Adoption...don't understand the negativity

[tradechick]

So my husband and I have struggled with fertility a long.... time.. I've endured years of women at my job being pregnant and discussing every detail of their pregnancy...
Im a teacher and sumtimes there were 3 or more people pregnant at once.. I was always trying to be happy but I was sad the first dozen times for me and my husband.

Most times I cried alone in the bathroom and pulled it together sumhow.. Two years ago I had a surgery that was going to increase my fertility but instead it totally took away the eggs I had left.. I was told my body went into menopause.. I hate Endometriosis!!!

So we are adopting and now its time......!!!!!!! a mom has chosen us!!! and we have a few things left to pay and we know the date of the C section..


So today a pregnant lady at the job was talking about her baby due date, so I told her my hubby and I were adopting and my child's due date and she got this weird look on her face.. and just clammed up!!!

Not the reaction I was looking for!!! No congrats!!! ooooo...ok she said...wow...why does that hurt so much!!!

[CoffeeCat]

What a stupid, stupid response. And being pregnant doesn't make it OK. I would NEVER say that to a happy momma-to-be, I would jump up and down with happiness WITH her-after all, you are both "expecting" moms! Adoption rocks!! We have biological children but we still may adopt at some point in the future. It is a selfless, beautiful thing to choose to be a parent of a child who needs a good home, and coming to the end of that road is worthy of celebration!!!

[tradechick]

thanks...i thought it was weird too..kids are kids and they need love no matter how they come....thanks for the affirmation

[haydensmom]

Congratulations!!!!!!! I hope the rest of the process goes without a hitch!!!!!

[JJorn]

I'm sorry that she reacted that way - she just must have not known what to say.

Definitely congratulations!

[Leah26]

I agree that's a weird reaction...I'm pretty sure most people would be thrilled and excited for you just as much as if you had announced you were pregnant! You're definitely still an expecting mom! People can be so weird sometimes. Lol. But CONGRATULATIONS! That is wonderful news!

[tradechick]

thanks guys...support is awesum!!!

[tradechick]

Question,, I went to the agency Tuesday that was handling our home study, they informed me that a mom chose my husband to take her child but she also is in a bad housing situation and has to move by Aug. 31st. She would like help with an rent and two months security deposit. We just paid a huge chunk for other stuff and just don't have it.. What should we do? The agency has said that if we choose to help they will pay her housing directly, they don't give money directly to BM's? I was off the whole summer so now what? I don't technically get a payroll til mid september

[Cosmosmom]

Congrats on being matched! I'm in the same state....which agency are you with? Is the birth mom in this state? When is the baby due?

Honestly as much as I want a baby, I would not pay the rent. I don't have that kind of money and will not pay that much knowing that she could change her mind after the birth and I'm out all that cash.

[tradechick]

the agency is Adoption Services...the birth Mom is in my state..the baby is due Dec. 9th but is scheduled by C section...around November 16th.. We will travel an hour away to the babies birth...nice huh? My husband and I live by a budget and his was not budgeted.. I have been looking for housing resources in her town..so far no luck

[Cosmosmom]

It's a tricky call. The best you can do is talk with your social worker and see what their thoughts are on this. Has she received a lot of counseling and they are feeling strongly she will place? Is she very young (that can be a red flag as the youngest women tend to not place as much).
Have you met with her and got a feel for things yourself? Have you been waiting a long time?
Are the plans to bring baby home from the hospital as a legal risk or would you do a bridge care (our agency uses bridge care most of the time and that is my preference).

[mla]

That's a weird response.

But congratulations on being matched!

[Sugar&Spice]

Such a ridiculous response. Maybe she's the selfish type, who thinks everything should be about her, and therefore just wants to talk about her own situation. In any case, don't let one bad person rain on your parade. Congratulations! Such great news!

[tradechick]

Thank You for the support, I am excited about knowing the exact day I will be a new Mom!!!

[tradechick]

So I spoke to birth Mom.. She is 30ish and divorced, has grade school kids and does not want to raise a child in her financial and emotional state.. She wants us to take the baby from hospital.. She has no support from family, the one person she told does not agree with her decision.. Her kids are with family and they don't know she pregnant and she wants to keep it that way.. She wants help with an apartment away from everyone to have the baby in Peace. So if there can b any confidence she wont change her mind, this may be as close and one can get.

We want to help, my husband was even moved to tear up when our worker us her story.... I better start lookin for grants...our family has already helped us with other fees.

[Cosmosmom]

That is definitely exciting! The waiting and wondering when is so hard. Hopefully it's at least a cheap apartment....maybe a studio?

If she's not telling her grade school aged kids, I wonder if she's going to want much openess with the adoption?

Do you know yet if you are having a son or a daughter?

[Leah26]

I've read it's pretty common to help with rent and utilities in a domestic adoption. That's a concern of ours as well since I worry it could potentially get very expensive and they may decide not to place after all. It sounds like she's more likely to continue with the placement because of her age and current situation. It sucks that she doesn't have support in her own family though. If it was me and I felt pretty confident in the birth mom and that she feels confident in her decision and placing the baby with you I'd probably try to find a way to make it work. Good luck sweetie and I hope that everything works out perfectly and that you're bringing your little bundle of joy home very soon!