Well we just got a call from our social worker about yesterday's preliminary court hearing and it did not go as well (in our favor) as we were led to believe it would I think. I was told Monday, during our first home visit, that mom was in a mental hospital, was noncompliant with meds and was in a fantasy world, didn't know what was going on and was out of touch with reality. She managed to get released and show up in court though. At first, I had no ill feelings toward birth mom at all. She didn't ask for all of this to happen to her and I thought it was so sad. Now I feel so frustrated though. I guess it's hard for me to understand how you can just refuse to take meds when you have a problem this severe that could very very negatively affect you children. Also, it appears none of her other children are with her which so far everyone's acting like that doesn't matter but I don't see how it doesn't.

We were also told that no one filed a petition to get baby girl but today were told someone came forward at the last minute. It's not a blood relative, but a relative (?) and now they're going through the home study and all of that. I have no idea what this means for us. It sounds to me like they're likely to be deemed fit because who would petition the court if they aren't likely to be deemed fit? Sounds to me like it'll all go through and they'll get her. The SW couldn't tell us anything about whoever petitioned so I'm just assuming some stuff here.

Mom also got visitation. I guess I'm not surprised except that it's hard for me to understand how, in one week, she gave birth, had her baby taken from her, was forced into a mental hospital, and then is out on meds and everything is perfect...in one week I can't see how all of that can happen and things are just okay. Visitation starts Monday and I'm so nervous.

Also mom disagreed with allegations against her (which I assumed she would) so it's going to the adjudicatory court Dec. 13. I suppose that's pretty much what always happens but we're scared of that too. They went ahead and scheduled her court date for the 75 day hearing for Jan 29th but I don't know if we'll even get that far with her. I'm just heartbroken already. DH and I have just been sitting in bed crying this morning after already being up with baby girl all night. I knew we signed on for this stuff but I thought we were lucky (like an idiot I guess). The situation sounded like it was in our favor and even if she went back with birth mom, I thought I could be happy for her, but the more I learn the more I'm just terrified that this will end soon and we'll be childless once again. Sometimes it feels like the world doesn't believe we deserve a child. Regardless of that though, this little girl is our child. That's just how it feels and I can't imagine being in this world without her. All I want to do is hold her and never let her go.