How do you deal with friends being PG or TTC?

[CandiceLeigh]

My best friend dropped the bomb today (well it was a bomb from my perspective) that she and her DH will start TTC this month.My heart just sank 'cause I already know she's going to get PG within a few months and I'm still going to be here trying to figure things out. To add insult to injury, in the time I've known her I've been trying long enough that she's already gotten PG, had that baby, baby is now 8 months old and they are trying again. I just want to throw a pity party because here she is all excited about TTC #2 and I really am not happy at all for her. I feel horrible about that but if/when she gets PG and I'm still STC...it's gonna be like a gut punch. I know it will be awful for me.

Not to mention I already had to live through her previous pregnancy in which she complained about everything and always said how much she hated being PG because she had morning sickness pretty much the whole time and aches and pains. Dude, I would throw up every day for 9 months if it meant another baby! It just sucks 'cause I can't be completely 100% happy/excited for her and I feel like a bad friend as a result.

To her credit she did ask me if I hate her to which I answered no. She knows my struggle so she does feel guilt I guess? (another thing I feel bad about. I don't want her to feel bad for moving forward with her life just because of me.) I did tell her that if she gets PG fairly quickly, that no lie-it will be a hard pill to swallow. I can already feel myself wanting to retreat from her and she's not even PG yet. Last time she was PG it was easy to avoid her because she had a crazy work schedule but now she's part time so we hang out at least once a week.

I feel so lame for feeling this way. It's normal though, right? Or am I a terrible person?

[sammilynn]

I know what you mean and in fact i lost a friend because of her pregnancy and how she was acting. Finally she took off and stopped talking to me cause I asked her to not complain about the blessing in her belly around me (it didnt help I was m/cing at that time) TTC didnt bother me as much as seeing someone who does not take care of their first child pop up pregnant on FB. I hope you get your sticky before her so you do not have to deal with the battle.

[Karen821]

You are NOT a terrible person! It is completely normal to feel that way and if she is a true friend, she will respect you by not talking about it and ESPECIALLY not complaining if she does get pg. But I agree with sammilynn, hopefully you will get your BFP before her!

[CandiceLeigh]

Thanks so much for the responses. I figured it's fairly normal to feel the way I do but it's definitely nice to get some reassurance. I will gently remind her to try not to shove it in my face so much this time around. I don't think she meant to last time, but it kind of felt like it at times. Of course it was her 1st and she wanted to talk about it all the time so I tried to be understanding and just let her.

[Quinn'sMama]

I can already feel myself wanting to retreat from her and she's not even PG yet.

I can completely relate It's not that I'm not happy for friends/family when I hear their news. It's that about .5 seconds later I'm extremely sad I'm not able to share the same news. I'm dreading Christmas with my family because my sister will be about 26 weeks at that point. All I'm doing these days is trying to keep my mind off of all this STC crap, and every time I look at her it's like a slap in the face. I don't think this makes us bad people, just people trying to handle a really crappy situation. I really hope you get your BFP before her just to save you that extra emotional stress!

[bzjenn]

I completely understand and it's not abnormal to feel that way. We STC for 3 years until we got DS, now it's been almost 2 years that we've been STC #2. Last year I was dreaming of sharing the news with my family at Christmas, but it didn't happen. However, on Christmas Day my brother and his wife shared with the family that they were pregnant with #2...and their first was about 8 months old. I was so heartbroken. And I felt bad because I didn't even feel happy for them. I've since gotten over it and we are now on round 2 of clomid...hoping again to share news this Christmas.
It's tough and I don't blame you at all...hopefully your friend can be a little more sensitive to your feelings.

[CandiceLeigh]

I can't thank ya'll enough for your responses. It is SO nice to have people that understand exactly how I'm feeling. I wish none of us knew the feeling but I'm so grateful for every response and perspective that each one of you has given.

[Gwenn]

I totally understand, too. It's so hard.

[akhiker]

You are not a terrible person, it is totally normal to feel this way. I just found out that both my sister and a close friend are pregnant with their second in the time that we have been STC. I have a very difficult time being around pg people, but I have heard that is good to surround yourself with good baby energy when STC, so I try to put my issues aside, especially when they are good friends or family. If they are becoming difficult, I just tell them that I am incredibly happy for them, but ask them to please be respectful of my feelings too. Good luck to you, this can be very difficult

[Quinn'sMama]

Ugh in the last 2 days I've found out that 3 neighbors, one who I am good friends with as well, are pregnant. Happy for them, sad for me. Please excuse my pity party, but it is nice to know you ladies know what I'm feeling.

[CandiceLeigh]

Holy crap! 3 women?!? Now that just makes me mad. Not really, but still. (actually I think it DOES make me mad...) Geez!

[pumpkinpeejays]

Fall 2011, I had one in a series of M/C's, at the same time that 2 of my co-workers announced that they were due within a month of each other! I would have been due right in the middle of them! I cried for what seemed like forever. I was so angry. But both of them had suffered losses and STC'd just like me, so I overcame my self-pity and was eventually happy for them. My situation was different than what you're going through now, but I can understand the different levels of anger and frustration, and I know exactly where you're coming from.

[akhiker]

I'm in a wedding in April...3/6 of the bridesmaids found out in October that they are pregnant. I'm just hoping that I can make #4...definitely know what you are going through