x-post - friend attempted suicide

[KC's wifey]

Hello my Christian sisters... I could use some advice and encouragement. I posted a thread about my friend attempting suicide. I am at a loss for how to respond. I could use some Christian perspective. You can read the thread in ranting, but post in here.

Thanks, girls.

[Sakura]

Firstly, I think you should pray for her and her family, which I know you are doing. As for visiting, I think it would depend on how close you two are. And like others have said, showing your anger isn't probably going to be productive, you know? Maybe go just to say hello and see how you can be of assistance to her family?

[KC's wifey]

Thanks, Amanda. I agree that showing my anger is not going to help. I had an opportunity to go see her today and I didn't because I am not ready yet.

I think I feel similarly to if a mentally ill person tried to kill my friend with her child in the home. If they were two separate people, it might be less confusing... sort of, you know? But they are one and the same person.

So for right now I have only text messaged her once with a kind message, and FB messaged her with the lyrics to a song that struck me today in church. Interestingly, the message in church today was about dealing with "Assyrian sized" problems (Isaiah 31) by going to the Lord rather than trying to fix things our own way. All the songs were great, but I messaged her with My Troubled Soul. Ugh, and I forgot to pick up a CD of the message. I think it was incredibly applicable and encouraging. I will try to get that for her and her husband to listen to.

So anyway, Ive only been messaging her when I feel God's grace shining through rather than my anger. There may be a time to tell her how hurtful her actions and choices have been, but right now is not that time. I will continue to pray for them and for wisdom and guidance for my own heart.

[KC's wifey]

Oh, and our regular pastor was not there today. The man that preached is is in charge of a prison ministry in the area. So when he talks about having troubles, he's seen some pretty big ones, I'm sure.

[MrsMan]

The message at Sunday School this morning was about showing grace. The preacher spoke from John 8 where the woman who was caught in the act of committing adultery was brought before him and he was asked what should be done to her. I know that you probably already know the story, but he of course said that only those without sin should stone her and none were able to follow through with the act.

All of that is to say, when you are feeling grace, you should definitely go with her and be with her. We've all fallen short and while your feelings are justified, she needs your love and support, not condemnation.

ETA: It would help if my old brain remembered where the preacher was preaching from...

[Sakura]

I wish I could give you a big giant hug because I know this has been very difficult for you.

[KC's wifey]

The message at Sunday School this morning was about showing grace. The preacher spoke from John 8 where the woman who was caught in the act of committing adultery was brought before him and he was asked what should be done to her. I know that you probably already know the story, but he of course said that only those without sin should stone her and none were able to follow through with the act.

All of that is to say, when you are feeling grace, you should definitely go with her and be with her. We've all fallen short and while your feelings are justified, she needs your love and support, not condemnation.

ETA: It would help if my old brain remembered where the preacher was preaching from...

Thanks.

Not talking about condemning, though. God is fully grace and truth, and sometimes truth is not all warm and fuzzy and what we want to hear, but it is different than condemnation. I definitely believe God loves her and *I* love her. That is why I feel so hurt by her choices. So what I am struggling with is how to share truth in love, and waiting on the right timing.

[JJorn]

I agree with the other posts in that you should just focus on grace/love at this point. When the Lord prompts you to speak truth to her, do so - but he may never ask you to do that. I understand your hurt and anger (my cousin attempted suicide once). Pray that her heart would be receptive to the truth and that she would hear God's voice.

[mrsbabyhead]

Oh I am so sorry you (and she) are going through this. Reading it made me really angry too. In my darker days I have attempted suicide but it was not well planned and was definitely a "cry for help" more than an actual wish to die. Attempting suicide is really selfish and manipulative; it is an attempt to make people notice you. Doing it with kids in the house was planned and manipulative and not a serious attempt. You have to be in a horrible place to want to even try it but she obviously wants pity, not the "release" of death. My prayers go out to her poor crazy self. That being said...

Definitely do not get sucked into her drama; I think that what you are doing now is safe and very sweet under the circumstances. Once she has recovered, she needs to have someone sit her down an read her the riot act IMO. She's setting her child up for future mental problems. Her life isn't just hers, she has a family to think about. Some people thrive on drama but drama + mental illness = bad! She's losing friends and she'll end up losing even more if she can't get her act together.

I deal with depression and bipolar type II myself and the second I start feeling weird I am at my doctor's office. My life is not my own anymore - I am a wife and mother - and so I need to stay healthy or at least be working on getting there when mental illness breaks through. Sorry if I sound harsh but I know how hard it can be. My Lord and my doctor get me through the hard times. My DH has my back and we have a rule that if he thinks anything weird is going on, I go to the doctor NO QUESTIONS ASKED. Your friend needs a good support system that she will submit to or she'll always be in bondage to an illness.

Lots of people have a mental illness - they are treatable thank God. But you have to WANT to be healthy to get healthy.

If you need any other insight or want to talk, please PM or email me, Polly.

[KC's wifey]

Thank you for your willingness to share your own struggles. I think it is fantastic that you have strict rules for yourself, and that your husband is an such an active help to you. That is exactly what I want for my friend. I am praying hard that this will be a catalyst for change. That she will realize that she NEEDS to be cooperative with getting help and continuing to get it long term. Her husband is an enabler, so I hope he will go through some counseling as well so he can learn a healthy way to respond to her.
And, of course, praying that I will be a truly helpful friend, rather than an enabler, myself.

[learningasigo]

Hi Polly

I don't post often enough so I didn't see this until now. Any updates you'd like to share?

You've received some great advice here and you seem to be taking the right path by waiting for God's direction and only showing her love right now. I imagine this must be very difficult.

I can relate somewhat to your story, so I'd like to share my perspective. I know five people who have committed suicide. Personally, I wasn't close to any of them, but I certainly saw their families struggle. Since they were "successful" they lost all ability to reconcile with their loved ones, gain closure, etc., so I can understand your desire to express those things to your friend. I agree that timing is everything. Jessica also had a good point that God may never call on you to take that path with her, but only time will tell.

On a more personal level, my cousin attempted suicide. At the time, she was 11 years old and had a fight with her dad (he's borderline abusive imho). Her "answer" was to .... (I'd rather not say). Her mother confided in me after the fact. She wasn't at home at the time, but as soon as she found out she called the suicide prevention hotline. She was set up with a counselor within hours. She's 15 now and still sees a counselor. I struggled as you described. I'm very close to my cousin and felt like I "had" to address it.

In the end, my roll was to provide support to her mother and not address it with her. Though, I will forever be looking for "signs" and take action if I so much as suspect another incident.

{{hugs}}

[KC's wifey]

Oh... that just makes my heart hurt that so many people you knew are gone because they felt so hopeless.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am glad your cousin was not "successful" and that she has continued to see counselors. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

As far as an update, I saw my friend yesterday at the psych ward in the hospital. I tried to see her before she transferred, but I could never get there until evening. They were still trying to stabilize her body and she was too tired by the end of the day. Her husband came by our house (our husbands are friends, also) and I sent him home with goodies for him and for her. When I saw her yesterday she seemed to be doing better. They adjusted her meds (stronger stuff), and she has had some time to think, read her Bible and pray in solitude.

When I went in, the first thing she did was to hug me and apologize. She had not been taking her meds for bipolar and was clearly going though a manic episode, and she confessed some crazy and heartbreaking things she had been doing before this attempt. She actually brought up that she understood if I was angry. She has had a couple friends cut her off because they were so upset at her. That is not what I want to do. I was honest with her that I did go through being angry, and told her that the opposite of love is not anger or hate, it is apathy. I am certainly not apathetic. I was angry because I care so much about her. And sometimes anger is the surface emotion behind other emotions that are harder to sort through, like pain and sorrow. I told her that I am not angry now, just sad. But most of all, I just want her to get better and continue getting help long term.

It was a good talk. I brought the baby, and she smiled and cooed a lot, which gave us some good laughter breaks in an otherwise heavy conversation. She said all the right things, but she has always been good at saying the right things. I hope she has truly seen that she needs to be on top of keeping herself healthy and seeking the appropriate professional help on a continual basis.

I am thankful I was not able to see her until yesterday. I believe that was God's timing. I didn't say anything out of anger, although I was truthful, but she opened the conversation to go that direction. I will continue praying over our friendship, and for her and her family.

Thank you girls, for your advice and counsel, empathy, and for sharing your experiences.

[learningasigo]

I'm sorry you're going thru this, but I truly admire your strength and good judgement. It sounds like your conversation happened with God's timing and your friend was also very open to the discussion - which is a great step in the right direction! Maybe in time this will be seen as a moment of growth for your friend so if she has these feelings again, she'll seek help before taking desperate measures.

You're a true friend, Polly. Kudos to you for letting God's wisdom and love guide you.