How prepared were you to add a child or another one into your life? (xpost)

[tyvek]

What I mean is did you feel like you could handle adding a child into your life while you were pregnant or were you freaked out a bit while pregnant? If you were freaked out or unsure about it all, when did you find peace that it was all ok? Was it during the pregnancy? Or after the delivery?

I suspect what I am feeling now (freaked out, unprepared, generally nervous about how the baby will work into our family) is kind of normal. While pregnant with all my other kids I never once questioned my ability or nerve when it came to adding one more child to the mix. Well now So much is swirling around in my brain I am concerned that this last child might just push me over the edge...so to speak.

[tanyachap]

I didn't feel prepared for number one and I felt unprepared for number two. Both times I freaked out before, during and after the delivery. But I so badly wanted to have two .... LOL

[froggie83]

i was freaking out alot during the pregnancy... and was afraid to be alone with both children for the first week. and even had my 17 yr old niece come over for the first day that my dh went back to work. i was nervous about not having another person there to help handle Q when i was nursing V and itslowly went away... i still freak out about going out in public alone with the kids... i have my mom come with me or make sure to go when dh is not at work so he is either with us or he stays home with Q... i t will take me a while to attempt an outing with both kids by myself.

[tyvek]

Ha Tanya! I so badly dreamt of having four. Now that the reality is in front of me I am sitting here thinking what did I do? We are so perfect right now as a family of five and all these what if questions seep into my brain.

[Adhafera]

Honestly, I am feeling calm and as prepared as I can be at this point. I'm a little nervous, but at the same time I know I can do it, and it is going to be ok. I think it is normal to be nervous or anxious about it, it is a huge life change.

[Racegirl766k]

I wasn't anxious or scared to add eith Hayden or Alexis to our family. This time around though I am a little, but I think that has more to do with the fact that we're having twins then it is to adding more kids to the mix...

[macksmom]

I go through bouts of being absolutely terrified to feeling like, "eh, we've done it before, we can do it again".

When I was pg with DD2 I was calm as a cucumber. I wasn't worried at all about being able to manage 2. I had huge mama guilt about "ursurping" my only DD at the time but I got over it. Well, DD2 threw me for such a loop. She was more high needs than I ever could have imagined. It was HARD. Really, really hard. So I also have that fear that #3 will be like that. If s/he is I truly have no idea what I will do. I am pretty sure I was depressed for the entire first year of DD2's life. This is my last baby and I want to enjoy this stage.

Then I think back and realize I got through that and I can't imagine life without the 2 I have. I am sure I will look back at some point and realize #3 is just what we needed to complete our family and I was silly to ever worry

You know from having other children that you may go through rough patches but you WILL find a groove that works for you.

[TripMomma]

With the first pregnancy we felt amazing, until we found out it was 3 babies instead of 1. Then we got a little scared and worried...it went away after a few weeks and then we were pretty good. With Jericho I never had a worry at all. I almost always have this easy "it will all work itself out" feeling when it comes to kids AND bills LOL. Hang in there, it will be great, 4 is awesome

[tyvek]

Thanks ladies! I think my biggest fear is that I am going to resent this baby for ruining my life??? OK, just typing it out makes it sound so silly. I love being a mom and I love my kids totally. I love the infant - three month stage so much. I know I am just being silly. I bet the extreme exhaustion is really playing into my fearfulness. Between the first tri exhaustion, then getting a killer sinus infection/cold that lasted over three weeks and a huge order for my business all mixed with two birthdays and a party...well maybe I am just in a rough patch right now. I know it is all going to work out! I just hate this doubt. I want to feel like a lion and roar into this next child with the confidence and surefooted ability I know lies deep inside. I appreciate the support!

[babykenny]

Thanks ladies! I think my biggest fear is that I am going to resent this baby for ruining my life??? OK, just typing it out makes it sound so silly. I love being a mom and I love my kids totally. I love the infant - three month stage so much. I know I am just being silly. I bet the extreme exhaustion is really playing into my fearfulness. Between the first tri exhaustion, then getting a killer sinus infection/cold that lasted over three weeks and a huge order for my business all mixed with two birthdays and a party...well maybe I am just in a rough patch right now. I know it is all going to work out! I just hate this doubt. I want to feel like a lion and roar into this next child with the confidence and surefooted ability I know lies deep inside. I appreciate the support!

What you are saying seems so normal. We all experience some version of these questions or thought processes. You are gonna be great! We can all relate!

[CoffeeCat]

When I am allowed to think about it I have some moments of "Wow...four...wow..." I dunno. Seeing the baby on the ultrasound screen, feeling him move more all the time, having the kids start to connect with the idea of having a brother...all that stuff happened this week which makes me feel happy and at ease...for now. I think at the end I will be so focused on preparing for the homebirth and selling our rental property and getting some other things in order before the winter that it might hit me like a Mack truck, zero to 60 in seconds. At least my 2 kids who will be at home with me during the day while DD1 is in kindergarden are the more mellow kids, so I imagine it being good...but that could totally change.

I think it's totally normal to pause mentally, and realize that you are near the "peak", this goal that you have wanted to achieve of having 4 kids, and wonder if you are just too darn lucky/blessed and "the other shoe is going to drop". I have moments of that sometimes, and I don't have your history with STC, which totally would make anyone feel like it was all just too surreal. I feel so grateful for my kids being healthy, and here, and now that we are in a bigger home, and we're going to have the magical mystical 2 boys and 2 girls...sometimes something tries to creep in and tell me that something bad is bound to happen, that a person can't be this lucky/blessed. But while I can't expect a lifetime without challenges, pain, and conflict, I also can't expect that it's inevitable that something bad will happen whenever I'm happy. Trying to tell myself that sometimes life is just good, and it's OK to enjoy that. I also have some friends going through such a hard time that I almost feel guilty to be in a happy relationship, healthy pregnancies, bigger house etc., but they themselves wouldn't want me to be apologetic or dismissive of my blessings. In fact not appreciating them would be worse, so I'm trying to tell myself that as well.

I know it's not exactly where you were going but those are my disjointed thoughts on the subject @ almost midnight after shopping all day with 3 kids. I do think we will rise to the occasion like we have before, and 4 kids will be amazing.

[MamaToe88]

I thought I was prepared, but I wasn't. As the date got closer I realised that. No one is every 100 percent prepared. Each baby is different, each pregnancy is different, each child grows differently, so you can never be prepared for any of it. I wanted both of mine but I definitely wasn't prepared.

[Jai]

Marissa, obviously freaked out (preg at 17). Totally unprepared. I read as much as I could, researched as much as I could but nothing was really going to prepare me for what was going to happen. It actually wasn't as bad as I'd hoped. Granted things weren't how I planned they would be when I used to dream of having a child but it worked out.

Peyton, wasn't freaked out at all. I was finally getting to do it the way I'd wanted to. Married, people were happy for me, I'd done it once before so it didn't scare me so much.

Jayden, my pregnancy I wasn't worried at all. Now, after he was born and we got home from the hospital I had fleeting thoughts of OMG what did we do?! Peyton was 2.5 (and a TRYING 2.5 at that), Marissa was in school. It was just so busy and different than when it was just M and P. But after we made it through probably the first month, I didn't feel that way anymore. It all just fell into place.

[fourgulls]

I just wanted to chime in and say you are rocking it with 3 little ones under 4 (while pregnant) and I am sure you will keep on rocking and this new little one will fit right in!!

[anonsouthernbell]

I feel the same way now... I just keep praying, which is what helps me to feel better.

[cheeksy]

Didn't really freak out with either pregnancy. Both were unplanned. And both times we are not stable - we don't really have base in home countries and our stay here depends on work visas. But somehow we just knew things will adjust and we will find a way. First time I had a full time job till around 20+ weeks and I used to earn quite a bit so I had good savings when I moved to the city where DH worked. This time we don't have much savings and I didn't work full time for a while but we already know how much everything will cost approximately plus I have learned to budget some things (not so well yet, but I am getting there!). This time DH has a full time job with some benefits and paid holidays. So it is also more stable than before.
In our case we are just having #2. So I think I might have felt different if it was #3 or #4. I am sure things will work out for the best and you'll manage just as well with the new addition to the family!

[preciousnd98]

I will admit that I am having a hard time picturing our life with 2 kids - and I always wanted a huge family. I have these weird thoughts about what it will be like and for some reason in my images of our life the baby is 2 1/2 like Olivia and I am having a hard time recognizing that we will have a newborn/infant/baby again! lol And as it sinks in, I am definitely get a little worried about what it will be like to have another one. No regrets at all - but I think I have normal fears/concerns about expanding our family.

[MommyShannon]

Mostly I just took each addition as the way it was and no big deal. I have to admit that on the tough days with 3 kids I've wondered what have we done! I'm not worried about not loving or being thrilled with the baby. I'm more concerned about my being able to handle 4 since 3 is overwhelming a lot right now. I think that's a lot of it though. Being pg is taking a toll on me and I'm not being the mom I want to be so how can I be that mom to 4. I try to remind myself that I won't be pg once #4 arrives so I will be able to do things I can't now. I told DH I'm still in denial at 31 weeks b/c I can't come up with any names I like at all. It's kind of like if you name a stray dog it's no longer a stray. Once we name the baby, it's a baby and not just my being pg.

[tyvek]

A few days ago I had my 20 week (or so) ultrasound. I feel it is real now! LOl. I know a lot has to do with me being in a state of denial right now and that really helped slap me in the face and say....ok, this s real! Since I am still not feeling the baby ths was a nice nudge to reality.

MommyShannon...I totally feel the same way! I am so tired and in pain from being pregnant. I am not the mother I dreamed I would be and life with three has taken a turn to crazy lately. All of that is making me have doubt! I have to keep reminding myself I will not be pregnant when #4 arrives. And, not to mention that my kids are still so young. It has to get easier just with some age under their belts! ;). I bet once I get one in diapers it will be easier at least for awhile.