Seriously considering a family bed

[Bridget]

I do not have dbf fully on board yet although he didn't say no. I'm just so sick of the negativity surrounding bedtime. Savana saying all she wants is someone to snuggle her. I can't snuggle her at her bedtime because that is Sawyer's witching hour. But she begs me and all I can do is tell her I am sorry. Kai saying he does not want to sleep alone. He feels scared and lonely and feels like someone is watching him. They (especially Kai ) are relentless and sometimes I lose my patience which makes me feel like crap. All day I stay calm and rational. Then at day's end I am exhausted and out of patience thus we have to end on a sour note and the last communication I have with my sweet children is yelling.

Then in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning one or both of them come into our room and climb into our queen sized bed. At that point none of us are sleeping well because it's simply too crowded.

And just to kill 2 birds with one stone, dbf has 2 computer screens set up in the living room. So he's working in the LIVING room and expects to be able to focus, gets unreasonably annoyed with the children, doesn't answer ant of us when we speak directly to him because he's focused on something else but, like, he's RIGHT there so it's hard for the kids to get why daddy doesn't answer them. So, I want to make our room his office. Move our bed mattress into Kai's room (master bedroom but we gave it up to the kids for the smaller room with a lake view), add 2 more mattresses for the kids, create a safe spot for Sawyer and make it the sleeping room. This way everyone is feeling safe and happy and no shuffling around in the middle of the night.


Am I crazy?

[momma_k807]

No, I think it's a great idea. YOu need to do what works for your kids. And I know what you mean about the witching out and the lost patience at the end of the day. Last night DS just wanted to cuddle but I was trying to feed DD and we were running behind in our schedule anyways cause of having company. I put him to bed in a haste instead of taking him in tucking him in and talking with him for a few minutes. After I had her to sleep I went back in to his room and cuddled with him for a while. It's tough

[Irish-Eyes]

Honestly, that sounds awesome. I'd love that.

[june1baby]

It sounds great to me! It wouldn't work with my family because my oldest is such a light sleeper and she'd wake up with the baby when Finn got up to eat. But, if it would work I'd love it!
By the way, I hope this doesn't come across as mean, but it's secretly good to hear that even you (who I associate with super mom) loses her patience. . . makes me feel a little better about the times that I do! We are all human!

[Bridget]

Thanks for the support ladies! And june1baby, glad my misery makes you feel better lol! I know what you mean. It does help to know that others go through the same struggles. Trust me, I have my moments. This stuff is hard.
I think I have convinced dbf. He says it's sounds like a lot of work but I say it will save us (read:me because I do bedtime for all 3 kids by myself) so much trouble in the end. Plus, my older 2 are starting school soon and I am going to miss them so much! I hate how fast the summer is going. I will want to have them close to me all night.

[MissPrego]

I personally enjoy having intimate time with DH in the evening. My children have never given me a hard time to go to bed though so I guess you have your reasons. Once you start having them sleep in a family bed to feel secure it's going to be hard for them to sleep without having you there.

[Bridget]

I have intimate time with dbf every night after the kids go to bed. We are in the living room. Sawyer's crib is sidecarred to our bed so the bedroom is not our hangout spot. They won't have to learn to go to sleep without having me here in the very near future. I plan on sticking around for awhile

[macksmom]

go for it!

[Babidol]

Sounds like a good plan to me unless you think the kids will all room together without you. Honestly, my brothers and I shared a room (and a queen bed) by choice until I was like 13 or so. I've felt safe sleeping with each other and it was so comforting. We all had our own rooms but that didn't matter. I think my brothers stayed in the same rom/ bed for another 2-3 years after I moved. It's just so natural to feel safe when you are with someone else. Mammals first, society second!

[futuresoccermom]

Sounds like a good plan to me unless you think the kids will all room together without you. Honestly, my brothers and I shared a room (and a queen bed) by choice until I was like 13 or so. I've felt safe sleeping with each other and it was so comforting. We all had our own rooms but that didn't matter. I think my brothers stayed in the same rom/ bed for another 2-3 years after I moved. It's just so natural to feel safe when you are with someone else. Mammals first, society second!

I was just going to say! I dont know if you'll find this a silly question, but how does Savana and Kai feel about cuddling together?? I was like Savana when I was growing up (okay, I never outgrew it) I hate sleeping alone. I always snuck into my little sisters bed (she's 4 years younger) I loved just being close to someone at bedtime. My sister was a solo sleeper and sometimes asked me to leave..but I always appreciated the times she'd let me bunk with her. It never crossed my mind to ask my brother though... he was 2 years older than me, if he would have been younger I probably would have!

[june1baby]

Bridget - I thought of you last night when I had a spur of the moment family bed - in my daughter's twin bed - due to a BAT FLYING AROUND MY HOUSE. I had already caught the bat once, released it outside, and it found it's way back in. When my DH came home, me and the girls had to hunker down in my 3 year old's room. My 8 month old kept cracking up at it, grabbing her face, playing with her hair. My 3 year old was just playing with her sister. They were up from 12 - 3. Hahah! Then, when he had finally gotten the bat and taken care of it, I tried to get us all to sleep in the King bed in the master bedroom. My 3 year old wasn't having it - she wanted to snuggle with her Dad in the dinosaur room (her room). I wanted some family snuggle time, but she says her dino bed is 'more comfier,' and she probably knows she can actually get some sleep instead of Finley trying to play with her all night long.
Back to the normal - me and Finn in the king bed, DH and Lou in the dino bed!

[elle77]

mama. Do what you think is best for your sleep and the sleep of your kiddos.

I just wanted to comment on your DHF working in he midst of the family. My DH is in sales and works from home twice a week. In our old house, he would sit right at the table in the middle of the living/dining/kitchen area and then get pissed when we would distract him and rude when we tried to talk to him. I just told it straight to him, "If you don't want us bothering you, leave. Go work at the library, coffee shop, or whatever." And he didn't at first, but then every time he'd say we were bothering him I'd just tell him to leave. Lol, sounds mean, but he would eventually say, "I know, I should." And then he started leaving and then he finally carved out an office space for himself in the front room so he could close the door. Now he has his office in the basement of our new home so it works much better. Its hard when they work from home, but if they have a space where the kids know its "daddy's work" and the door is shut maybe they won't bother him.

Anyway, didn't want to hijack the thread just thought I'd comment since we just went through the same thing!

Good luck with the sleeping and working arrangements, let us know how it goes!

[Bridget]

mama. Do what you think is best for your sleep and the sleep of your kiddos.

I just wanted to comment on your DHF working in he midst of the family. My DH is in sales and works from home twice a week. In our old house, he would sit right at the table in the middle of the living/dining/kitchen area and then get pissed when we would distract him and rude when we tried to talk to him. I just told it straight to him, "If you don't want us bothering you, leave. Go work at the library, coffee shop, or whatever." And he didn't at first, but then every time he'd say we were bothering him I'd just tell him to leave. Lol, sounds mean, but he would eventually say, "I know, I should." And then he started leaving and then he finally carved out an office space for himself in the front room so he could close the door. Now he has his office in the basement of our new home so it works much better. Its hard when they work from home, but if they have a space where the kids know its "daddy's work" and the door is shut maybe they won't bother him.

Anyway, didn't want to hijack the thread just thought I'd comment since we just went through the same thing!

Good luck with the sleeping and working arrangements, let us know how it goes!

Ugh, I've told/asked/pleaded with him so many times to set up his workspace somewhere else. He gets all offended like I'm trying to "get rid of him". It's very annoying.

[Smplyme89]

If you think it'll make things easier/less stressful for you (and you can get your man on board) I say roll with. It's all about doing what works for you and your family!

DH and I love snuggling with Nolan. Even though he sleeps in his own room most nights, when he does want our snuggles during the night - we enjoy it