this is so hard

[kimberlee1234]

I recently had a July 5 and found out we lost the baby on my birthday (yesterday). we werent trying, but not preventing! I was so scared when I found out I was pg but soon got over it and was overly excited. I started bleeding and having the most awful pains yesterday so I went back to the ER and they did an US and said baby stopped growing at 6w and they were very sure there was no hb. I felt my stomach "fall out of my body." I'm more crushed than imaginable. I've had a miscarriage but didnt remember it hurting this much. I cried all day on my birthday not to mention a *itch that works w DH threw it in my face she was pg right after DH told her we lost the baby. In a way I feel so alone bc I didnt tell my friends ( except my APA friends). Dh isnt grieving as bad as I am. I feel so resentful toward dh coworker. I cant stop crying, when I turn on the tv there is always a baby show or movie on. I wanted this baby so bad and it hurts even more that now im passing big clots... Eww I know! Im scared to start trying. Dh said we can but im worried to loose another lil bean. I fell so inlove with the idea of holding another baby-my baby. How did you ladies get the strength to keep trying after a lose? Does it get better? I cry everywhere I go. I just cant help it. I ended up spending my birthday crying and rubbing my belly (knowing the baby didnt make it, but wishing it did). Please how did you make it through this?

[Babidol]

I'm so sorry momma. It is very hard. I remember laying in my bed for days after. My DH kept telling me "we will just try again" or "it wasn't the right time" kind of stuff. I really think they have no idea how to handle it, don't understand it and have a knack at saying the wrong thing. My friend swears that when a man has a crying female in his life his instinct is to F&*# it or fix it and sometime we just don't need either!! I ended up with a d&c which forced me to take the time to heal physically and emotionally before we started trying again. I'm still scared that something will go wrong but I refuse to live in fear. You will get through this. I had a dream that the baby was a girl and she had a name in my dream, Jacqueline Renee, so I named my baby. I also bought an angel wing ornament I keep in my night stand. I guess I needed that. Big, big Hugs.

[Mama2LMN]

BIG hugs Kimberlee. I too, had a m/c with a surprise baby. Dh did not grieve with me. He almost seemed uncomfortable and awkward about the whole situation. He just kept saying "we werent ready for another baby anyway." or "it just wasnt meant to be." Those things DO NOT give a grieving mother relief from her misery. It caused A LOT of issues for our marriage and put a huge wall between us for quite a while.. Id even go so close to say almost ruined our marriage. I felt he wasnt there for me in the way he shouldve been, he disagreed... etc. Anyway, we did (obviously) get past it. We are in a great place now. We also have had Nixon since the loss. That helped my pain immensely. You WILL have another baby... It will just take the desire of having another one, out weighing the fear of losing another one, to get you there. Big hugs girl!! You have your baby girl, you know it can happen and it will. The pain of losing this baby will never go away but the scars will fade over time...

[oceanfairie]

Its really hard the first few days, especially when you are going through the actual m/c, I feel you in being afraid to try again, but I am decided that I am going to take care of myself first and get ready for this next time that we try... I going to loose a little weight, start taking prenatals, and stay off my antidepressant, which is an SSRI, so it can cause some issues with pregnancy... We were definitely not expecting this last baby, but I got so excited for it too, and even started looking at names and everything. Things just happen sometimes, just gotta keep a good outlook, and try again... *hugs*

[LaurainFL]

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost a baby between my boys, too. Crying is normal and a healthy part of the grieving process. It gets better with time. The best advice I have is to spend plenty of time loving and snuggling your little one. Just holding my DS was my biggest comfort while I was going through my miscarriage.

[pslo1]

I'm so sorry :-( How you're feeling is completely normal IMO.. I would be feeling the exact same way. I miscarried in June, I don't know how far along I was but I wasn't healthy at all and was living the typical 21 year old life, and we too weren't preventing nor trying, but when I thought I was pregnant, it was a Godsend! I ended up getting my period early and heavy.. having no idea what was going on but suffering the same pains you did. I know I wasn't 6 weeks, and the fact that you made it that long is what should keep you trying! You have to think that because you weren't trying or preventing, there's all kinds of stressors that naturally induced this. On the contrary, like me, the egg maybe wasn't strong enough. But don't give up, because your eggs ARE capable of being fertilized, just not that one. Try again when you feel better physically, sex naturally will release serotonin and dopamine in your brain and give you more motivation to try. If you can't bring yourself to have sex again yet, do something else that releases the same neurotransmitters, like yoga or cardio or even eating your favorite foods. The fact that your egg fertilized is the most important thing, because it can happen again. 600,000 spermies try to fertilize that one egg, and only one or two make it through the zona shell and reach fertilization while other helper cells try to fight the sperm off, preventing you from getting pregnant. That one or two sperm MADE it, and you did get pregnant. You can get pregnant again, and your chance from what I've read of having a miscarriage again is now 75% less ^_^

Good luck hun