My MIL is dying.. she's had stage 4 lung cancer diagnosed since April of this year, its turned metastatic and is now in lymph nodes and spinal fluid. This causes her to now have delusions and be extremely confused. It's so painful to watch one of the strongest people I've known succumb to this darkness. She found out she had cancer a month before her 50th birthday
She was just put on hospice and as the family we were informed she has about 6 months, and that's optimistic. Being a nurse I feel like I could help her be comfortable and help her remain at home with her parents but because I'm pregnant I'm extremely limited on what I can do anymore. She requires 24 hour care and with my boys and being pregnant I can't do it, and I honestly don't trust that anyone else can either at home but they are going to bring her home.. I can't make them understand how hard it is. Her parents are in their 70s and have a 24 year old grandson and his gf that live there along with a 23 yo granddaughter her 1 year old baby and a 56 year old son that is very shady.. and various stragglers that hang out with the others. It's just to much chaos!! Everyone is saying they will all pitch in and help but I don't trust that the younger ones and the older son for that matter can do it, or will. She requires 24 hour care with EVERYTHING, she is incapable of caring for herself in any capacity. And I also am nervous because there is a history of drug abuse by the older son, and she will be going home with very strong narcotics for pain control.
As the children (My DH and his 2 sisters) we are leaning to the health center that I work because we do offer hospice care. She would be cared for by licensed staff 24hr a day and have all her needs met with reliable pain management and comfort. Family are more than welcome and enouraged to still remain in the room with her as long as they are comfortable and have access to a bed in room and comfortable furniture as well as limited food pantry and meals provided by the facility. But her mother (our grandmother) decided to play the power of attorney card and gave up listening to our concerns. They are going to move her into a premade shed that was used for a sewing room, with no running water but does have electricity. It's about the size of a smaller bedroom. This will need to house a hospital bed and at the very least oxygen and basic medical supplies which I think willb e extremely tight. Let alone room for a comfortable seat/bed for the person doing the care for her. The other idea that everyone has is to place her in the living room.. I am totally 100% against this! I think it's ridiculous and inconsiderate to even think that this extremely private, independent, strong woman be put on display where everyone walks past daily and watch her deteriorate. She would be so angry and I can't believe they would even suggest such a thing. It's bad enough that she's going to have her family taking care of her daily needs and I know she is already uncomfortable with the idea.
BLAHHHHHHHHH It's so stressful. I don't technically have any say and I feel like both sides keep coming to me because I'm the middle person and have all the medical knowledge. I see good points on each side and I'm so torn up. I'm starting to get grouchy and I snapped last night when DH cousin mentioned that the holidays are going to be rough this year..
"OH ya they will be, try being pregnant with a baby that will never know it's grandma. Or hearing her cry and apologize for not being able to make it to see her last grandbaby"
I need a break and there is no possible way to get away from it!
It's so stressful because it seems like there is really no compromise!!