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Thread: Worrying?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,908

    Default Worrying?

    I don't know if I should be concerned about this or not. There are two things about DD that are really starting to bother me.

    First is that she has real trouble parting with her stuff. As in old stuff she doesn't use or show any interest in. Normally, I talk to her about it till I'm blue in the face, and she'd be a little upset, but not too bad. Yesterday, I gave her diapers away, and holy cow if she didn't have a meltdown! I didn't think to talk to her about it because they have been sitting around for months, and she hasn't even looked at the box. We had a long talk about babies who don't have diapers, and how she should have a kind heart and generous spirit, and she concluded that a) she wanted her stuff back and b) the babies should stand naked in the cold.

    Which brings us to the next concern. She says mean things a lot. She'll talk about throwing people in the trash can (I'm likely to blame for that, since the rule is that things she won't put away go in the trash), about locking them out, cutting them with knives or scissors, hitting them, etc. When I ask her if that's a nice thing to do, how she'd like it if someone did it to her, she'll say that she'll do it to herself.

    She is generally not violent at all, good with her peers, helpful, and polite. I don't know where this violent stuff is coming from, though.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    14,836

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    My kids do the cutting people thing. I don't get it either. At first I found it odd and I have NO idea where it came from. I think DD2 started it and how she used to say she was going to cut bugs in half. Now both girls say all sorts of things like that to each other - cut your leg off, cut your head off, cut the baby. It bothers me a bit and I tell them not to say it but I don't think it's anything too concerning. This is ironic because I worry about EVERYTHING But for some reason I don't see it as a big deal.

    The parting with things I personally don't think is anything to be concerned about. My kids have been refusing to get rid of things for years. They finally this year agreed to get rid of ONE toy each . When I told DD2 that some kids don't have toys and since we have so many maybe we could give some that we aren't using away and she said, "please not bear" - her prized lovey! Of course I would never even suggest that but I guess they hear "get rid of a toy" and get possessive and think you will take away their favorite things? I really don't know. I think it's a harder concept to grasp than we realize.
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    9,393

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    Some of my kids have gone through that phase too. I'm not completely sure why they do it but I know they don't really want to cut other peoples' heads off or cut themselves :-) . They go through the death-obsession phase too...lol, that's a fun one...or not Life with kids is never dull that's for sure!

  4. #4

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    I would think its okay- just a phase. Now that my toddler is potty trained, he says he will pee on me or random stuff like that and i just ignore it!!!

  5. #5

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    Both sound normal to me. I've never known a toddler/young child who wasn't a packrat/hoarder.

    I can't remember specifically any of my kids saying stuff like that, but I think it is a normal way for them to express their displeasure. I might try to correct it and point out that it was mean, but don't engage in an arguement over it, she might start using it as a way to "get" you.

  6. #6

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    Personally, I would run the cutting thing by the pedi-just to make sure. Throwing things away, do it while she's sleeping. Mine freaks out about it too.

  7. #7

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    I say normal too. About that age they are very aware that hurting people is bad and that they get attention when they are hurt. I think the cutting has been drilled into them. "Don't touch that knife! It can really hurt you! Be careful with the scissors. They are sharp!" I don't think it's different than saying, "I'm going to hit you!" Or something else. She's just trying to get you upset. They are sooooo good at that!

    For the possessiveness, my 2.5 and 5 year olds just had meltdowns over a cheap bear they both think is theirs. All of mine have times they are ok with stuff going and times they have meltdowns.
    ~ Shannon
    Michael, Married October, 2003
    Jessica, June 2005 ~ Kyle, September 2007 ~ Michaela, March 2010 ~ Abigail, June 2012


  8. #8

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    Yup, totally normal here, too. In fact, when she was helping me do dishes and a piece to her straw cup fell down the drain to the sink, she had a major melt down. It was RIGHT THERE and I got it right out, but she was already gushing buckets. Same with our couch we just replaced. "I want dat couch! It's my couch!" And if we have friends over... Phew. It's rough! Even when we're out in public with public toys, she doesn't want to "share". Or at her friends' houses, she doesn't want to "share" their toys with them!

    Maiya's thing is saying she will eat me / whomever. Maybe we've read Where the Wild Things Are too many times... But it doesn't bother me. I think it helps that Maiya is really, REALLY in to discussing both sides of every situation. "I want to eat you, Momma!" "You want to eat me? How will that make me feel?" "I not know, what will you say?" "I will say 'No, that hurts!' and I will cry and cry." "Den what will I say?" "Then you will say 'But I'm mad and it makes me want to eat you.'" "Den what will you say?" "I will say 'I know you are mad that xyz, and that's ok to be mad. I get mad too. I can give you a hug if you want, I still love you very much. But it's not ok to hurt someone just because you are mad." And on and on and on and on...

    But any way, it really helps me to see how she sees it, and I don't think, for her, that's it anything to worry about. And for yours, since she's not violent, I personally wouldn't worry.



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