Trying again and the due date

[Krystal5]

My due date just came and went. I had an early miscarriage (about 7 weeks), and yet I am still not pregnant, all these months later.

Since, in order to get pregnant, I need medical intervention, I have been "not trying" for a few cycles. My heart was still too broken after my loss and multiple failed IUIs.

Somehow, since my due date has passed, I've had this INSANE urge to STC again. It may be partially because my cycles are getting shorter and shorter (seem to be at 21 days now) and the only ways I can think of to fix it is through my RE and progesterone- in which case I may as well do an IUI again.

Anyway, I'm just wondering, for those of you that weren't pregnant when your due date came around, did you get this urge to try again? Were you already trying anyway? If you did try and fail (as seems to be my precedence) were you actually able to handle it "ok"? I'm so scared that if I try again, I will break down again. I'm just not sure I'm ready to see another BFN, ya know?

I guess I'm just trying to figure out if this is me feeling better and ready to try again, or if this is me hurting even more from my due date passing and not being pregnant that I'm being less protective of myself. I dunno. But either way, I figure talking to you ladies might help me a bit!

[NYMom]

Hello Krystal,

I a sorry that you are going through this. Secondary infitility I find is sometimes a bit harder. Although any type of infertility is hard. But knowing that you have been pregnant (and I see you have a beautiful, little girl) makes it that more frustrating. Believe me I understand.

Only you know when you are ready. You have to let go of that negativity that is inside your soul. The fear of losing. For if you never let go of that fear it will feed and intertwine through your entire being as a woman. I know it is easier said than done. But you have to feel better emotionally in order to grant your body another pregnancy. But you just the fact of wanting to try again is a good, positive sign. Take that and build upon it.

I'll be on the this section, so if you want to chat I am here.

Blessings.

[sammilynn]

I have seen many DD come and go... each one gets harder. I was pg for one dd but i lost that one as well and it made it very hard to deal with especially since i was due about a week before i lost the pregnancy. I constantly have the urge to try again and again until we get it right but i am too afraid to fail again. i am so afraid to start treatments in the spring because i cant stand another loss. I have never bee so afraid to try again until after this last disappointment and the geneticist confirming that there is not much luck for us on our own without intervention or a donor.

Only you can figure if you are ready to go again but if you want someone who understands to listen to you and offer hugs i am here just soot me a PM

[angmichelle]

They have been hard, especially because someone close to me also had either the same due date or very close. Seeing them have healthy pregnancies and then deliver made it that much tougher. And then it seemed like shortly after another family member or friend was announcing their pregnancy. Seems like it never ends!

My first due date was really hard but I got that surge you're talking about. So we tried again! lol Unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage though. That one was hard but my attention was less on the due date then and more on the third loss I had just had. My third due date is coming up on Dec. 27. I could cry just thinking about how my Christmas baby won't be here

I think I'm actually the opposite now, after this last loss, and I've been pushed further from TTC. I would love to have another baby but I am no where near ready to go through all of the emotions again. I'm not ready at all. I don't think I could handle another loss, and the fact that we have a genetic abnormality that increases our chances of miscarriage just heightens that fear. This doesn't mean we won't try again, but the timing just isn't right for us now.

I think it's just all in your own timing. I think it's only natural to fear what happened before, but many women go on to have successful pregnancies. Listen to your heart/body, discuss it with your DH and move forward when you're ready.

Lots of hugs to you and I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Krystal5]

Hello Krystal,

I a sorry that you are going through this. Secondary infitility I find is sometimes a bit harder. Although any type of infertility is hard. But knowing that you have been pregnant (and I see you have a beautiful, little girl) makes it that more frustrating. Believe me I understand.

Only you know when you are ready. You have to let go of that negativity that is inside your soul. The fear of losing. For if you never let go of that fear it will feed and intertwine through your entire being as a woman. I know it is easier said than done. But you have to feel better emotionally in order to grant your body another pregnancy. But you just the fact of wanting to try again is a good, positive sign. Take that and build upon it.

I'll be on the this section, so if you want to chat I am here.

Blessings.

Thank you for your kind words! You are so right about letting go of the negativity. But it is so hard to do! I'm trying, really. I even quit STC for a while so that I could focus on my sweet girl and the amazing life that I do have in an effort to heal. But that is part of why I'm not sure I'm ready to try again. Am I healed enough? As you can tell, I still have some negativity hanging around.

The stupid thing is that it's not just secondary infertility. It took 2 years and fertility treatments to get the little miracle I do have. So I've done this before, which I think makes it worse. What worked to get us Maiya is not working to get a second one! This time is so much harder, because things that worked now aren't, and we've added a loss to the mix. Sigh...

I have seen many DD come and go... each one gets harder. I was pg for one dd but i lost that one as well and it made it very hard to deal with especially since i was due about a week before i lost the pregnancy. I constantly have the urge to try again and again until we get it right but i am too afraid to fail again. i am so afraid to start treatments in the spring because i cant stand another loss. I have never bee so afraid to try again until after this last disappointment and the geneticist confirming that there is not much luck for us on our own without intervention or a donor.

Only you can figure if you are ready to go again but if you want someone who understands to listen to you and offer hugs i am here just soot me a PM

Oh Sammi, I remember going through some of this with you. You are a very, very strong Momma! And I definitely understand that conflict, of wanting to try again but being afraid of failing again.

They have been hard, especially because someone close to me also had either the same due date or very close. Seeing them have healthy pregnancies and then deliver made it that much tougher. And then it seemed like shortly after another family member or friend was announcing their pregnancy. Seems like it never ends!

My first due date was really hard but I got that surge you're talking about. So we tried again! lol Unfortunately it ended in a miscarriage though. That one was hard but my attention was less on the due date then and more on the third loss I had just had. My third due date is coming up on Dec. 27. I could cry just thinking about how my Christmas baby won't be here

I think I'm actually the opposite now, after this last loss, and I've been pushed further from TTC. I would love to have another baby but I am no where near ready to go through all of the emotions again. I'm not ready at all. I don't think I could handle another loss, and the fact that we have a genetic abnormality that increases our chances of miscarriage just heightens that fear. This doesn't mean we won't try again, but the timing just isn't right for us now.

I think it's just all in your own timing. I think it's only natural to fear what happened before, but many women go on to have successful pregnancies. Listen to your heart/body, discuss it with your DH and move forward when you're ready.

Lots of hugs to you and I'm very sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for all you've been through. It is so hard...

Honestly, I think that is a part of my fear, that after too many failures and losses, I will have to quit for real. I "quit" after my last failed IUI in August, but even then, I knew it was only going to be temporary. I had no idea how long until I would get the desire to try again, but I figured I would eventually. I imagine I will never lose my desire to have another child- I just might one day lose the will to continue this fight. And that scares me!


Thank you so much, all of you, for helping me talk through this!