Wwyd - Confronting another mother

[Racegirl766k]

Well I dealt with this issue this morning after school started...i'd like to say I did it in a very tasteful matter as well. We had issues last night but it was much easier to deal with then the first night.

Rather or not I choose to let my daughter sleep over somewhere wasn't the case and really isn't it mine and Dh's choice? We felt she was ready, was this mother ready for that kind of stuff, NO but We as Katrina's parents were.

I also couldn't just "not waste my breathe" as my daughter is worth EVER.LAST.BREATHE I take, I now know not to seek much advice on issues, I personally don't like the fact it went from me asking how to handle it in a tasteful matter and support,To attacking the fact I let her sleep over somewhere, I don't parent like others, I parent how I see fit to my child's needs/wants.

I'm sorry you got attacked for letting her have a sleepover. But I'm glad to hear that you did get the issue resolved with the other mom!

[tikyg]

I just wanted to add that I am shocked at the other mother....i am not commenting on your decision to let her go ....if you were ready then that is fine....

but so many things wrong with the other lady...jeez....first leaving the house without making sure that was ok with you....then letting the 11 year old babysit...holy cow....and then acting like it is normal for a 5 year old to watch those movies....I CANNOT watch those movies becuase i cannot sleep....
I am so very sorry your DD got so scared....i feel for her....i hope she can forget those movies soon

[kendra76]

Well I dealt with this issue this morning after school started...i'd like to say I did it in a very tasteful matter as well. We had issues last night but it was much easier to deal with then the first night.

Rather or not I choose to let my daughter sleep over somewhere wasn't the case and really isn't it mine and Dh's choice? We felt she was ready, was this mother ready for that kind of stuff, NO but We as Katrina's parents were.

I also couldn't just "not waste my breathe" as my daughter is worth EVER.LAST.BREATHE I take, I now know not to seek much advice on issues, I personally don't like the fact it went from me asking how to handle it in a tasteful matter and support,To attacking the fact I let her sleep over somewhere, I don't parent like others, I parent how I see fit to my child's needs/wants.

I'm sorry you feel attacked, but you asked how to handle the situation.. and many of us questioned how we would have handled the whole issue.. from going to a friends house over night to handling the mom. I don't recall anyone saying you are a bad mom at all, they just stated how they would have handled everything (not just the part you wanted a response on). It's a message board and while we all feel for you and your DD, everyone posted how they would have handled the whole issue. Take what you want from it.. no one was calling names or anything.. Only you can make yourself feel attacked or guilty

[preciousnd98]

I'm sorry you got attacked for letting her have a sleepover. But I'm glad to hear that you did get the issue resolved with the other mom!

This. I had sleepovers starting at a young age myself and if Olivia is comfortable with it, she'll be allowed. She has already stayed at her cousins' houses. But I will definitely learn from your dreadful experience and ask TONS of questions to be sure I know exactly what is going on!

[The J Team]

You are a better woman than I! DH and I would have marched our happy butts down to her front door and given her a piece of our minds. In what world is it appropriate (or even legal for that matter) to leave an 11 year-old in charge? And not even bother to mention that would be the case? Don't even get me started on the movies! I am outraged just reading your original post! I hope your DD had a better night. I would never let her over there again.

Hope this stays resolved and that it won't sour positive sleepover situations in the future!

[futuresoccermom]

oh my goodness mama, I'm sorry your daughter had such a bad sleepover experience! I am kind of shocked at those of you who wouldnt' confront the mother!!! My goodness that would be the first thing I did! That was a completely innappropriate sleepover in so many ways......I would be livid and the parents would definitely know I was livid!

[ootus973]

I'm sorry you feel attacked, but you asked how to handle the situation.. and many of us questioned how we would have handled the whole issue.. from going to a friends house over night to handling the mom. I don't recall anyone saying you are a bad mom at all, they just stated how they would have handled everything (not just the part you wanted a response on). It's a message board and while we all feel for you and your DD, everyone posted how they would have handled the whole issue. Take what you want from it.. no one was calling names or anything.. Only you can make yourself feel attacked or guilty

This ^^
I'm sorry you felt judged, but you put this out there for advice. For what it's worth, I don't let my children so sleepovers either. I don't think a young child who has no knowledge of how to handle a situation should be put in a situation where they dont have the ability to contact their parents themselves and asked to be taken home.

Oh, for those who were asking where in the world an 11-year-old could be left in charge--In my state of NC it's perfectly legal to leave an 11-year-old to babysit, not that I'd do it. The statute in this state says 8 is the minimum age to stay home alone.

[macksmom]

I don't blame you for feeling attacked. The question was never "would you have let your kindergartener sleep over a friend's house" but how would you handle what happened. It was hypothetical for anyone who would not have allowed their child to stay at that age.

[kendra76]

I don't blame you for feeling attacked. The question was never "would you have let your kindergartener sleep over a friend's house" but how would you handle what happened. It was hypothetical for anyone who would not have allowed their child to stay at that age.

but most people can't just answer the question, we all know this based on this forum and in real life. EVERYONE has an opinion, why is the APA any different? ;) They have to say what they would do from beginning to end.

I have a child the same age. I played both senarios; her's and what I would have done. I posted what I would have done and what I suggested that she do. I feel that you need to take what you want from a forum.

I'm glad that she got resolution with the other mom, but I guess telling from her OP, she was going to take what she wanted and already had a plan, but wanted support on her side. (which she got plenty) I guess I don't understand how someone saying what they would do in their house is attacking her? It's just a difference in how we all raise our kids. That is really what I like about the APA, we are all different in running our houses and I have learned tons from parents that I might not agree with.. isn't this just another senario?

ok.. sorry for the hijack..

[AmeriBrit]

but most people can't just answer the question, we all know this based on this forum and in real life. EVERYONE has an opinion, why is the APA any different? ;) They have to say what they would do from beginning to end.

I have a child the same age. I played both senarios; her's and what I would have done. I posted what I would have done and what I suggested that she do. I feel that you need to take what you want from a forum.

I'm glad that she got resolution with the other mom, but I guess telling from her OP, she was going to take what she wanted and already had a plan, but wanted support on her side. (which she got plenty) I guess I don't understand how someone saying what they would do in their house is attacking her? It's just a difference in how we all raise our kids. That is really what I like about the APA, we are all different in running our houses and I have learned tons from parents that I might not agree with.. isn't this just another senario?

ok.. sorry for the hijack..

Agreed. Sorry if you felt attacked, was not my intention at all!

[Bridget]

I am quite sure that most of us have done something where another parent would say, "I would never...". Don't let other people's opinions make you feel guilty. Obviously you regret sending your daughter on that sleepover but it can't be undone so just learn from this experience. You couldn't have known that would happen! I mean, jeez, who would ever suspect that. But I think it goes to show that ANYTHING can happen! I hope that parent was apologetic.

I hope your sweet girl can get over those gruesome images. I'd be PISSED.

[LanceBabe]

Good grief! I won't even watch Amityville Horror or movies like that, much less let a child do so! I'd be inclined to let that mother know that I don't appreciate what she did, but I think I'd leave it at that and not let my child go over there again.

Edit: Oops, just read the remainder of the thread and saw you already handled it. And I'm sorry you were attacked about letting your child sleep over at a friends. My granddaughter, Brooke, is in first grade and she has slept over at friends' houses before, so I don't think that's too young.

[hotpinkmomma0811]

Good grief! I won't even watch Amityville Horror or movies like that, much less let a child do so! I'd be inclined to let that mother know that I don't appreciate what she did, but I think I'd leave it at that and not let my child go over there again.

I agree

[tanyachap]

OP: I am glad you handled the issue well. I am sorry you feel attacked. Based on my experience with this board and other boards, it is very common for people to second guess the original decision, to divert to an entirely irrelevant topic, to answer questions nobody actually asked, to dispense unsolicited advice. Many of those posters then come later and start complaining that their MILs or friends did the same to them and they find it incredibly annoying It is just human nature, sadly. It is very easy to be a back seat driver and even easier to be a Monday morning quarter back LOL

This is not directed at the people in this thread who said they won't allow their kids to have a sleepover- it is just a comment in general. I keep it in mind when I start threads that I know are going to touch on hot buttons

[HisWifeHerMom]

Okay now That I've had time to Think and clean, MAYBE I was being a little sensitive and emotional about everyone advice and points of view, How can I not be though? Its my daughter and I do feel like I made a huge mistake letting her go over there, but I have to let her and Myself experience those kinds of situations (as in sleepovers not other parents not caring), My daughter has been through ALOT in the last 3 years, and I feel like I've just added salt to her wounds, WTG MOM! Another Failure, but as my Best friend told me "we all make mistakes with our first born" Horomones arent helping much either, So I'm Sorry if I sounded ungrateful, I do appreciate everyone's support, advice, and Points of view

[Bridget]

Dude, the guilt will eat you alive. You have to let it go. We all just do the best we can and every day is a learning process when you are parent. I'm on my third and I am still learning. With your love and guidance she will be able to move past this and so you will you. Big hugs to you. Today is a new day.

[MaryJane]

Okay now That I've had time to Think and clean, MAYBE I was being a little sensitive and emotional about everyone advice and points of view, How can I not be though? Its my daughter and I do feel like I made a huge mistake letting her go over there, but I have to let her and Myself experience those kinds of situations (as in sleepovers not other parents not caring), My daughter has been through ALOT in the last 3 years, and I feel like I've just added salt to her wounds, WTG MOM! Another Failure, but as my Best friend told me "we all make mistakes with our first born" Horomones arent helping much either, So I'm Sorry if I sounded ungrateful, I do appreciate everyone's support, advice, and Points of view

Mistakes aren't failures, they are learning opportunities. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have to do and learn.

[LanceBabe]

Dude, the guilt will eat you alive. You have to let it go. We all just do the best we can and every day is a learning process when you are parent. I'm on my third and I am still learning. With your love and guidance she will be able to move past this and so you will you. Big hugs to you. Today is a new day.

Amen! None of us is perfect. All we can do is just the best we can.

[DucksLikeRain]

I apologize if my post added to your guilt. I will admit to being a bit sensitive regarding young children and sleepovers due to events that happened to me when I was 5 that my parents could never have predicted. That is where my blanket rule regarding them comes from-not from a place of judgment of others but from a place of having experienced a negative consequence.

I am glad you talked to the mom. She obviously had no qualms/saw nothing wrong with the 11yo or the movies but maybe if she hears from the parents of her daughters' peers she'll start to reconsider some of her parenting techniques.

[Ky'sMom]

Sorry if I made you feel guilty too, that was not my intent at all. It was just pretty surprising for me reading that a child so young went to someone's house that you didn't know that well. I think it has to do with my own experiences in regards to being abused as I'd rather my kids run around outside amidst traffic and little animals versus sending them to someone's house - people's houses frighten me more than the outside world is all and all of us have different experiences and I also agree that since this is a public venue, people get off track in regards to a topic and it can veer off some from its original purpose, just the nature of things really and I admit I'm a "veer-er" lol.

I'm glad you talked to the mom, she will hopefully think in the future not to leave anyone else's child alone with a child babysitter in the future watching horrific movies and I hope your DD is feeling less scared.

And to piggy back on all the other ladies, we all make some bad decisions sometimes, we just have to be grateful when nothing too horrible happens, learn from that and move on. No need to feel additional guilt at all IMO.

Erin

[kendra76]

Dude, the guilt will eat you alive. You have to let it go. We all just do the best we can and every day is a learning process when you are parent. I'm on my third and I am still learning. With your love and guidance she will be able to move past this and so you will you. Big hugs to you. Today is a new day.

Mistakes aren't failures, they are learning opportunities. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have to do and learn.

This.. we all learn from our choices.. I'm sorry that you feel guilty.

[cindyrae42]

Mistakes aren't failures, they are learning opportunities. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have to do and learn.

Well said!!

[Scarlett]

Absolutely do not beat yourself up over this, things like this can happen. My parents sent me to a church pool party and were appalled to hear that we sat and watched Children of The Corn.

I hope she is doing much better now