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Thread: Need to sort out this cosleeping situation

  1. #1

    Default Need to sort out this cosleeping situation

    DS2 is still cosleeping and it needs to stop. DH has started getting this odd pain during the day and he told me this morning he believes it's from sleeping on the couch. The problem is, he refuses to sleep in our bed as long as DS2 is in it as well. Another problem is that we only have 2 bedrooms. DS2 has his toddler bed in the master bedroom but he will crawl out of it in the night and get into bed with me. The intention was for the boys to share a room but the 4 year old is so fiercely protective over "his" space that I can't really see that happening without a huge battle. I mean if Daniel even goes in there there is screaming, shouting, pushing and crying.

    I'm at a loss and any help with this would be much appreciated.
    Last edited by Dreya; 10-12-2012 at 05:55 AM.
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years

  2. #2


    thats tough.... wish i had a better solution than getting a twin mattress for your dh to sleep on.....that way he can be comfortable till your children are ready for room sharing

  3. #3


    could you fit a second bed in the room for a transisiton bed?

  4. #4


    We can't sadly, its a very small room.
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years

  5. #5


    My opinion is that your husband should be comfortable sleeping in his own bed.

    I think there is much to benefit from kids sharing rooms, learning to share is just one of those benefits. They also learn to live closely with another person and learn the art of negotiation and compromise. But it is also a great way of growing bonds between people. I love when my kids talk to the "roommates" at night. Right now I have a 14yr old sharing with her 8yr old sister and their relationship has blossomed in a way it hadn't when they weren't in a room together.

    Maybe you need to get to the root of why DS1 doesn't want his brother in his room. Is it the only time/place/thing he doesn't feel like he doesn't have to share? Maybe he needs reassurance that he can still have his personal things that are just *his* Or is it a symptom of not having to share?

    Start talking about brother moving in there, and let him know that it is going to happen. Remember you are incharge and get to decide what is best for the family. Maybe you could do a room remodel with new bedding and/or furniture to make it a fun transition from "my" room to "our" room. I think at 4 he is also old enough to understand that daddy shouldn't have to sleep on the couch and get a backache, and he can do his part to help daddy out by sharing his room.
    Last edited by runningmomofmany; 10-12-2012 at 06:37 PM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2007


    Sounds like a tough situation. I agree with pp, it's time to take back your room and ds1 is going to have to accept the change soon'ish. Yes, do your absolute best to make it as easy and smooth as absolutely possible for ds1, but I think you should be clear and firm that its happening. You are a family of four, you are all equal, hubby included. I would explain It's not fair he is sleeping on the couch still. I believe kids react to how we feel..if you hesitate, question yourself, it makes them question where the boundary is and push to find it. Boundaries make children feel safe, they need to find it, so give it to them?!

    I should add I'm not one for co-sleeping, I suspect there are others here who feel ds2 needs longer and co -sleeping is his right for a couple more years if needed! I'm not opposed to it if it works for the family.

    Good luck.
    V (36) Single, working mum to DD (5) DS (3)

  7. #7


    I'm for co-sleeping to a point. DS1 coslept until he was 18 months then I moved him because I was very pregnant and he was a very active sleeper. DS2 is a totally different animal. Not excited for his own bed, wants to cuddle on mommy every night, very clingy and attached to me all the time. Frankly I'm done with DS2 cosleeping, he needs to be in his own bed. I wish we had the room to take all of DS1's toys out of his bedroom, it's been his sanctuary where his brother can't chase him or grab his stuff until now.

    Last night I started DS2 in his toddler bed in our room, DH came to bed instead of the couch and DS2 woke up and crawled into bed. He patted DH a few times and said "Oh, daddy here" then snuggled down between us and went to sleep. DH didn't seem bothered, he was asleep by the time that happened. DS1 is quite resistant to change but I agree with you guys that talks and transition need to happen.
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years

  8. #8


    Well I figured out that what DS1 was getting so upset about was not necessarily his room but it was the toys in the room so I took his toybox / bookshelf out and put it in the living room. With a bit of furniture rearranging everything fits. I explained to the children "This is DS1's toybox and this is DS2's toybox" etc etc. then we removed all the toys (except stuffed animals) from the bedroom and moved DS2's bed in there. So far so good, they both seem excited. Today we'll go get special "big boy bedsheets" for them and Dad is going to get a chest of drawers to go where the toybox was sitting. Thank goodness because their little closet is overstuffed as it is
    Megan (29) and Jayson (31) Happily married 9 years

  9. #9


    Yay for figuring out the issue! Hopefully the big boy excitement does the trick. If he won't stay in the other room, do you still have his crib? We don't really have room to move DD2 out of our room but DD3 is here too so we had to make changes. We have the crib right up against our bed with the mattresses at the same height. It's like a side-car crib except we put the side back on it since DD2 tends to turn sideways and was kicking DH. She just climbs up on our bed to get in and out of it. Once DD3 outgrows the Rock-n-play she sleeps in now, I don't know where I'm going to move DD2!
    ~ Shannon
    Michael, Married October, 2003
    Jessica, June 2005 ~ Kyle, September 2007 ~ Michaela, March 2010 ~ Abigail, June 2012

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