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Thread: Please tell me this will pass....freaked!

  1. #1

    Default Please tell me this will pass....freaked!

    So, my 4 year old DS is quiet and sweet most of the time. He's pretty much your normal 4 year old. Has his share of meltdowns, tantrums, and what not, but he is also a very loving, helpful child. Something happened yesterday morning that I can't shake. He had gotten up early and came in got in our bed. My husband asked him to move over, as did I, but he refused, so my DH scooted him over. He didn't like it. He got mad, got out of the bed and left. I saw him come back to our room, but I closed my eyes hoping to catch a little more sleep. I got that "somebody is staring at me feeling" so I opened my eyes and my DS standing there staring at me with his "mad face". I said something to him and he raised a play gun and was pointing it at me. I grabbed it from him and told him he never points a gun, real or pretend, at anybody. He just walked off. I was very disturbed by this and I'm not sure if it's "normal" or something I should be concerned with. He's not a violent child, very quiet actually when he's at school, and like I said, he has the usually toddler drama. I just can't get what happened out of my head and not sure if I should talk to his pedi or what? My DH said he's probably just getting it from tv. He's recently started watching mutant ninja turtles, but that's about as "violent" of a show that he watches.
    Any advice or suggestions???

  2. #2
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    Wow that's a tough one, I have no idea other than maybe it's from TV...... I'm sorry I don't have more to offer! I'm interested to see if some moms of older kids have some input.....
    Leigh(36)/Matt(40)/Sonja Lily(4)/Damien Andrew(1.5)




  3. #3

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    Oh man, that is a hard one. I would feel like you, very disturbed. Most likely, it is from TV, but i'm not sure how you ignore something that that either. Maybe talk to his Pedi and see if you can get her/his opinion?
    Mommy to Lilliana (10/2006) & Summer (10/2011)!




  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lillismom View Post
    Oh man, that is a hard one. I would feel like you, very disturbed. Most likely, it is from TV, but i'm not sure how you ignore something that that either. Maybe talk to his Pedi and see if you can get her/his opinion?
    I completely agree with this one. It MAY be nothing to worry about, but it sounds very disturbing to me. I definitely would not just ignore it.
    Lynne, Grandma to three beautiful girls and one handsome little man!


  5. #5

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    A very tough one. I would keep an eye if there are more instances. It could be nothing to worry about and keep in mind that whatever it is, if it is anything, intervention always helps.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  6. #6

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    My nephew one day grabbed a toy and pretended to cut his throat. We all freaked and took all the toy guns and stuff away. We sat down and had a long talk about whatever he sees on tv doesn't mean it's ok to do in real life. My sister wasn't the greatest mom and would watch rated r movies around him. So we have no clue what exactly provoked him to do that. My mom and I had to do the damage control. He would still do violent things but we just kept at it and know he is ten and not violent at all

  7. #7

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    I would strt by asking him about the situation. Ask him how he was feeling, what he was trying to do and ask him in very simple terms. Ask him what he was holding? (He might not even know it is a gun). I would start there and depending on his answers would depend on whether I would follow up with a therapist or pediatrician.


  8. #8

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    Wow, that would bother me a lot.
    First of all, at my house the toy guns would be gone.
    Secondly, I'd be watching TV with him for a few days to try to figure out which shows he might be getting that from and then those shows would not be allowed anymore.

  9. #9

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    I wanted to add that my 4 yo son does not always respond very well to direct questions and sometimes I ask those questions for his favorite toys, e.g., "kevin, do you think spiderman likes holding a gun? why? do you think he wants to use it? how?" that sort of thing. he feels safe that way and answers most questions but if i ask him directly i get the MOST confusing and inaccurate answers.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  10. #10

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    Maybe from TV or school? If some other kiddo knows how a gun is used then he/she might have shown your son. My two year-old has learned that as well, and I'm definitely not fond of it either. He actually got it from the Wii Just Dance game...Viva Las Vegas. We were all playing with family one day and then the next day when he got mad, he pointed his fingers at me like a gun

    I got after him, told him how mean that was. I OVERREACTED on purpose which I think helped him understand the severity of his actions. However, in all honesty, I don't think he truly gets what he's doing since he's 2. He just knows its something that he shouldn't do. So while I don't want to down play the situation, see if your DS truly gets it. He may just be imitating something he saw. I would tell him though that its something we DON'T do and follow up with consequences.
    Angela, Andrew & Nicholas

    Three sweet angels in heaven

  11. #11

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    And just to clarify, when I overreacted I mean I gasped, made big eyes and said NOOO and acted like I was going to cry. (He HATES it when other people cry.) He's a good little boy with sensitive feelings so faking a cry was something he took pretty hard. "No, Momma. No cry! I sorry!" Then I told him how we don't do that and how bad it was to do that to someone.
    Angela, Andrew & Nicholas

    Three sweet angels in heaven

  12. #12

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    We don't have toy guns in our house at all, and my DS1 doesn't even use the word "gun." He actually says "shooter." LOL I say that so you can see that we're very anti-gun around here, and honestly? That wouldn't bother me at all. I mean, other than being annoyed that he was being mean. I'd talk to him about his behavior and that we don't ever point guns at people, but it wouldn't cause me any more concern than any other misbehavior.

    I'm dealing with 4 year old drama here, too, and it's so infuriating and frustrating sometimes, but it's just drama. If your son isn't showing other signs of violence, I'd not worry abobut this instance in the least.



  13. #13
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    That would have totally freaked me out.

    However it may not be as disturbing as it seems. My guess is he got it from school. We don't watch any shows which depict guns and my kids rarely watch commercials even. We don't have toy guns in the house. DD1 got this sewing set from mil where u can lace a string around the edge of a cardboard cut out and one of them is a drill (i know odd). It's kind of shaped like a gun and DD has been running around and pointing at everyone like a gun! She learned it from kids at school. Of course we are in constant discussion about not pointing it at people and also not allowing others to point a gun at her....

  14. #14

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    i would have a conversation with the school teacher about it. ask her to watch and see if there are other similar actions from your child. if she says its never happened at school then just watch him and take action if if happens again. if not just moniter whats watched on tv and remove all toy guns from your house.
    i would be freaked out too.



  15. #15

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    What am I missing? Why is this so concerning to everyone? He's 4. It's not like he really understands what it means to point a gun at somebody. He probably just saw some kids at school do it to "bad guys" and in that instant, he thought of his mom as a "bad guy." I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed, but I don't get all the very disturbed reactions.



  16. #16

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    I agree that it isn't really alarming to me. It would bother me, yes, because I do not like guns but if he has toy guns to play with, in what context do you feel it would be ok for him to use it? He is too young to understand the gravity of the situation. Kids are always going to imitate what they see, how they see tools being used and such. We had toy guns here that mine really honestly only use in the context of hunting but when I started to take care of an older child who seemed to play a lot of video games and watch a lot of violent movies, his play made me really uncomfortable and it was influencing the way that mine were playing with them, so they all went away. So I guess that would be my first step if you don't want him engaging in gun play is not to buy him toy guns until he his old enough follow certain rules of play.

    I agree with monitering the shows he is watching as well. Does he go to daycare? That can be tough. I feel like in this age of xbox and what not, all kids are doing is pretending to kill each other and imitating those games.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    What am I missing? Why is this so concerning to everyone? He's 4. It's not like he really understands what it means to point a gun at somebody. He probably just saw some kids at school do it to "bad guys" and in that instant, he thought of his mom as a "bad guy." I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed, but I don't get all the very disturbed reactions.
    I cant bold on my kindle...i am responding to your saying "its not like he knows what it means to point a gun at someone" - for me that is exactly what is so disturbing about it. Imagine it was a real gun that wasnt properly locked up. Children shoot others or themselves all the time because of that reason. The idea really freaks me out.

    Aside from that, its just a creepy image to open your eyes and see your kid pointing a gun in your face, especially because he was angry. Do i think he is a tiny serial killer? Definitely not. I would just have a serious talk about guns and move on.

    I have a huge fear of guns. I hate them.

  18. #18

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    I just don't know how we can expect any different when we give our children toy guns and then they are exposed to media where guns are shown and used. To the OP, I am not trying to say anything against your child having a toy gun, nor saying that he is watching Rambo or anything. I mean, we have them ourselves and my kids tv is hightly monitered, yet I've still seen my son playing games with his friends where they shoot at each other. This is something I struggle with myself because I do not like to regulate play but the truth is that children are going to emulate what they see on tv and what their friends do. It's unavoidable. Trust me. I have tried.

  19. #19

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    I guess what I'm trying to say in too many words is that it would bother me very much but it would not concern me that something is wrong with my child.
    ETA: And yes, I think it will pass as long as he is not exposed to violent media. He will move on to other sorts of play.
    Last edited by Bridget; 11-19-2012 at 05:37 PM.

  20. #20

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    Exactly, Bridget. I'd have a talk w/my boy and move on from there.



  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    Exactly, Bridget. I'd have a talk w/my boy and move on from there.
    Yes same here. I would also ask why was he so mad too.



  22. #22

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    Thanks for all of the replies. I feel alittle bit better today about it. Of course, the day after it happened, I watched him to see if he had violent tendencies that I had never noticed, and he doesn't. While, yes, the image disturbed me, I decided against seeking out therapy--for now....( : He's in pre-k, and he's the youngest (August he was 4, while everyone else is turning 5), so I'm pretty sure he's picking up things from kids in his class. The toy gun went away and I'm trying to talk to him about guns/violence, etc....Also, as much as he loves it, I think I'm going to cut out Teenage Mutant Turtles--it's the only "violent" thing he watches. Last night at bedtime, he was swinging around a belt saying he was going to "kill the bad guys like Michealangelo". We explained to him the Mikey doesn't kill them he just gets them for the police, soooooo. I"ve already bought some TMNT for him for Christmas, but i've got to decide if I want to take them back.....I pray that anything like this never happens again and it was just a one time thing....

  23. #23

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    Quote Originally Posted by mla View Post
    Exactly, Bridget. I'd have a talk w/my boy and move on from there.
    I agree. Tell him guns are dangerous and we never point them in someone's face, even a play gun. I don't think it is partuclarly disturbing or a sign the boy has problems. He's most likely just doing what he's seen other kids (tv characters doing). He probably doesn't even have a concept of "killing" or "dead". He might not have even being doing it because he was mad, and I wouldn't connect the incident with dad and the gun later unless I knew for sure that is what he intended.

  24. #24

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    Quote Originally Posted by macksmom View Post
    My guess is he got it from school. We don't watch any shows which depict guns and my kids rarely watch commercials even. We don't have toy guns in the house. DD1 got this sewing set from mil where u can lace a string around the edge of a cardboard cut out and one of them is a drill (i know odd). It's kind of shaped like a gun and DD has been running around and pointing at everyone like a gun! She learned it from kids at school. Of course we are in constant discussion about not pointing it at people and also not allowing others to point a gun at her....
    We've had stuff like this happen here. We don't have toy guns here, and DD hardly watches any TV. We do have real guns, which she has seen. If DH has one out for whatever reason (never loaded when within her reach, but if he's cleaning one or whatever), she knows she can only touch it if he asks him first, and that you never point it at someone. After being at the playground one day with a little boy who had a toy gun and was pointing it at the other kids and making shooting noises (fwiw, his dad kept telling him not to point it at ppl too, but he didn't listen), she picked up the habit. As I said, we don't have toy guns, but she'll take her letter L and turn it into a gun, and even the cloth rose she has with a bendable stem, she'll bend it and turn it into a gun, and then she'll "shoot" us with these toys. This is a little longer than I meant it to be, just saying that they can pick it up anywhere, and only need to see another kid doing it one time! My DD is younger, though, so I don't think she understands so much what it means.


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