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Thread: Its RUDE and gets old

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down Its RUDE and gets old

    I get so tired of the look I get when people ask about Sophia's age. Sophia is small at 1% for weight and 2% for height. As far as I am concerned I am lucky she is alive because the doctors scared me with the idea she might not make it pass the 38 week mark when I was pregnant with her because of GD. I know strangers do not know that but, I always get the face when I say she is 10 months old. The same look of is when I tell people I am 23 when it has come up. OMG you look like your 14! People are RUDE!!! Its not like she is 1% for weight and 99% or height or vice verse. I ask about babies' ages just because I am wondering but, I never comment on the baby's weight. I just love to about how old they are and compare birthdays.


    That's all.



  2. #2

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    I get those looks when people ask about the twins. They were born two months early, so of course they're on the small side for their age. But most people asking don't take the time to find that out, they just say something about them being tiny and walk way.

    I get the looks too for people about my age. I'm 26 with 4 kids but most people assume I can't be older the 20...

    *Kimberly* Mommy to Hayden (7), Alexis (5), Makenzie & Brooke (18m)!
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  3. #3

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    I about itch slapped some flight attendent once. DH and I were flying home to visit our family when DD was about 3 months old. DH was holding our daughter and the flight attendent walked by and was "Oh what a cute little girl she is so adorable, bla bla bla." Then turned to DH and was like "What a good older brother you are. . . . . . . " I about died right there. Then DH told the lady that it was his daughter kind of laughing it off trying to make the situation more comfortable. The lady opened her fat mouth again and told DH that there was no way it was his daughter because he couldn't be older then 12 or 13, THEN SHE GLARED AT ME! She glared glared, like I was the scum of the earth glare. I felt like a hormonal witchy pedophile and have never been that close to slapping the crud out of someone. I can sort of laugh about it now and I guess i will appreciate my husbands youthful looks when we get old
    Katy - 26, DH - 26, DD - 4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Katy View Post
    I about itch slapped some flight attendent once. DH and I were flying home to visit our family when DD was about 3 months old. DH was holding our daughter and the flight attendent walked by and was "Oh what a cute little girl she is so adorable, bla bla bla." Then turned to DH and was like "What a good older brother you are. . . . . . . " I about died right there. Then DH told the lady that it was his daughter kind of laughing it off trying to make the situation more comfortable. The lady opened her fat mouth again and told DH that there was no way it was his daughter because he couldn't be older then 12 or 13, THEN SHE GLARED AT ME! She glared glared, like I was the scum of the earth glare. I felt like a hormonal witchy pedophile and have never been that close to slapping the crud out of someone. I can sort of laugh about it now and I guess i will appreciate my husbands youthful looks when we get old
    Wow.. people are so ridiculous a guy asked my husband who was 29 at the time last year how old was his daughter referring to me because Sophia was not born yet. He was like that's my wife. I jumping in and say FYI I am 22- at that time not a kid! I was pissed. He thought I was 15.



  5. #5
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    People are idiots. I have a 40+ year old friend who is tiny. She shops in the Juniors and kids sections, because that's where she can find clothes that fit her, and her husband gets dirty looks ALL the time, from people that think that he's some skeevy perv taking advantage of some young girl. Heck, in the past, I have been asked if I was a genius, because I was going to college, and the lady thought I belonged in Junior High.

  6. #6
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    Yeah, totally rude. I was 19 with my first and people kept asking me when I was going back to high school because they thought I looked about 14 or so. Now DD2 is small for her age, still has short "baby hair" so noone believes that she is close to 2...


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  7. #7

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    shrug. If they mean to be mean, it's one thing. But kinda like people offering unsolicited advice when you're pregnant, imo, it's only when it's meant as "wow, you're really f'n up and that's why I am bothering to say something" that it's annoying. (imo) Someone thinking that you're young is one of those things that happens to most and that we all grow out of - or wish we could have back. And thinking that a baby is small or big for one's age... well, how would they know any better? Polite chitchat is just a stranger trying to be polite. No harm, really.

  8. #8

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    i get it all the time too... when i was 26 people thought i was 16. i have even been pulled over and the officer repeatedly asked me what my birthdate was and wanted to see my licence, he said i didn't look old enough to drive (thats when i was 21) and now that i have children people ask who i am babysitting for.... rude and frustrating.... my only wish is that when i am like 60 people think i am like 40 though... that would make me feel good.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ibisgirldc View Post
    shrug. If they mean to be mean, it's one thing. But kinda like people offering unsolicited advice when you're pregnant, imo, it's only when it's meant as "wow, you're really f'n up and that's why I am bothering to say something" that it's annoying. (imo) Someone thinking that you're young is one of those things that happens to most and that we all grow out of - or wish we could have back. And thinking that a baby is small or big for one's age... well, how would they know any better? Polite chitchat is just a stranger trying to be polite. No harm, really.
    They wouldn't know better but, if your child was small or big would you get irritated if someone was like OMG he is so fat or omg he is so.... tiny? I guess it hurts my feelings a little bit.



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    When I lived in Oahu, I got it ALLLL the time. You have THREE kids?!? You don't look a day over 16. Ok well no one asked you! But in Hilo, everyone has kids. Lots of teenage pregnancies here so hey I guess I fit right in...except for the fact that I'm 25 lol! I started when I was 19 too so I could imagine what people thought. Also, DH had a full mustache and beard before he was even 21 so he must of looked like a creeper too lol!!
    Autumn (me) Darren () Naheana () Mahikoa () La'i () & Mana'o ()

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by hotpinkmomma0811 View Post
    They wouldn't know better but, if your child was small or big would you get irritated if someone was like OMG he is so fat or omg he is so.... tiny? I guess it hurts my feelings a little bit.
    (((HUGS)))! I get it...some days it's just *enough already*! I put up with a lot of "drilling" when I'm in public...either because my kids aren't in school during school hours or I have a whole ton of groceries or I have all my kiddos with me. My kids even get asked a lot of questions which they field well but I'm not always fond of the line of questioning.

    I've also had babies that were small, or sick (my kids "whooped" after having pertussis for 2yrs!), or bf in public that all drew comments (some very nice, some nosey, and others just rude).

    LOL, although at almost 36yrs old I like when ppl think DD (16y/o) and I are sisters OR, even more laughable...someone thought I was DS's girlfriend (he's 15) !!! Thankfully, DH looks young too so he doesn't look like a perv when we're in public .
    Dh (39) Me (37) 8bio 1adopted, 14 angels






  12. #12

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    I will tell you there is harm in it. Especially when your child is older and they start to understand what these people are saying. I see it in my sweet Kai's face every single time I tell people how old he is and they say "He's so SMALL!" It hurts him. He tells me he hates his body. I see where you are coming from completely and I have learned never to comment on a child's size, big or small.

  13. #13

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    but that's you and your own sensitivities. It's not that people are trying to hurt your feeings, nor would they have any idea that you would have those concerns or that making small talk (no pun intended) is something that would offend you. Kinda like saying that you look younger than your age is not meant as an offense (in most situations). Like pp said, perhaps it's best not to comment on age at all (or how small you look for being 35 weeks along or how your 13 year old looks 18), but it's not likely that they mean harm. Or that an infant will be affected by the comment. Just human reactions - and I'll be surprised if anyone here has really never, ever made a similar comment in conversation.

    I'd just say something like "yes, she's on the smaller side, but she's just adorable, isn't she?" Or "but she's as much of a blessing/handful than every other 10 mos old." They'll likely nod in approval and that's it. If they go on to say that you have to feed her more or whatever, then at that point, they're broaching into nosy territory, imo... in which case you just deflect and move on.
    Last edited by ibisgirldc; 10-04-2012 at 03:08 PM.

  14. #14

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    I could relate. My first born (DD) is over 99% both weight and height (always have been). He literally looks like he could pass for a 7 even 8 year old and he's only 5. In my siggy picture below DS was just 4 yrs old.

    When DD was born she was smaller - and through the months I watched her rise up to about 75% in weight and height and then only to drop to about 25% on height and 50% on weight last check-up (2 years). I have stopped measuring her because it just stresses me out. I get a pinch in my heart whenever I hear people say 'she's tiny!' ... some people would be "more polite" and tell me she's 'petite just like mama' ...

    I find it hard to not compare my kids (and/or compare DD with other kids) because they really are almost opposite in weight and height.
    Last edited by OhBaby; 10-04-2012 at 01:49 PM.
    If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm - Bruce Barton

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    Quote Originally Posted by OhBaby View Post
    I could relate. My first born (DD) is over 99% both weight and height (always have been). He literally looks like he could pass for a 7 even 8 year old and he's only 5. In my siggy picture below DS was just 4 yrs old.

    When DD was born she was smaller - and through the months I watched her rise up to about 75% in weight and height and then only to drop to about 25% on height and 50% on weight last check-up (2 years). I have stopped measuring her because it just stresses me out. I get a pinch in my heart whenever I hear people say 'she's tiny!' ... some people would be "more polite" and tell me she's 'petite just like mama' ...

    I find it hard to not compare my kids (and/or compare DD with other kids) because they really are almost opposite in weight and height.
    THIS! I absolutely know how you feel. People say DD is small or tiny all.the.time even though she's in the 75th %tile for height! It's because she's in (about) the 30th %tile for weight. It absolutely kills me when people say that because we have battled with her weight since she was born. She was in the 10th %tile at birth and failed to gain weight at first due to awful Reflux...and because of that, she has always been an finicky eater. And now she's just so active (she'll be 2 in January), so she burns everything off. Someone just commented on how "tiny" she is on Saturday and I about burst into tears. DH was super pissed at the woman because he knows what a sensitive topic it is for me. Anyway, yes, it's rude and I've learned to NEVER comment on another child's size to their parent(s), whether the child is tiny or bigger.

    Hugs, Mama!

  16. #16

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    I get told that I have a fat baby (she's 9 months and 24 lbs) all the time. It does get old.




  17. #17

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    Some people just suck. I can completely understand how it makes you feel, and I'd definitely feel defensive if someone started to imply that I was doing something wrong, or that there was something wrong with my child after the Dr. has confirmed that they're fine. I can relate. My DS1 is short (8th %) and even though he'll be 4 in Feb, 3t pants are still too long. I worry about him being made fun of in school for it. When people mention it, I feel that "pinch" in my heart too. I'm glad he doesn't know to be offended yet, but I know the day will come. Sucks.
    ~Andrea~


  18. #18

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    I would like to add a 'winning' story that happened several months back.
    I took DD to my DS's soccer practice. DD was almost 2 then. That day, she was fighting off a cold and didn't want to leave my side, or should I say breast. Anyway, so I nursed her as I watched the practice. A fellow mom (who I earlier noticed was staring at DD when we came) sat beside me and outright told me 'You know I thought for sure she (DD) isn't breastfed because I heard breastfed babies are naturally chubby. Your baby is on the skinny side".

    The next 3 minutes were kind of a blur, the next thing I remember is that I was getting kicked out of stadium by security (J/K )
    Last edited by OhBaby; 10-04-2012 at 04:17 PM.
    If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm - Bruce Barton

  19. #19

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    My kids are tiny. My 8yr old weighs 40ish lbs and is 45in tall. She is shorter than some other kids who at 4! She knows she's small, but it does get old at times hearing it. I don't think people are intentionally rude, they just don't think first before they speak.it really only bothers me when people imply I'm either lying about their age, or that I am somehow the cause (or ignoring the cause) or their small size.

    Dd is to the point where her peers noticeu she's little too, fortunately she is confident enough to know her size doesn't make her less than a person. My others are small too, but it seems now that they are older there is more size variation and isn't such an issue anymore. My almost 14yr old does hope she grows another inch so she can say she is over 5ft she's grown an inch in the last 2 yrs so its not looking good for that

    My youngest is a peanut too, about 18lbs and 27in at a year. I just think it makes her extra cute. ;) and her clothes fit her longer because she's not growing through them too fast.

  20. #20

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    I think it's the just not thinking before speaking. I had another Mom tell me that DS was "scrawny" - her kid was the same age and was a giant! Both my kids are on the small side, my husband and I are just not big people and our kids aren't going to be either. I do understand that "pinch" though.



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  21. #21

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    Yep I can definitely relate. I dealt with it with Abbie and still do to an extent and get it with Natalie also. It was really hard for me with Abbie b/c I was already dealing with lots of health issues with her and her weight was very low. Natalie at 9 months actually weighed more than Abbie did at a year and is in the 25th percentile for weight but I get all sorts of comments about how tiny she is. I get tired of it and it does bother me. I also worry about it bothering Abbie as she is old enough to understand what people are saying.

    After all the comments I got about Abbie being small I expected to find she was the smallest kid by far in her Daycare class. But when I started chaperoning field trips when she was 3, I discovered that there were plenty of kids right around her size there.

  22. #22
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    One of the boys in my dauther's 1st grade class is tiny. He's about 6-7 inches shorter than his twin sister who is the next shortest in the class, so quite a bit shorter than anyone else. Smaller than any of the current kindergarteners also. Poor kid has gotten so embarassed by the references to his size and people taking note of it-not intentionally being mean. Little things like the lunch duty saying "Little R over there is sure playing nice". He's so embarssed about his size that her using Little like she would for many of the other younger kids just puts him on edge. He recently began building "a trap" for the "whole entire school" out at recess for about a week. I think he was digging a hole or something. I asked Scharae about it today and she said that she talked to him on Tuesday (he's one of her best buddies) and asked him if he thought building a trap was (her words here) "really the most appropriate way to let the other kids know how those words feel". So he filled the trap in. But I don't think anyone really has a clue how their unintentional slights like that can really matter to little kids

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    Quote Originally Posted by DucksLikeRain View Post
    One of the boys in my dauther's 1st grade class is tiny. He's about 6-7 inches shorter than his twin sister who is the next shortest in the class, so quite a bit shorter than anyone else. Smaller than any of the current kindergarteners also. Poor kid has gotten so embarassed by the references to his size and people taking note of it-not intentionally being mean. Little things like the lunch duty saying "Little R over there is sure playing nice". He's so embarssed about his size that her using Little like she would for many of the other younger kids just puts him on edge. He recently began building "a trap" for the "whole entire school" out at recess for about a week. I think he was digging a hole or something. I asked Scharae about it today and she said that she talked to him on Tuesday (he's one of her best buddies) and asked him if he thought building a trap was (her words here) "really the most appropriate way to let the other kids know how those words feel". So he filled the trap in. But I don't think anyone really has a clue how their unintentional slights like that can really matter to little kids

    Poor kid. I was small in school too and then to make matters worst I was short and chubby in junior high 5'0'' and 145 so... I was teased at time people calling me big. Now I weigh 167 and people think I look fine though I am short its odd how tables have turned as an adult. I feel bad for anyone who gets made fun of. Its not right or fair.



  24. #24

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    Definitely not a good idea to say things infront of the older kids obviously! I mean, I think calling a young child tiny is just as hurtful as calling him/her fat/chubby, and nobody would do that (I hope!). Its just good manners to not point out other peoples weight and body.
    But as far as babies go, I can see how its getting to you, because like you said, its getting 'old'! and you hear it alot. I think its just something mothers do, compare their children. Not in insulting way, but just for conversation sake. I don't initiate the convo because I try to be sensitive, but if other parents initiate, it really doesn't bother me. I see it as no different than coming on apa and having a thread comparing kids sizes/weights/stats, and we see A LOT of those threads.
    But, there are a lot of arrogant people out there who say stupid things too... that drives me nuts!

  25. #25
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    When I was just a beginner on APA and never ventured out of my birth room, I made an (I'm sure) offensive comment about a baby's size. It haunts me to this day, every time these kinds of threads come up. I've never seen that mom again, so I can't make amends. I never meant to hurt her. It was said without thinking. Her baby was very big. At the time, I was pregnant with my first baby, and was scared by the doctor that she was small for her gestational age. She ended up not being so at birth, but I was worried. I held this mom's baby all night, even though I was very pregnant, and we talked about having play dates together after my baby was born. He was already 20 pounds at 3 months, though, and I made a thoughtless joke about how big he was and how we'd have to be careful of my tiny baby around him. UGH. I still feel badly about it. Well, I never saw her again and didn't have to worry about my tiny baby, and I learned to not make any comments about babies except "How adorable!"

    I have had a very big baby and a very small baby, and I get comments all the time, and I also got the twin comments like the invariable "Double trouble" and "Which one is the good twin and which one is the bad twin?" and I learned that most of the time people just say random thoughtless things without meaning harm, just like I did. People often say things without thinking. I came up with a few good retorts that I felt comfortable to say to people in front of my children and I doled them out routinely. "Double trouble? We say 'twice as nice' in our house." "He is big--he's trying to catch up to his older siblings in everything he does."


  26. #26

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    DD is 3 months old tomorrow and 10lb. I get the funny looks until I say he was born at 28 weeks and should really only be 2 weeks old . Most people back off then, MOST. SOme people just have no filter between brain and mouth
    Missing Jacob - 10/2/06 ~ Adam Conner born 5.5 weeks early 9/23/2007 ~Ethan Lee born 11.5 weeks early 7/6/2012

  27. #27

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    I get that all the time...."how old are you?" im 24...."what...omg you look like your still in high school" thanks but no thanks....it is rude...it bugs me and irrates me so much.
    Me-25 DH-27.....



  28. #28
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    I am sure these "rude" people did not wake up in the morning to see whose day they could wreck. People are idiots. Well, at the very minimum they say idiotic things from time to time. Literally in the span of one hour I had people tell me Corbin was so big for his age and then another person commented on how tiny he was. I just rolled my eyes and said I thought he was perfect. I think people are obsessed with numbers and stats. After we give birth, what is the first thing people want to know? Size, weight, time...non of that really matter for most births since the vast majority of kids are born healthy. I think people just don't think it is rude and want to say something and just can't say something sweet.

    Jeanne, mom to Dev0n (6) Isabe11e (5) and C0rbin (3.5) Vio1et (almost 2)


  29. #29

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3andMe View Post
    When I was just a beginner on APA and never ventured out of my birth room, I made an (I'm sure) offensive comment about a baby's size. It haunts me to this day, every time these kinds of threads come up. I've never seen that mom again, so I can't make amends. I never meant to hurt her. It was said without thinking. Her baby was very big. At the time, I was pregnant with my first baby, and was scared by the doctor that she was small for her gestational age. She ended up not being so at birth, but I was worried. I held this mom's baby all night, even though I was very pregnant, and we talked about having play dates together after my baby was born. He was already 20 pounds at 3 months, though, and I made a thoughtless joke about how big he was and how we'd have to be careful of my tiny baby around him. UGH. I still feel badly about it. Well, I never saw her again and didn't have to worry about my tiny baby, and I learned to not make any comments about babies except "How adorable!"

    I have had a very big baby and a very small baby, and I get comments all the time, and I also got the twin comments like the invariable "Double trouble" and "Which one is the good twin and which one is the bad twin?" and I learned that most of the time people just say random thoughtless things without meaning harm, just like I did. People often say things without thinking. I came up with a few good retorts that I felt comfortable to say to people in front of my children and I doled them out routinely. "Double trouble? We say 'twice as nice' in our house." "He is big--he's trying to catch up to his older siblings in everything he does."
    We have all had our "foot in mouth" moments - I'm sorry you never got a chance to make amends!


    Anne (37) DH (37) Olivia (4) Harrison (1)

  30. #30

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    I can actually totally relate. My oldest was 3 months early, so he was always very small (5lbs at 3months, for example), naturally. My little lady was born tiny, and is only in the <1% for weight, currently. She’s having feeding issues right now, too.

    Yesterday, a co-worker who is a FB friend said to me, “Natalie, your little lady isn’t growing!!”. She meant it so completely innocently, but I bursted into tears...because she isn’t doing great in the growth department and we actually had a specialist appointment today.

    Anyway, I felt bad for making her feel bad over a completely innocent comment. I always think before I speak, though, because you really just never know the situation.




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