Interesting quote on sharing

[anonsouthernbell]

Interesting perspective...never considerd it this way before, "sharing is one of the most challenging social skills for all children to learn. The limits are so unclear. Moms and dads don't share their cars w/the neighbors, and yet kids are supposed to. Mom takes a sip of dad's soda, but a toddler isn't supposed to snitch a drink from someone else's bottle. We share some things but not everything. It is all very confusing." ~ Mary sheedy Kurcinka, raising your spirited child

[Adhafera]

That is interesting, I really never thought about it that way either. Thanks for sharing this.

[pepperlru]

I've heard that kind of idea -- that as adults we don't just share everything with everyone, so why should we expect kids to? Say at the playground, when a kid comes up and wants a turn with your child's toy. Most people would encourage the child to share. A similar situation for adults, though: You're on a city bus, on your ipad, and a stranger comes up and asks to use it. Um, no.

And yet, I do think generosity, and thinking of the needs and wants of others as well as oneself, is a very important thing to help children learn. As adults we get to choose when we want to share and when we don't, but sometimes children need to be helped to learn when sharing is kind or appropriate. Like in the quote you mention -- it's not always obvious.

[Bridget]

I agree with that statement and think about that kind of stuff all the time with my own kids and the kids I take care of. Honestly, I encourage sharing but if it belongs to them, and they don't want to share it, I don't force it.

[Marcie]

I agree to some extent, and I really like that book. But I think that's overstating it a bit. IMO, it comes down to communal vs. noncommunal stuff. I don't share my ipad with a stranger on a bus, but I do share computers and technology with the people at work. We never bring toys to the playground, because I don't think my kids should have to share their toys with strangers. But if there are toys at the playground, we emphasize they belong to everybody, and they must take turns. I think sharing is a very hard concept at 2 and 2.5, and gets much easier at 3 and 3.5. It also gets much easier with a sibling. My kids don't have to share their "lovies" unless they want to, but pretty much everything else in our house is communal.

[elle77]

Very interesting perspective, thanks!

[3andMe]

I like Marcie's response--I think she put it very well.

The communal toy thing at a playground is really tough. I don't let my kids bring toys to playgrounds unless they plan on sharing them with anyone who wants to play with them. Mostly we bring sand toys, shovels, buckets, etc, and we have a bunch of them. We also go to a playground where there are a ton of toys for everyone to play with. Recently we went to a "regular" playground, and one toddler had a bunch of toys there, scattered all around, toy trucks, a tricycle, and other stuff, and they were not for sharing. I kept telling my three kids to stay off the trike, to not touch the truck, to not touch the other toys, but I was chasing one after the other after the other and they were mostly trying to be good and then they'd forget because they're used to going to a playground where all the toys are fair game. The toddler would be kind of okay, but start crying after a while every time a toy was touched. After about 20 minutes we had to leave because I couldn't get my children to stop playing with his toys and the mom wasn't helping. I hope she resolved to never bring toys to a playground again. It was kind of a day-ruiner for all of us.

I do a lot more taking turns or offering to trade rather than sharing.

[GA1977]

I agree to some extent, and I really like that book. But I think that's overstating it a bit. IMO, it comes down to communal vs. noncommunal stuff. I don't share my ipad with a stranger on a bus, but I do share computers and technology with the people at work. We never bring toys to the playground, because I don't think my kids should have to share their toys with strangers. But if there are toys at the playground, we emphasize they belong to everybody, and they must take turns. I think sharing is a very hard concept at 2 and 2.5, and gets much easier at 3 and 3.5. It also gets much easier with a sibling. My kids don't have to share their "lovies" unless they want to, but pretty much everything else in our house is communal.

the whole thread is interesting! I aree with Marcie.