Anyone have a natural birth WITHOUT a doula?

[hpfan04]

My DH is really set against having a doula. Even after explaining to him that the doula won't take his place and will be able to provide knowledge and support us both during labor, he is still not open to the idea. I pretty much offended him bringing it up because he says I basically implied that he couldn't support me good enough during labor. I'm still pretty hesitant to not have a doula for a hospital/OB birth, but at this point I'd rather keep the peace. I might bring it up again a little later, but for now I need to start planning this like I'm going to be on my own.

So, did anyone NOT have a doula and have a natural birth? What did you do to prepare (books/classes/etc)? Thanks in advance for any input anyone can give me!

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

My first birth was a hospital birth without a doula. I had no problem denying any interventions. However, there were complications, and it would have been nice having a 3rd party person who could stay calm since DH was just as nervous. I think having a doula would have helped us to speak up a bit more about stuff the nurse did.

Regardless, the most important thing was that I labored at home basically until I was in transition. I read hypnoborthing to prepare. I really just moved around a lot and tried to get comfy. TMI, but the comfiest spot was just sitting on the toilet. (Totally different ehe second time where I just wanted to lie on my side in bed with lots of blankets) I actually labored alone since DH as working and I didn't tell him to come home since I didn't think I was in labor until I REALLY was, and then I had to wait for him to get home. The second time, i read the ina may book, and another book which I can't remember off the top of my head.


There is a book out there for DHs about doulas. If no one knows it, I can ask my doula (who I hired for the second birth).

One thing my doula really helped me with the second time around was different breathing techniques. There was one time toward the end where I had to hold back from pushing (I'd torn my cervix the first time and wanted to make sure the same thing did not happen by pushing too early) and she knew what kind of breathing would help me get through that, so I would probably study up and practice (and make DH know and PRACTICE them with you). I also remember her giving me a cool wet washcloth toward the end and covering my eyes because it was too bright..things I don't think DH would have known. So, I would really suggest your DH to read up about labor support techniques if he wants to be your support person.

The first time around, I didn't need any help managing pain...I don't remember it being that painful at all. I hired a doula the second time around mostly to have someone there to help me advocate for myself and to explain things to me. It ended up the second time around, I needed help with managing pain, but none at all to negotiate anything with the nurses.

[misfit]

I don't have the same insight as I had a homebirth, but my free doula did not make it to Elliott's birth. She called shortly after he was born. I mainly wanted her there to help with set up and such and take pictures. We were fine without her though.

We read a few sections in Husband Coached Childbirth- cannot recall which- but just enough to give DH an idea of what I need him to do for me. He was not much support in Sam's labor. I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and some portions of the Birth Book. We did not take any classes. We took Lamaze when I was pregnant with Sam, but it was pretty much worthless.

This time I might have the midwife's assistant here too and also my best friend- as an extra pair of hands since the assistant lives an hour away and the midwife lives 2 hours away (her office is only an hour from here).

[macksmom]

Sorry your DH is not being more understanding

I may be headed in this direction. Ironically my DH is totally into it but I am already 33 weeks and haven't even started my search. I read Ina May's book and just ordered "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" (should be here tomorrow )

I am open to getting the epi if I truly feel like I need one but I would like to try to go without so I am doing some basic prep.

ETA: Maybe you can take a Bradley class together and there they will talk about the value of doulas or the instructors can talk to him and reassure him that no one will be taking his place?

[NHKate]

I had an all natural hospital birth with no doula. I see three main things that helped:
1) I had had the attitude for years before I even got pregnant that a natural birth was something I could do. My attitude was that women had been doing this for millenia without pain medications and epidurals, so women who thought they "couldn't" do it were just fooling themselves. I had also had horrible dysmenorrhea that was just as bad as giving birth pain-wise just about every month when I was 12 and 13 - and no one offers you an epidural for that! So again, I knew I could deal with the pain. I didn't take any special classes or read any special books on how to help deal with pain.

2) I chose the hospital carefully (and was lucky that this one was nearby). The hospital has a great reputation for letting moms give birth their way and not pushing interventions that you don't want.

3) My labor was fairly short and very uncomplicated, so it would have been hard for even the most epi-happy, c-section happy OB to say that I needed inveventions.

[Mamarazzi]

Me

I read a TON of books (Dr Sears, Ina May, a book called Birth Skills by juju sundin that I really liked...,) took a birth class, had a solid birth plan and made sure the nursing staff knew not to offer me any drugs, and had a midwife.

If you really want a doula, I suggest asking your DH to at least meet with one to discuss his concerns. I bet they would be able to put his fears to rest about replacing him, because they totally aren't there for that!

ETA: Let me see if I can get Birth Skills back from a friend I lent it too, I'll send it to you!

[CoffeeCat]

I have always had one for my past births, but I won't this time. My doula pal isn't able to come this time because her littlest one has a hard time with long car rides and new environments. I'm not super worried as far as the outcome of the birth, I just like to have what's comfortable for me, or what I expect to have going into a birth, because it's hard to enter into a completely new environment/experience.

I think I would emphasize that if K truly feels that this is his role to support you, that you expect him to fully take on the responsibility, read up on everything, understand why you feel the way you do about interventions, and how to advocate for you if things are getting pushed into a direction you don't want. I think a foot or back rub is helpful, but more than that you need someone who is cognizant of what is happening around you (because you are in pain, hopefully not unmanageable, but you have to prepare for the possibility that it might be) to say, "Wait, what is the amnio hook for...she doesn't want that." Or, "Can you give her another half hour before you examine her to see how she's progressed?" Etc. If he can take on a protective role, a lot of times men feel comfortable there. That's *IF* they understand that not everyone wearing a white coat is always going to "help" and that sometimes they are just in a hurry to unload a laboring mom off of their schedule for the night. If he can fully accept that fact, you will have yourself one of the BEST doulas in the world-someone who loves you and wants to protect you at all costs and sees the risks that too many grabby hands could have on his wife. KWIM?

Dale definitely wasn't there with our first birth...he just wanted me to not be in pain and for everyone to be healthy, and it all to be over as fast as possible. He almost passed out from the blood, which neither of us were expecting. Everytime he tried to give me a massage it was in the wrong spot and too hard, because he was so emotionally intense that he didn't realize how hard he was pressing. I shudder to think of whether he would have started arguing with me about vocalizing and panting through the urge to push too early if Colette hadn't been setting a good example of how to talk to a laboring woman. He tends to do that when I'm not in labor and in pain or emotional distress, like, "Calm down, you're getting too worked up over this". Not out of a place of being mean and uncaring, he thinks he's helping. But now that he's been through it before, he is a different guy during labor. Even with my second baby there was a big difference. He was just there in an observant yet present mindset, ready to help, and his touches were actually the MOST helpful. Whatever I did or didn't do or say was OK, and he was there no matter what. And if he had to exhibit control over any aspect of the situation, it was over the staff by asking questions, and esp after Johnny had been born and they wanted him to go to the nursery. He was extremely comfortable saying "not without me", which he wouldn't have been as comfortable saying the first time. So I think just having gone through it before gets a sort of less than cooperative/perhaps less informed dh a LONG way. I think you will be surprised by K's change since becoming a dad, and how that change affects his approach. It seems to happen to a lot of my friends' dhs too.

And short but sweet-ITA about staying home as long as you can of possible. Call me and/or Linds, put us on speakerphone or skype, and we will keep you occupied and encouraged through early labor. e-doula.com!

You are so smart, and you have worked so hard emotionally, physically, intellectually for this birth to go the best way it can. I have faith that it is going to work out and go smoothly.

[JJorn]

My first birth was a hospital birth with a doula and narcotics at hour 24 of labor (she was born at hour 33) - I simply hadn't slept and needed to do so.

My second was a hospital birth without a doula and no drugs at all, but I had him at hour 22. So for me, it wasn't really about who was with me at the hospital but more how tired I was.

I was at the same hospital both times and I found the nurses bery helpful and not at all pushy about really anything. They took all their cues from me and my DH. When I said that I wanted to do the births natural, they said that was fine and didn't bring up any medication. With my first, I requested pain management information at hour 24 (just enough so that I could sleep!) and if I hadn't asked they wouldn't have offered.

[Jenny0802]

Yes, twice, and at military hospital. Just be educated about what is happening to your body and hope to have good luck when it comes to your drs and nurses. Good luck!

[hpfan04]

Thank you all for your replies. Of course I figured it COULD be done, but I was just worried that the success rate might not be as good. But I'm glad to hear from you ladies. I just plan to prepare myself as best as I can, and see if DH will take any birthing classes with me so he can be knowledgeable about what I'm going through and how to help me.

[raspberry]

It's definitely doable to have a natural birth without a doula. I would have loved to have a doula, but I did not have one. I had my son at birthing center. In addition to my midwife, there was a birthing assistant, also a birthing instructor was there. I took hypnobirthing classes. I really enjoyed them a lot. I felt like they helped me relax and prepare for the birth. I also read a lot, like PP have mentioned, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.

I am sorry your dh isn't supportive. You have some time, maybe he will come around for you. Good luck!

[Bridget]

I had a natural hospital birth without a doula. I didn't even know what a doula was. I guess it may have been helpful since the nurses were asking me over and over if I was ready for some meds even after I kept telling them I wasn't going to have any. But I just tuned them out.
I had a doula at my homebirth and she was really nice but to be perfectly honest I didn't feel she was necessary. Take that with a grain of salt though because I sort of turn inward during my labors and block out everything around me so I'm thinking I'm not the kind of person who really needs that kind of support. I wanted her to help me with breastfeeding since I had such a difficult time with my first two. Also, dbf wasn't up for the task of being by my side (it was fine, he was honest and I was ok with it). Personally if your dh wants to be your support, I'd let him. Good luck in whatever you decide!

[moosh34]

My second was a hospital birth without a doula. I did have a midwife and took the hypnobirthing (mongan menthod) class from the hospital where I delivered.

Things that really helped:
1. Knowing that I wanted a different birth experience from my first.
2. Having dh totally on board...he believed I could and should do it (he wasn't totally on board until he read the history of birth section of the hypnobirthing book.)
3. Teaching my body to relax by listening to the relaxation tracks included with the hypnobirthing book
4. Discussing my expectations with my midwife (she was there for the entire last 5-6 hours of labor...and would have been a couple more before that except that she had to attend to the other midwives' patients because she was on-call.)
5. Calling the hospital before arriving to request a nurse who wanted to be part of a natural birth. The nurse we had was AWESOME.

[wannabmomof3]

We just delivered our baby girl on May 10, all natural and without a doula. I was afraid DH was going to buckle like last time, but we both did wonderfully. We labored in all kinds of positions and I kept on top of each contraction. What really helped me when the contractions got tough was not only breathing through them, but making a low "ohhhhh" sound as long as I could. Also, recognize the different points in labor. When you start thinking, "there's no way I can do this" or "idk how I'm gonna go on", you are almost there! You're in transition and baby will be coming out soon. Most importantly, KNOW before you o into labor that YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU WILL DO THIS! Then take it one contraction at a time Good luck!!

[wannabmomof3]

And I agree with calling the hospital ahead of time so your nurse will be onboard. Luckily, we had the best, most pro-natural nurse in the world lol.

[CJinWA]

I had a natural hospital birth w/out a doula AND a natural birth center birth w/out a doula. My husband was my main support although my mom stepped in at one point during my last delivery when my husband nearly passed out (couldn't handle the pain I was in or something)

Anyway, I think the essential thing is to make sure you are on the same page about everything you could face in the process of labor & delivery in a hospital setting. Read books, TAKE A CLASS (I can't push that one enough! It helps sooo much to take an indepth labor class like Bradley or Lamaze to get you on the same page), research your hospital and make a birth plan together.

You can totally do it w/out a doula, but you might be surprised as you begin to educate yourselves more together, he just might get swayed to agree with you

[lindsay1981]

I had a natural birth in a hospital without a doula. My husband was also my main support system. I didn't really do anything to prepare, I just knew that this is how I really wanted to birth this time around. I guess that isn't much help. We did take a birthing class before delivering my first daughter so I knew what positions were helpful through labor and really communicated that with DH. Having a strong support is really important.
Good luck!

ETA; I guess I should mention too that my hospital doesn't push meds, at least in both of my experiences they didn't. Sounds like that is not the norm. For my first birth they asked when I got there about pain management and I told them that I wanted to do it on my own. My nurse told me "ok, I will not ask you again, so you need to tell me if you change your mind" and she didn't ask or mention it again. I did bring it up to her and ended up with an epi. The second time it was pretty much the same scenario, but I never asked for them because I so badly wanted a natural birth and my nurse did not say anything about them.

[Consensus]

I'm almost done with the book "Active birth: The new approach to giving birth naturally" though actually, it's based on old knowledge
It spends a lot of time going over exercises to practice, and then goes over the stages of labor, and has a ton of pictures of women going through their natural labor in hospitals. There are also plenty of pictures for how the partner can support the laboring woman, and the ways the hospital bed/chairs in the room can be utilized during birth.
I loved Ina May's book and the Bradley book, but the stories are generally based around homebirths, which isn't an option for me. This book definitely gives a very good feel for how you can birth naturally in the hospital. Hope all goes well.

[doulajenn]

You mentioned "see if he'll take any childbirth classes with me..." This makes me a little nervous that he is ready to be your primary support without his support (the doula) there with him. Because that's really what we are. We are there to support both of you - we assume that he is your primary and so as secondary we support his efforts. The role that he is expected to play - step outside of his emotions for you and be able to think and see clearly at all times during the labor - is not fair. Does he understand all this?

I would suggest that you guys actually meet with a couple of doulas - that can be your compromise between his no and your yes - and allow him to ask the questions. He will soon see that having a doula has absolutely nothing to do with him not being competent, but everything to do with allowing him to actually BE your support and not have to worry about anything else - with a doula he can actually enjoy himself!

All that said, in a hospital you can totally do a natural birth, but without a doula I will not sugar-coat it for you, its just not as easy. You can totally do it - you will just have to absolutely sure of your strength, the goodness of the choices you made prenatally, and your husband is going to have to understand a lot about how to support a woman in labor and help sort through options that the medical staff might present, and help you push through that period when you want nothing but for it to be over. If he can be there for you 100%, I have no doubt you can do this.

[Palee]

I had an unmedicated natural birth without a Doula in a hospital. Both the nurse and the charge nurse that was on that night had had unmedicated AND medicated births themselves, so I think that was helpful. I, too, agree with calling ahead and requesting a pro-NB nurse. We did take a Bradley Method class and I read Hypnobirthing prior to my first (medicated) baby.

[alhardin]

I did this time and IDK I'm glad I didn't have anyone there besides Dh. I was originally disappointed they didn't offer me a doula, and was planning to ask once I started really hurting, but when that point came I found I didn't need anyone else and actually having a stranger in the room would have annoyed me. I liked the quiet and just having my dh with me. He wasn't like all up in my face telling me 'You can do this!' and that type of thing, but he was there to rub my back when I asked, to hold my hands when I asked, and to shut the hell up when I told him too

ETA: I had a hospital birth with a midwife, I posted the video in the june '12 birth room in the thread titled 'It's a girl' if you want to watch it. I was very happy with my experience and I have no regrets about not having a doula, though I don't doubt they are wonderful for those who do have them.