I need to vent and to advice on how to handle this...

[breabayne]

decided against posting...

[babypayne]

((((((hugs))))))

[As Is]

Offering even without a post.

[breabayne]

Thank you ladies! I wrote this big long thread just to have a bunch of people look at it with no comment so I was emotional and just deleted it.

idk why this loss is so much worse than the others but I just did not expect this one at all! I really thought that we were in the clear. My numbers have always dropped or I lost all my symptoms before I started bleeding with the three previous loses before this one. I felt awful that night so I went to bed early and I woke up in a puddle. It took me all morning to scrub it out of our mattress, sheets, carpet, and my clothes. =/ idk if I even want to try again after that experience and Justin isn't too sure either.

I do have a question for you ladies though. When I called my OB to discuss my bleeding with her she asked my blood type. I am O- and Justin is B+....I couldn't remember mine at the time of talking to her or I would have asked her....but could my body be rejecting his dna because of our positive and negative blood types? I go on Monday to have the lose confirmed and to discuss what our options are for the future. I am positive that we are going to take a break for a couple months and I am going to think long and hard about possibly being done all together. It is something that I am going to put a lot of thought into though and I do not want to make a decision lightly or when I am still hormonal. If it is something simple like our blood types not working together I would be more inclined to try again...but if it is just my body with my adrenal disease and endometriosis I might not chance the health of another baby and mine.

[HisWifeHerMom]

I wanted to say again, Im so sorry for your loss sweetie, Its unfair and coming from someone who has had losses, I hope it gets easier in time, As for your question I'm so unsure, I would ask about Rhogam shot if you proceed to try again and People read these post and many just dont know what to say, Its tough but know you are loved and we all do care. We all want to take away your pain

I wanted to add this website I found explaining Rhogam and what it means for pregnancies (it has to do with + or - Blood types) http://thecontrarianmom.com/2009/06/...tor-pregnancy/

Goodluck and much love

[breabayne]

Thank you so much! <3 I have tried to keep busy with house work all day and projects so I didn't think about it much.

[Babidol]

I'm so sorry. I do know my OB asked me early on with Piper mine and DH's blood types. I *thought* if you had a negative and positive and had a miscarriage you would need the shot for a successful pregnancy. I haven't dealt with adrenal disease but I was diagnosed a decade ago with severe endo. I hate that there are no real answers for that. It's such a weird disease with no rhyme or reason. Big, big hugs momma.

[Heath77]

I am so sorry. I had a natural miscarriage the end of the April with pools of blood and found that so much harder than a d&c emotionally. Hang in there sweetie I am so sorry for your loss.

[breabayne]

Thank you ladies. <3

I am so dreading today. I tested this morning even though I knew in my heart it would be negative. I had a faint line which is probably the cause of my boobs still hurting off and on. I wanted the negative at home before I get it at the doctor later. Idk why but hearing it from the doctor is so much harder for me.

My emotions are all over the place. I have so many things I want to talk to her about. I am thinking about picking up TTC again in sept but idk yet. It really depends on my OB's plan and what she has to say about all of my questions. I hope she can make me more hopeful and happy about trying again. I have heard that it is better to try right after you lose a baby if you have infertility issues....anyone ever heard of this? Part of me worries that by waiting to sept that we might miss a good opportunity to get pregnant again and for it to stick. I got pregnant with Jax the month after I had my m/c in 2010...(also in July....)

[monic12]

im sorry for ur loss. i felt the same way wen i miscarriage on feb 13. i really wanted this baby it was my fist first. im hoping to get pregnant soon. let us know how it went at the drs office and goodluck!

[oceanfairie]

*hugs* I don't know how you feel about Eastern Medicine at all, I have been reading this book though, The Tao of Fertility, and it has some really interesting information in it about nutrition and other holistic outlooks on fertility for women who have had a hard time... Here is the link: http://amzn.com/0061137855
I myself am just getting more into this and looking more into it, so far so good, and I have heard some really good things about it to, especially when being used in conjunction with Western Medicine. It is really easy to understand so far for me.

[breabayne]

Thank you so much ladies! and thank you for the link! I will look into it tomorrow when I have some more time. I am all for anything that can help esp when it is natural. I have a very low caffeine intake, I eat healthy, and I am active and exercise. but I am looking to cut caffeine out of my diet all together when ttc again. Any tips on cutting the coffee out all together?

She does not think my adrenal disease is playing a huge role in the losses. But thinks that it is possible for my steroid to be. Nothing we can do about it though. I have to be on my steroids or my adrenal disease will go crazy.

She said there is no way to know what kind of role my endo is playing but that we obviously do not have issues getting pregnant. =) This made me happy but I know that is not my problem...it is staying pregnant!

She does not believe that it is a progesterone issues since it was good early on and rose appropriately. She was concerned with my beta results being 6 and 22 though. they rose nicely but were still pretty low.

As far as aiding us to get pregnant the only thing we could do over the counter is a baby aspirin...she suggest some people do this if they have had losses but does not fully believe in the method...good thing because I can not take them with having adrenal disease because it can cause stomach ulcers....which she brought up. We already use Pre seed, instead cups, temping, and opk's when ttc.

Our blood types do not matter apparently when it comes to getting pregnant. Which I am relieved to hear.

With my long cycles and lack of being able to ovulate on time or at all some cycles she suggested we do Femara again when we are ready to try. She said she is hesitant about fertility meds because they run the risk of twins....she said that she had never seen just meds produce more than twins...so that made me feel a little better. and she said the chance of that is pretty low. But we already know all of this about Femara since Jaxon is a Femara baby. This is the route I want to take again....and I would like to get back to trying around sept. She does not think with everything that we are doing that it will take long for us to get pregnant again once we are ready esp since I will be on Femara on top of it all. And I honestly am not worried about multiples. I would be excited for twins but overly nervous about any more than one baby being in my belly since I am already high risk to begin with. I have more faith for my future being filled with another bayne baby after speaking with her today.

I am holding my head up now and I feel more at peace about the whole thing. I have my "everyday holds the possibility of a miracle" candle that I bought when stc Jaxon on my kitchen island so I can see it every day. Although I hate to hear it from other people....I know that it wasn't meant to be and that it will happen when the time is right. Other than my emotions still being 10 kinds of crazy....I believe that I am alright tonight.

[JJorn]

I'm glad that talking to the doctor eased your mind and that you are alright tonight. I am sorry that you are going though this all.

[HisWifeHerMom]

Glad the doctor answered all your questions! Goodluck when you decide YOUR ready

[mla]

I'm so sorry, hon. It's really hard. Have you considered seeing an RE? They might have some more options for you.

I have heard that it is better to try right after you lose a baby if you have infertility issues....anyone ever heard of this?

Yes. It's easier to get pregnant right after a miscarriage for the same reason it's easier to get pregnant right after HSG -- your cervix is slightly open, making it possible for more sperm to make the journey to your egg more quickly.

[breabayne]

thank you ladies.

I was told that if the Femara doesn't work after a couple cycles that I could go to a RE. they are already aware of my fertility issues and why I have trouble staying pregnant...its just a matter of getting me a healthy egg to fertilize....which the Femara greatly helped with for Jaxon and I am really hoping it helps for the next baby as well.

I love seeing your post mla....your children are soooo cute!!! I am kinda excited about trying fertility meds again because I am secretly wanting twins lol

As far as being alright...I am having crazy mood swings. Sometimes I have come to terms with it. It was out of my control and just not meant to be and I try not to dwell on things. But I am still upset and hurting at the same time. And then sometimes I am so disgusted and hurt and mad at everyone and everything because I have infertility issues and have trouble staying pregnant! And then sometimes I am just dumbfounded that I woke up bleeding the other night. I just did not expect it this time. I know all of these mixed emotions and mood swings will die down and I hope they do soon because they can be so over whelming. Poor Justin just doesn't know what to do with me!! haha baby Jax keeps me grounded for the most part though when things get really bad.


I hope you ladies are having a great tuesday

[mla]

Mixed emotions are totally normal -- not only are you dealing with something emotionally tough, but your hormones are out of whack right now, too.

*hugs*

[breabayne]

Thank you <3 I am getting everything packed up to dead to the beach for a week on friday...the trip came at an amazing time

I just love seeing your signature picture! Your children are just too cute!!!!

[mla]

Thanks very much! I love them all. Twins has been fun.

[breabayne]

oh I bet! I secretly want them but I think Justin would poop himself if we got pregnant with Twins lol

[breabayne]

I got Jaxons laundry out of the dryer and I was folding and sorting everything that needs to go in his suitcase for our gulf shores trip this weekend....and there in the very bottom of the basket is his big brother t shirt. I am not okay tonight at all. My uterus is aching from emptiness and my heart is broken all over again. I feel like I let my boys down with my crazy body that can't seem to do what it was made to do!! I just sat there with it in my hands debating on what to do with it. I decided that I want to keep it with his keepsake things. Although the baby didn't make it that long it will never be forgotten in our hearts! <3 I just hope that one day that title can be true for him....I am in just a blah and numb mood tonight. I need to shake it off before I head to the beach for a week with my little family, brother and SIL, and my parents!

[JJorn]

It's hard! I have problems randomly, too. It was hard just putting away all the clothes that my kids have out grown. We keep them because we expect to have more children and then I lose three in a row.

[breabayne]

omg girl I know! I have a 36 gallon tote in Jaxon's room right now that I had recently cleaned out his closet and put everything we wanted to keep and donating everything I did. I couldn't cram another thing in it. I contemplated just donating it to my cousin who is due with a boy next month....but I just can't. I am holding on to us having another baby.

When do you see the specialist?

[JJorn]

Not sure. I am still waiting on a call back from the second RE. I was sick yesterday but I hope to just call them today.

[breabayne]

That should make you feel better. It puts my mind at ease when I know what the plan is. I hate when things are up in the air and unsure. But I am a control freak and like my plans! =D

[breabayne]

omg! It just hit me like a ton of bricks! I got the call with my beta results and I KNEW they would be negative and back down to zero but it hurt so much more to hear it out loud. The nurse was like "everything looks great and it back down to where it should be." NO! no its not where it should be at all!! I should be in the thousands right now and sick and getting ready for our first ultrasound tomorrow morning!!! I should be unpacking my maternity clothes out of storage to pack for the beach. I should be happily in my DD room still....I should just still be growing a innocent baby in my belly!! should, should, should! I know it is over and out of my control but today is just a bad day. Now that everything is done and behind us (besides the first appointment I was supposed to have tomorrow) I hope that things get easier and I will have a better grip on my emotions and reality. I REALLY want to be pregnant again and I do not want to wait until sept....but I know that is the best thing for our family and for my body so I am trying my best to be okay with it.

Thank you for listening to me rant ladies

[kimberlee1234]

Oh Brea... please understand that your feelings are totally normal. You need to grieve! I know the pain hurts but you need to heal in your own time. Dont let anyone tell you " maybe this is for the best, or it just wasnt meant to be!!" they should be SLAPPED! this is a terrible accident! You shouldn't be in here! much love sent your way! Please let your heart deal with this in your time. I hate that line EVERYONE uses after someone has a lose," it will happen when the time is right." I remember hearing that from someone I knew and I broke into tears right there, I had just lost twins. It felt so insensitive. The only thing I know is I can offer my support and love. remember its ok to cry. Seek comfort in DH and Jax he is your miracle! :grouphugs:

[auntmommy]

Brea_ Again I'm so sorry and your emotions and thoughts and feels sound very normal to me considering what you are going through. I'm hoping you have a nice trip to the beach and can enjoy yourself.

Did your Drs office give you a Rhogram shot? You do need one if they have not. Following my last 3 miscarriages I have received them because I'm A- and we are not sure about my DH. My Dr explained that if the baby's blood type was different than mine, those antibodies could be passed to me in a miscarriage and cause complications in further pregnancies. Sorry if I'm not saying that correctly but it something similar. Also, there is a book called Eat Right for Your Blood Type and Eating Right for Your Baby by Peter D'Adamo. Basically he believes that each blood type responds different to foods and there are certian food to eat to increase fertility and foods to avoid. He is a Dr on naturopathy(sp). He tells of a Jewish man that eat food according to his religious beliefs that he should not eat according to his blood type.He had zero sperm and when he changed his diet at his next S/A they saw 1 sperm. I know not a huge difference but the man went on to get his wife pregnant within a year. I believe they ended up having 3 children by the time it was all said and done. It might help. Good luck and have a nice trip.

[Babidol]

It's so hard. Big hugs. I saved Piper's big sister shirt too after my miscarriage. I just left it in the closet. It's such a hard thing to get through emotionally. I hope you get some answers soon.

[mla]

Wow. That nurse certainly chose the wrong words, didn't she? I'm kind of apalled. I'm really sorry.