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Thread: questions for moms with intact sons

  1. #1

    Default questions for moms with intact sons

    Have you ever had a medical professional forcibly retract your son's foreskin? If so, did you ever file a complaint? Feel free to PM me or share here.

  2. #2

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    Fortunately, I haven't. I am sorry that you are going through that as I would be really upset.


  3. #3

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    Yes it happened to Kai. I did not file a complaint.

  4. #4

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    thank you. I feel sick to my stomach.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Yes it happened to Kai. I did not file a complaint.
    Has he ever had any issues? DId you continue to use the same doc/practice? Do you warn doctors before they see Sawyer?

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    It happened to DS1, and I did not complain. I was completely shocked when it happened since his previous 5 docs didnt even try. Today I TOLD her not to. (We went in because of a bad rash in the groin, including bumps on the penis). She kept fiddling with it and saying she needed to see the opening and I kept saying stop.

    She then went on to tell me to retract and clean.

    This is a different doc, but I feel like I should file a complaint. But at the same time I don't want to be kicked out of the office. I love our regular pedi there. He is our 6th one. When I mentioned he told us to leave it alone, she eyerolled slightly.

  7. #7

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    Yes, I warned our current pedi and he said he would never. Yes, Kai has issues. It's still not retracted on it's own. I tell him to play around with it in the bath and he said he doesn't like to because it hurts although I don't think it actually hurts but I do think it's not comfortable. He has had a couple of infections as well, though none since we went gluten free. And I really have no idea what is related to what at this point. Our current pedi says not to worry yet.
    I'm sorry.

  8. #8
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    I would complain in your situation. You told her no, and she did it anyway. You told her stop and she continued. You had every right to tell her not to do so.
    Jessica (33) and Ryan (33). Madelyn born August 5, 2009; Malachi born December 23, 2010 and Nathaniel born July 19, 2013. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
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  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    Yes, I warned our current pedi and he said he would never. Yes, Kai has issues. It's still not retracted on it's own. I tell him to play around with it in the bath and he said he doesn't like to because it hurts although I don't think it actually hurts but I do think it's not comfortable. He has had a couple of infections as well, though none since we went gluten free. And I really have no idea what is related to what at this point. Our current pedi says not to worry yet.
    I'm sorry.

    Thanks. ANd that is what I am worried about...that the effects may not be seen yet. DS1 had an infection many months after, and we were scheduled with a doc who would become our current pedi...who knew not to do anything. He has not had any issues since, but he is only 4. Now I am worried about DS2.

    I am just so upset. I almost feel like I should complain just so that they can get some information. I am sending her an information packet from the whole network.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by i.<3.cheesysmiles View Post
    It happened to DS1, and I did not complain. I was completely shocked when it happened since his previous 5 docs didnt even try. Today I TOLD her not to. (We went in because of a bad rash in the groin, including bumps on the penis). She kept fiddling with it and saying she needed to see the opening and I kept saying stop.

    She then went on to tell me to retract and clean.

    This is a different doc, but I feel like I should file a complaint. But at the same time I don't want to be kicked out of the office. I love our regular pedi there. He is our 6th one. When I mentioned he told us to leave it alone, she eyerolled slightly.
    I took Sawyer to a different dr once when he was slow to gain as an infant and I just wanted someone close so I could take him in to be weighed every other day or so (our pedi is 40 minutes away) When I told her not to retract she gave me a big lecture about how if I don't then it will adhere and he will need a circ when he is older. I argued with her a bit and then just asked her if she could give me literature stating such. She gave me literature and when I got it home it said right there in the print she gave me not to try to retract an infants penis. She was the same one who told me that I should start giving him bottles of water around 3 mos old so he didn't get dehydrated. I should have filed a complaint about her but I was to overwhelmed with caring with Sawyer at the time. Early this summer I got a letter she was no longer at the practice (her husbands practice) so I hope someone did what I didn't do.

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by JJorn View Post
    I would complain in your situation. You told her no, and she did it anyway. You told her stop and she continued. You had every right to tell her not to do so.
    and in her eyes, "just seeing the opening" was not retraction, but it is. She was still manipulating the foreskin, which doesnt need to be manipulated.

  12. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bridget View Post
    I took Sawyer to a different dr once when he was slow to gain as an infant and I just wanted someone close so I could take him in to be weighed every other day or so (our pedi is 40 minutes away) When I told her not to retract she gave me a big lecture about how if I don't then it will adhere and he will need a circ when he is older. I argued with her a bit and then just asked her if she could give me literature stating such. She gave me literature and when I got it home it said right there in the print she gave me not to try to retract an infants penis. She was the same one who told me that I should start giving him bottles of water around 3 mos old so he didn't get dehydrated. I should have filed a complaint about her but I was to overwhelmed with caring with Sawyer at the time. Early this summer I got a letter she was no longer at the practice (her husbands practice) so I hope someone did what I didn't do.
    I got a big lecture too. And she kept asking why...and i'm there with a cranky, tired, hungry toddler. I felt so flustered and just wanted her to stop.

  13. #13

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    Never happened to us (only DS2 is intact) but one of the pedis at a sick visit recommended for me to retract it on a regular basis as it was "tight". I don't see her regularly though.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  14. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by tanyachap View Post
    Never happened to us (only DS2 is intact) but one of the pedis at a sick visit recommended for me to retract it on a regular basis as it was "tight". I don't see her regularly though.
    see, if it was just advice, i could deal with it, but she actually did it. I am 99% sure I am going to file a complaint. I just keep thinking that someone needs to stand up. It can cause serious injury, and what if there are long term effects? I feel like I need to do something now for my son because I feel awful. I already wrote the complaint to an organization that sends a letter from a lawyer on my behalf to the pedi and other organizations. I havent sent it out. I still have to see what hospitals she has privileges at since they ask for that info, so it will be a while before I actually send the email. I have a little time to think about it, but the more I do, the more angry I get.


    But then I think about how the woman was really nice, but just uneducated about the matter as many docs are (kinda like how many moms get bad BFing advice...caring for an intact penis is also something docs sometimes dont know about). I am sending her an informational packet. That is already in the works. I am wondering if I should leave it at that or be more forceful, which I'm warned "won't leave you any friends at the office". I already complained about a nurse there, but just to the head nurse...maybe it is time to move on if I complain and it causes issues.
    Last edited by i.<3.cheesysmiles; 12-05-2012 at 11:12 PM.

  15. #15
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    I have never had anyone forcibly retract the foreskin. I have seen them gently pull down the skin a bit until it met resistance so they could look at the tip (I remember a specific instance when my older DS was 4 years old), when I was at the primary MD for an appointment because it was red and I thought maybe infected or irritated, and then a month later a urologist did the same thing.

    After hearing stories on here, I have always been on the lookout for forcible retraction. Each time a doctor touched it, they told me and DS what they were going to do and how they were going to do it, and I was not concerned about they way they did it. They were much more gentle than what DS does to himself. They needed to examine that particular area, which was covered by the foreskin at the time. They also exhibited a lot of knowledge in the care and made sure I knew what to do as well. My state had only a 22% rate of circumcision in 2009, and my urban area I'm sure is much lower than that, so the majority of patients are intact.

    In any case, you said stop and she didn't.


  16. #16

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    I've had a medical professional pull DS1's skin back a little to see if the end of it is open, but that wasn't retracting just sort of pulling it taught a little. It weirded me out a bit but she hasn't done it since. If I ever had someone forcibly retract I would sure as heck be filing a complaint.

    Luckily with DS2 all she did was look at him and say "okay, not circumcised. Is he urinating okay?"
    Last edited by Dreya; 12-06-2012 at 06:44 AM.
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years



  17. #17

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    I completely understand where you are coming from. I am not sure what i would do but you said stop and she didnt. That would bother me a lot. I wanted to mention that our pedi has very gently checked how tight it was, but she said what she would do and why and it was very gentle. There was not pulling or tugging. I know that his foreskin was really tight but relaxed a bit now. I am not sure if it is still considered tight. I know that at his 2 year appointment I asked and she just looked at it and said "it looks fine, lets leave these intact penises alone". I laughed so hard.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  18. #18

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    Yes, yes, yes, file a complaint so she doesn't do this to anymore boys. I had one forcibly retract Kyan when he was 6 mos old at his well check. I tried to stop her but she had already done it. When I said something she spun around and told me she didn't have a problem with people not circumcising as long as they took proper care of it and that meant retracting. I got right back in her face and told her she needed to go back to medical school since she was so ignorant about the natural penis. I told her that forcible retraction is both unnecessary and harmful and can cause permanent damage, adhesions, scarring and infections. I then put my son's diaper on, scooped him up and went directly to the front desk and had them put it in my file that none of my children were to be seen by her under any circumstances. I wrote a letter detailing why. I had a discussion about it with the other 2 peds there who knew better. She wasn't there much longer, although I don't know what led to her leaving or the circumstances. I also sent this letter to the ped's office to have on file. http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/care.htm It really really blows my mind that doctors can be so ignorant about a body part that is exactly as it exists in natural form.

    Edited to add that my son has had no long term issues from that incident. He doesn't fully retract yet and he is 8. He has never had an infection or any other problems.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

  19. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaryJane;1058736757[B
    ]Yes, yes, yes, file a complaint so she doesn't do this to anymore boys. [/B]I had one forcibly retract Kyan when he was 6 mos old at his well check. I tried to stop her but she had already done it. When I said something she spun around and told me she didn't have a problem with people not circumcising as long as they took proper care of it and that meant retracting. I got right back in her face and told her she needed to go back to medical school since she was so ignorant about the natural penis. I told her that forcible retraction is both unnecessary and harmful and can cause permanent damage, adhesions, scarring and infections. I then put my son's diaper on, scooped him up and went directly to the front desk and had them put it in my file that none of my children were to be seen by her under any circumstances. I wrote a letter detailing why. I had a discussion about it with the other 2 peds there who knew better. She wasn't there much longer, although I don't know what led to her leaving or the circumstances. I also sent this letter to the ped's office to have on file. http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org/care.htm It really really blows my mind that doctors can be so ignorant about a body part that is exactly as it exists in natural form.

    Edited to add that my son has had no long term issues from that incident. He doesn't fully retract yet and he is 8. He has never had an infection or any other problems.
    And I think about that too! She acted like I was crazy, and while i know better, I know there are many moms out there who don't. I have it on DS1's file, but I don't think I do with DS2. That is a good idea to have a letter in his file. I like that one, and will probably do it for both, even if DS1 already has a note in there.

    I have decided that I will be contacting the non-profit to see what I can do in terms of filing a complaint, so I won't start the complaint yet, but I will get more info from them. It's not like I want her to lose her job or license. I just want her educated so that she does not try that with any other boy.

    I think a big issue is that doctors think "forcible retraction" means that they won't pull or tug to make it retract, but really, they are not even supposed to try. I have an AAP handbook that is about 5 years old, and even in there it recommends retracting And that is the reason where there are so many "complications" with a natural penis. Just leave it alone until a boy can do it himself, and teach him hygiene at puberty. Pretty simple

  20. #20
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    I don't have any sons currently, not until march. I had to say that I would file a complaint if I were you. Anytime a mom or child asks for something to stop, it needs to stop. I don't know much about what forcible retraction can cause, but even if it didn't cause anything and you weren't comfortable with it she should have stopped.

  21. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by CamaLamaMama View Post
    I don't have any sons currently, not until march. I had to say that I would file a complaint if I were you. Anytime a mom or child asks for something to stop, it needs to stop. I don't know much about what forcible retraction can cause, but even if it didn't cause anything and you weren't comfortable with it she should have stopped.
    For some reason, a lot of Americans and even American doctors and even American urologists have this notion that the intact penis needs special care. The fact is that the intact penis needs no special care at all. When the foreskin loosens and becomes retractable, the boy himself can retract, rinse, and replace. No caregiver should ever need to manipulate a boy's foreskin. It's all the unnecessary manipulation that causes all the problems that Americans associate with having a foreskin. If doctors knew better and left it alone and educated parents to leave it alone, there would be fewer problems associated with foreskin. I think a large part of the problem is that doctors here see foreskin as extraneous tissue rather than the protective covering it actually is. They don't understand or value the purpose of the foreskin which is to protect and clean the glans so they don't trust it to do its job. Part of it is I think they don't realize it has a job.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

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