How do you handle negative name feedback?

**macksmom** · 05-02-2012, 07:30 AM

I am starting to get worried that if this baby is a boy we will get A LOT of comments about his name. It's not too crazy of a name but it's not common by any means. DH and I love it and have had it picked out since I was pg with DD2. We are totally confident in it.

The main thing I see being a problem is that my father died about 13 years ago. If it's a boy we don't plan to use my father's name at all - not as a middle or first name. DH and I decided we wanted original names and to not name after anyone. It's a personal choice obviously. I am afraid it's going to appear disrespectful to my father and that we will get a lot of comments. So not only is it an uncommon name but I don't recognize my father at all....

Part of me feels like when you choose a name that is not common you should expect some negative feedback. But the more I think about this the more it bothers me. We are talking about adults here! And a baby's name! If they don't like it they should keep their mouth shut! Why do people think it's ok to do that? So while normally I would say I will just ignore any negativity and proceed with confidence I can't help but feel like these people need to be put in their place if they have the nerve to make a rude comment about my kid's name. I had visions of kicking my grandmother out of my hospital room this morning

I am pretty sure she will be the first offender.

Anyway, just wondering how you all handle negative name comments and if you ignore them or fight back?

**Jai** · 05-02-2012, 07:36 AM

With Peyton we had some people in Robs family that made jokes because they thought it was a boys name. His one particular uncle would call her a he and act like it was an accident. Like "Oh hes so cute- oop, sorry, it's a she.. she's so cute". Trying to make it known that he thought she had a boys name. I just ignored him. Little did he know it would because a pretty popular girls name!

Then with Jayden we had a name picked that Rob really liked but this same uncle made comments about it as well. Enough that Rob changed his mind on wanting to name him that, afraid others would say the same thing.

So no help from me.. I'm not one for confrontation. As much as I wanted to tell him to STFU I just ignored.

**macksmom** · 05-02-2012, 07:53 AM

Originally Posted by Jai

With Peyton we had some people in Robs family that made jokes because they thought it was a boys name. His one particular uncle would call her a he and act like it was an accident. Like "Oh hes so cute- oop, sorry, it's a she.. she's so cute". Trying to make it known that he thought she had a boys name. I just ignored him. Little did he know it would because a pretty popular girls name!

Then with Jayden we had a name picked that Rob really liked but this same uncle made comments about it as well. Enough that Rob changed his mind on wanting to name him that, afraid others would say the same thing.

So no help from me.. I'm not one for confrontation. As much as I wanted to tell him to STFU I just ignored.

I can't believe ADULTS think it's ok to make fun of a baby's name. It's just so childish!

You probably took the right route. I am not one for confrontation either and I am sure the higher road is to just ignore it but it's bothering me that people think it's ok to do this. My BIL made a comment about DD1's name years ago and I ignored it (mostly because I was so shocked) and I wish I had said something back to him.

**Bridget** · 05-02-2012, 07:59 AM

I would just simply tell them you don't want to hear comments like that about your child's name and that you find it very rude. Some people just need to be told that they are being rude because they actually think they are being cute or funny. I have never had anyone say things about my kids' names. Adults should know better.

**Cosmosmom** · 05-02-2012, 08:01 AM

Eh I just ignore it. I know mine isn't crazy but not common. If we get a boy he will be Theodore...maybe Theodore Wilson or Theodore Thomas. My MIL was like what are you thinking he's going to be president? My dad said he would call him Beaver (as in Leave it to Beaver). Or I have gotten chipmunks comments.
And I know not everyone in our circle likes our girl name...as of right now it's Vanessa.

I think people feel free to comment before it's a done deal. I don't know if I have ever seen adults commet on names once kid is old enough to understand.

Never going to get a name that everyone will love....and I don't think that it's necessary to honor a family member if you don't want to. I love my dad a lot but would never use his name. Even he doesn't like his name! And every single name can be made fun of.

**caligirl07** · 05-02-2012, 08:05 AM

We caught a lot of flack for Tristyn's name seeing that she's a girl and its usually a boy name... But we didn't tell anyone the name till I was delivering, so at least at that point I was distracted enough with my new baby that it was easier to ignore their comments...

Kaelyn we also kept it secret till she was born, but no one freaked on her name... This time we have a few 'different' ideas but we don't even have 'for sures' yet but again I think we'll wait till the end to release the name just because of not wanting to hear others opinions...

**Andi8983** · 05-02-2012, 09:32 AM

I had someone say that my name choice was "generic" so I just said "good thing it's my baby and not yours" and smiled. Some people have no tact.

**misfit** · 05-02-2012, 09:48 AM

I ignore it. With Elliott, one of the veterinarian's where I worked said it sounded like the name of a kid who would get beat up. My dad expressed great dislike for the name Evelyn and said it sounded like an old lady name.

He only warmed up when he realized he could call her Evelyn Knevielyn (Evel Knievel).

**Smplyme89** · 05-02-2012, 09:54 AM

Simple

"Good thing he/she is not your kid"

Than again people tend to refer to me as a B

**macksmom** · 05-02-2012, 10:07 AM

Originally Posted by Smplyme89

Simple

"Good thing he/she is not your kid"

Than again people tend to refer to me as a B

I have a feeling after this baby is born people will refer to me the same way

I just know my grandmother will say something. She is the type that can't hold back and I think she will be personally offended by it (she is my dad's mom). I really don't care what she thinks but I know it will piss me off. Badly. I don't want to be disrespectful but I wont hold back if she has negative comments to make. She tore into my SIL over my brother's wedding invitations because they didn't mention their parents on the invite. Who cares? It was their wedding? Not everybody does invitations like that - it's kind of traditional and old fashioned. She made her cry! Then she felt bad.

She doesn't learn. So I am sure the same thing will happen and she will regret saying something but still not learn her lesson

I would not have used my father's name if he were alive so I don't see why I should since he isn't. I am just not into naming after people. I am annoyed that it may appear disrespectful. I am pretty sure my dad wouldn't care....

**sunkiss** · 05-02-2012, 10:07 AM

I just can't believe people are rude enough to say something directly to a person about their kid's name! I have heard some doozies, but when they tell me the name, I always say something nice about it. The other day, (and I pray that no-one here used this name for a girl) I saw a birth announcement in the paper for a little GIRL named HUNKER! Now, I might have a hard time pretending that I like that name!

**macksmom** · 05-02-2012, 10:11 AM

Originally Posted by sunkiss

I just can't believe people are rude enough to say something directly to a person about their kid's name! I have heard some doozies, but when they tell me the name, I always say something nice about it. The other day, (and I pray that no-one here used this name for a girl) I saw a birth announcement in the paper for a little GIRL named HUNKER! Now, I might have a hard time pretending that I like that name!

Wow that is very different. Even for a boy. I just think people need to follow the age old advice...."if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all". I mean really, what benefit comes from making fun of someone's name??? The only thing that happens is that people feel badly. Why would anyone feel the need to do that?

Now if someone asks for an opinion on a name that is totally different......

I also don't mind if people say things like "what a unique name" or "that is an interesting name" - if they feel like they HAVE to say something....

**iMom** · 05-02-2012, 10:35 AM

All I can say is that my DD has a pretty simple more common name 'Claire' and I have had negative comments from adults. The worst one was this lady at work that said 'Well, at least she will have a cute middle name." uh... Thanks lady.

I don't think it matters if the name is common or what not, I think everyone has an opinion and some people are just rude. Go with what makes you and your family happy. Ignore the negative comments. I'm sure your child will appreciate the unique name.

**Inca** · 05-02-2012, 10:38 AM

Thankfully the only comments we've gotten were "I really like that/those name/s" or "They'll be the only Remy/Seren in their class!" Nothing negative. So I hope your family and friends can do the same. Because, like others have said, how is it THEIR place to say what you can or cannot name your child. And really, who makes FUN of a baby name? I get that they may not choose it, but it's not their child, so they need to but out. I do like Christina's response of "Good thing he's not your kid."

**EttyBaby** · 05-02-2012, 10:43 AM

My DD's name is Bella Grace. I come from an Italian family, and just fell in love with the name, and knew I didn't want to name her Isabella. In the last couple years, I physically cringe every time some random person asks me if I was a "Twilight fan" while pregnant with her. No. I did not name my child after some teenage paranormal romance heroine! I do my best to ignore it, but I have moments where I wish I could go back and change her first name - not because I dont love it - but I hate the assumptions people make about it!

**pumpkinseed2011** · 05-02-2012, 10:52 AM

I've dreamed of naming my daughter Phoebe since I was in about the 3rd grade. WELL before Friends and Charmed. Phoebe was my Great Grandmother whom I thought exhibited so many characteristics of a strong woman and that was why I have been in love with it. Good thing my DH was on board, too, otherwise I would have had name disappointment. There are times when people, even my sister and own father, have said she's going to be made fun of b/c her initials are PP. Well, kids can find anything to tease about, and I will do my best to teach her to ignore... I don't usually get negative comments, more of "oh, that's an OLD name" or "how different". Well, my name is Franchesca, with an 'h' in the middle, so you don't have to tell me about different. And DH is Geoffrey. COMEON, we are a family of different names... I was told growing up that my name is unique because God made me unique in myself. I like that.

Now, if anyone does say something, I'll try to bite my tongue, but watch out, I might be the B on the block!

**EttyBaby** · 05-02-2012, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by pumpkinseed2011

I've dreamed of naming my daughter Phoebe since I was in about the 3rd grade. WELL before Friends and Charmed. Phoebe was my Great Grandmother whom I thought exhibited so many characteristics of a strong woman and that was why I have been in love with it. Good thing my DH was on board, too, otherwise I would have had name disappointment. There are times when people, even my sister and own father, have said she's going to be made fun of b/c her initials are PP. Well, kids can find anything to tease about, and I will do my best to teach her to ignore... I don't usually get negative comments, more of "oh, that's an OLD name" or "how different". Well, my name is Franchesca, with an 'h' in the middle, so you don't have to tell me about different. And DH is Geoffrey. COMEON, we are a family of different names... I was told growing up that my name is unique because God made me unique in myself. I like that.

Now, if anyone does say something, I'll try to bite my tongue, but watch out, I might be the B on the block!

I love the name Phoebe!

**Smplyme89** · 05-02-2012, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by macksmom

I have a feeling after this baby is born people will refer to me the same way

I just know my grandmother will say something. She is the type that can't hold back and I think she will be personally offended by it (she is my dad's mom). I really don't care what she thinks but I know it will piss me off. Badly. I don't want to be disrespectful but I wont hold back if she has negative comments to make. She tore into my SIL over my brother's wedding invitations because they didn't mention their parents on the invite. Who cares? It was their wedding? Not everybody does invitations like that - it's kind of traditional and old fashioned. She made her cry! Then she felt bad.

She doesn't learn. So I am sure the same thing will happen and she will regret saying something but still not learn her lesson

I would not have used my father's name if he were alive so I don't see why I should since he isn't. I am just not into naming after people. I am annoyed that it may appear disrespectful. I am pretty sure my dad wouldn't care....

I don't think it's disrespectful at all. I for one, am not a fan of family names though. I always wanted my child/children to have their own unique identity. It's hard going against the 'grain' so to speak, but your child your rules. At least you know that she'll probably show her tush and have time to come up with a publicly correct response

**mla** · 05-02-2012, 11:53 AM

I never share names until the baby's here. Once the name's actually attached to a baby that they can see and there's no chance for it not to change, I think people are less likely to offer a negative opinion. Of course, I tend to choose pretty traditional names, so I've not dealt w/the fallout of an uncommon name.

**macksmom** · 05-02-2012, 12:02 PM

BTW we don't share names with anyone for this reason. That didn't stop a few faces and comments when DD1 was born and people were surprised by her name. With DD2 I don't think anyone cared because they kind of knew we would most likely pick a less common name. I think this boy name will really set them off. It's more different than my girls' names but I think the whole "naming after" thing with boys is different and I think it's just gonna hit way harder. Even my FIL has been making comments about a possible junior even though DH would rather die than have yet another Nicholas in his family. He actually likes the name (I do too) but he HATES that he was named after his father. Especially since he was called "Little Nicky" his whole life.... I also hate my name and was named after my grandmothers so we have good reason to not want to name our kid after anyone!

I don't think this will be an issue with our girl's name so who knows....maybe I am stressing for no reason!

Just from experience I don't think the baby being here stops people from making comments. I almost wouldn't mind hashing it out before the baby is born. I find it more offensive once the baby is here, you know?

**preciousnd98** · 05-02-2012, 12:06 PM

I used to teach with a woman who originally shared the name they were planning for their son. They had so many people give them negative responses she finally just changed it and refused to tell anyone their new name until the baby was born. I will admit I am guilty of commenting on names behind someone's back, but I would NEVER say it to them! (I have a couple of friends who picked some that just weren't my taste so my comments were more about that -and I have definitely expressed my opinion about some of the crazy celebrity baby names out there!)

Is there any way you could sort of warn your grandma that the baby will not be named after your father - a decision you had both made long ago - so she won't be surprised by that? I feel like most people are more likely to refrain from comments once the baby is actually born.

**macksmom** · 05-02-2012, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by preciousnd98

I used to teach with a woman who originally shared the name they were planning for their son. They had so many people give them negative responses she finally just changed it and refused to tell anyone their new name until the baby was born. I will admit I am guilty of commenting on names behind someone's back, but I would NEVER say it to them! (I have a couple of friends who picked some that just weren't my taste so my comments were more about that -and I have definitely expressed my opinion about some of the crazy celebrity baby names out there!)

Is there any way you could sort of warn your grandma that the baby will not be named after your father - a decision you had both made long ago - so she won't be surprised by that? I feel like most people are more likely to refrain from comments once the baby is actually born.

I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing your thoughts about a name just not to the name holder or his/her parents. It's the fact that people seem to taunt parents about names they chose for their kids that irks me!

I have thought about telling my mom to warn my grandmother, mostly to avoid confrontation. I am pretty sure my mom knows we had not planned to name the baby after anyone...I have been through this twice before. For some reason this one is making me more stressed. Maybe because I feel like this is a boy more than I have with my others?

I just don't even want to talk about it with my mom. I don't want to hear anything she may have to say about it either....I may have told her when I was pg last time? I don't even remember.

No one should be surprised by what we do anymore lol....we are definitely the black sheep!

**mla** · 05-02-2012, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by macksmom

I find it more offensive once the baby is here, you know?

Well, that's because it *is.* I can't imagine saying something to someone about their child's name. My niece gave her daughter a name that I think is tragically lame, but I'd never say anything to her or her child about it. I mean, what good would that do? The girl's here, and her name is her name. Why say something rude just to cause hurt? Makes no sense to me.

**takenandhappy** · 05-02-2012, 12:29 PM

I got alot of criticism about Azara's name. I wanted to name her Autumn at first but my fiancee who didnt want anything to do with the baby decided he would step up and I let him name her. I dont see what the fuss is about a babys name. They're part of the family now & should be respected like everyone else even if they dont know what people are saying.

**Cosmosmom** · 05-02-2012, 01:06 PM

What if you just said, you had the chance to name your children, and now I'm naming mine.
If you can't keep your opinions and comments to yourself, no need to visit with us.

**Ky'sMom** · 05-02-2012, 01:30 PM

Honestly it wouldn't bother me. Not too much bothers me though. The only person who I let bother me (and I am working on that) is DH and a baby name would have to be agreed upon with him so any other person's opinion or comments wouldn't bother me. If they kept going on and on about it though I would remind them, once baby is here, that we're not changing the name so we would appreciate it if they kept their name comments to themselves or go whisper about it in a corner or something.

I got comments about both of my kid's names. Mostly for Ky's name because there is a tradition in our family of naming kids with the first letter of A (except me of course but I was named for an uncle - Aaron and they couldn't possibly name me his name because it was a boy's spelling). DH wanted Ky to have a name that started with a K like his own. My mom wanted me to name him Asa because she has always wanted a grandson names Asa for some reason (she even wanted me to name Elle Asa and tried to convince me to). But I just dismiss them. I dismiss a lot of people's comments and those who know me know when to shut up so I usually don't have to say anything more to them. The only comments I got about Elle's name is that it was a cute name (Ellasyn). We do give the kids traditional middle names after family members. Ky's if after an uncle of DH's and mine is after an aunt of mine.

Erin

**emma1978** · 05-02-2012, 02:27 PM

We didnt get any neg comments on my sons name but its probably cause its more traditional (eric). My daughter's name is eliana and people either love or have never heard of it and have a hard time pronouncing it.

**puppy wuv** · 05-02-2012, 04:56 PM

When I said we were naming our first child "Riot" my mom flipped. Saying he was going to get bullied in school all the way to saying that he would never be able to get a "real" job like a doctor or something. I told her that it was what we were naming him and the job thing made no sense and it doesn't matter what your name is, bullies pick on SOMETHING to get at you. If you have freckles, big ears, hand-me-down clothes, anything. She went so far as to start offering other names in place of Riot thinking that if she said enough names, I would come around and change my mind I guess. It was pretty offensive and she wouldn't drop it until I told her so. I don't know why she got so worked up over the name I chose, but when my sister named her daughter Paisley and dressed her in paisleys and didn't like it, she didn't say anything to her then.... For your grandmother, I would just try to warn her first that it wasn't going to be after your father. That you and your DH had both decided not to name your children after anyone in the family. Then after she calms down with that, THEN let everyone know the name if that is what you want to do.

**tyvek** · 05-02-2012, 06:58 PM

I assume your first two children are named original names and do not have family ties? Because with that history I could not see how anyone would be surprised you did not follow that same path. But, I know people are pretty lame and most likely can not help themselves. I hope they don't make a big deal out of it. After naming my first son Devon, my mother was making light (or fun) of how I spelled it. Then it only got worse when the automated phone system called to confirm an appointment for DeVON. That was really hurtful right after such a beautiful experience. And four years later I still remember it. So, while this was a small issue, I know how hard it can cut and hurt. Good luck!

**Antimony25** · 05-02-2012, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by macksmom

I really don't care what she thinks but I know it will piss me off. Badly.

You don't care what she thinks, but you also don't want to hear it...

I think telling folks "good thing it's not your kid" or straight out saying "you are being rude" or "I didn't ask for their opinion" is just fine...it's WRONG to tease and make fun, particularly of a precious newborn!

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