Now what?

[JJorn]

My daughter is strong willed and has it in her mind right now that she WILL NOT poop. That is obviously not something that she can make not happen. She has been out of diapers and fully using the potty for about six months. About 10 days ago she was refusing to poop and could hold it for about three days and then couldn't any more - she would go then in the potty or her underwear about 50/50. The last three days though, it has been all in her underwear (and even in a diaper since I ran out of clothes for her while we were out and had to put one of her brother's diapers on her). Since she is not wanting to go at all, she is pooping a little bit at a time (as her body forces the poop out, she is clenching everything to keep it in on or off the potty) so she'll poop in her underwear about five times a day. She has extremely sensitive skin so her bottom is now flaming red and very painful. I've had to give her Tylenol twice for the pain thus far over the last 24 hours - she becomes hysterical, screaming about how her bottom hurts and can't be distracted. Her poop isn't hard, it is soft and normal so it shouldn't really be hurting to go. She also understands that her bottom hurts because she pooped in her underwear/diaper.

I have explained to her that her body needs to go poop and this isn't something that she can prevent to happen. We even have a book about the body that we read and it tells how the food in your body is used and moves from the mouth all the way out your bottom. She's only just three, though. I don't know what else to do. Do any of you have a suggestion?

Just getting this child potty trained was quite the endeavor...

[anonsouthernbell]

It sounds to me like a control factor, that she is trying to exercise control over the only thing she can. (young children don't have much that they can innately control). Maybe try to give her some control in other areas of her life and see if that helps (I.e. what she wants to eat for lunch out of choices a, b, and c, what. Clothes she wants to wear, wtc). GL!

[JJorn]

She routinely picks what she wears every day and what she has for lunch (as long as I have options for lunch). I try to give her options with just about every bit of her day (Do you want to go to the store? Which park do you want to go? How about a bike ride? Should we go see so and so today? What movie to you want to watch? etc). I am sure it is about control but this isn't really something that she can control. :o( I'll try to see if there are other things that I can give her control over.

[JJorn]

This is awful. She has been hysterical from pain for 50 minutes, right when her Tylenol was due to wear off. So I gave her more 30 minutes ago...but in the meantime she had skid marks but luckily just outside of where I had slathered a ton of two diaper rash creams. I hope that I got it all off but I'm really not sure. She won't even let me put more cream on right now. She didn't want to pee but eventually couldn't hold that anymore either. She is truly hysterical and doesn't want me to touch her or talk to her. She just wants to scream unintelligible words and shake and cry in an incredibly uncomfortable partially squatting position. I just hope that no one is going to call the cops thinking that I am abusing her. I hope to get some Ilex paste on the worse parts of the rash after bath tonight...if bath even happens. My DH should be home soon and she is really a Daddy's girl so hopefully he will be able to get her calmed down.

[Babidol]

If you just let her run naked what happens? Maybe a few naked days in the house might help her get back on track? Sorry I'm not more help. Its a strange thing to have kids regress so fast and hard.

[lindsay1981]

I was going to second the naked thing too. I'm so sorry Jessica, this must be so hard for you too. Aside from the frustration of it all, it must be awful to see her in such pain and not really be able to help much other than the diaper rash cream. What about treats? Can you give her a cookie or treat for going on the potty?

[JJorn]

It was an awful afternoon. The Tylenol finally seemed to kick in and she is back to normal except she won't sit on her bottom anywhere. It isn't really that she won't use the potty it is that she doesn't want to poop at all which is why I am at a loss. I'd totally go back to a sticker chart or something if she just didn't want to go on the potty.

[Marcie]

I wish I had some advice, but just wanted to give you some support. I hope you get some insight and resolve it ASAP..

[ljs318]

HUGS! DD2 is the same age and we are also having potty issues. I would give the sticker chart another go, that usually helps here!

[anonsouthernbell]

poor thing (& you too). I hope things get better soon! ( if she is still that red tomorrow is take her to the drs for a rx cream)

[JJorn]

Thank you all for the support!

I'm hoping that things will heal really well over night and she will come to terms with the fact that she has to poop and that she has a choice where to do so (and that there are always consequences for the choices we make - some good and some bad). In the future this could be a funny story, right? I just need to get her through this rough time. I'm so thankful that I figured out what was going on today and that this really isn't potty regression (she truly is trying to not poop anywhere and in three year old terms told me that she was not going to poop ever again). I was getting so upset before I figured that out.

It was so awful ladies. I was wondering if I should just pack her up and take her to the doctor screaming and yelling. I thought that the Tylenol would never work and I'd have to wait the two hours before I could give her ibuprofen. I'll have to reevaluate the rash tomorrow to see if it warrants a trip to the doctor...I'll have to make sure that she is medicated before that appointment for sure! In diapers she did get a bad rash that turned quickly to a yeast rash and I hope that this doesn't happen again.

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

I wish I had some advice. Hope the rash is better in the morning and that you can find a way to help her to understand that we all need to poop...or at least hope that htis phase goes by quickly!

[Babidol]

It's such a weird regression. Did something happen? Did she hear that pooping was bad? From tv? A peer? Just a strange thing for a kid to decide. Not saying it came from you guys but maybe she saw something on tv or in a book that scared her? I used to poop super fast as a kid because I was afraid there were snakes in the toilet. Something like that? Or she saw poop coming out and it freaked her out? I know my super curious 3 year old is always trying to watch. I feel so bad for her. Maybe try snuggling her and just talking about it. I'm sure it's hard not to be frustrated on both your ends

[LanceBabe]

Try to talk to her about it (I know it's difficult at this age). We went through this with my son when he was about her age. He finally told me that he was afraid he would fall down the hole in the potty (like his poop did). He would sit on the potty long enough to pee but not poop, and that was why. I forget exactly how I got him to tell me that he was afraid, though. We finally convinced him that he was too big to go down the hole, that even his baby sister Erin was too big, and that was all it took.

[SeptemberMom]

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!! My DD would hold her poop until she would hold her pee too trying to make sure it didn't come out. She would fuss and whine, fuss more, and run around trying to hold it in. She would successfully hold it in for two days with no fuss but the third day would be awful for the whole house. I would feel so badly for her and wonder what I was doing wrong!!!

She started holding because she had a couple of very hard poops and the pain of it scared her. The doctor told me to give her miralax. It didn't seem to help but I continued to give it to her (still don't really like having to give it but we can't go back to the screaming). Even when it worked, she would still skip a couple of days without going. I was then told to give her a tsp of Milk of Magnesia. This would do the trick every time; it would make her poop really soft kinda runny sometimes and it would be ALOT!!! The thing is I had to put her back in diapers during that time because the mess was just too much for panties or pull ups.

During the last bad episode of holding the poop and pee, I put her in the bathtub and she immediately let it out (again, very messy!!!) but she got relief. We then started singing a song that I made up...Everybody poops...Daddy poops, Moma poops, Grandma poops....ok, you get the drift She would sing it with me.

Her Daddy told her that if she pooped in the potty (we knew she would be pooping again that day because once it started it kept flowing) that day, she could get a sock monkey she wanted from Walgreens. Within a couple of hours, she pooped on the potty when she went to pee. The MOM makes it so soft it just kinda runs out. She has been going on the potty since.

I feel like I just rambled alot....If you haven't already and she is really miserable, I would put her in a tub with warm water. She will probably go once her feet hit the water. After she goes and you clean the tub (again, it is messy) I would put her back in the tub to clean her bottom. That way you won't have to wipe as much.

[JJorn]

Well, that was anticlimactic. After breakfast she said she had to poop so we went to the potty and she went there with no problem....After she said that her bottom wouldn't hurt anymore since she went on the potty. So, I hope that we won't ever had to repeat the rough last 10 days and horrific day ever again.

[Babidol]

She is gonna be a ball of fire as a teen!! Good luck momma! Glad she has figured it out.

[JJorn]

I for sure know that! She has been so opinionated and strong willed since the moment she was born. All the nurses commented about her, too. What newborn baby will growl and scowl at you right away? She still growls at people when she is mad. Such a scowl from a sweet looking girl, too! Oh, my. She is going to be one awesome woman some day.

[runningmomofmany]

I would try a reward for pooping in the potty. I don't think it matters a lot why she doesn't want to, as long as you can find something that will motivate her to change her mind about it. Keep talking about how poop is waste her body doesn't need, etc. Also maybe giving extra fiber and cod liver oil to prevent constipation, that would just make the whole situation worse.

[AugustMommy]

DO not use Miralax or MOM, they are laxatives. Instead, use Psyllium. You can buy the powder at any health food store.
It has also been used for irritable bowel syndrome (a stress-related disorder with alternating bouts of diarrhea and constipation). Because it will produce easy bowel movements with a loose stool, Psyllium is used by patients with anal fissures (cracks in the skin near the anus) and hemorrhoids and is often recommended following anal or rectal surgery, during pregnancy and as a secondary treatment in certain types of diarrhea.
I buy Nature's Path Organic Smart Bran Cereal with Psyllium & Oatbran. It's easier to get kids to eat this than to use Psyillium powder in foods.
My LO had a few hard stools not long ago & when I used this for her, she didnt have anymore trouble. Remember to offer plenty of water too.

[AugustMommy]

The Psyllium powder can be blended in smoothies, if your LO will drink a smoothie. Or put into applesauce.

[JJorn]

Yes, I'd much rather go the fiber route than laxatives but since her poop was already soft and it was an issue of not wanting to poop at all for who knows why. She only has hard poop after staying with grandma and papa and that hasn't happened since June.

But for all who is curious, we have The Usborne Flip-Flap Body Book so Madelyn understands why she poops. We really like this book.

[AugustMommy]

I understand that her poop gets hard when she was holding it. What I suggested to you will prevent this, even if she tried to hold it again.

[SeptemberMom]

Psyllium I have some. Will start using it tomorrow