am i crazy?

[froggie83]

dh thinks that Q should already be potty trained. that since he was able to use the potty when he was 14 ish months old he should be fully trained now and that its my fault for not continuing to put ds on the potty back then (he had quit going on the potty, and would only play on it so i stopped frustrating myself by trying to get him to sit still on the potty and go)
dh has a way with words that makes me feel like i am failing at potty training my son but i don't see the need for it yet. while i would love to have him put of diapers i don't think i want to deal with the frustration of trying to train a child that does not want to be trained.
ds has most if not all of the signs of being ready (except for the telling me before he goes. he only tells me when he has pooed not when he wets) so i don't think he is ready. but dh is really pushing it and even telling me that i am a bad mother for not even trying to train ds yet. ( i mean come on.. he is only going to be 22 months...)

so am i crazy for not even bothering yet or should i follow dh's desire and push ds to potty train?

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

not crazy at all! DS1 would use the potty too as a toddler, but it was infrequent. We tried when he was 3, and he was so not ready. It went really poorly...for just 1.5 days, and then I stopped. A few months later, and he was ready and it was a breeze. If he thinks your son should be trained by now, then I would suggest having him use the weekend/vacation days and try training him. There are probably children your child's age who are ready, but as his mom, you know him, and if you think he is not ready, then he probably is not. IMO, potty is not one area I wanted a battle over, so I didn;t want to train him unless he was ready.

[froggie83]

dh will not try to train ds because according to him i messed up by not continuing to train a 15 month old.
hes such a butt. he wants things done and thinks that ds is always behind. when in fact ds tested at a 2 yr old level when he was 18 months old. i am getting tired of dh expecting my toddler to act like a 3 yr old.... i need to kick his butt. maybe a conversation with his 2 sisters that both have 4 children each will straighten him out.......

thanks for your reply.... i needed to hear that someone elses child used the potty as a youngster and didn't end up fully trained from it.

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

well, actually, when my second child was only about 9 months old, I put him on the potty (this is when I was getting my oldest to warm up to using the potty), and he went and used the potty! He is 14 months old now, and no where near ready even though he runs over to the changing pad when he needs a new diaper.

Maybe he does need to hear it from other moms. Sorry you gotta battle your DH, too!

[Windy]

We've actually EC'd our daughter since she was 2 months old and she's STILL reluctant to use the potty at 3. She has gone from willing, to fighting, to getting it, to resisting, to impeccable, to back in diapers, back to getting it. My DH (and myself) also tried to blame inconsistency - but what else can you do when one is getting upset/frustrated? That is not conductive to potty learning on either end, so it's best to back off until things can work themselves out. Believe me, it's frustrating when others their age are getting it, and yours isn't, but some kids really do learn it slower. No amount of pushing can change that... unfortunately.

[froggie83]

i am not even trying. i don't know anyone who has a 22 month old that has been trained... dh is nuts for thinking that he should be trained... he expects our 22 month old to be able to do 3 yr old things ( wants him to know how to count, and asks why he does not know the abc's and does not recognize more than the 4-5 letters he knows..)
and asks why dd hasn't met the 3 month old milestones.... (shes only 5 wks for cryin out loud)
so dh needs a reality check and fast before i really do go nuts...
i don't want to start to train a child that is not ready yet but hes pressing it.

[i.<3.cheesysmiles]

that has got to be very stressful. I think as moms, we worry enough about our children developing normally. We don't need impossible expectations. Have you tried showing your DH exactly what is normal for a 5 week old/3 month old and 2/3year olds? He also needs to know that there is such a wide range of normal. Is he so concerned that he is ready to call EI for an eval? I would want to tell my DH to call EI, fill out the paperwork, and get an eval just so he could hear from professionals that your child is normal! Does he go to any pedi appointments?

Oh, and I do have a friend who just PTed her 22 month old, but it was not easy, and she is the type of person who is like "you are going to this because I am in control and you will do it when I want you to." It was not easy for either of them, but she did it.

[NHKate]

I think maybe you should get a book on child development for your DH. He really doesn't seem to have any idea what are appropriate expectations for your son.

[froggie83]

he is usually working and does not do dr appts. he isn't thinkig ei at all... and every time we do something with family he gets to hear how advanced our ds is... then he also gets to read the updates from my brothers wife about the twins (one month older than Q is) and they are hitting milestones about 2-3 months after Q masters them.... (hes been saying 2-3 word sentences for about 2 months now and one of my nieces just said "what doing?" for the first time last friday.) so dh gets to see that ds is ahead of the game when it comes to development and learning.
i just wish he would lay off wanting ds to know more. he knows lots of stuff but does not want us to know what he knows. (ds will count and sing parts of the alphabet song and tell what letters/ numbers are when you are pretending to not be paying attention to him.)

about the potty... he still does not seem to be able to tell me when he is about to go... he tells me when he is done... how do i teach him to tell me BEFORE? ( i want him to be ready to train... 2 in diapers is driving me nuts!)

[catwoman]

Your DH is a huge butt! My son turned 2 last Nov and is just now getting comfortable with using the potty. I didn't even start him before he turned 2. Tell your dh to stfu and train him himself! Omg I'd be so mad if I were you! My daughter who is now 6 pottytrained at 3-3 1/2. Just don't push your ds to do things too early. I always ask my ds if he wants to use the potty. If he says no, then it's ok. No pressure. 9 times out of ten he will say yes and run to get on the potty. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Your son will learn when he's ready. The more he's pushed and/or pressured the more he will refuse to go. Kids love to have control and this is one way your son will have control. If you act like PTing is no big deal then so will he and he'll be more likely to use the potty. Good luck!

[Suja]

Hand DH a book on childhood development and tell him that since he is utterly clueless, you are not talking to him or taking him seriously on any of his concerns until he has read and understood what normal looks like. And never, ever compare your child to anyone else's. All our kids have their strengths and weaknesses (just as an example, Mira had two word sentences at 15 months, and now at 26 months, speaks in long, complex sentences. She also just, within the last month or so, started to properly chew and swallow food, still drinks from a bottle, and does not STTN).

[3andMe]

I read an interesting article written by a pediatric urologist the other day about the potential pitfalls of potty-training American babies too early: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steve-...b_1424826.html

[Tsuuriki]

i am not even trying. i don't know anyone who has a 22 month old that has been trained... dh is nuts for thinking that he should be trained... he expects our 22 month old to be able to do 3 yr old things ( wants him to know how to count, and asks why he does not know the abc's and does not recognize more than the 4-5 letters he knows..)
and asks why dd hasn't met the 3 month old milestones.... (shes only 5 wks for cryin out loud)
so dh needs a reality check and fast before i really do go nuts...
i don't want to start to train a child that is not ready yet but hes pressing it.

I'm sorry, but your DH needs a huge reality check (If I were in your shoes, being called a bad mother for not pushing your child into something he may not be ready for, he'd be getting a good smack too.) I agree with others here, get your DH a book on potty training and tell him to shut up. Until your DH is taking care of your kids full time, it's YOUR call as to when things should be done. Q sounds like he's progressing at a wonderful rate, and there's no need or use in pushing him to develop faster.

[froggie83]

---update---

Q knows how to go on the potty.. he has done it several times in the past few days. he does not tell me he has to go i just ask him and if he says "yes, potty" then i put him on it and he goes. he will tell me he is stinky after he has pooed. all i need is for him to tell me before he goes and to tell me that he wants to use the potty instead of just going in his diaper. dh will try to take him to the potty when he is here. (Q is a daddys boy and will do things for dh that he won't do for me. and i told dh that since he wants ds potty trained so bad that he needs to work on it when he is home since ds wants to do everything just like daddy. )

[lovemykids0810]

Congrats on getting dh to help and getting Q to go! I have a 23 month old dd who wants to use the potty one minute then refuses to. Its very frustrating. I got so lucky with dd1(she is now 3.5 yrs). She wanted to be just like me and would go to the bathroom whenever I did so I just made a point to go in every hour and she went with me. One week later she was fully potty trained(even at night!) With dd2 she, like I said, is so iffy with it that I am getting frustrated because she does the same thing; she goes then tells me. I cant get her to tell me first and realize that she has to go. I even tried doing stickers(which she loves) everytime she would just go sit on it and it still isnt working. It doesnt help though that DH doesnt follow through with my efforts and just puts a pull up on her. I know how frustrating potty training is, and I have one more to do(baby is due in october)

Wish me luck with getting DD2 potty trained by October.

[froggie83]

good luck!
while i was trying to get Q to sit still so i could change his poopy diaper he kept saying potty.... then he started to pee... i told him to stop and hold it till he was on the potty and he did hold it and finished on the potty.... hoping this is a step in the right direction of telling me before he goes.... i want to be done with 2 in diapers.