Anyone not happy with their natural birth?
So i was really hoping for a totally natural birth experience but i knew i was being induced for medical reasons. So i wanted it to be at least pain med free. Well, i did it! Sadly it was a terribly horrific experience for me.
I cant get into detail at the moment. But i am just wondering if anyone else wished they had opted for the pain meds?
no, but I just wanted to offer youI hope you will take some time to sort through your emotions regarding the birth of your child. There are some of us who understand how the birth experience itself is very important to the mother, so please share what you need to share with people who will support you and empathize.
Thx. I just cant write much on my kindle fire. Didnt mean to be mysterious. I will elaborate more when i can. But i guess my experience is not unlike others who were traumatized by their birth experience. I have really only seen positive med free stories.
Thing 1 (6), Thing 2 (4), Thing 3 (11M)
I felt that way after my third pain-med free birth, but it wasn't the pain that was traumatizing, it was the interventions because my water had broken without contractions and they augmented my labor with pit. It was mentally draining because there was literally no progress on pit for over 24 hours (24 hours of pit, 48 after my water had broken...) and I felt a lot of emotional pressure to perform because it was being filmed. My midwife also felt extra EXTRA pressure to get me to deliver, not only because of the water being broken past the time hospital policy allows but because the filming was a potential legal risk to the hospital as it was. She did some things she normally wouldn't do, like telling me where to push with her finger, which hurt unbearably and was completely unnecessary because I wasn't fully dilated and feeling the urge yet. I told her that, but she still like manhandled me.I also had an internal monitor, cathetered twice so I could pee...it wasn't the experience I had imagined at all. And no progress for a long time does something to you mentally. I was doing everything "right" for the first 23 hours-moving, squatting, tried natural oxytocin stimulation before going to the hospital, etc., but the mental/emotional barriers were just too high in that scenario. By the end all I could think of was the less supportive among our natural birth-minded mommies throwing shoes at the TV as if I was some kind of sellout, and sure enough, the story didn't cover ALL of the details leading me to be "on my back" in the end scenes, moaning and grimacing. They totally skewed the whole thing to pump up the drama, and I felt like it sort of "stole" my memory of what really happened. I was *supposed* to be representing something, and I felt like a failure. They depicted the other 2 mothers in the story as "normal" easy births, one of them even text messaging during labor, and here I was, SUFFERING because I didn't get an epidural. "What an idiot-just get the drugs for Pete's sake!" I have come to realize that their version of the story wasn't true-I wasn't being a martyr just to be a martyr-we didn't want to slow progress even further and J's heartrate had already done some decels that the midwife didn't like. Declining meds very well may have kept me out of the OR when the odds were already heavily stacked against me. I had to just block out whatever expectations I or anyone else might have had about the experience and learn to just treasure it, good and bad, as uniquely mine and my husband's and my baby's. But it has taken some time. When I was at your stage of the game, I felt like I had survived, rather than triumphed over something like I did with my first two births. And the killer afterpains after you've had a few kids were much worse. I never had them that bad with #1 or #2, and I wasn't prepared for that.
Anyway, just wanted to tell you you aren't alone, and to give
Last edited by CoffeeCat; 06-30-2012 at 08:20 AM.
Oh I am so sorry to hear your birth was traumatic. Feel free to talk about it here and sort through your feelings.
Please by any means, take time to share when you have the chance. It will make you feel better. I don't have much time right now but did not want to read and not respond. I was disappointed from my CS and then had home birth which was healing and slightly disappointing as well. I will come back to explain. Overall, I was happy I had my VBAC and it was all med free but my labor was weird and I felt totally unprepared. I know women on this board who were not satisfied with their experience and I know a couple of friends who feel so so about it.
It was my only unmedicated birth that inspired me to become a doula. In spite of being unmedicated, I felt abandoned, mistreated, and degraded during that birth. Had nothing at all to do with being unmedicated and I didn't experience pain above what I experienced in my medicated births. It was more a lack of support that was traumatic. Augmented labors can be very overwhelming, not unlike precipitous births.
Mary Jane, doula and mom of Vada, Brynna, Tea, Moira, Kyan, Ambria, Aslan, and Anakin.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss
Thanks everyone. I am home!I will write up a whole birth story but I can elaborate a bit now and just say that the pain was so excruciating and out of control that I have NO idea how anyone can do that and opt to do it again and I feel like I have post-traumatic stress syndrome. I cringe when I think about the last stage of the process. I wouldn't have wished pain like that on my worst enemy. And it was so bad that I was completely removed mentally from the whole idea of what was going on. We remained team green to have that "it's a - " moment and I could care less WHAT it was by that point. I don't even think I heard her say it. They put the baby on me and I was shaking and confused. I really didn't even care that the baby was there. I think I was in shock
I just can't believe that I read birth story after birth story of empowered and elated women and I seriously felt like a wild beast who was being attacked.
I am sure the pitocin had a little to do with it but I really think I either wasn't prepared or just couldn't handle it
Thing 1 (6), Thing 2 (4), Thing 3 (11M)
I'm glad your home finally!!! Sorry about the experience
I dress myself!
I am so sorry.
Shelley
I am so sorry that things went the way that they did. I really do think that pitocin contractions are much worse than natural ones from what I've heard.
Jessica (32) and Ryan (31). Madelyn born August 5, 2009 and Malachi born December 23, 2010. Lost a loved baby 02/29/12, 05/14/12 and 07/05/12 all due a serious allergic reaction to fabric softener.
Check out our business, JRSolutions.
I know that right after the birth I felt overwhelmed by how intense it was. I didn't experience any blinding pain, but I wasn't at a place where I thought the experience was beautiful. That came later with the awesome hormones that also followed. 2 years later and I really can't remember the intensity or pain at all. I do remember the empowerment and the connection with dh. I had the opposite feelings with the epi birth. It wasn't overwhelming at the time. I didn't realize until weeks/months after how awful the experience was and how much trauma the interventions caused.
Your pain-med free experience may have been more traumatic and intense than some of us had, but I do think that the experience being so fresh and intense can make you view it differently than you may later.
Missing my thoraco-omphalopagus conjoined twin boys born on 9/18/12 at 33 weeks.
Dh (teacher, 32) and I (SAHM, 31) have been married 7 years since May.
Oh Jeez, Am. Your words have me in tears. I have also heard pitocin is nasty regarding the intensity and pain of childbirth. You just go ahead and feel what you feel about it. Let it all out so you can contend with it. By your post it seems you've been able to vocalize which is good for you. The imagery, I tell you. You are a wild beast who has survived and conquered an attack as far as I'm concerned! Lick your wounds, Mama. I'm so proud of you! Were there times when you could have changed your mind and went with the meds or did it all happen too fast? I just can't imagine. I wish I could give you a hug.
She is beautiful, by the way. In case I haven't said it already.
ThanksOriginally Posted by Bridget
Oh Jeez, Am. Your words have me in tears. I have also heard pitocin is nasty regarding the intensity and pain of childbirth. You just go ahead and feel what you feel about it. Let it all out so you can contend with it. By your post it seems you've been able to vocalize which is good for you. The imagery, I tell you. You are a wild beast who has survived and conquered an attack as far as I'm concerned! Lick your wounds, Mama. I'm so proud of you! Were there times when you could have changed your mind and went with the meds or did it all happen too fast? I just can't imagine. I wish I could give you a hug.
She is beautiful, by the way. In case I haven't said it already.I can't wait to take and post more pics.
Well I got some decent sleep (2-3 hours at a time) for the first time since Tues so at least I have a clearer head. I agree in time my memories may not be as grim but it will always be traumatic and not at all what I had planned, One thing I am getting more proud of is that I set my mind to something and I did it. So that is cool. IF EVER I feel like I can't do something I always have that to refer to. DH is proud and amazed. So the more clearer my head gets the more I can see more of the positive.
Thing 1 (6), Thing 2 (4), Thing 3 (11M)
Oh my goodness sweet. I am so so sorry that it was like that for you. Here is what I think, and this is just my experience and some of my thoughts. What I have noticed is that there is a big difference between the inherent safety of an unmedicated birth and a presumption of inherent satisfaction from an unmedicated birth. The inherent safety is there. I would never argue that point. But as far as satisfaction - that is a totally different subject. Different people want different things. Different people tolerate things differently too, not weak or strong, just differently. Pitocin does not create a natural state in your body, and it takes away your ability to tolerate because it screws up all the hormones that help you cope. It is ok that you didn't like your birth - well, what I mean I wish you could have loved it, but you don't HAVE to have loved it, no matter how many other women have loved it.
Every smile on my face comes from these two little people
www.doulajenn.com because how we birth means everything
A little more time now. My first birth was unscheduled CS due to alleged cord prolapse around neck & head causing heart decels during NST. Part of me thinks it is an absolutely necessary CS and part of me thinks they did not want to complicate their lives and just said CS was necessary. I ordered all my med records and the surgery report did not indicate complicated nuchal cord, which could mean there was no complication or they just omitted to mention it. Anyway, while PG with DS2 I could not find an OB supportive enough for VBAC - they were like "well, CS is not the end of the world". So I decided to have homebirth.
Since I never birthed before, I had no idea what to expect. My mom had a very fast labor but from everything I read each labor was unique and first time labor was supposed to last 12+ hours. I did some hypnobirthing training and some Bradley methods.
At 39 weeks, 2 days, 8 p.m., I had bloody show and mild irregular CX. I called my MW who advised me to rest. In the morning, my CX were still mild and irregular but non stop. My MW had a busy day and so did her assistant. My DH was in a hurry to go to work. I was panicking and barely convinced DH to stay. MW assistant came in the late morning, advised me that this could last for days. She refused to check me. My panties were wet and I thought this was just me sweating from stress but it was really my water. The assistant went for lunch and errands, my parents took DS1 out and DH was tinkering around the house. He did not want to set up a pool since it was going to last for days. At 11 a..m. my CX started picking up. They were so intense that I could not control them. I stayed in a chair screaming, my DH not believing I was in labor. Per my request he called MW and assistant. They promised to come and check me. I kept screaming and shaking, my DH started setting the pool while I was shaking and trying to throw up and trying to go #2. By the time, the pool was set, MW home with the assistant I was asking to go to a hossy. The MW checked and I was complete and ready to push. The pool did not help, the CX were so horrific. I somehow powered through and DS was born at 1:03 p.m - 2 hours after my strong CX started. DS2 eye lids were severely swollen for 3 days (we could not see his eyes for 3 days) because I was actually ready to push at probably 11:30-12 and he stayed in the birth canal for well over an hour. My mom said her labor was exactly the same and she was in a hossy - the mild irregular CX actually dilated her to 6, she only needed half an hour of strong CX to get to 10. So, if I were in a hospital I was gonna be checked earlier and taken seriously and was likely gonna push when ready, not wait in excruciating pains for over an hour. I did not have the urge to push, I had the urge to go #2. I did not expect this type of labor and did not like the fact that there was none around me to check me and so on. The fact that MW came so late freaks me to this day. But like you, as the time went on, I realized that I should really trust my instincts above and beyond anything else. I also realized that I can do more things than I realize, so, in a sense this birth story is empowering for me.
ETA: I did have the endorphins kick in after DS2 was born. If I were to have #3 (we are done actually, so this is a hypothetical), I would definitely do a birth center or hospital and would definitely try to be med free again. I recovered really really fast from birth #2 without a tear or anything although I did get hemmis, which eventually disappeared. (It took a while though).
Last edited by tanyachap; 07-01-2012 at 10:17 PM.
I've not had a natural birth, but I tried for one w/DS1. I can say with some certainty that if I'd actually birthed him naturally, I think I'd have been feeling very much the same way you are. My labor was horribly painful -- so much more painful than I'd imagined it could be, especially given my "hypno babies" classes. I simply could NOT deal with the contractions. After 22 hours of hard natural labor, I stalled at 9 cm. I moved from the birthing center to the hospital, where they put me on pitocin and I got an epi because I was exhausted and there was no way I was going to deal with pitocin contractions when I was so exhausted. I was stalled at 9-9.5cm for the next 14 hours before DS's heart decelerated and stayed there, so I ended up w/a c-section. I can honestly say that I'm so glad I got that epi because before then I was actually feeling animosity towards my baby for putting me through so much pain and not decending. It was completely irrational, but I couldn't help it. And the midwives and my doula kept getting me to change positions to advance things a bit more, but it was IMPOSSIBLE. Side-lying was excruciating. Anything other than standing and rocking back and forth on my feet or sitting forward in a rocking chair was painful beyond words. And every time they tried to get me to change what I was doing, I felt a lot like you did -- a wild animal under attack. So, while I didn't have a fully natural birth experience, I can understand how you ended up feeling the way you did with yours.
Nicholas (9/25/08) - Elena & Alexander (4/16/12)
I was induced with cytotec with my first two babies but went into a "natural" labor pattern after one application each time, and didn't have pain meds. The pit contractions with my third were back to back and intense for hours. In my first two births that type of contraction pattern happened for like 20 minutes during transition, so I could get through it pretty well. With pit it was that level of intensity and spacing for longer. I actually asked my midwife for nubaine which I have never done before, but she felt it was best to give my body another hour since we didn't want to slow things down or cause more decels. The last hour happened to be the critical hour, and I dilated from 3 where I had been stuck for 48 hours to 9.5 during that time, most of which I was half-asleep from exhaustion. I dreamt of my midwife telling me to relax while sipping a martini on a beach, and I wanted to punch her in the dream LOL!
Pit unmedicated sucks!!! And the longer you're on it, the worse it sucks! Like I said, at first I felt like I had barely escaped alive, but over time I have come to understand that it took me to another level in my development as a person. I overcame the fear of what other people think about me & I realized that I was strong. I also have more compassion for other women who had a similar experience and did opt for meds. My first two births were sort of "easy" to decline meds because the painful part was very short. My first labor was 5 hours and intense, my second labor was long but easy and even enjoyable, and my third was long AND hard mentally & physically.
Last edited by CoffeeCat; 07-02-2012 at 09:34 AM.
Senior Member
Keyboard Connoisseur
Hugs! My first birth was sort of that way... I can say that I'm pretty sure a natural pitocin labor would leave me traumatized as well... Pitocin is evil! Hope you are able to process and be ok with the expierience soon.
Katie~
I wanted to give you lots of hugs! I look back on my birth with Micah and it was wonderful but their were a number of missed expectations. Like I was pushing for so long that when he was born I was shaking from it all I didn't get that joy moment of holding and nursing him right away. I mean I did hold him but my arms were shaking so hard I felt like l was going to drop him so I couldnt enjoy it. Also my entire face was swollen shut from pushing so no beautiful birth pics either. While the entire process was beautiful and empowering, things did turn out way different from what I expected and dreamed it would. I'm not dissappointed in the birth I think I'm more dissappointed of missed expectations. However I would do it again in a heartbeat.
my first was a very traumatic experience. So I understand the scars a traumatic birth experience will have. It will fade with time. Trust me.
but you did set a goal and did it. Good for you! And congrats on your new baby :-)
Me-Brenda (SAHM), DH-Rudy, DS-Isaiah (3/13/09), Micah (5/25/2011)
We are a bf, baby wearing, non-vacc, hbac, homeschool, traditional family whose center is Christ!My Ovulation Chart
Wow some of these stories are hard to read! At least I have to say I never felt like people were not listening to me or not respecting my wishes. I did finally ask for an epi and they ran to get the guy right away. It was too late. I kind of knew it was. So I still feel like I "caved" even though I never got it. I so wonder what my attitude would be had I gotten the epi in time. I would probably be SO disappointed in myself because right up until what I assume was transition I was totally able to handle the contractions. I was 5-6cm and they were starting to get rough. I want to say within 45 mins to an hour she was out. It all happened so fast at the end.
Gah, baby is crying....gotta run.....
Thing 1 (6), Thing 2 (4), Thing 3 (11M)
girl Ive had two natural births & I dont think I could do a natural birth w/pitocin. Please dont feel like you caved! A lot of women ask for an epi during transition & they arent even on pitocin...in fact, thats how a lot of people know that they are in transition
That's the thing. When the labor goes SUPER fast, most moms will say it was pretty awful, because you have NO time to get a handle on what is happening. Its kind of like this. Let's say you have a 3 year old and you are planning a birthday party, inviting 15 of his 3 year old friends. Let's say they trickle in, one at a time, once or twice two arrive at the same time, but for the most part it is a steady and manageable stream of kids. As they come in they get oriented to the party and each child is very well behaved and calm, and politely go do an activity. You have plenty of good people around you to help you manage all the kids. The kids ultimately have all arrived, its time for cake and presents, which is a very difficult time, because there is a lot to do and lots of kids around, but with the help of your friends you make it through and soon, pick-up time is here and all the kids leave at once. You sit down in the quiet of your house and snuggle your now happy and exhausted 3 year old.
Alternately, to use the analogy of a natural birth on pitocin where you dilate 4-5 cm and push your baby out in 45 minutes... You are planning a birthday party for your 3 year old, and feel ready for it. You look outside and you see someone on the corner of your house preparing espresso shots. You thinks that's odd but you have to hang the pinata, and go do that. About 10 minutes later you hear a knock on the door. You open it. All 15 children are standing there, having just had triple shots, and they all run in, knocking you over and you break your knee-cap. They run around your house, they confuse you with the pinata and start whacking you. They discover the activities and destroy them, making an incredible amount of noise and leaving an incredible amount of destruction as you follow them around with your broken knee cap. They tear through your house, find the actual pinata and beat the holy living cr@p out of it, accidentally hitting you on the head several times, then as quickly as they came, they all run out the door, and you are left with a horrific looking house, incredible pain, and a very cranky 3 year old who is inconsolable because it wasn't as smooth as it could have been.
Now you tell me - which party would you rather have??? You have every reason to have felt like it was rotten - kinda sounds like it was!
Every smile on my face comes from these two little people
www.doulajenn.com because how we birth means everything
Great analogy Jenn!
Hahaha this really made me crack up. Yes I would say it was akin to being beaten with a stick by a bunch of 3 year oldsPlease my ONE 3 year old can inflict that much pain on any given day lol.
I may be off on the #s. I am not sure why I said 45 mins - I think it was more like 1 hour or at most an hour and a half. I am trying to remember the timeline and it's all very cloudy. I know the pit was started at 8:30 and I had my first contractions about 30-45 mins later. Then I was dealing with them ok and sent DH to eat. I texted him close to 11am that things were picking up. After that it gets blurry. I know sometime around then (within that 30 mins) I was checked and I was 5-6cm. I think the doc said she was going to go take a nap lol. Of course I was asked if I wanted the epi and was told this would be a good time to get it. Little did I know refusing it then would be the worst mistake ever! She was born at 12:32pm so like I said at some point between 11:15-12:32 I went from breathing through contractions (even though they were getting real strong) and delivering.
It was like being on one of those tall roller coasters - where you have that gradual climb and you keep going higher and higher and then you get to the top and once you go over the edge it's chaos and fast and bumpy and wild....and then it's done. I have also compared it to being attacked by a bear. The pain, the lack of control, the chaos. There was basically no break from the pain. It just kept coming.
Even once she was out I was just shaking and shocked. I think I also lost a lot of blood and i was cold. They kept talking about clots and massaging my stomach (omg so painful!!!). They started me on some medication - it started with an M. I have been wondering what it was. I want to say Metaformin but I looked that up and it was for diabetics or something lol. Bleeding was definitely a concern.
So if all that wasn't traumatic enough, then came the stitching. She gave me novacaine but I felt every single stitch. A 2nd degree tear AND episiotomy. So I could barely enjoy holding my newborn and nursing because that was going on while I was doing that.
That was a basic outline of the birth story. I do not plan to have more children but if I did I would NEVER EVER try it without pain meds again. I realize every birth is different but I wouldn't chance it. Honestly, it's very good this was my last baby. I don't even thing I would chance getting pregnant again for fear that I would have to endure even part of that again. When I was nursing in the hospital and getting contractions days later I would get so tense every time I felt a contraction. I never want to feel anything even remotely like that again.
I'm still traumatized but I will come around and see some of the positives. I know there is video of after the birth and I can't watch it just yet. The pictures alone are scary.
But if nothing else, from the horror came my sweet girl and who made it all worthwhile. Also I think DH will give me whatever I want for the rest of time for having witnessed that
The best was - the OB was annoyed because the hospital policy is to increase the pit only every 30 mins. My OB wanted to do it every 15 mins. Could you imagine?! She would have been born in like 2 hours! I think my body might have just exploded or something....
Last edited by macksmom; 07-06-2012 at 07:49 AM.
Thing 1 (6), Thing 2 (4), Thing 3 (11M)
that does sound like a rough birth!
Me-Brenda (SAHM), DH-Rudy, DS-Isaiah (3/13/09), Micah (5/25/2011)
We are a bf, baby wearing, non-vacc, hbac, homeschool, traditional family whose center is Christ!My Ovulation Chart
Oh my goodness. I'm not sure I know of anyone who has gone med free on pit... I've heard horrid things about those contractions - I'm highly doubtful even I could do it (and boy do I have an ego
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
