant to be a family of 4. I sometimes miss the baby cuddles, but I love how much fun they both are now.

  16. #16

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    I agree that I think it is such a personal decision...I really do. For me, I am embarking on #5(although only 4 of them will be living)...I am scared out of my ever loving mind at how much work it will be...but excited all the same. For me, adding #3 was especially hard. 1 to 2 was easy and 2 to 3 was a LOT of work. It's gotten easier now over time and my baby is almost 20m old...but going to 3 is a lot of work and is a blessing all rolled into 1. If you don't feel ready then you wait, if you get further away and it does not give you anymore thoughts to add or to not add...then you just be content with where you are...it's a tough call. Since losing our son when he was 5 months old I ahve found myself never feeling complete and I think I am complete just can't feel it because something is always missing, if that makes any sense at all.

    Jenny~ Mama to Katelyn(7), Ben(my angel in Heaven, 6), Megan(5), Allie(2years), Nora(8m)

  17. #17
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    I'm one where it was taken out of my hands. Always wanted two kids but has also planned on being done having them by now. Our infertility is unexplained so while I'm not holding my breath, it could happen I guess. DH and I have already decided we are adopting once. It's a long and expensive process and we don't want to do it again. So chances are we will be a family of three. If we end up somewhere getting pregnant, great and feel it was meant to be. But not going to take any medical intervention. If we should get to two kids, DH is getting a V. He 100% doesn't want more than two kids.

    Jennifer, 35, DH 36

  18. #18
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    It is a very difficult decision. DH and I agreed we wanted 2, and at my advanced maternal age, knew they would be close. When we found out we were pregnant with twins we were elated! One pregnancy and done. God had a different plan and we only delivered one DD. I believe that God knew what we could handle and that his plan is ever evolving. While I feel complete with our little family of 3, I do think often of a playmate for DD, and do now miss the twin we lost, so we have begun talking about adoption. However, I'm still ok with just us 3, we will be able to live and give her everything she needs, and do things we want to do while securing our retirement future at the same time. Since most adoption processes can take upto 2 years, nevermind the money saving, that would make DD almost 4 and I'm not sure I emotionally will be able to do it. It is very hard, but I know biologically we are done. Risking my health doesn't outweigh the desire to add to our family.
    Phoebe Grace 6-22-11; 37.5" and 26.2# at 2 years old! She is my wild child!
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  19. #19

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    I think if I were you, I'd wait awhile and see. You don't seem like you have firm feelings either way yet. The reality of 3 kids would probably be too much for us. It's a lot to consider, especially if you are in a situation where finances are an issue, think ahead to living arangements and having enough space, having 3 (or more) kids with all different school activities, etc, etc. For me, it also would cause me to have to quit my job where I make great money and get our family's health insurance. You can't plan it all out of course, but follow your heart. Only you know what you can handle!!

    My DH had a vasectomy in October after I decided I was sure we are done. It's funny, at 4-6 months pp with DS2, I was convinced that I wanted one more. It had to have been the crazy raging hormones, because shortly after that, I was POSITIVE that we are done. That being said, we went with the vasectomy, juuuuuust in case we change our minds, we could possibly have it reversed more easily. I'm feeling confident that we made the right descision. Two kids is what I had always imagined before we had them. I absolutely expect to have several bouts of baby fever and jealousy , but I am soooo content and happy with my 2 boys.
    Last edited by sunkiss; 12-31-2012 at 09:52 PM. Reason: added a little and clarified :)
    ~Andrea~


  20. #20

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    I am wondering the same thing. I really thought I wanted #4 which would be #3 with us. And DH wants to try for another. But I'm so torn and in many ways feel content with Natalie being my last baby. I wish I wasn't so old as that makes me feel like I kind of have to rush my decision.

    Good luck to you with making your decision.

    And happy belated 1st bday to Olivia!

  21. #21
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    I was done after Cameron turned 5. I wanted another but I didn't want to "start over". I had originally wanted three but with Cameron being older I felt done. That being said when we found out I am pregnant I was devastated. James and I are living seperatly and are no longer together. I was ecstatic when I found out it was twins and was glad to have my three babies. Those ultrasounds sure change your feelings! Now that we know only one baby will come home with us I want to have another right after this. James and I are making some progress and I am in the baby mindset, he is on the fence about a third but wants another girl. We always wanted all girls. I have a feeling after three I will feel done. I love being pregnant, and I would love a chance at a normal pregnancy. With Cameron I was still in high school and this one had been so high risk that I really want one where it's just all happy all the time! We will see what happens.

  22. #22
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    My oldest is 11 from a previous relationship. My current youngest is 3 and I have a baby due this month. I really wanted a playmate for my lo and I feel if I have 4 that puts someone out again. I have no desire to be pregnant ever again, I have depression which is much worse during pregnancy. It wouldn't be fair to anyone in my family for me to keep having kids. I feel complete with 3, and financilly and our ages play a role in it too. I want to be able to enjoy time w my husband one day when my kids are older, I don't want kids at home when I'm 60. Tubes being tied w c section this month!

  23. #23
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    I think sometimes you just don't know, and that goes for a lot of major decisions in life (marriage, careers, where and when to move, etc.). I think there are enough times when you hear something like, "I knew he was the one," or "I knew the time was right," or "I knew I was done," that it's easy to think that there is this magical moment that happens and it clicks and you KNOW, but I think those are the more rare moments, and the rest of the time it's a lot of trying to figure out what the best course would be. In my case, I know for sure I'm done NOW, but it's quite possible I could have been done earlier and the reason I'm so certain now is because I'm well over the brink of being done.


  24. #24
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    Before I found out I was pregnant with Eve, I was actually ready to be done with babies. I was enjoying being able to have some freedom, do more with the kids, etc. It took a few weeks to fully adjust to my pregnancy with her, but she fits right in with our little family. I get the pang of jealously of those that get to have more children and then I remind myself of all the reasons we are done. DH did have a vasectomy so we are completely done, but if he would change his mind and want a reversal down the road or want to adopt I'd probably be open to a fourth. Most days I am content where I am at and as Eve gets older I am sure I won't have the pang as much.
    Our Family <3 Est. July 2007 <3
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  25. #25
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    For me i just knew that 3 was it. I knew i wasn't done after 2. Even if i had a boy and a girl i still would have gone for #3. Now i am so done its not even a question. I do not have easy pregnancies or births and have less than zero desire to do that again. I also have very needy babies. All 3 have not been "easy" type babies. Now that DD3 is 6 months old i am finally feeling a bit more normal. I cant wait to be out of the baby stage which is sad knowing she is my last but i am just tied and done. Very done.

    I dont think its as clear for everyone. Aside from what i described above i dont feel like i can be the type of mom i want to be to more than 3 kids so that is also a deciding factor.

  26. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    For me i just knew that 3 was it. I knew i wasn't done after 2. Even if i had a boy and a girl i still would have gone for #3. Now i am so done its not even a question. I do not have easy pregnancies or births and have less than zero desire to do that again. I also have very needy babies. All 3 have not been "easy" type babies. Now that DD3 is 6 months old i am finally feeling a bit more normal. I cant wait to be out of the baby stage which is sad knowing she is my last but i am just tied and done. Very done.

    I dont think its as clear for everyone. Aside from what i described above i dont feel like i can be the type of mom i want to be to more than 3 kids so that is also a deciding factor.


    I think this right here goes a long way towards summing up what I am feeling. Also I know ever single mothers fear in adding on is that they could never love another as much as they love what they already have. I never felt that after Ava but I feel it now every time I look at my girls. My love for them is so huge I find it hard to believe I could love something/someone else that much.



  27. #27

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    I would say we are 98% sure we are done, leaving a little wiggle room to see if there is a bigger plan for us. But if the decision is just ours, we are done. For us, we had to do IUIs to get pregnant both times, so there was a lot of stress on the TTC end. With DD's delivery I had complications and needed 2 blood transfusions. Then DS decided to come at 34 weeks and spent 12 days in the NICU, which was very tough for me to deal with (I feel so much for the mommas who have their LOs in there for months - I don't know how I could handle it since 12 days was so hard on me!). So it just seems like we have been extremely fortunate and I don't know really want to go through any of that again.

    That said, when we had Olivia, our plan was to start TTC #2 when she was 9 months because we knew it would take a while to get pregnant again. Neither of us were ready at that point and waited until she was about 18 months before we actually TTC again. We knew we weren't done yet, but we also recognized we needed more time before we were ready to bring another LO into our home.


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

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