At my wits end (need pt advice)

[Bec]

Maddox is 4.5. He has been "potty trained" since he was 3. While he has gone through periods of accidents in the past it's been nothing like this. He is having at least 2-3 accidents a day now. And it's not just a little like he couldn't get to the bathroom in time, it's full blown peeing his pants. I am so over this. We've tried everything we could think of, reward chart, positive reinforcement, flat out bribery. It's just not clicking. When I ask him why it doesn't phase him, he just stares past me, and says i'm sorry. DH is to the point of starting to take stuff away and wanting to give time outs. Even if I make him go every 30 mins it is still a struggle cause he doesn't always have to go. Then he'll go in his pants and it doesn't even bother him until I tell him to go to the bathroom again and he tries to hide his underwear and pants from me. I have a call into the pedi hopefully I'll hear from her tomorrow. Maddox has always been my hardheaded stubborn child he does stuff his own way in his own time. I just don't understand this regression. He is supposed to be starting preschool at the end of the month how can I send him if he is still having accidents daily? Anyone go through this with their older child?

ETA - this is mainly when we are home. If we are out he will tell me when he has to go, very rarely does he have an accident outside of the house, but he is also very shy and I can see him not telling his teacher when he has to go.

[MomOfAnOnly]

How are his bowel movements? When older kids start having pee accidents, constipation is always my first thought. A full bowel puts so much pressure on the bladder that before they know they even have to go, they've had an accident.

[Bec]

His BM's are just fine.

[Irish-Eyes]

Punishing accidents is only going to make it worse. I know it's frustrating but if you punish him, it's creating an issue for M. I wouldn't go down that road, if I were you.

[tikyg]

I read a really good article from this urologist and i am sorry i cannot find it again but it said that many times parents "think" their kids bms are ok and in reality they are not and there is backed up constipation.
He used an example of a 5 or 6 year old who had a massive poop blockage that was found during an ultrasound and once they started treating her with miralax or whatever else her pee accidents stopped...
i am just sharing because maybe there has something to do with constipation....

[3andMe]

Maybe this is the article? I sent it to one of my husband's co-workers whose parents were pushing them to potty-train their one-year-old when they didn't feel he was ready.

However, if your son is not having accidents outside of the house, it seems less likely that this is a physiological condition. Any idea what is happening when he is peeing?

Is he involved in a game or activity that he doesn't want to stop? Does he make an attempt to go and just can't make it because he waited until the last minute, or does he not try to go at all? Does he realize he needs to pee? Does it just seem easier to keep doing what he's doing and change his clothes later? I have actually read adult men talking about embarrassing things they did as kids, and that was one of them (peeing in their clothes on purpose because they didn't want to get up), so it's probably more common than one might think. I'm sure more adults might do this if they didn't have to shower and do the laundry and clean-up themselves, or deal with the censure. Does he use your bathroom willingly at other times, or is there a possible fear of the bathroom? Is he having any pain when he pees?

In any case, I would try to get to the bottom of what might be causing it, without anger, and solicit his help. Keep in mind that asking a lot of questions may put him on the defensive, especially with everything that's gone on so far, and kids are not so great at answering questions like this. He may just give up or say what he thinks you want him to say, so it's kind of tricky to ask without putting words in his mouth. I would ask him for his help in solving the problem and have him help you brainstorm possible solutions. Get him involved. What could be making it harder for him to go pee? Maybe give a couple of ridiculous possibilities to diffuse the situation, and get him thinking. Is there too much stuff in the way of the bathroom? Should we move some furniture to make a wider path?

Good luck!

[LanceBabe]

I could use some advice myself, so I'm no help. Katie finally pt'd a little before her 4th birthday, but now is peeing and pooping in her panties EVERY DAY. Any ideas?

[moosh34]

Just wanted to offer some hugs. We've been going through the same thing for what feels like forever. I've tried pretty much everything too. Not much help from the pedi either. We did do miralax for a bit when he was peeing every time he was strapped in his carseat and it helped with that, but not with the accidents at home much. FWIW, he went to a whole year of preschool with only 1 accident. So sorry. It's so frustrating not to be able to figure out what to do to help your child with something it seems he should be capable of doing.

[Mama2LMN]

I couldve written this myself about Kenna. She turned 4 in January and recently started by peeing the bed and then now throughout the day will have a few accidents. She doesnt full blown PEE her pants but there is always a small amount of urine in them. She changes her panties a few times a day but I refuse to put her in pull ups during the day. Im so frustrated and exhausted with it. The most frustrating part is that she SEEMED to be fine for so long. Potty trained completely, even at night before age 3! Then at 4, suddenly accidents. She NEVER has a poop accident, only pee. She claims she doesnt feel it coming out... I took her to the pedi and they just checked her for a UTI, which was negative. I really try not to get angry but sometimes I do . Dh gets very angry at her..