How did you space your children?

[hopeful1]

I said other because I really wanted them to be very close in age, like a year apart would have been great. Unfortunately, things don't always work out the way you want, and it took nearly two years for me to get pregnant again. So it turns out that the boys will be about 6 weeks shy of being 3 years apart. Oh, well, it is what it is.

[Ditty]

I wanted my children to be as close in age as possible. I had baby fever for a 2nd child before I even gave birth to my first. They are 20 months apart. Everyone I talked to told me that adding a 2nd child was so much easier than going from 0 to 1. For me, that was so not true. It was like adding an entirely new person to the family with all their wants and needs. It was not any harder than the first, but it was a lot harder than I had been led to believe. Of course, if I was told it was going to be really hard, I still would have had them as close together as possible so it really did not matter what I was told. Things get easier and easier each day and it is amazing to see how close they are with each other already.

As for the confidence of being a mom, that was so much easier. I did not doubt myself much and I was a lot less paranoid about everything.

[ljs318]

I wanted my children to be as close in age as possible. I had baby fever for a 2nd child before I even gave birth to my first. They are 20 months apart. Everyone I talked to told me that adding a 2nd child was so much easier than going from 0 to 1. For me, that was so not true. It was like adding an entirely new person to the family with all their wants and needs. It was not any harder than the first, but it was a lot harder than I had been led to believe. Of course, if I was told it was going to be really hard, I still would have had them as close together as possible so it really did not matter what I was told. Things get easier and easier each day and it is amazing to see how close they are with each other already.

As for the confidence of being a mom, that was so much easier. I did not doubt myself much and I was a lot less paranoid about everything.

So much of this is true for me too. My girls are 22 months apart. I waited a long time for DH to be ready to have kids. We always talked about having two close together. After trying for 18 months to get pregnant we got surprised with twins, but unfortunately we lost them at 19 weeks. So, then it was a battle of finding out why I went into labor, testing, surgeries, more waiting. About 8 months after our loss we got pregnant again and I knew if I could get through that pregnancy I would want one more as soon as possible. DH wasn't so sure anymore and wanted to wait a bit longer. We weren't so careful and I got pregnant when DD1 was 15 months old. It was a rough year or so having 2 close in age, but it gets so much easier after that first year and I love that they are close in age. If I were younger and had no pregnancy issues, I would definitely go for a 3rd, because I love the sibling relationship, but it's just not in the cards for us.

[Windy]

I knew, LONG before i ever had R, that I would need time to adjust to being a mom. R was just under 2 when we conceived D (we had agreed on 2-3yr spacing). I knew back then I couldn't handle 2 young ones at a time. I thought things would feel the same with D. They did not. Adjustment took WAY less time, I certainly had more confidence because I knew what I was doing. The hardest part about adding a child (verified with my new mom of 3 friend this am) is the adjustment to the new normal. We all get into our routines, and it gets knocked all over with the arrival of a baby.

It comes down to this:
Can you handle the stresses of having 2 under 2 if everything goes right this time?
If it takes awhile again are you ok with that age too?

Personally if I were you in your situation I'd probably plan to not plan and not prevent That's how we did this one

[MissPrego]

My children were not planned but they all are exactly 6 years apart. If I would have planned it it probably wouldn't have had such a big gap in ages. The only good thing about that is the older children are more independent and can help with the LO

[tyvek]

Our gaps are 1y6days (ha!), 18 months and 18 months. After giving birth to DS1, I loved being a mom. However it took 10 years to have him and never once did I think about BC after he was born. I got pregnant right away and was a bit freaked out but my son was so easy I did not worry too much. While those first two years as a mom were hard, I am reaping the rewards now. They play so GREAT together and are such a team. I am having more trouble with the 18 month gap at this point. (The baby is 1y5m old and is a little terror to the two older ones). My philosophy is the more the merrier. As a PP stated, it is just finding your groove and making it work. I know I am not the mom I dreamed I would be but I still love every minute of it.

[Cosmosmom]

Had I gotten pg when I first started trying 5 years ago, I would probably be about ready to give birth with the second. I had wanted two kids....and wanted them 4-5 years apart. My sister is almost 5 yrs younger than me and I think that is perfect. We were close when little (much much more so than my friends whose siblings were very close in age....they had a lot of competition and we didn't being in different stages at different times and having our own sets of friends). We are very close as adults.

But since I didn't get pg in my late 20's....plans have changed. Now we are adopting and it's unknown when that will happen. Could still be a few years for all we know. It's not an easy process and it's expensive so we only plan to do it once. And getting older changes things for us as well. If we ever ended up pg on our own (our IF is unexplained but since it's not happened in 5 years not holding our breath that it ever will), it would be the only way we would do two kids and than it would be unplanned.

[KC's wifey]

I had a bit of a rough first pregnancy. I had hyperemesis the entire time. Besides being physically difficult, it was mentally and emotionally hard to be that sick every single minute of every day for 9 months straight. (It made me more compassionate for people with chronic illnesses). I got pregnant again by accident 8 months after DD1 was born, which ended in a miscarriage. While I would have happily and lovingly welcomed that child, it was too soon after the first pregnancy for me to be mentally and emotionally "healed" and ready to go through that again. I felt sick again with the second pregnancy (normal for first tri, even without a history of hyperemesis) and it felt like a continuation of my first pregnancy sickness. Not enough time had passed for me to be ready to go through that again. The miscarriage left me with a lot of mixed emotions that I had to sort through.

As far as planning, we never had an exact number. I knew I wanted them to be close enough in age to be able to play together, but it was mostly about when we both felt we were ready to add to our family. We needed to get a family vehicle, move to a bigger place, DH needed to get job security, and I needed to feel ready to go through another pregnancy. When that all lined up, we just stopped preventing and let it happen.
Good thing I waited to be ready, since I ended up with tachycardia (SVT) that went undiagnosed until I was 8 months along, in addition to being sick again the entire pregnancy.

It was worth it, and I LOVE the spacing between my two. My older daughter potty trained right after the baby was born, she is helpful and fairly independent, she loves being a big sister and makes her baby sister smile all the time. I already love watching the dynamic between the two.

[AuGratin]

Wow, ladies - thank you SO much for all of your thought-provoking, inspiring, hopeful, and realistic responses! I can't begin to tell you how much of a help all of them have been to us. I have shared many of your responses with DH as we've discussed this issue over the past couple days (I've got baby fever and he's just randy, so the conversation has been coming up a lot). Your responses made me realize that I'm more ready than I thought (the baby fever probably helped with that).

I guess your responses helped DH too because in spite of my warnings to him that we're entering the days of "potential baby making time," he went for it! I'm thrilled. Off to the TTC room I go!

[KC's wifey]

Yay!! Good luck!!

[MamaToe88]

We wanted our first two to be about 2 years apart, so we waited until after DS's first birthday. We want more, and as much as I would like another 2 year gap, financially it just may not happen. The soonest we will TTC another is next year around March-ish, but that's given that we're financially stable and have started our student loan payments as well. I also have a goal of losing about 40 more pounds, so my health is also a concern.

[Dreya]

We had our spacing figured out even before the first was born. I knew that I wanted them less than three years apart so they could be friends. So when the first was 15 months old I did the calculations in my head "If I get pregnant now, he'll be 2 when the baby is born", told this to my husband and said "We should start trying". That weekend we were pregnant with #2. Now #2 is almost 2 years old and I keep waffling about #3, I don't really want to wait any more because I don't want #3 to be too far behind #2 and #1 and #2 to be so close in age... but at the same time we live in this little two bedroom house with NO room for another baby.

[Aelith]

While we only have DD, I voted "We wanted to wait until #1 reached ______ milestone." We're waiting until DD enters pre-school, so we don't have topay for two kids in day care.

[loveNmybelly]

we always planned...2 that were 2 years apart, then a 4 year gap and 2 more that were 2 years apart. Figured then they'd each have a close in age sibling....but we would have a break between diapers, college tuitions, car purchases, etc. and since i nurse...then I'd have a break between being prego and nursing a baby for a bit. WELL, DD had other plans Our first 2 are 28 months apart and when DS2 was 15 months old we got a surprise BFP. So DS2 and DD are 22 months apart. IT was a happy surprise...granted I have been pregnant or nursing for almost SIX YEARS!! CRAZY to type that!! BUT lucky for me...I love babies So now we will probably wait to have our last baby until DD is 3 or 4. I don't like that idea that baby will be so much younger than our trio but part of me does I can baby the baby lots then bc it will just be baby and i at home for awhile bc the older three will be in preschool and kinder and 2nd grade by then. BUT we are catholic and using NFP sooooo who knows, baby #4 might surprise us like baby #3 did.

AS for how you feel. I didn't have post partum or hard pregnancies. But I was kind of crazy about things being a certain way and doing everything absolutely perfect with #1. As I've gotten into my mommy groove I have relaxed alot and I have to say #3 is my most enjoyable baby experience yet. I just let the small things go and enjoy her being a baby. I hope you find that it gets easier too!

[sunkiss]

We waited until DS1 was a year old to start trying for #2. It just ended up taking awhile and DS2 was born 3 years and one month after DS1. I really love the age gap. For me, the first baby was a lot harder emotionally, and I doubted my abilities quite a bit. With #2, I feel so much more laid back and confident. The regular baby routine stuff isn't any easier, but I feel like I am more in tune this time for sure.

And yes, Kelly is awesome!

[Bec]

we had wanted our kids around 3 yrs apart. (not our case as you can see by my tickers ) We were going to start on Clomid again a couple months before ds's 2nd bday figuring it would take few cycles to conceive like it did with him. On a whim I took a pg test 3 months after DS 1st bday and it was positive. They are 22.5 months apart I wouldn't change i for the world. They are the best of friends and hate being apart from eachother. And I agree with a PP the second one is so much easier then the 1st.

[karen208]

After my son was born with a heart defect I was nervous to have another. When I finally really wanted another child and felt emotionally ready for it we started trying for Lily. We were pregnant on the second month trying. They seem perfectly spaced now. They play together and he likes trying to teach her stuff although sometimes it seems like she's teaching him.