Miscarriages and keeping the faith

[babypayne]

I am currently recovering from a miscarriage. I lost my sweet Tanner at 16 weeks 4 days. We are having a memorial service for him today. This is the second time in a year I've gone through that the exact same time of pregnancy. The first loss was unexplained while this one, the cord got wrapped around his neck 4 times and my little angel left me. I am having such a hard problem right now keeping my faith. I am a Christian and understand deep down I HAVE to believe God took my babies for a reason. But then in the back of my mind, I think, if God is really real and as good as people say he is, why does he let such awful things like this happen. I know these thoughts are horrible and wrong, and I don't know how to stop them. I've prayed with my preacher, friends and family. They are trying to help me through this but it's not helping. I am just asking for prayers for God to get me through this and to please give me my strong faith back. I feel I'm disappointing God by feeling this way, which makes me feel even worse. I'm sorry for rambling on and on. Please just keep me on your prayers.

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

Cindy, I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers.

[JJorn]

What you and feeling is very normal and I don't think that God is angry or disappointed with you for feeling that way. I know that He wants you to tell him how you feel and ask Him to help you through this. He loves you and while you might never know why you lost those two babies so unexpectedly, you can still choose to believe that He loves you. You can choose to walk with Him through this pain or you can choose to walk apart from Him. Hasn't He always been with you during other hard, difficult, painful times? Remember what He has done for you to help you this time, too.

I've been struggling through the same things (lost one baby due in September at 12 weeks, and then one due in January and lost the next one as well). I feel such a sense of loss, but I rejoice in the fact that I will see those babies one day in heaven. Yes, it hurts so very much but I am doing my best to trust God through this all.

Our world is just so broken. I'm for one very glad that this isn't all there is.

I've been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so.

[Sakura]

I'm so so sorry for your losses I like what Jessica said.

[MommyShannon]

I had a miscarriage before my first DD. what helped me more than anything over time was realizing the blessings I had because of the miscarriage. I wouldn't have dd if I hadn't lost that baby. God's plan wasn't for that baby to grow into a child. Only time will reveal why. I can't imagine the pain you are in and it's perfectly ok and good to feel sorrow and anger. In time I'm sure YOU will be a blessing to other women struggling with this too. Huge hugs!

[ClarisseMarie]

What you and feeling is very normal and I don't think that God is angry or disappointed with you for feeling that way. I know that He wants you to tell him how you feel and ask Him to help you through this. He loves you and while you might never know why you lost those two babies so unexpectedly, you can still choose to believe that He loves you. You can choose to walk with Him through this pain or you can choose to walk apart from Him. Hasn't He always been with you during other hard, difficult, painful times? Remember what He has done for you to help you this time, too.

I've been struggling through the same things (lost one baby due in September at 12 weeks, and then one due in January and lost the next one as well). I feel such a sense of loss, but I rejoice in the fact that I will see those babies one day in heaven. Yes, it hurts so very much but I am doing my best to trust God through this all.

Our world is just so broken. I'm for one very glad that this isn't all there is.

I've been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so.

ITA with this. After losing Madelyn, I had such a hard time with my faith. And even now, my faith is different, as is my perspective of who God is. In some ways, I feel like I understand how He works better than I did before. But, as JJorn said, for me it all came down to a decision. And my choice was - IS - to believe. Some days it is harder than others. But if I don't believe, then what hope do I have of seeing my baby girl again? And so, I choose to beleive. It's no longer a feeling, and it takes effort. I do hope it gets easier with time, although it has been 3 years and I still struggle. But, for now, I will keep on making that choice to believe.

I do want to reiterate that what the other ladies have said - it is all normal, and perfetly acceptable, to feel what you are feeling right now. God created all emotions, and those include anger and sadness.

Thinking of and praying for you during this very difficult time.

[moosh34]

There are so many reasons that it is hard to lose a baby. There is so little that we can use to console ourselves and there are so many "why's" that don't get answered. My faith is what has gotten me through and I agree with the others who have said that it really is a choice. I can't choose to have my babies back right now. I can choose faith. And by choosing faith I choose to accept that I will not have all the answers now. I believe that someday I will and I believe that all the wrong will be righted.

I think that you might relate to this blog: http://angiesmithonline.com/ She has shared some really raw emotions and written some really profound insights.

[babypayne]

I want to thank you ladies for your responses. I am doing much better and am keeping my faith going strong. I have been talking to my pastor and some others from church. They are really helping me out. I know what I'm feeling is normal, I just hate it. You ladies have no idea how you all have helped me too. I wish I could give each and every one of you a real hug!!! I know I will see my two precious boys again. But until then, I'll just keep on loving and missing them.

[Allie1980]

I'm so sorry, Baby Payne. I have gone through three losses, although not as far along as you. Two early miscarriages and one ectopic (just this month). I have also been a strong Christian my whole life and I continue to struggle with why things happen the way they do. I also lost my dad when I was ten years old (he took his life) and I lost my only sibling, my brother, in a tragic house fire ten years later. Sometimes I want to scream at God and say, "Seriously??? Another loss? Another death? Someone else taken from me?" I truly don't have the answer---other than sometimes, God can see things that we can't see. As if we're looking at the underside of a rug, woven, and it doesn't look pretty, but on the top side, the side God can see, is the beautiful design/pattern that he is making. I know this is not comforting when your loss is SO RAW. I'm so SO sorry for what you are going through.

I think we MUST have faith, because his word promises that he hears our prayers....it promises that he has a future and a hope for us (Jer. 29:11), he promises to give us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4) and he promises to work all things out for the GOOD for those who love him (Romans 8:28).

Matthew 6:25-27 says "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Basically, it's saying that God already knows exactly what we need......that he cares for even the birds--so how much more he cares for us!

I KNOW this doesn't really help much because you are in SO MUCH PAIN..... my best friend had this exact thing happen to her earlier this year as well--she lost her son at 16 weeks (found out at 19 weeks) because the cord had wrapped around his neck.....and you've had this TWICE.

You WILL make it through this because in our weakness, he is strong....there is a dawn after the darkness.... The evil one WANTS you to give up on God....curse his name....and lose faith... the Bible says he stalks us like a roaring lion, waiting to devour us.....and he (the evil one) WANTS to devour you.....

I also remind myself of Job....who had his whole family....his wife, all of his children, his health, his home, everything RIPPED away from him.....and he remained faithful....

We love you very much and I'm aching for you. I'm so very sorry and I'm wrapping you in prayer and hugs. Peace be with you, Baby Payne!!

-Allison

[Sakura]

Allison, that was beautifully said.

[babypayne]

Thank you Allison. You helped me more than you'll ever know!

[mommabert]

There are so many reasons that it is hard to lose a baby. There is so little that we can use to console ourselves and there are so many "why's" that don't get answered. My faith is what has gotten me through and I agree with the others who have said that it really is a choice. I can't choose to have my babies back right now. I can choose faith. And by choosing faith I choose to accept that I will not have all the answers now. I believe that someday I will and I believe that all the wrong will be righted.

I think that you might relate to this blog: http://angiesmithonline.com/ She has shared some really raw emotions and written some really profound insights.

This is very insightful. I've been wondering how you're doing Moosh, this makes my heart happy to see that you're okay.

Babypayne, I'm so sorry you lost your little boy