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Thread: Would you say something?

  1. #1
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    Default Would you say something?

    We have a pretty long driveway. It comes up the front of the house and wraps around the side to the garage. The part where it turns is the highest point, and then there are slopes, of course. Mira has recently learned how much fun it can be to come flying down the incline on her trike, and it was my mom who showed it to her. So, mom pushes/helps her get her trike up the incline, she turns around and comes flying down, putting her feet down herself to stop when she feels like it. These days, her preference is to turn her trike so it ends up in the lawn, and the grass naturally slows/stops her. She's been doing this for a week, with no incidents (mom started her a little bit up the incline, and then kept going further up at her request).

    DH just found out on Saturday, and I'm pretty sure he blew a gasket. He's exceedingly cautious, and after mulling it over for a couple of days (I could see it coming), he asked me this morning to talk to mom and ask that she not do that anymore. I told him that I don't have a problem with it, and he can tell her himself. At which point, he said of course that it's my mom, and I should be the one to tell her.

    Would you? If she falls down going at a high rate of speed, she'll skin herself badly and if she hits her head, she could hurt herself, I suppose. And he's worried that she'll run into the bushes and poke her eye out or something. I admit that all of that is possible (she's 2 1/2, so not 100% reliable on safety, although she is exceedingly cautious herself), but unlikely. Mira loves, loves, loves it. She is good about stopping, good about turning to go where she wants to go. Maybe I should just tell mom not to do that when DH is around (weekends).

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    We have a pretty long driveway. It comes up the front of the house and wraps around the side to the garage. The part where it turns is the highest point, and then there are slopes, of course. Mira has recently learned how much fun it can be to come flying down the incline on her trike, and it was my mom who showed it to her. So, mom pushes/helps her get her trike up the incline, she turns around and comes flying down, putting her feet down herself to stop when she feels like it. These days, her preference is to turn her trike so it ends up in the lawn, and the grass naturally slows/stops her. She's been doing this for a week, with no incidents (mom started her a little bit up the incline, and then kept going further up at her request).

    DH just found out on Saturday, and I'm pretty sure he blew a gasket. He's exceedingly cautious, and after mulling it over for a couple of days (I could see it coming), he asked me this morning to talk to mom and ask that she not do that anymore. I told him that I don't have a problem with it, and he can tell her himself. At which point, he said of course that it's my mom, and I should be the one to tell her.

    Would you? If she falls down going at a high rate of speed, she'll skin herself badly and if she hits her head, she could hurt herself, I suppose. And he's worried that she'll run into the bushes and poke her eye out or something. I admit that all of that is possible (she's 2 1/2, so not 100% reliable on safety, although she is exceedingly cautious herself), but unlikely. Mira loves, loves, loves it. She is good about stopping, good about turning to go where she wants to go. Maybe I should just tell mom not to do that when DH is around (weekends).
    Is she wearing a helmet? I kind of see where your dh is coming from. We have a steep driveway now and it's long and my kids decided they wanted to go barrelling down on their bicycles and ride-ons. They aren't allowed on anything that rolls without a helmet.
    Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

  3. #3

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    Hmm that is tough since it is something that it sounds like your husband feels strongly about. It sounds like your natural instincts are telling you that you can trust her doing this, and it would be a shame to take that fun away from her. What if Mira wore long pants and long sleeves and maybe gloves with the fingertips cut off and a helmet? Maybe even elbow and knee pads... Or is the a way to make her route safer, maybe something you could put in front of the bushes to stop her. From what you described it sounds like she has pretty good control over herself, but of course accidents could always happen. I think I would try to convince him that she'll be okay. I don't think I would tell her to not do it when dh is around, because if she did get hurt (even minor) you wouldn't want to have to lie about how it happened and I could see that causing a problem.
    Last edited by Ashleen; 10-08-2012 at 09:23 AM.



  4. #4

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    We let DS coast down hills on his Strider bike when he was younger than that, but of course we always make sure he is wearing his properly fitted helmet. Kids crash, it's what they do and how they learn. If there was a danger of traffic, I'd have an issue with it, but just crashing all by himself, eh. I always make sure he is supervised, so when he does crash there will be a quick response to dust him off and put him back on there if that's what he wants. DS was riding a bicycle with no training wheels at 2 yr 5mo, which I think is pretty cool.
    Vicki 39 DH45 SD12 SS9
    DS Hudson Sept 23, 2009!
    DS Trevor July 29, 2012!
    "Fat babies have no pride" - Lyle Lovett

  5. #5

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    Tough one. I agree with you that it sounds like fun and he's being overcautious (and I'm a pretty protective parent generally, too). My first instinct would probably be like yours -- just to tell mom not to do it when he's around. But in thinking about it, that seems a little duplicitous. Better to be honest with him, but in these situations where the two of you simply disagree on whether it's ok, I'm not sure who should have the final say. Usually I would say that the person who doesn't want whatever the thing is should be the decider, since doing it his way does remove any threat of injury. But I know if I were in your shoes I'd have a hard time doing that if I really felt dh was just being too careful.
    Maybe the two of you could compromise? Like, she can only start from a little bit up the incline? Or, she has to wear a helmet and long sturdy pants when she's doing it?
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  6. #6
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    I've wanted to get her a balance bike forever, but DH took one look and said no. Not safe, in his opinion I was thinking about getting her a helmet; we had checked some out at REI, but they were too big, although she's got a pretty big head. Maybe check the local bike store? I think he'd be more agreeable if we put some safety gear on her, although she might be less than amenable to the idea (but needs to get used to it anyway; if she were in a two wheeler, she'd need it).

  7. #7

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    I would get her a helmet and some knee/elbow pads and maybe even some cool pilot goggles since DH is worried about her poking out her eyes lol and let her continue to do it.

    Erin

  8. #8
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    I've ordered a helmet. The weather is not going to be that great for the next few days, and it'll likely just keep getting colder, so chances are good this won't be a problem for too much longer anyway (but will be resurrected next year). I'm not comfortable lying to him (or at least not saying anything to him), which is why I told him flat out that I didn't see a problem with it. I think that he'll be happier with a helmet on, and if he insists, I'll just get additional protective gear.

  9. #9

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    Sounds like you figured it out. I always tell my DH when I think he's overreacting but when push comes to shove, I accommodate his concerns. I know he'd never ignore me on a safety concern and I think he's due the same.
    My 3 yo cuties!

  10. #10

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    No helmet, no bike is the rule here. With a helmet on I'd have to see the lay of the land to determine if it was a safe place to play or not. You may also consider adding additional safety items to ease your Dh's mind like jeans to avoid skinned knees, a long sleeve shirt or maybe additional padding on the elbows, knees whatever. Then maybe you guys can come to a compromise so that dd doesn't miss out on fun but isn't waiting for a bad accident to happen either.



  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suja View Post
    I've ordered a helmet. The weather is not going to be that great for the next few days, and it'll likely just keep getting colder, so chances are good this won't be a problem for too much longer anyway (but will be resurrected next year). I'm not comfortable lying to him (or at least not saying anything to him), which is why I told him flat out that I didn't see a problem with it. I think that he'll be happier with a helmet on, and if he insists, I'll just get additional protective gear.
    I think you figured out a really good solution.
    KEVIN (6) & MATTHEW (4)

  12. #12

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    My DH is overly protective of our DD when it comes to even a small chance of her getting hurt. We just had a conversation about it yesterday because he is constantly saying to her "be careful, you're going to hurt yourself." And she also doesn't want to have anything to do with him when she does get hurt, and that's because he won't just comfort her, he insists in saying "see, that's why I told you not to do XYZ!" Well she doesn't want to hear that. She just learned on her own why not to do XYZ, she just wants comfort until she can calm down. I give her that comfort without the "I told you so", therefore she wants me when she gets hurt. DH says he is going to work on that, and work on not telling her "you're going to get hurt" every 5 seconds. Of course I don't want her hurt either, but if she's having fun, the risk is minimal (like last night when she had turned the very stiff laundry basket over and was jumping off of it), I'm going to let her have fun and decide for herself if the risk of a little bump/bruise is worth it. Most of the time she thinks it is. I'm not going to stop her, and my DH knows that. He (we) got to climb, run, jump things on his bike/skateboard, and I'm going to give her the same freedom within reason.
    I am with the other ladies that said helmets-- that is a given at our house. She can ride her bike around inside without a helmet (yes I let her ride her bike in the house, it's 110+ here for many months of the year and playing outside isn't an option), but outside she has to wear a helmet or she doesn't get to ride. If we had a sloped driveway I would probably add some wrist/elbow guards at least.

  13. #13

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    If shes going to continue, Id go to walmart and get her a $15 helmet. If DH is having an issue after talking to him about a helmet, I would talk you your mom.


  14. #14
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    I think that we have a larger issue in that I'd rather DD get a little hurt but not be reluctant to try out new things and put herself out there a little, and he'd rather cover her in bubble wrap and keep her locked up in a padded room where she can't get hurt. She is rather cautious and won't do crazy stuff, and is strong willed enough that when she decides she can do something, she will, so all he's really doing is frustrating himself. Like Carrie's DH, his first instinct is also to say 'I told you so' if she gets a bump or a bruise, which also doesn't go over well. IMO, he is giving her dire warnings about *everything*, so I'd excuse her for not really knowing which ones might be reasonable, and which ones are blown out of proportion.

    I had never really thought about putting a helmet on her before because she's basically been "riding" right in the turn-around area in front of the garage. I think mom has given her some new found guts, so I'll just indulge DH's cautions for now. No one wants to hear the 'I told you so'-s if she does end up in the bushes or poked in the eye.

  15. #15
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    My first instinct was to abide by his wishes if he feels so strongly but reading your next posts it sounds like you think he is being overly cautious. I would talk to him about your concerns and agree to get her a helmet and even knee pads but explain she is a child and can't live in a bubble.
    Thing 1 (7), Thing 2 (5), Thing 3 (2)

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    I would get her a helmet and some knee/elbow pads and maybe even some cool pilot goggles since DH is worried about her poking out her eyes lol and let her continue to do it.

    Erin

    I agree with this and I am a firm believer a child should always have a helmet when riding even if for a short while. A head injury would be awful. However, I think with her helmet on she should be allowed to ride her bike down a hill. Kids can have fun while being safe too.



  17. #17

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    I sound like your husband
    I'm glad you got a helmet and hopefully you and your DH reached a compromise
    If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm - Bruce Barton

  18. #18

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    I was thinking about this post this afternoon. While my DH is more conservative than me on safety- I haven't felt like he was over the top conservative. The sort of funny thing is that when they were younger (not that they're old now!) they used to just sit and play in dirt. That drove him absolutely nuts, while I considered it harmless and part of the learning process. He was kind of over the top about them getting dirty. I never stopped them when DH was home but in truth, I did give them more opportunities when he wasn't around. It's tricky when you believe in both parents having a say but you just don't agree.
    My 3 yo cuties!

  19. #19

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ky'sMom View Post
    I would get her a helmet and some knee/elbow pads and maybe even some cool pilot goggles since DH is worried about her poking out her eyes lol and let her continue to do it.

    Erin
    ita


  20. #20
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    I feel it is important to obey DH's wishes. I would approach him about it one more time (when he is calm and not fuming over it) and ask if the activity was acceptable to him with a helmet. If not, then I would do what he asked. Is he concerned about any other dangers that you may not have thought about? (For example, is he thinking she could possibly end up riding all the way into the road?)

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