Foster/Adopt question this time Lol

[Leah26]

Okay so as DH and I get more into this research process, we realize that foster/adopt might be best for us. One thing I'm confused about is do you have to go through social services to foster/adopt or can you go through someone else?

I've seen a lot of info with the Children's Home Society but I can't tell from reading about them if they will do infants in foster/adopt or just older children. I also heard from one girl that she was told when she called (didn't say where) that there are no infants available to adopt in VA because they all go to family. I mean how can that be true? What if there are no relatives or what if there's no one fit to parent? Maybe there aren't a lot of them but this seems weird to me. I've looked at the laws and they seem pretty standard so I don't get it. Could it be that she just got a moody person on the phone who wanted to be rude about it?

[kellyowens]

I don't know about VA but in Michigan foster-adopt is through DHS but adoption only (meaning without fostering first) is done through agencies.

It's possible that the children aren't *adopted* as infants but that doesn't mean their foster family doesn't eventually adopt them...just that it didn't happen when they were infants...maybe that's what whoever the gal talked to meant.

I have a friend who did foster-adopt. She was placed with a newborn and TPR happened at 4months and the adoption was finalized shortly thereafter. She eventually adopted 7 more children (two sib groups)...some of them were infants (6-9ish months) when she got them but it was years before they had TPR and she was able to adopt them. It was a long hard road for her but she'll tell you totally worth it .

We adopted from the state but didn't do foster care. Our son was placed with us when he was 22months old and I often forget we didn't have him as a newborn...it just seems like we've always had him .

Praying the process goes smoothly and you're able to adopt quickly! (((HUGS)))...I know it can be nerve-wracking!! Hang in there

[Leah26]

Thank you so much! I get the impression that maybe she just reached a very rude and unhelpful person which happens in the best of situations unfortunately. I'll be so sad if we can't foster to adopt an infant. There's just no way (more than likely) that we'll ever just have 30k or whatever lying around for international or domestic adoption. And we really are okay with getting them for a while knowing we may have to give them back. I worked in day care for years in the infant/toddler classes. So we dealt with that a lot of course, but knowing they weren't mine and that they wouldn't be there forever didn't stop me from having a special little bond with each of them...especially our little babies. One of them started at 6 weeks and she was only maybe 4 or 5 pounds then. She was born in the toilet...her mom didn't know she was pregnant. Her mom was great though once she came to terms with things but that little girl needed a lot of help and I learned a lot about how to deal with preemies then. I still have a bond with her and go back to visit them all frequently. She's huge now and over 2 years and she still remembers me...I've been gone from there a while now too.

Anyway, I got totally off track. Lol. I left a message with DSS and also emailed CHS hoping to get some more info. I think I'd be fine with having them for a while before they were officially adopted as long as we knew our chances were good over time that they'd stay with us. I hear things often get caught up in paper work and it's not a matter of someone trying to take them but just going through the court process is often slow. I think I'd be okay with that as long as they're with us the whole time and we're a family. I hope so bad that our area has infants. We're really set on an infant though we're more flexible with some minor special needs or developmental delays since I think we could work with that depending on what they are. I'd be okay with preemies too though I think it scares DH a little.

We're still considering race. My dad thinks it's wrong to adopt a child not of the same race. He's a counselor and he says he counsels people all the time that struggle with their adoptions because they were bullied because they didn't look like their parents and stuff. I think a lot of that probably just depends on how well you prepare them for dealing with it and that a lot of it may be about letting them always know that they should be proud of who they are. I guess he does have a point in one thing though. That the kids often want to keep their adoptions private and it's hard when they get asked a million questions because they don't look like their parents. We also don't live in a particularly diverse area...at all...so I'd worry they'd stand out too and that might be hard.

I have a million thoughts tonight. I just want to hear back from someone. We need some good news so so so bad. We've been through some rough times with infertility and m/c among other things due to my own health problems not related to fertility and we're just so ready to be a family no matter how it's going to happen.

[As Is]

We did foster-adopt but have not adopted. We had one baby for a month, straight from the hospital, and knew that he was most likely going to be short term. He was adopted (or permanently placed) with a kinship family that has his cousin.
Our second set was the group of 4, ages 3-11. That placement was supposed to be permanent & cleared for adoption but they lied lied lied. It all fell apart at 6 months. We would still adopt 2 of the 4 if we ever had the chance.
And yeah, we're the not so bright people who will probably try to adopt through the system in the future. Hubby, having been raised in it, still sees hope. I'm a bit more jaded after having 2 fall through(one would have been private since it was family). That being said, if you're heart can handle it, do! I know several families who've had great experience with kids of all ages. MIL just completed her third adoption and all of theirs we're placed at newborn to 9 months.

[Cosmosmom]

I agree with Kelly. If you ask if they have newborns available for adoption, they will tell you no. But if you ask if they place infants for foster, of course they do! It just takes a long time to get the TPR done. My first cousin was placed at 2 months old....her adoption was at 2 yrs old. During that time she never had a visit with her birth parents....they just had no interest in doing what needed to be done. This one does have fetal alcholol syndrome but it's fairly mild. The second one was placed at birth because she had to go back to jail. She did get some visits at first but said that she would sign away rights if my aunt adopted him and his birth father died of an OD....so his adoption was faster and finalized at 18 months old.

The social workers don't have crystal balls but generally have an idea if a placement will be short term or if it's one that rights will be terminated and the child will be available for adoption.

But kids that are already cleared for adoption in the system are almost always going to be older.

[JJorn]

We plan to foster as long as we are willing to adopt once we have a permanent house (that is bigger than what we have right now - we are maxed out space wise so children can't be placed with us). I took some classes and they stated that the adoption rate is right around 50% and that the goal of fostering is to get the parents or close relative in a place where they can become fit parents or adopt the child. So, this can take years (if the parent/relative is working towards becoming a fit parent) or the child can be up for adoption very quickly (parent/relatives want nothing to do with the child). I unfortunately can't remember what the average time it was for a child to become available for adoption but it was at least one year.

[Leah26]

Thank you so much everyone! It helps a lot to hear of other experiences. I got a call from social services this morning but missed the call. She said she'd be in meetings until afternoon so to call her back then. I'm still researching this route for sure. I also emailed the CHS to see if they did foster to adopt with infants. I don't think they do, but they do have a program for infant adoption. They make a serious amount every year in grants. It's in the millions. So their prices are WAY lower and they have payment plans and things like that set up. It's like 20k less with them than with any other agency we've looked at, maybe even lower than that. I'll definitely have to tell DH about it. He might me more comfortable with that. I don't know. It really depends on what social services says too. I feel bad for bouncing around so much about what we want but I think we just want a child no matter how that child comes by us so we're willing to look at a variety of options. I think we'll know when it's right. This is normal for the information gathering/research stage right?

[Cosmosmom]

Totally normal! And even once we picked a path and started on it and started paying for it, we STILL had a few times of doubts and considered pulling out and just staying the two of us and our dogs.

[kellyowens]

We plan to foster as long as we are willing to adopt once we have a permanent house (that is bigger than what we have right now - we are maxed out space wise so children can't be placed with us). I took some classes and they stated that the adoption rate is right around 50% and that the goal of fostering is to get the parents or close relative in a place where they can become fit parents or adopt the child. So, this can take years (if the parent/relative is working towards becoming a fit parent) or the child can be up for adoption very quickly (parent/relatives want nothing to do with the child). I unfortunately can't remember what the average time it was for a child to become available for adoption but it was at least one year.

That's the ultimate goal of foster care...adoption only happens if that doesn't work out. My DS's case plan was adoption from birth (bmom was incarcerated and had no permanent residence) but because bmom expressed interest in following through with her parenting classes, etc...around 9ish months his case plan changed to reunification. Bmom violated her parole though and by the next report his case plan had changed again to adoption. I wasn't involved in any of this since we didn't come into the picture until he was 18months old (when they were finally able to get TPR) but looking at his case history it just looks crazy!!

My understanding though is that if a foster family's ultimate goal is to adopt then the caseworker will be sensitive regarding placement and only place children who have a high potential for TPR...it's up to you which children are placed with you.

My DS's former foster mom was licensed for children aged birth-5yrs (before Kindergarten) because she didn't want to deal with school issues. She has always had children placed with her since she started 20yrs ago...sometimes for a day, sometimes for years (she had my DS from birth until 22months when he was placed with us). Her A-daughters were placed with her prior to 6months of age and they were over 2yrs when she finalized their adoptions .

There are lots of success stories out there...does your state have a resource exchange where you can get info? I signed up for facebook alerts from MARE (Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange) and I love reading the stories they post! Adoptuskids.org also has lots of encouraging stories.

Hang in there...I know it's a lot to process but time is on your side...try to relax and enjoy the adventure . And keep posting! It helped me SO much to talk things out on the adoption forum I used to go to...it's nice to have people who've btdt at your back!

KUP!

[Leah26]

Hey ladies! I'm feeling pretty great right now! I talked to DHS today and they were great! The lady I talked to was very honest and very friendly. She loved my experience with kids, and said they'd love to have couple like DH and me. In our county, there are rarely enough people for classes so she does the PRIDE class at your house personally. That way we only do three hours of class and we're certified. She said it's all relatively simple except the paperwork which she admitted is a good bit. We have a huge meth problem in our county and she said most kids don't go home because their parents are pretty far gone by the time they get taken away. She also said there are absolutely infants in the age bracket we're comfortable with, but of course she can't say when we could get one. She said she's never seen it take longer than six months to get placed. DH and I are still discussing it but she was so helpful and honest and went out of her way to reach us. That makes me feel like our DHS branch might be great and I feel really good about it! : )

[kellyowens]

Hey ladies! I'm feeling pretty great right now! I talked to DHS today and they were great! The lady I talked to was very honest and very friendly. She loved my experience with kids, and said they'd love to have couple like DH and me. In our county, there are rarely enough people for classes so she does the PRIDE class at your house personally. That way we only do three hours of class and we're certified. She said it's all relatively simple except the paperwork which she admitted is a good bit. We have a huge meth problem in our county and she said most kids don't go home because their parents are pretty far gone by the time they get taken away. She also said there are absolutely infants in the age bracket we're comfortable with, but of course she can't say when we could get one. She said she's never seen it take longer than six months to get placed. DH and I are still discussing it but she was so helpful and honest and went out of her way to reach us. That makes me feel like our DHS branch might be great and I feel really good about it! : )

How awesome!! What good news!

That's fantastic they'll do the PRIDE classes at your house!

So glad to hear you were able to talk to someone at DHS and had an encouraging response from them...very exciting!

[Cosmosmom]

Sounds like a GREAT phone call!!!! Six months for a placement on average isn't too long at all. And who knows, could be even sooner depending on what is going at the time.

Meth is a nasty drug....I can see that most probably don't get their act together and get their kids back.

[As Is]

That's great!

[Leah26]

I'm excited!!! DH said this weekend he thought we should go for it! Yay! As soon as our application is here, probably tomorrow, we'll get started. I'm so thrilled about that. We talked about it a lot while we were away this weekend and decided there's no reason for us not to go for it. If we decided along the way that it isn't for us we can just stop, and we won't have lost a lot of money (that is so hard for us to save) and really all we will have lost is time. Plus, we'll gain some understanding of what we want or don't want. Even if we don't end up be able to adopt (which I think we will eventually) we'll be able to help a child who needs us for a while and that's important to us. Something about that phone call kind of clicked and I just feel really good about this. I love knowing how short of a wait time we could have. I won't count on it being that short but knowing that it could be is exciting too. Yay! We finally have real direction and purpose! Lol.

[Cosmosmom]

Wish that there was a giant LIKE button here! Definitely is an awesome thing to do if you can!

[Leah26]

Like buttons would be good. Poor DH is feeling so nervous about it tonight. I think he'll be just fine when all is said and done but he's scared of some of things (as I am too of course) like visitation. I'm sure these are questions that can be answered once we officially start the process, but does anyone know how that usually works? Do the foster parents have to take their foster child to see the parents? I'm sure visitation is pretty common within the first 12 months at least because here reunification is usually the plan for 12 months. But is this the foster parents' responsibility to take the child there and meet with the parents also or is this the sw or cw job? I do think it'd be hard to do a lot of that, but it's not enough to keep me away from the process. The best thing for the child is what matters. We just hope that at some point in the process the best thing for them will be to stay with us and that it'll happen. Working with kids for so long, I've dealt with parents a lot, but I'm sure the situation is totally different when they know you have their child for the time being...I imagine it'll be awkward. I told DH tonight though that it can't be all that much more awkward than an open adoption and doing the same thing. Sometimes you just have to do uncomfortable things to get to where you want to be and to do the right thing.

If I think about all of this too hard though the responsibility of it scares the crap out of me. Lol. I think I'd be insane not to be scared or nervous though. My Grandma told me today that you can't think too hard about all the responsibility that kids bring or it'll care you into never having them. Lol. She had four so I guess she knows what she's talking about. Haha. I hope the application comes in the mail tomorrow so we can get started!

[kellyowens]

In Michigan they have been encouraging fparents to become a part of the visitation and reunification process by working more with the bfamily but they don't require it. My DS's former foster mom doesn't take part of the visitation but she does come in contact with the bparents sometimes in the waiting room of DHS where she drops the kids off for their visit. She tries to avoid this by using the back door...DHS kind of frowns on her lack of participation but she's been doing it for 20yrs and I guess everyone needs to do what they feel is best .

Very exciting that you're starting the process!! I know being licensed for fcare is different than adoption-only but I was so nervous too and it ended up not being that big of a deal . Everything went smoothly...couldn't have asked for it to go better! Praying it all goes without a single hitch!!

[Leah26]

Do they tend you let you be a part of visitation based on your comfort level? I wouldn't want to just not take part in it because I don't think that'd really be fair to the child. I know it'll be awkward and all and even upsetting but I think it's something we can handle. I wonder if it's possible if the birth parents are extremely rude or difficult to hang back a little rather than have the tension going on in front of the child? I guess all of that really varies big time from situation to situation. I know if the situation was reversed and I had child in foster, I'd hate whoever was looking after them just because it wasn't me. I suppose all of that just depends on the plan though. I wonder if with foster to adopt we're less likely to deal with a lot of that since they're wanting to put babies in our care who are most likely to be adopted. I would be okay with keeping things open after too if the birth family wanted that as long as it was good for the child. I think that's what's most important. Just telling ourselves what's best for the child is what we need to do. It sounds like there might be a lot more flexibility in the process than I had imagined too.

[Cosmosmom]

My aunt used to take her son to the visits with his bmom. He was super attached to my aunt and his bmom saw how he was happy with my aunt and how he cried and was crabby with her. And that was why she agreed to terminate her rights...but only if he was adopted by my aunt and her partner.


And yeah the whole open thing still makes me nervous and not sure on how I feel about it. But I figure that we will not know until it happens and just try to go with the flow.

No matter what kind of adoption, there is always a degree of risk and loss.

[WishingNWaiting]

I'm sorry I'm just seeing this post, but DH and I just finalized an adoption through Childrens Home Society in NC. Let me see if I can help answer some of your questions:

1. They do both foster/adopt and birthmother placement adoptions. We opted to foster/adopt after attending the state-mandated MAPPS class which helped us work through our options and we felt like we had the most to offer. The infant program does have some limited cost associated with it, but nothing like the $30k other agencies wanted. The downside is they only accept a limited number of couples at a time and there are some qualifications. I'm not sure about all the details though, since we didn't pursue that.

2. As far as the comments about no infants, I think that is a pretty standard response with all their workers. We left our first meeting in tears because the SW spent 45 minutes telling us that we would never find any kids that met our target and we would have to be prepared to adopt a teenager. She also told us that we were too young for adoption even though we were both over 30. We think that is was a test to see how serious and dedicated we were to the idea of adoption because we stuck it out and low and behold we got a Caucasian sibling set, boy and girl, ages 5 and 6 which were our exact ideal target when we first met.

3. My own personal opinion of CHS is that while they were insturmental in getting our foster care license and profiles out, we really did the bulk of our own work by advocating for ourselves. Pretty much everyone we dealt with seemed very unhappy in their jobs and treated us as a number instead of people. We had multiple disagreements with our SW and she didn't even come to our adoption finalization ceremony which I felt was a slap in the face after the had met with the kids and us monthly. In general, CHS was efficient in meeting the basic mandate of getting children placed, but don't provide any emotional support to potential adoptive parents. As awful as it sounds, if you have other options besides CHS I would pursue those before I recommend CHS.

Best of luck, it can be emotionally draining going through the process, but the end result is totally worth every painful second. Everyone tells us how lucky our kids are to be placed with us, but it is us who are lucky. They give us a whole new outlook on life and appreciation for making the most out of every day!

[kellyowens]

Do they tend you let you be a part of visitation based on your comfort level? I wouldn't want to just not take part in it because I don't think that'd really be fair to the child. I know it'll be awkward and all and even upsetting but I think it's something we can handle. I wonder if it's possible if the birth parents are extremely rude or difficult to hang back a little rather than have the tension going on in front of the child? I guess all of that really varies big time from situation to situation. I know if the situation was reversed and I had child in foster, I'd hate whoever was looking after them just because it wasn't me. I suppose all of that just depends on the plan though. I wonder if with foster to adopt we're less likely to deal with a lot of that since they're wanting to put babies in our care who are most likely to be adopted. I would be okay with keeping things open after too if the birth family wanted that as long as it was good for the child. I think that's what's most important. Just telling ourselves what's best for the child is what we need to do. It sounds like there might be a lot more flexibility in the process than I had imagined too.

A lot of this will be addressed during the adoption/foster classes .

The story is similar with my DS. His bmom had 3 visits with him when he was 9months old...he was terrified...screamed the entire time...she never came back for more visits.

I know a number of ppl who do/have done foster care and everyone's story is different...every bfamily is different so you just have to flexible and adaptable I think (not easy when it comes to a child you love and care about!) but most of these families say it's worth it all .

[Leah26]

We've been doing a lot of talking about all of it and have decided to go ahead with it all. Yes it's scary but I think it's good that it's scary or that we're scared at least. I think we'd be nuts if we weren't scared or nervous somewhat because it's a huge deal and a huge responsibility. We turned in our application today so I guess we've officially begun the certification process. We should be getting a call in a day or two about our first home inspection which I guess is pretty basic. From there, as far as I understand it, we'll be getting our fingerprints done for the background checks and just have things to do around the house to get ready for any of the other home visits. Once our background checks come back we'll do our PRIDE training and then be officially certified and waiting for a placement. I'm excited!

Alyssa - Thank you for the information on CHS. I wasn't sure what to think about them, and we've decided for now to just go with the state. I think we'd consider CHS if we were adopting a newborn instead of going the foster/adopt route. My cousin works for them and she's told me that they're great on some things and difficult on others. We'd also have to drive for classes to the closest one and it's 6 hours away!!! That's just not something we can do all the time, and I'm not even sure how we'd figure that one out. They also insist on doing everything themselves within our state even if they have to drive 6 hours which is fine, but we'd have to pay for the gas and travel for them. It's still more expensive than we can really handle right now. So we're pretty happy with our decision to go with the state foster/adopt right now. The good thing is we can always change our minds if we need to during the process if we decide it's not right for us, and we won't be out of any money. That was another thing I didn't like about CHS. They said that if you get pregnant while trying to adopt you can't get any money back and you can't apply anything to a future adoption. That seems a little harsh to me.

[Cosmosmom]

Sounds like you made the right choice. And yeah any path you take is scary! We're on a different one but it's scary at times....just a lot of unknown.

That is harsh. We would have to put our adoption on hold if we ended up pg. That actually happened to three of the six couples in my group! You do not get the money back (can claim it on taxes though if domestic but not for a year after it's paid for). But it will go somewhat towards a future adoption if you want back on the books. The only thing is the home study would have to be redone as your family changes and so they might charge for some of that.

[kellyowens]

Sounds like you made the right choice. And yeah any path you take is scary! We're on a different one but it's scary at times....just a lot of unknown.That is harsh. We would have to put our adoption on hold if we ended up pg. That actually happened to three of the six couples in my group! You do not get the money back (can claim it on taxes though if domestic but not for a year after it's paid for). But it will go somewhat towards a future adoption if you want back on the books. The only thing is the home study would have to be redone as your family changes and so they might charge for some of that.

SO true! I was scared. to. pieces. during our adoption process. I went over and over it in my mind wondering if we were doing the right thing. Even after placement I kept doubting myself about being the right family for DS . Of course, 3yrs later, I have no doubts at all!

[Leah26]

Glad to know I'm not the only one who's scared. I'm not scared enough to keep me from trying though. Sometimes I get this panicky feeling and I think "Oh God what if I don't love them like my own and I struggle bonding?" It's a silly thought though really because I've worked with kids since I was still a kid really (15) and I've never met a kid I couldn't love. Well, there was one who I was scared to death of when he was 8 but he was terribly violent and almost came after me with a pencil so I think that's one understandable. He's no longer allowed in public schools. Anyway, aside from that, no matter what the problems, I've always been able to love them, even when they were difficult and mean and everything else because they're just kids and their situations may suck but it's not their fault and they deserve love as much as anyone else.

I worked in a day care for a few years when I first moved here before I got back into the public schools and I worked with the infants and toddlers. My favorite part of the day was feeding the babies their bottles and watching their faces and having that special bonding time with them. I loved rocking them for naps too. My favorite time with the toddlers was first thing in the morning when I was the only teacher there and I'd only have one or two kids at a time and we got some special time together to eat breakfast and listen to music. Anyway, I loved it and I loved the kids and they were like a part of me I loved them so much.

So...I doubt bonding will be an issue but it's hard not to worry sometimes anyway. Quick question...as far as a placement goes with foster to adopt what kind of disabilities are expected? I imagine it'd be hard to end up with a healthy infant and that's fine. But we know we aren't ready to parent anything too severe. I have disabilities myself with my health problems so I understand and would love to work with a child who did have some minor problems to help them come back from it if that's possible. My mom's a Kindermusik teacher so I'd want to put them in Kindermusik classes and I'd do a lot of one on one work with them. I only work part-time so I'm hoping that we can get a baby that, if they have problems, with the right attention we can overcome those problems. Is this a possibility or is it more likely to get a baby who has severe long term problems from repeated drug use during pregnancy?

[WishingNWaiting]

I think being scared is a perfectly normal and expected emotion during the adoption process. I know my emotions ran from irritation, fear, joy, anxiousness, etc. But just keep your eye on the end result and know that there will be a day you will realize that every pain-staking second was 100% worth it! I was really scared about how I would bond, but it was the most natural thing for us. The moment we said hello to our kids we knew they were ours and we acted like we had been together their whole lives. The MAPPS (similar to PRIDE) classes will help you with understanding good ways to bond, some of the challenges that might come up, and how to best navigate those challenges.

The only "disability" we encountered with our kids (5 and 6 years old) was our son has a very slight speech impediment. It was enough to qualify him for weekly speech therapy through the school and we think after discussing with his new speech therapist here, it isn't so much of an impediment, but more that he wasn't taught to speak properly. He was neglected so much early on that he didn't have anyone to model speech after. He has shown dramatic improvement since coming into foster care and being adopted and we hope by the end of this school year, he won't need to continue therapy. But, with that said, there are all kinds of disabilities out there. Your social worker will talk through them with you and you can tell her what you are comfortable dealing with. Ours were also considered special needs because it was a sibling group - just because they are harder to place.

I'd just encourage you to keep an open mind during the whole process and realize that you don't have to decide anything today. When you get referrals for children you will have lots of opportunity to ask questions and make educated decisions. One other thing that we realized is that because the foster care system is so overworked, underfunded, and underappreciated - what seems like a bigger disability might not be as bad once the child is adopted and just needs some extra help.

Keep us posted and good luck!

[Lillismom]

I really don't have anything to contribute to this thread, but I wanted to say that I think people like you all that are adopting (especially the foster to adopt) are just amazing. What beautiful hearts you have.

[Cosmosmom]

Yes when you given a match, you can ask questions at that point. Even our friends in an agency domestic infant were matched but turned it down as it was too complicated for what they were comfortable with. We went through an extensive list of what we felt we could handle and what not to give the social workers ideas on what we could be presented with. If they had a child with certain disabilities, we would not even be shown or asked about that child. Others we could potentially be.

Kids in foster care often come with bagage....but every single one will be different. My aunt got my cousin at 2.5 months old. She has mild fetal alcohol syndrome. It took her a long time to bond and trust to my aunt. She was almost a year before she smiled. Now she's a fifth grader and definitely bonded to the family and a very sweet girl. Learning at school is a bit harder for her....a lot of it is she is flighty and distracted very easily. Her brother has no issues.

[kellyowens]

I think being scared is a perfectly normal and expected emotion during the adoption process. I know my emotions ran from irritation, fear, joy, anxiousness, etc. But just keep your eye on the end result and know that there will be a day you will realize that every pain-staking second was 100% worth it! I was really scared about how I would bond, but it was the most natural thing for us. The moment we said hello to our kids we knew they were ours and we acted like we had been together their whole lives. The MAPPS (similar to PRIDE) classes will help you with understanding good ways to bond, some of the challenges that might come up, and how to best navigate those challenges.

The only "disability" we encountered with our kids (5 and 6 years old) was our son has a very slight speech impediment. It was enough to qualify him for weekly speech therapy through the school and we think after discussing with his new speech therapist here, it isn't so much of an impediment, but more that he wasn't taught to speak properly. He was neglected so much early on that he didn't have anyone to model speech after. He has shown dramatic improvement since coming into foster care and being adopted and we hope by the end of this school year, he won't need to continue therapy. But, with that said, there are all kinds of disabilities out there. Your social worker will talk through them with you and you can tell her what you are comfortable dealing with. Ours were also considered special needs because it was a sibling group - just because they are harder to place.

I'd just encourage you to keep an open mind during the whole process and realize that you don't have to decide anything today. When you get referrals for children you will have lots of opportunity to ask questions and make educated decisions. One other thing that we realized is that because the foster care system is so overworked, underfunded, and underappreciated - what seems like a bigger disability might not be as bad once the child is adopted and just needs some extra help. Keep us posted and good luck!

VERY true!! This has been the case with DS...he had challenges (no "disabilities" per se) but nothing insurmountable and he has changed so much! Even his former fmom was amazed the first time she visited us after the adoption. We still face challenges that I believe are a result of bmom's significant cocaine/heroine usage prenatally but that's why we're here...to help him become the best person he can be .

[Leah26]

VERY true!! This has been the case with DS...he had challenges (no "disabilities" per se) but nothing insurmountable and he has changed so much! Even his former fmom was amazed the first time she visited us after the adoption. We still face challenges that I believe are a result of bmom's significant cocaine/heroine usage prenatally but that's why we're here...to help him become the best person he can be .

This is so true! I told DH this and he said "awwww, yeah that's how we want it to be!" I should be getting a call this afternoon or tomorrow (I hope) from DHS to schedule things and to see where to go from here.