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Thread: Getting your kids to talk to you

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    14,887

    Default Getting your kids to talk to you

    Lots of posts from me today! I finally have some time to myself

    Does anyone have a school-aged child who wont tell them anything about their school day OR more importantly, if something happened at school that upset them?

    Yesterday someone pulled a bow of DD1's backpack (she has an angry birds backpack that has a big yellow bow on it). There is no way it was an accident because it was sewn on. Some other kid ran over to us to return it and when DD saw it she burst into tears. I don't know if she didn't know this had happened or someone had threatened to do it or if she felt it happen but regardless it upset her. I thought it fell off at first but when I saw how upset she was and the damage I realized it was done on purpose.

    I asked why she was crying and she just kept saying "I don't want to tell you". This is not the first time she has done this. I have to pry everything out of her and then I don't even know if it's the truth or if she is just saying something to appease me.

    It makes me VERY upset and I don't know what to do. This is one of my biggest fears - that she (or any of my kids) wont tell me when they are sad or being teased or whatever. My first instinct is to demand she tells me but I realize that is just bad. I just get so upset

    Yesterday I tried to just hug her for a while and tell her that I am her friend and I want to help her.... I don't know how else to get her to open up to me

    Eventually she told me. Not sure if it was the truth.

    Any ideas?
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Texas
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    Default

    Not sure if this will help, but with the preschoolers I work with who are shy or don't want to talk, will often talk to a puppet or stuff animal. They love a puppet. You can start a dialog about "insert subject" and have the toddler help the puppet or explain what they are feeling. We used the puppet last week to teach the children to not be afraid at school. The mouse puppet was scared and the kids held the puppet's hand and made it feel comfortable at school. Just a suggestion. Didn't want to read and not respond. Good luck.
    Also, some kids talk more when they are doing something (going for a walk, tossing a ball, coloring) instead of just sitting and looking at you face to face.


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    14,887

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    Quote Originally Posted by soniabee View Post
    Not sure if this will help, but with the preschoolers I work with who are shy or don't want to talk, will often talk to a puppet or stuff animal. They love a puppet. You can start a dialog about "insert subject" and have the toddler help the puppet or explain what they are feeling. We used the puppet last week to teach the children to not be afraid at school. The mouse puppet was scared and the kids held the puppet's hand and made it feel comfortable at school. Just a suggestion. Didn't want to read and not respond. Good luck.
    Also, some kids talk more when they are doing something (going for a walk, tossing a ball, coloring) instead of just sitting and looking at you face to face.
    This is for my older DD - she is 6. I don't think that would work for her but good idea for my middle DD!

    I did try to distract her with food and a drink later on in hopes she would talk while eating. It is finally when she told me so I think the distraction thing is a good angle...
    Thing 1 (8), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    I've learned that Madison will tell me things on her own time. If I ask a bunch of questions right after school she will give me very minimal answers or say "I don't know/remember." But as the day goes on, she'll tell me bits and pieces of things that happened. She used to do this in preschool, too, so I've had some time to adjust to it. It's just the way she is. (Hard for me, though, cuz I want to hear everything right away! I'm impatient like that. )

    ~ Cassie, mama to Madison (8), Ali (4) & Wesley (new dude!)


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,933

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    I just think it is a personality thing. I was always the one who would tell mom everything that happened during the day, and my brother was the one who'd just shrug or say 'it was fine' when asked how his day was. We didn't find out how badly bullied he was in Junior High, until he was in his mid 20s. He was just very guarded, had been since he was young.

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