I am so sick of feeling so horrible. I do not want to cry at the drop of a hat, or want to punch someone for talking to me. I cannot stand feeling like I am worthless because "god" or the forces of nature never think I am good enough to be blessed with a child. I hate when my MIL asks billions of questions when she already knows the answers don't matter because I cannot be pregnant. I can't take this feeling each month, and the problem is that even if I decide to stop trying, I will still want one and hurt each month anyways. I'm working with the doctor and everyone says it's going to work, and give it time, be patient, and it will happen. The things is, after 18 months of this talk it is harder and harder to hear you. I do everything I am supposed to, even in the fact that I am, or try, to be a good person and make good choices, yet I always feel like I am being punished. I cannot tell you how tired of BFN's I am, and seeing how happy everyone else is with their child. I am told that I am young and have plenty of life, but my life is children. I teach preschool for goodness sakes. I just want to have my own.
How do you deal with all these feelings!! I cannot take it right now!! And I feel so bad for anyone that is around me or has to listen to me. And I am so jealous of the SIL's that are preggy, one with very limited income, and the other without income at all,(though this second was an "accident" on the IUD) Especially when the second talks about how she hates this child already, then teases with how we can have her if it's a girl, we know you wouldn't want to do that once it comes down to it. Though we are the godparents for both other girls. (Or at least DH is godfather, I'm just the happy wife I guess...) Sorry for all that, just don't know what to do!