Please give advice! I dont know what to do!

[SarahBaby1]

I need your advice . Please! I posted a few weeks ago about an incident with my daughter where a little boy in her class exposed himself to her and a week later sat on her lap and tried to make out with her. Today we had an incident where a different boy was standing behind her in the line for the water fountain and he put his hands down the back of her pants and tried to pull them down. Im at my wits end. I met with the teachers and counselor for the school and sobbed the whole time! I should not have to send my daughter to school with her and us worried that shes going to be attacked and molested by these kids! What do I do??? (the boy has been suspended until Monday) We are in one of the best schools in the country! Im meeting with her VP tomorrow (he was out today) and would love some advice on how to handle this. Do I make threats? Do I switch schools?? This cannot continue. This turned into a rant. Sorry. Thanks ladies.

[JJorn]

Oh Sarah, I don't know why this keeps happening to your daughter. I don't know what to suggest, though, or why a different boy would do something similar. She is a cute little girl but you would think that that would not be a big draw at this age, would it?

I'd be tempted to home school, but since I want to do that anyway I don't know if that is the reason I would suggest it.

[SarahBaby1]

Thanks Jess. I had considered the homeschooling idea. We are moving in the next couple months and she will not be able to finish the year at this school anyway. My only fear is the socialization. She is also in speech therapy, and the cost of private therapy is huge. I just dont know.

[hotpinkmomma0811]

Well normally I would vote to switch schools but, since she is not going to be at this school much longer keep her there until you move. Its so hard to know for sure. I hope things calm down and stop until you move.

[raspberry]

I am so sorry this happening to your daughter. This is a different boy from the first incident?? Are you able to pull her out of school and home school until you move? This situation would make me very uneasy, I wouldn't want to worry all day long if my child was safe.

[KC's wifey]

I'm so sorry. I would be livid and heartbroken, too.

I was thinking along the same lines as Jessica. Unfortunately, in a public school setting you really don't have much control over other kids. Students come from all kinds of homes and backgrounds. Schools can work toward educating, prevention and reactive disciplinary action, but there is only so much they can do.

If you were interested in homeschooling, you might look into seeing if she could still get speech therapy at the public school. I think some states allow that. Also, depending on her needs, there are some at home therapy programs you can do. Just one I found from a quick Google search is called Straight Talk, which is provided by NATTHAN (Nationally Challenged Homeschool Association, which supports parents homeschooling children with special needs). Also, I wonder if you enrolled her in a public online school (which keeps her at home, but the school program and curriculum is online) if she would still be able to receive speech therapy from the public school system? I have no idea on that, just a thought you might look in to. My youngest sister is a student at an online public school and it has worked out really well for her.

Also, if you do decide to homeschool her, there are a plethora of ways to still get her involved in social situations. You just have to get her out and about. Homeschool co-ops, classes, sports teams, play dates, church, field trips, etc. Personally I am not convinced that public schools are the best place to learn positive social skills anyway. But that's my personal opinion.

Good luck meeting with the VP. I hope you can figure out something that will keep your daughter safe from now on, regardless of if it is continuing in the public schools or choosing a different option.

[ljs318]

Are both of these boys in her class? Can they switch her class until you move schools? I realize that is a lot of changes for her, but maybe knowing these boys wouldn't be harassing her might make it okay for her. Wow, I can't even imagine. HUGS to you both!

[Ambrelle]

I would have her moved to another class. The teacher apparently can't appropriately monitor the situation so I would request a new one. On the home schooling side, from what I understand, kids in Alabama can get free speech therapy through the school system they are zoned for even if they don't attend so that could be an option. If they won't move her to another class I would homeschool until you move regardless of speech therapy. I'm so sorry Mama..

[macksmom]

i am so sorry. I would be beside myself!

Since you are changing schools anyway i too would suggest pulling her out or at the very least switch classes if both these boys are in her class.

This seems very abnormal! I would be very upset...

[Bridget]

The class sizes are what? I know around here the class sizes for young children are so big that there is no possible way for the children to be monitered all the time. For the few months that my kids were in their school, Savana was punched, Kai had his pants pulled down to his ankles, they came home almost every day with a story of how they had to defend themselves. I believe pretty strongly that our modern day public schools are the last place I want my children learning social skills so I do urge you not to let that deter you. (Polly put it very well)
So I also vote that you take her out of that school since you will moving anyway. I'm sorry this is happening to her. Sadly, it does not surprise me.

[AlexL2010]

Is this happening to other kids as well in her class?? I would make a huge stink. Demand a meeting with that whole class, parents, kids, teachers, principal. Sorry I missed if she went to a private or public school? It's up to you if you want to pull her out now, or in a few months.

[Ky'sMom]

I would ask to have her switched to another class and honestly, I would put up a big stink. I would be HOT with anger!! Let alone my DH, they would probably hire her a private security guard. But yeah, I would have them switch her class. If you want to homeschool, I would go that route but if you don't, I'd make them move her.

All these school horror stories make me glad I love my kids' school. We have never had any problems like that but we have very small class sizes. And FWIW, this is one of the reason's why when people say a school is "good" doesn't necessarily mean that that is true. In todays day and age, people base that "good" on test scores and various websites but really, a smaller school with mediocre scores would be one I would see as better than the huge "good" school since I know my kids will do well academically no matter what.

If you will be moving soon, I'd look into putting her in a smaller school in your new neighborhood/town/city so that the children can be adequately monitored. I never had Ky in a class with more than 20 kids and when he was in a class with 20 they had a TA so the ratio of teacher to student was 1:10. I don't like it higher than that and would probably do the online public school if I couldn't find something that fit my criteria.

Erin

[LaurenMomof2]

I'm SO sorry that you had this happen. I'm not sure if you remember or not, but last year my DD had an incident where a little boy was humping her from behind and saying things that children shouldn't be saying in class. He was suspened for three days and they had a meeting with his grandparents (whom he lives with). After that, it was better. I can't imagine having two incidents in one year as shook up as I was over the one incident.

For me, homeschooling isn't an option. I would go to the district if I had to. There needs to be some sort of intervention at the school level. Did they meet with the boys parents?

[cindyrae42]

I would definitely get her moved to a different classroom. I understand she will only be at this particular school for another couple months, but it's time to get her changed. Poor baby!!

[Babidol]

Call the school board NOW. I would be so angry, I would pull her. This is way out of control. Just unbelievable. I would be getting the school board involved right now.

[ibisgirldc]

It sounds to me like the first boy may have some serious problems, stemming from potentially scary things at home. The second boy was being a prankster (I'll assume not a bully since the age is so young) - which is not allowable or funny whatsoever but a different situation. (If the first had never happened, the second wouldn't be as upsetting.) As others have said, it appears that the teacher and aides have lost control of the class. I'd switch classes and/or take it up to a higher authority, if available. They owe you an explanation. And a promise to keep a sharp eye on any interaction around your daughter. Maybe a talking-to for other parents and for the kids about personal space and appropriate touching. Switch schools if needed. (If it's private, can she enroll in the public school? Or vice versa?)

Personally, I wouldn't homeschool. It's not just that I don't believe in it as a practice; it's that in choosing that as a response to this situation, you would be teaching your daughter that in the face of adversity, the thing to do is retreat, hide, insulate yourself... She's the victim of these incidents and shouldn't have to do that. Shouldn't learn that when put in uncomfortable situations, running from it is the only choice. You may choose homeschooling for other reasons, but imo, I wouldn't make that direct correlation.

[hanvan2]

I taught for five years and never had anything like that happen. The teachers, principal etc FIRST job is the safety of their children. If your daughter isn't in a safe environment then learning will not happen. I would raise hell about this. I would not allow them to give you a "simple" answer. First time, the "we'll watch it" is fine but clearly the teacher isn't watching it.

The only reasonable "excuse" I can think of is the boys saw that first child do this and they are copying?? Either way this has to stop. I would be SO upset if this was my daughter.

I would probably ask to have her moved to another room since the teacher isn't handling this. The students also need to be addressed on ways we touch and do not touch our friends.

Also wanted to add that kids can learn social skills in many situations, including public school. Believe it or not many teachers do care about and teach their kids how to treat one another, how to speak. Sure, they can't TALK about religion but they can still give good moral advice on how to treat your friends, etc. Just my 2 cents.

We've had a great experience in PS so far. Hopefully this issue will be resolved.

[KC's wifey]

Personally, I wouldn't homeschool. It's not just that I don't believe in it as a practice; it's that in choosing that as a response to this situation, you would be teaching your daughter that in the face of adversity, the thing to do is retreat, hide, insulate yourself... She's the victim of these incidents and shouldn't have to do that. Shouldn't learn that when put in uncomfortable situations, running from it is the only choice. You may choose homeschooling for other reasons, but imo, I wouldn't make that direct correlation.

I disagree with this. If these experiences have caused her to feel that public schools are not a safe place for her daughter to be, that is as just as legitimate as any other reason a mother may choose to homeschool. I also do not think that pulling her out means they are retreating, hiding or insulating. For example: If my daughter was molested by a family member and I chose not to bring her to any more family events where the perpetrator was attending, I certainly hope no one would judge that as teaching my child to "run from an uncomfortable situation". You say she is the victim so she shouldn't have to leave. I say she shouldn't have to stay in a place she has been victimized.

Obviously I am a fan of homeschooling, but I am not saying its the only "right" option. If the OP chooses to keep her daughter in the public school and tries to find a way to keep her safe there, that is just fine. I just don't think its fair to say pulling her out means she is being a coward or teaching her child to run from adversity.

[Bridget]

I didn't mean to say that teachers don't care about kids. Far from it, actually. I spoke with 4 of the 7 teachers at the charter school I pulled Savana and Kai from and all of them said the large class sizes make their jobs very, very difficult. They are great teachers.
I also want to say that homeschooling has nothing to do with retreating and hiding.
All that said, I hope whatever you decide, your daughter doesn't have to face anymore of this type of behavior.

[SarahBaby1]

Thanks so much ladies. DH and I met with the VP today and the school therapist. They have called in an administrator from the school board and CPS to investigate both boys home situations. Apparently there have been several incidents not involving other kids that have raised suspicions. I just hate that it took them attacking my child to put all this in motion. They are having the one boy shadowed by an aid for the next 2 weeks and the other boy will be watched in class. Both are recieving therapy 3 days a week at the school. They have moved Lizzie to the front of the line and moved her desk. The therapist/guidance counselor also met with Lizzie and they made a thumbs up/down signal so that she can poke in the class throughout the day and Lizzie can let her know if theres a problem. I feel confident that they are on top of both situations and that they are doing everything in their power to protect Elizabeth and the boys. Thank you again for your advice. I dont wish this on any family. Maybe ill get some actual sleep tonight.

[JJorn]

It sounds like they wil be very proactive. I am so glad! I do really hope that this stops and that whatever is going on with those boys at home can be fixed so that they aren't further potentially damaged by their home situations.

[macksmom]

It sounds to me like the first boy may have some serious problems, stemming from potentially scary things at home. The second boy was being a prankster (I'll assume not a bully since the age is so young) - which is not allowable or funny whatsoever but a different situation. (If the first had never happened, the second wouldn't be as upsetting.) As others have said, it appears that the teacher and aides have lost control of the class. I'd switch classes and/or take it up to a higher authority, if available. They owe you an explanation. And a promise to keep a sharp eye on any interaction around your daughter. Maybe a talking-to for other parents and for the kids about personal space and appropriate touching. Switch schools if needed. (If it's private, can she enroll in the public school? Or vice versa?)

Personally, I wouldn't homeschool. It's not just that I don't believe in it as a practice; it's that in choosing that as a response to this situation, you would be teaching your daughter that in the face of adversity, the thing to do is retreat, hide, insulate yourself... She's the victim of these incidents and shouldn't have t o do that. Shouldn't learn that when put in uncomfortable situations, running from it is the only choice. You may choose homeschooling for other reasons, but imo, I wouldn't make that direct correlation.

On the contrary i think she would be teaching her daughter that her parents will protect her and remove her from a harmful situation. This will produce a continual trust that she can go to them with any problem and keep the lines of communication open. This isnt just an "uncomfortable situation" she is being sexually abused in a sense. I would not mess around if it were one of my daughters and would have a very hard time trusting the school to handle this now that it happened again.

[ljs318]

So glad to hear the school is taking action! HUGS!

[WishingNat]

Thanks so much ladies. DH and I met with the VP today and the school therapist. They have called in an administrator from the school board and CPS to investigate both boys home situations. Apparently there have been several incidents not involving other kids that have raised suspicions. I just hate that it took them attacking my child to put all this in motion. They are having the one boy shadowed by an aid for the next 2 weeks and the other boy will be watched in class. Both are recieving therapy 3 days a week at the school. They have moved Lizzie to the front of the line and moved her desk. The therapist/guidance counselor also met with Lizzie and they made a thumbs up/down signal so that she can poke in the class throughout the day and Lizzie can let her know if theres a problem. I feel confident that they are on top of both situations and that they are doing everything in their power to protect Elizabeth and the boys. Thank you again for your advice. I dont wish this on any family. Maybe ill get some actual sleep tonight.

Sounds like they're taking it very seriously and trying to get to the bottom of it. I hope your little girl is not subjected to any of this ever again!! I also really hope these little boys aren't having problems at home

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

I'm glad they are taking it seriously and have already called CPS and called a board member in for your meeting. I hope things improve for your daughter.

[KC's wifey]

I'm glad they are taking it seriously, also. I'm so sorry your daughter went through that. You are a strong momma and fought hard for her. I hope she is safe now, and that it makes a difference in the boys' lives as well.

[Bridget]

So glad things are being taken care of! What a relief.