bad news...advice?

[Madelaine]

I finally had my first doc appointment today. I am ending week 11 tomorrow. It was bad news. The embryo measured more like 7 weeks and no heart beat. I've had two miscarriages one what I believe they call DC and one natural at about 7-8 weeks. Today the lady is asking me if i would want to wait more or have a procedure done. I don't really get why they are asking me. How should I know? Thinking aloud I said procedure because it's almost 12 weeks. Isn't that too long? So they scheduled me for Monday morning. Now I am sitting here wondering if that's a good decision. Both the technician and the nurse said there is no heart beat and the embryo measures 7 weeks not 11. I did not even meet the doctor. This is the first time I've had an OBGYN so I don't know what to think. I have been spotting (lightly and not red blood) so something is not right. She said the cervix is closed.
I've been preparing myself for bad news since day one and so far I'm doing ok. Trying to keep busy.
Any advice will be appreciated. You know how they say, ask your doctor. Good luck with that. I would like to ask her but how? I've been there today, got up early, waited 30min because they were late and did not even meet her! I remember they told me on the phone I would be able to meet the doctor.

[MissPrego]

I'm so sorry hun...I've had two miscarriages but both early on and they passed on their own. Sorry I don't have much advice but I think they just ask in case you want to pass naturally instead of D & C. Many women choose D&C because it's much quicker and probably a little less painful.

[ClarisseMarie]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think the PP is right on with their reasoning for asking. It really surprises me that they did not have you see a doctor before setting anything up. I think, if it would make you feel better, you should call them and ask to see your OB directly, or at least for her to call you and speak with you on the phone. I will say that I generally do not see my OB at my ultrasound appointments - it is usually scheduled completely separately from my OB checkups. Is your OB familiar with your history? If they won't see you, I'd consider finding another OB who will give you the service and care you deserve.

Big, big hugs. I'm just so sorry.

[Madelaine]

It was my first very visit there. I asked on the phone if i will meet the doctor and they said yes after the US.

[Babidol]

I'm so sorry. I was told at 7 weeks with my last pregnancy that it wasn't viable. I waited until 10 weeks before I opted for a D&C. It could be weeks before you miscarry naturally and the chance of hemmorage goes up the longer you wait. I'm so sorry. My OB actually came in and verified the u/s and then let me come to his office. He also ran betas to see where my numbers were and if they were decreasing. I would call back and tell them you want to see the OB. If she can't meet with you call a different doctor. I wouldn't want a doctor doing a D&C on me I never met. Since this is your 3rd loss they should also be doing testing and such at this point. Especially since they have an embryo. Big hugs. Feel free to PM me if you need me to answer anything else. Big, big hugs.

[LSVNurse]

I'm so sorry

[Mommabird]

Oh I am do sorry for your loss sweetie. I have no advice just wanted to send

[JJorn]

I just wanted to drop in say that I am so sorry! I also had the same exact thing happen - at 8 weeks a heart beating, at 11.5 weeks no heart beating and the baby was measuring the same or smaller than at 8 weeks. I opted to wait for a natural miscarriage and it happened at exactly 12 weeks. The OB said that sometimes a women just needs confirmation that the pregnancy is over and then they will miscarry. They were fine with that and I would do it the same way again unless there was a medical reason for testing.

[fourgulls]

I am so sorry and am mad that the OB didn't come in and talk to you.

[missmc]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I think the PP is right on with their reasoning for asking. It really surprises me that they did not have you see a doctor before setting anything up. I think, if it would make you feel better, you should call them and ask to see your OB directly, or at least for her to call you and speak with you on the phone. I will say that I generally do not see my OB at my ultrasound appointments - it is usually scheduled completely separately from my OB checkups. Is your OB familiar with your history? If they won't see you, I'd consider finding another OB who will give you the service and care you deserve.

Big, big hugs. I'm just so sorry.

ITA with this. I'm sorry for your loss.

[oceanfairie]

I am so sorry for your loss ... I just went through mine, found out at a 10 week appointment the baby stopped growing around 5 - 6 weeks, and no hb. After that appointment I waited for about 2 weeks for my miscarriage to happen... I wanted it to happen sooner because I didn't like waiting around for it to happen, so I tried various things to get it going like exercise, acupuncture, and by taking some herbs that my acupuncturist gave me, and I have to say the waiting part was probably the hardest for me, especially when I just wanted it to be over. When it did happen it wasn't really what I expected at all, mine was like a mini labor with contractions and everything, not unbearable pain, but I personally don't know if I could do the natural process again or not, then again this is my first loss, so yeah. There is some added risk with a D and C, like infection and stuff that my nurse practitioner told me about, she recommended I go natural if possible, and then if things weren't progressing like they should I would need to come back in for a D and C... I did a little research and found that a D and C wasn't as bad, as you can ask to be put completely out, and the recovery time isn't bad...One other option my doc gave me too was the medication that induces miscarriage, they put it in vaginally and it causes the uterus to start contracting, and everything is expelled in a couple of days... I wasn't able to take this option though because I had a past history or asthma...

In the end I would recommend doing a little research for yourself... there are also some videos on you tube that you can watch where other women talk about their experiences with natural and d and c procedures... even the medication induced one too. It is a really personal decision that only you can make for yourself... if you are having second thoughts about the d and c, cancel your appointment for monday, and then go in and talk to your doctor and see what they can tell you too... they should have handled that better for you, I am so sorry...

In my prayers and thoughts

[ozzy]

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree and would want to see the door before doing anything.

[lindsay1p]

I personally would want one more ultra sound before d and c. I've had a miscarriage at home and a d and c, my last pregnancy baby had a heart beat but was never growing right and eventually lost heart beat so I chose a d and c. It was so much less painful than the miscarriage. I was able to get pregnant again after mc and d and c in about 2 months.

[Madelaine]

Thank you very much for all your kind words ans support.
Last night at 2 am I started to bleed with something like water breaking first. I did not sleep all night because you really can't with the pain coming every few minutes. The pain isn't horrible but it's enough. I ended up doing some computer work until the morning. And then I called my doctor, well, the office. All I was able to do was to leave a message to a nurse. She wasn't calling me back. I got so frustrated that I began to call other doctors hoping to set up something to get checked out after the miscarriage was over. No one could take me. Vcacations! I even called planned parenthood and they were the most helpful and said they would take me on Monday to do an u s to check if everything is ok. I was going to go with that, but the nurse finally called 2 hr later and I think because of my message and because I said I was going to change doctors she got me an app with The Doctor that afternoon. I was glad to take it especially because it was Friday and I did not want to be on my own going though this agin. Everything was ok, I passed most of it. She did the US herself. I am also going to a fertility specialist to see what could be the reason for all these miscarriages. I am doing good. A friend of mine told me how she also had problems and seeing a specialist is definitely the way to go because they treat you differently. Her problem was identified quickly, now she has 2 kids. I can only hope mine would be easy too because I don't think I would be able to go through anything too extreme or invasive. So the specialist it is.

I wish you all the best! And thanks for having me here.

[Babidol]

I'm sorry momma. Glad the doc got you in and you've got a plan for addressing your losses. Big hugs.

[Flowrgrl]

[lindsay1p]

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you are able to find some answers int he near future,.

[ozzy]

I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope the RE can give you the answers to carry a healthy baby into your arms.

[oceanfairie]

Sorry for your loss, I hope that everything can be explained by the doc for all the other probs...