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Thread: Moms of 3 or more

  1. #1

    Default Moms of 3 or more

    DH and I have decided to make the leap and have our third and final biological child. Right now I have two sons, 2 years apart almost exactly (Ds1 is July 1 and DS2 is July 26). How is going from 2 to 3? Is it harder? Easier? Any tips for me?
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years



  2. #2

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    I went from 0 to 3, and then 3 to 4. 3 to 4 was harder, but I think when you have older kids that also need your attention...and have schedules to keep up with (school, soccer etc) it just puts more on the plate. The triplets were not quite 2 1/2 when Jericho was born, the first 6-12 months was the hardest. Now they are doing great...just some fighting here and there
    It wasn't bad enough to keep us from trying for one more next month though...if that tells you anything
    Good luck!

    ~*~Katrina~*~ Momma to Xander, Hayden & Lily (6) and Jericho (3 1/2)
    Trying to complete our family...My Ovulation Chart for my LAST try !

  3. #3

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    For us, going from 2-3 was a piece of cake! Our first two are 18 months apart (almost to the day, actually), and that transition was much, much more difficult. I had a lot of feelings of sadness for DS1, because he no longer would be the only child. DS1 was a high-needs baby/toddler, so it was difficult to juggle those needs with a newborn. After the first three months, it got easier, though.

    When DD was born, it was pretty seamless. There are 2 years and 9 months between she and DS2, so a larger gap, so I think that helped. DD is a pretty chill baby, too. If the Doctor didn't advise us against having another child, and if I didn't have such crazy pregnancies, we would be having a 4th, hands-down!

    Good luck to you!




  4. #4
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    We've gone from 1 to 5 with foster care & then 1 to 4 with the triplets. Neither was particularly hard, just more time consuming. Mason adjusted easily although I do feel bad because now he gets either mommy or daddy time but rarely both.

  5. #5
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    I was so worried about being outnumbered with 3 - it has not been bad so far. I think 1-2 was WAY harder because that is when you need to learn to juggle, divide & conquer, etc...by the time you add #3 you are used to having to divide your time and prioritize and juggle different kids. Granted DD3 is only 4 months old but I still think it was harder when DD2 came along....

    Congrats!

    ETA: I was coming back to add a bit about how it's NOT easy by any means but I felt going from 1-2 was harder. I see some posters have added a bit about how stressful it can be at times. I totally agree. I didn't mean to make it sound like a breeze. It's not. Sometimes my head is spinning and it's so chaotic in here that I can't focus on a simple task. Last night my dinner was a slice of pizza which I ate sitting on my bed with the TV on and air purifier blasting (for white noise) to drown out the sounds of my older 2 chasing each other around the house and the baby crying because she won't let DH hold her anymore. That was just so I could eat ONE MEAL in peace. I am totally on call and on the go from 7:30am-9:30pm with little breaks in between.

    2 things I wanted to add/agree with from other posters - 1) a lot of how you handle it will depend on your baby. ALL of my babies have been "needy" as in "not easy" babies. They all wanted to be held all the time, cried in the car, fussy a lot of the day, etc. DD2 was extremely high needs and the most difficult of all 3 so I think that is a major reason going from 1-2 was so hard for me. If my last 2 had been reversed I may be saying 2-3 is the hardest. I think the age gap also matters. When DD2 was born DD1 was 2.5. When DD3 was born my others were 5 (almost 6) and 3.5 - very different. Harder in some ways because I have take both girls to different schools so sometimes I am in the car 4+ times/day lugging the baby around. The other day I had to take DD2 back and forth to school, then later pick up DD1, sign her up for an after school program, take her to girl scouts, go back home with the other 2, nurse & change the baby, then go back to school to get her,....I was exhausted! I can say with #3 I have experienced higher levels of exhaustion than I imagined was possible. With a smaller age gap I felt like I had 2 babies so that had it's own challenges. Larger age gap = more independent but busier kids.

    My 2nd point is: I yell and have a short temper now too. That happened after DD2 though. I work very hard to keep it in check but DD2 just pushes my buttons and DD3 is exhausting and DD1 is getting an attitude. So again I don't know if having a very high needs baby just pushed me over the edge but I never really recovered....

    So yeah, going from 2-3 was not as tough as going from 1-2 for me but 3 kids is very, very tiring. I fear whatever groove I am finding will quickly blow up in my face once DD3 becomes mobile and will either find small toys to eat or get mowed down by the other 2 during their crazy rough play that occurs on a daily basis.

    Also forgot to add: DD1 adored DD2 until she turned 6 months and then tortured her for the next year...hitting, pushing, knocking down, etc. That was tough. I am hoping that doesn't happen with DD3. So far they both are crazy about her....
    Last edited by macksmom; 11-15-2012 at 09:53 PM.
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  6. #6

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    1 to 2 was the hardest. 2 to 3 was the easiest at first. Our first 2 are 2 years 3 months apart. #2 and 3 are 2.5 apart. The first year was nothing. When she turned 1, it got harder. We had stools for dd and DS to reach things but DD2 would climb them. Dd and DS wouldn't keep the bathroom door closed. Dd had toys that were too small for DD2 to get. It still wasn't bad, just a new set of things to watch for.
    ~ Shannon
    Michael, Married October, 2003
    Jessica, June 2005 ~ Kyle, September 2007 ~ Michaela, March 2010 ~ Abigail, June 2012


  7. #7
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    3andMe is offline Every day is a gift. It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks? Hopelessly Devoted
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    Isn't anyone going to talk about how difficult it is? Geez. I felt in some ways completely capable. I handled my newborn and two toddlers and a fresh C-Section by myself right after I got out of the hospital while my dh had to go on a business trip. I felt like I had it all under control. The older ones were more independent, and the baby was just a baby and ate and slept and cried and was changed. On the other hand, I never ever felt stressed with my twins. I was calm and happy and don't remember getting upset about anything. Baby number 3 tipped the scale for me. I have yelled now. I have cried in front of my children. I have set something down on a counter harder than I might have otherwise, just because I was upset. I'm never calm and happy anymore, except on rare occasions.

    I can still do things I never realized I could do before I had 3 kids. I can take all 3 out by myself all day, to parks and playgrounds and events. I go grocery shopping with all of them. I take them all to the zoo. Before I had 3, I never even dared to take 2 to the zoo by myself. They ran off too much. I keep being able to do more than I ever thought possible. I can make dinner and check homework and change a diaper and tend to an injury all at the same time (and yes, I wash my hands in between, because otherwise eww, that would be yucky).

    I have certain thoughts of regrets about baby #3 at times. I know that's kind of sacrilege on a pregnancy site. And it feels like kind of a betrayal of how capable and easy people portray motherhood as being, and how capable I feel so many times. But I can run a department of 20 staff and 5 doctors and manage all of them and it's way easier than my 3 kids. Only a few people are yelling at me at the same time there. On the other hand, my last baby is probably the most difficult AND the most charming of all of mine. He requires constant attention and surveillance and will not listen and told me "Mommy, I like to see you cry," but is also the sweetest and most wonderful boy ever. And I keep thinking these are the hardest years and it should get easier. Right?

    Anyway, there are pros and cons. I found it a piece of cake to go from 0 to 2. I found it very difficult to go from 2 to 3.


  8. #8

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    I really think it depends on the kind of kids you have and the kind you get.

    My first two are 18 months apart. Both were difficult babies for different reasons (dd1 was a crier and needed to be held all day, dd2 did not sleep). DD1 hated DD2 for the first year. I was completely overwhelmed and had a hell of a time with the two of them. Now they are best friends and pretty easy toddlers.
    So adding dd3 (2 years 4 mos after dd2) has been really easy. Why? Well she is a great sleeper and has a fabulous temperament. Also the older girls love her and they play together so well I dont feel as torn as I did with the first two. So given all of the above, going from 2-3 for me was way, way easier than going from 1-2. That being said, if dd3 was trouble or the first two did not play well, I think I would be overwhemled and unhappy again. The way it has turned out, I am gunning for number 4 but dh is against it!

    If you want three go for it. If you have a good baby and the first two play well, it will be much easier than you fear. If you have a colicky needy baby or your first two fight all day, it wont be fun. Good luck!



  9. #9

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    When I had my second child, my first was 20 months old. That was the hardest year of my life. Kai was very high needs and Savana was pretty pissed off about his arrival. When I had my third, my older 2 were more independent and they play really well together. So Sawyer's infanthood was actually kind of breeze.
    But now every day I do feel like I'm being pulled in 50 directions at once. They run me ragged. And the needs are all so different that I'm going from answering questions about evolution, to fishing my lovely expensive bar of soap out of the toilet while my toddler claps, to searching for the source of the noise I'm hearing to find my son punching holes in the plastic we put over the windows. Never a dull moment.
    Oh, and like Lydia, I yell now. It's not usually out of anger but just to be heard. I've asked my children to let me know when I'm yelling because I don't even know i'm doing it sometimes and I don't want to be a yeller.

  10. #10

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    For us going from 2 to 3 was tough, but there were a lot of things going on in our lives outside of having a baby that made it tough. We lived in a TEENSY house-950 sq ft for the 5 of us, without a yard for the kids to play in to blow off steam. She was born in November & we live in a colder climate, so I couldn't get out and get fresh air very easily with a newborn.

    The biggest lesson for me with my third baby was learning to ask for help and to accept it. With my first, I was always trying to project that I had it all under control. She of course was a very high needs baby who never wanted to sleep or be put down, which cured me of that whole idea! My second child was born 22 months later, and he is very chill, very relaxed. Good sleeper. When my third baby came, she was a good sleeper, pretty laid back, but it was a very very busy time for us. Keep in mind my kids are very close in age, we were in a tiny house, money was tight, and my first child continued to be very sensitive, very bright, very demanding of my attention & prone to arguments with her brother. They also were all in our bed at night, so even though the new baby slept well, we were not getting good restorative sleep on a regular basis, and hadn't for a few years! We lived a decent driving distance from family and friends-not hours, but long enough to make me unable to pop over to visit someone when I felt overwhelmed. My trips were sort of "rationed" which added to the stress. When I could get help, I HAD to accept it. I felt like with 2 kids I was supermom-staying organized seemed easier, making plans and sticking to them seemed easier, being on time was easier, and staying more even-keeled in my emotions was easier. Having 3 kids was a paradigm shift for us-I had to just accept that I couldn't be perfect. So more difficult? For us, with all of those things going on, yes, but it was a good thing.


    Something that I have found to be worth preparing for with having the third/fourth children is that your pregnancy complaints/symptoms may intensify. Both of my first 2 pregnancies were pretty easy. One flu-like virus in my 2nd trimester with my son, practically NOTHING except back pain with my dd. Both labors were easy and I recovered well. My third pregnancy was very different. I had morning sickness until well into my third trimester. It was the first time I actually vomited ever, and I would get dizzy and nauseous even if I ate well and rested and drank fluids (but honestly that was really really hard to do). I had insane hemorrhoids and had to get surgery on them while pregnant without adequate anesthesia, and cutting them open made the pain while they healed a million times worse than a "normal" thrombosed external hemorrhoid (I've had those). I had WAY more Braxton Hicks, and I was running to maternity to be checked every weekend after 36 weeks. (I had such an easy labor with my 2nd that I was told not to ignore even minor cramping.) Sooo....pregnancy taxed me more than it ever had before. I didn't have the chance to baby myself like I had with my first and even my second. Even though my older 2 kids had each other to play with, they also fought with each other, got into stuff...so I was a very very busy 3rd time pregnant mom. Again, they were 3yr 4 mo and 18 months when my third was born, so that plays into it.

    For anyone considering a fourth, I will say that now that we have gotten our approach down, I could honestly have 10 if you are just talking about just the day to day difficulty of taking care of that many people. We don't want to because of the amount of one on one time we could give each of them, not to mention the financial and physical constraints, but I feel like the "system" of taking care of everyone is basically the same approach after 3 kids. You go from man to man defense to zone defense- you focus your attention on the one who needs you, and find something for the others to do while you are occupied with that one. Then somebody else needs you, so you make sure the others are OK and bring your attention to that one. We also moved to a bigger house, closer to family, with a yard, and financially we have had ups and downs but are on the upswing-those things have all helped the fourth baby be an easier transition too.

    I think one of the coolest things to see when you go from 2 to 3+ is when your kids get old enough to pinch off into different groups-my girls might play together, or my older 2, or my middle 2, or the oldest 3 occasionally play all together nicely...and soon our 4th will get to make little hangout combos with his siblings too!

    I have no idea if my rambling is legible/helpful, but I hope it is! Congrats on making the decision & best wishes!

    Meg (30), DH (40) & the 4 J's (Almost 7, 5, 3.5, 21 months)

  11. #11

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    I think there are a lot of factors that play into it. I never found transitions from 1 kid to 2 and then to 3 and so on. My babies were all very easy. I think my first was the hardest. She cried more and slept less for the first 2 months, but I blame it on a learning curve. I didn't breastfeed or cosleep with my first. I accidentally coslept one night when she was about 6-8 weeks old and it was the first night I got any sleep and I became a firm believer in cosleeping that day and everything was easier after that. She was 3 when I had my second so she was really cool with the baby. Brynna and Tea were 16 months apart and then Tea and Moira were 11.5 months apart and I thought it would be really hard, but it wasn't at all. Brynna really liked helping out and I involved her as much as possible. Tea is special needs so dealing with her was a challenge starting around age 2, but that had nothing to do with how many kids I had. Adding to our family has always been pretty seamless until the twins. After figuring out cosleeping I never had to get up at night with my babies so I was really used to getting plenty of sleep. Then when the twins came along they would wake up at the same time sometimes and I couldn't lie down and nurse two babies so I'd have to get up. And I realized that I felt a lot more frazzled with less sleep. So I guess it depends on how well you do during the baby stage and how accepting your older kids are. Some people struggle with the baby thing and some people love it. The main thing is you will eventually fall into a routine that suits you and it will be easy. My last 3 pregnancies concluded about 2 years apart, and I think that has a lot of benefits. You have 2 that are close enough in age to entertain one another and none so young that they feel like they are still the baby.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

  12. #12

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    Thank you guys for all the detailed responses. @Macksmom, your kids sound just like mine. They were both high needs babies, Daniel (DS2) was easy peasy until he outgrew the Moby, after that it got harder because he still wanted to be up All. The. Time. Daniel is still a very high needs little boy but I can see him slowly growing out of the constant need to be picked up and carried about. Still it's hard for me to ignore when he asks in his sweet little baby voice "Mommy please hold me a little while". Jonathan (DS1) didn't care about Daniel until he started to crawl and then he really didn't like this baby that was after all his toys. They still fight like water and oil some days but that, too is stabilizing.

    They will be closer in age than Daniel will be with the new baby. Even if we got pregnant in December, that will make Daniel 3 and a half when the new baby comes so I won't have to deal with 2 in diapers at least Daniel is really the one I'm worried about. Jonathan is old hat at this baby thing and I've already spoken to him about the fact that mommy and daddy are going to try to have another child. He's excited but insists that it has to be a boy hehe.

    We also live in a small house: 2 Bedrooms and 1200 sq feet. Not next year but the year after we intend on putting a second floor addition on it though which will add 4 bedrooms and at least 1 bathroom. Currently the boys share a room, I told DH that we don't need a room for the baby because really when have we EVER used our nurseries. Before we moved here we had a 3 bedroom house and a room that was set out like a nursery, crib and all and we never used it because I coslept. MaryJane, you mentioned dealing with the baby stage and yeah I found the baby stage (0-7 months) with Daniel just sooooo easy compared to with Jonathan. I breastfed and coslept with both children because I'm a haze-monster if I don't get enough sleep so that was the best way. Still, with Daniel nursing came so much easier than it did with Jonathan and I felt confident because I knew what I was doing.
    Last edited by Dreya; 11-16-2012 at 04:45 AM.
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years



  13. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreya View Post
    Thank you guys for all the detailed responses. @Macksmom, your kids sound just like mine. They were both high needs babies, Daniel (DS2) was easy peasy until he outgrew the Moby, after that it got harder because he still wanted to be up All. The. Time. Daniel is still a very high needs little boy but I can see him slowly growing out of the constant need to be picked up and carried about. Still it's hard for me to ignore when he asks in his sweet little baby voice "Mommy please hold me a little while". Jonathan (DS1) didn't care about Daniel until he started to crawl and then he really didn't like this baby that was after all his toys. They still fight like water and oil some days but that, too is stabilizing.

    They will be closer in age than Daniel will be with the new baby. Even if we got pregnant in December, that will make Daniel 3 and a half when the new baby comes so I won't have to deal with 2 in diapers at least Daniel is really the one I'm worried about. Jonathan is old hat at this baby thing and I've already spoken to him about the fact that mommy and daddy are going to try to have another child. He's excited but insists that it has to be a boy hehe.

    We also live in a small house: 2 Bedrooms and 1200 sq feet. Not next year but the year after we intend on putting a second floor addition on it though which will add 4 bedrooms and at least 1 bathroom. Currently the boys share a room, I told DH that we don't need a room for the baby because really when have we EVER used our nurseries. Before we moved here we had a 3 bedroom house and a room that was set out like a nursery, crib and all and we never used it because I coslept. MaryJane, you mentioned dealing with the baby stage and yeah I found the baby stage (0-7 months) with Daniel just sooooo easy compared to with Jonathan. I breastfed and coslept with both children because I'm a haze-monster if I don't get enough sleep so that was the best way. Still, with Daniel nursing came so much easier than it did with Jonathan and I felt confident because I knew what I was doing.
    Nursing gets easier and easier with subsequent babies. At some point it's absolutely nothing at all. As for space, I wouldn't worry too much. We had 7 kids in a 3 bedroom for about a year. 3 kids in one room, 2 in another and the twins in our room since we coslept. We moved into a bigger house right around the time they turned 1. We then had 6 bedrooms and the kids who had their own rooms never wanted to sleep in them. I thought I'd love having all that extra space. Now we have a 4 bedroom house. We converted the sunroom into a 5th bedroom. My oldest 2 have their own rooms and the 3 youngest share and the other 3 share. We offered to put 2 to a room but that's how they wanted to do it. Our living area is even smaller now, but it feels so much more like a home. We spend way more time together and I definitely think everyone having their own room is overrated.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

  14. #14

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    Two to three was the hardest for me. When Laura was born, David was 3 and Erin was not quite 1. With Erin having been so premature, though, and still on oxygen and having health problems, and then Laura was colicky from 6 weeks to 4 months, so I think that's probably why it was more difficult for me.
    Lynne, Grandma to three beautiful girls and one handsome little man!


  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by MaryJane View Post
    Nursing gets easier and easier with subsequent babies. At some point it's absolutely nothing at all. As for space, I wouldn't worry too much. We had 7 kids in a 3 bedroom for about a year. 3 kids in one room, 2 in another and the twins in our room since we coslept. We moved into a bigger house right around the time they turned 1. We then had 6 bedrooms and the kids who had their own rooms never wanted to sleep in them. I thought I'd love having all that extra space. Now we have a 4 bedroom house. We converted the sunroom into a 5th bedroom. My oldest 2 have their own rooms and the 3 youngest share and the other 3 share. We offered to put 2 to a room but that's how they wanted to do it. Our living area is even smaller now, but it feels so much more like a home. We spend way more time together and I definitely think everyone having their own room is overrated.
    I agree with the bolded too. My sister and I shared a room until we moved out on our own...no complaints from me. We are in a 3 bedroom right now, the trio share...and even though we have a 'Boy room' and 'Girl room' Xander wants to stay with his sisters for now. We hope to get into a 4-5 bedroom sometime next year, our current house is only about 1100 sq ft with ONE bathroom...I do think we need more space, but it hasn't been too bad over the last 4+ years.

    ~*~Katrina~*~ Momma to Xander, Hayden & Lily (6) and Jericho (3 1/2)
    Trying to complete our family...My Ovulation Chart for my LAST try !

  16. #16

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    Yeah the boys love sharing a room, I regret that I didn't put them together sooner (Daniel's toddler bed was in the master bedroom for a while). It's helped Jonathan get over his fear of the dark oddly enough. I guess having his brother there is reassuring. Most nights everyone ends up in bed with me at around 2, 3 in the morning anyway.

    I feel so much more confident about the lack of space now after hearing from you guys
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years



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