Tomorrow will be the 8th anniversary of my son Asher's birth.
At almost 18wks I saw my midwife on my b-day so I could hear his heartbeat. She tried for 20mins but couldn't find it. I went to ER and the u/s showed what I already knew...my baby's heart had stopped beating. By u/s, growth had stopped between 16/17wks.
I opted to wait to see if my body would go into labor on its own but after 11days of no contrx I was induced. After 7hrs of labor I delivered my sweet little Asher Nathaniel. No cause of death was determined. He was perfect! We assume it was because of thyroid antibodies or a genetic condition I have (testing was expensive and only done out of country).
We had the option of bringing him home to bury so we did. Looking back, I regret not doing a small funeral service. I had no support and I think friends/family didn't know how to respond because it wasn't *real* to them. Still, no one remembers and that makes me sad.
My milk came in 4days later...I hadn't expected that and I felt so empty, cold, and alone.
My SIL had a baby boy 5days after Asher's due date. I was so happy for her but it was a very difficult time for me.
Even after all these years my arms and my heart ache for my boy.
I'm thankful to be holding another baby boy in my arms on this anniversary :-) .
My son Joash was born at 15wks nine months after we had Asher (I also had three earlier losses between them). So Adam is our first baby boy born healthy and well in 11yrs :-) !
Asher can never be replaced but I'm so grateful my arms aren't empty!
Thank you for letting me share