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Thread: No show today and question

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Default No show today and question

    We had visitation today, a different day than usual, because of Christmas. We had it planned out for two weeks I think, which day it would be and what time...same goes for next week. Mom didn't show today. I wish we knew why. Part of me worries and wonders if she's okay. No one had heard from her and while we had a different social worker (the foster care manager) doing the visit today there were no messages left for the usual social worker either. I wonder if she's just forgotten because she seems like the kind of person who often has big plans and all the right intentions and struggles to execute them. I also wonder though if she's sad because of Christmas and she just couldn't face it today. Weird thing is, at every other visit she's been right on time if not early and very eager to see baby girl. She made a comment a few weeks ago indicating that she was already having some trouble with her medication and she was mostly taking them so I suppose that could always be a factor too.

    It all makes me nervous with court coming up Jan 29th. That's the day we get the answer on the petition and since we really don't know who it is we're going in blind. I think mom's chances aren't looking great now especially but this other person could have a great chance of getting her...we just don't know. Anyone know how many times something like this happens before visits are suspended or before it becomes an issue? I got the impression today that with it being a different visit than usual because of the holidays they weren't thinking it was a big deal but again, different than our usual social worker. Also, we talked to mom about it last week and told her it would be a different day and she said she realized that since our usual visit would be on Christmas Eve and the office would be closed. So...I feel like she was really aware of it and we got a verification call on Friday to make sure those times were good so they could call birth mom and let her know....it's just weird.

    Also, she has a two year old who is in care of some kind. I'm not sure if he's foster or kinship but, knowing that they would like to keep the siblings together if possible, we wondered if it would be weird or inappropriate to mention that we would be happy to have the boy with us as well if he needed somewhere to go. We aren't saying this because we're so desperate to keep baby girl that we would take him too, but because it seems like going home isn't all that likely for either of them and it would be sad if they were separated and didn't have to be. We met him last week at visitation and he was so cute and sweet and talked to us and of course we don't know if he has any behavioral issues or anything else and would have to discuss it further but it's something we've discussed in case the situation was presented to us, and we decided we'd take him if asked. Is that something we should tell the SW or just keep to ourselves unless the situation arises? I don't want it to seem like we're just trying to take kids left and right.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    1,061

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    Our adoption was private and not through any normal situation however our son's half sister was taken away at 6 weeks and we were active in trying to get information (at one time we were on the list to get her when the rights were terminated). I had contact with the Grandma who ended up adopting the sister when she was available for adoption. When the parents missed visits they documented it and kept a record at no time did they ever suspend visitation until the mother said she didn't want to have them any longer. They said they have to do everything to show they tried so she couldn't use it against them at the termination hearing. So I don't think they would stop having the visitation. I would let your social worker know that you are not against the idea of having the other sibling if that were an option. Just so they know that I don't think it would hurt anything. I'm not sure of the situation but in our case we were out of state and that is the only reason we did not get first call when our son's sister needed a foster home. She went to the closest relative that would pass a home study. They may have called the home the brother is in and they may have declined and that's how you ended up with the baby.

    I hope everything works out and you get to keep baby girl. Hugs and prayers.

    2/28/13

  3. #3

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    I agree. My bro and SIL have been there with my little niece many times when her Dad didn't show up. He has missed so many that now my SIL doesn't have to bring her down there...they wait to see if he will show up and then call her and tell her to come or don't bother. There has been zero talk of stopping the visits.

    As far as the brother I may mention it, it is a nice offer and would be really nice if the siblings could stay together.

    ~*~Katrina~*~ Momma to Xander, Hayden & Lily (6) and Jericho (3 1/2)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    Michigan
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    I'm sorry mom was a no-show I'm not sure how/if it affects future visits.

    I would inquire about the sib...doesn't hurt to ask :-) . We told our cw that we wanted to be notified if DS's bmom had another child come into care and she said if they hear anything they'd let us know. She didn't act like it was a strange request.

    How are the three of you doing...did you have a nice Christmas? I think of you often :-) . (((Hugs)))!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Virginia
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    Thanks for the responses ladies. Sorry it took me so long to reply. We went out of town this past weekend to visit family and took the baby with us for the 6 hour drive. It actually went remarkably well and she pretty much slept the whole time though she's awake most of the day now.

    As far as visitation goes, I think it might be different in different areas. My cousin works for DSS and CPS in FL and she said they can only miss two visitations before they're suspended. I don't think ours here is that strict but I'm pretty sure they do take them away sometimes. If the mom is off her meds then I doubt they'd even allow supervised visits. I'm sure in her case there's some sort of rule in place for that since she's just not herself when she isn't on meds. Also, she mentioned her sons case going back to court and her losing visitation because she wasn't following the plan. She just got visits back with him two weeks ago I think so...I guess it happens. He was getting overnight visits too though so that was part of it as well. I was told to call our SW Wed morning to see if it's still scheduled or not and to see if they've heard from mom so I guess we'll just see then. Until someone tells me otherwise, I'll have her there.

    Overall we're all doing great! I quit taking the pill to treat Endometriosis because it was messing with my hormones WAY too much while being in this situation. I feel far more normal and level headed without it. Lol. I feel like I can deal with whatever happens, though I know it'll be awful hard. Christmas went really well and baby girl was SO cute all day. She stayed awake and everyone got to see her smile and hear her coo. She wasn't fussy and it was just a great Christmas. She smiled so much. DH said he thought she could feel the happiness coming from everyone and that's why she was so happy. She also got a TON of stuff from friends and family and of course Santa came to visit.

    She's just growing SO fast! I can't believe how big she's getting. Every day she looks different. And she's getting VERY chunky which I just love! We must be doing something right if she's growing like this. She's a very peaceful baby too and has a great temperament. Oh and she sleep for a good 5-6 hours in a row now which is great also. I'm pretty sure she laughed today but it only happened once so I'm not entirely sure. Lol. She smiled really big and gave me a little "Ha" sort of sound. So I guess we'll see in the next few days if it was a laugh or just another sound she's experimenting with. We're having so much fun with her and enjoying her so much and I just love watching her grow. I have to constantly remind myself that she may be leaving in a few weeks but at least we know for now we can enjoy it all and that's what we plan to do.

    Sorry this was so long! We're just so in love with this little girl I can't stop talking about her.
    MMC 4/12
    Leah (27) DH (30) Diagnosed PCOS and Stage 1 Endometriosis/Diagnosed CVID 2007

  6. #6

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    Sounds like a wonderful Christmas!! I'm glad she's doing so well!



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