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Thread: Carpooling etiquette

  1. #1

    Default Carpooling etiquette

    We are hoping to get our son in to a charter school for next year (and beyond). The school is 30-45min away from our home and we have a friend who is also looking to get her son in to the same school.

    Her DH passes by the school on his way to work. She casually mentioned that her DH would drive their son to school every day (and I would drive our son), then we could alternate pick-up duty. However, we have two other friends whose children are in their second year at the school, and they carpool with each other. One of their husbands works near the school, he drives both kids to school every day and the mothers split pick up. The one who is not married to the drop off guy picks up 3 days/week, while his wife does 2 days/week.

    My question is, is it reasonable for me to ask my friend for a similar arrangement? With my husband dropping our son off at their house in the morning (their house is on the way to his work), so they wouldn't have to go out of their way to pick him up. Is it unfair for their family to do all of the drop-off duty and half of the pick-up duty...even with her DH driving that way regardless?
    Laura-Wife to Keith * Mommy to Kaleb




  2. #2

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    I would bring it up and offer gas money.

  3. #3

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    Since she is a friend of yours, I can't see her having a problem with it? Like you said, they wouldn't be going out of their way at all if you drop your son off at their house in the morning. That is a long drive so I'm sure she will be understanding on the topic of carpooling in the morning! Offering gas money would be a good idea too. If you and her share pick up duty, I'd offer pick up 3 days and her 2 since they are saving you a lot of time!

  4. #4

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    It does seem reasonable for her dh to do the dropoffs in the morning, but like pps suggested, it would be nice to offer gas money and also do 3 days of pickups. Even though it seems like it's not extra work for him to take your son in, sometimes even a simple inequality can make things uncomfortable (as I know from experience with carpools and babysitting shares).
    Another thing to take into consideration, and I don't know if it is something that matters to your friend's dh and his son, is that often a morning drive is a good time for a child to connect with a parent. My dh drives my older dd to school in the morning. We used to do a carpool, but after a while dh felt like it was important to him to have that bonding time in the morning with her -- he works long hours and during the week didn't have a lot of other time to connect. It is a time for him to have conversations with her, listen to music, get their day off to a good start in a way that didn't happen with other kids in the car.
    Of course, my dd is older and often doing her own thing; it can be tougher to find connection with teenagers. Maybe it won't be an issue with the family you're carpooling with, but it never hurts to consider.
    -- mom to DD1 1/98 and DD2 10/09


  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by pepperlru View Post
    It does seem reasonable for her dh to do the dropoffs in the morning, but like pps suggested, it would be nice to offer gas money and also do 3 days of pickups. Even though it seems like it's not extra work for him to take your son in, sometimes even a simple inequality can make things uncomfortable (as I know from experience with carpools and babysitting shares).
    Another thing to take into consideration, and I don't know if it is something that matters to your friend's dh and his son, is that often a morning drive is a good time for a child to connect with a parent. My dh drives my older dd to school in the morning. We used to do a carpool, but after a while dh felt like it was important to him to have that bonding time in the morning with her -- he works long hours and during the week didn't have a lot of other time to connect. It is a time for him to have conversations with her, listen to music, get their day off to a good start in a way that didn't happen with other kids in the car.
    Of course, my dd is older and often doing her own thing; it can be tougher to find connection with teenagers. Maybe it won't be an issue with the family you're carpooling with, but it never hurts to consider.
    ITA...I would either offer gas money or do all afternoon pickups. They would still have to watch your son in the morning before leaving, etc


  6. #6

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    I would say it would be reasonable to start with talking about carpooling 50/50 and see how it goes. I could see both sides, where they might not want to at all or they may be fine with doing more.

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