What would you choose

[tanyachap]

We do have more than 6 mo in liquid assets. I would have never been comfortable with the decision to stay home if we didnt.

[Cosmosmom]

We currently have about 6 months liquid....not sure what it will be when the baby comes as adoption is EXPENSIVE though we have about a 1/3 paid for already. Depends on how long it takes us to get a match. Longer it takes, the more we will have saved up. Had it happened right away, we probably would have taken a HELOC to pay for it....we are in the lucky position to have a decent amount of equity in our house (live in an area that didn't see values drop tons plus we built at the low point in the market).

Definitely I could not stay at home as benefits are via me and I make almost double DH. It would not be comfortable for us to have him stay at home either....too hard to fund retirement and we like to pay extra on the house.

[BabyHopes]

Ideally I would stay home full-time until baby was around 4 or 5 years old, then put him/her in school part-time and work part-time. When he/she started school full-time I'd go back to work part-time and work while he/she is in school. That's the ideal for me.

This would be my ideal too.

[Suja]

For some reason, the 'Bittersweet Season' segment reminded me of this thread. http://wamu.org/programs/morning_edi...at_pco=cfs-1.0

[caitlinsmommy]

I find it funny that it is assumed that working two jobs means that you'll be able to save for things like retirement, emergency fund, etc. DH and I both work full time and are no where close to being able to afford all those things. I can almost guarantee we do NOT live elaborately. Our splurges are: cell phones, cable, and we set aside 100 bucks a month for spending money. Other than that, it is all bills that are well within our means. We rent a very small home (1400 sq ft), we grocery shop and rarely eat out, we do not go on vacation or buy expensive clothes/electronics (the last thing we did was get me maternity clothes at a second hand store for 50 dollars).

Sometimes there is no easy answer. If you are on the lower end of the income spectrum, staying at home could help you financially vs. going back to work. We had kids young in life, so things like childcare are being paid vs. saving. That was our choice, had we waited, there was no guarantee that we owuld then be in positions that would allow us to have all the money needed to be set. Luckily, I make an okay salary so it is better for me to work than not, but my family situation also necessitates me working (trust things).

I guess my point is similar to the one already being made-SAHM or working-neither guarantees financial security one way or the other.

[dunegirl]

I also think it depends on how many kids you have. For me, only having 1 (so far), it was financially better for me to work full time. But when I have another child there will be no way we can afford daycare for 2.

I'd love to have 4 kids so that would mean I'd have to be a SAHM since there is no way I can afford to put 4 through daycare.

I have worked my butt off for the last 17 years and chose to have kids "later" in life.

[patti_jim]

Ideally I would stay home full-time until baby was around 4 or 5 years old, then put him/her in school part-time and work part-time. When he/she started school full-time I'd go back to work part-time and work while he/she is in school. That's the ideal for me.

This is what my mother did with me and my 4 younger siblings. This is what I plan to do with my children. I worked ALOT when DD9 was little and missed ALOT of time with her. It's one of the only regrets I have that I wish I could change.

Also, the situation you describe is where we're at right now. Like another PP said, it's really our ideal situation. DH is making really good money, we don't have any debt and our car is paid off. We have a large chunk of money in our savings and we add more to it every month. We have enough money to go out to eat when we get the urge and occasionally splurge on things we "want" but don't "need". BUT, even if we had to cut back on some stuff, I would still choose to stay home when my kids aren't in school.

FWIW, word has spread around my town that I like to take pictures and i'm approached often about taking family photos, so I guess it's like a really, REALLY part-time job. I do it for fun and to have a creative outlet. I have a mom asking me to do her pregnancy belly pics right now, which i've never done, so i'm excited about it

[patti_jim]

I am curious about this. Every financial advisor says that one should have, at a minimum, 6 months worth of expenses saved in liquid assets in case of an emergency. Does everyone have that? Let's say there is a permanent loss of income (the higher wage earner's, in the case of dual income families), would you be able to meet all your obligations without significant changes to your current life? Would anything change about your lifestyle or living circumstances?

Yes, we do Thankfully, since DH was called back from his layoff over 2 yrs ago, he's been offered NON-STOP overtime. So far this year, he's averaged 70hrs/week and we've been able to deposit not only our entire 7K tax return, but an additional $500/month. We can completely live off $1,500/month and our savings would float us for 9-12 months.

We've also qualified for an IDA account through a first time home buyers program here in NH. Basically a special contribution matching account and in 6 months, we'll have 16K in there

[Hippychick]

I think each family is different in what there needs are.
I really want to be home formy kids as they are in HS since I really believe they almost need an adult home more at that time than when they are young. For me also I think if I worked I would be more stressed out with keepingup with all the happenings in my home. like recently ODD has had a concussion and missed 3 weeks of school, I cannot imagine what we would have done if I had to work, just those things make me realise working is just not for me in the moment (As long as we can and still have food and roof over our heads!)

[College_Girl_14305]

I could never have someone else raise my children (or partially raise them, however u want to look at it...) And simply, I would miss them way too much.

[kellyowens]

The term "SAHM" makes me chuckle ! There are days I *wish* I could "stay at home" more often ! Honestly, I love my job!! It's a lot of work, it's not always easy, it stretches me in every way imagineable, but it has been so worth it .

I voted SAHM until kids the go to college/forever. I have no idea if I'll ever work outside my home or not...I'm not opposed to the idea once the kids have all graduated (I home school) but I guess I'll see when I get there (lol, I'll be 53 when my youngest graduates) .

I have worked at a paying job for a total of 4 months (I was a teenager). I do not have a college education and I don't desire a job/career. My DH financially supports us and prefers it that way. He feels my job here is equally as important as his job away.

We've agreed together to do what's in the best interest of all of us to make it work while upholding our ideals . As to what others do...well, that's entirely up to them! I'm so glad I don't have to decide for other people !!

My heart goes out to those whose circumstances don't support their ideals ...it's tough, it really is . A lot of my loved ones are in situations like that for reasons beyond their control. Thinking of you!

[Marcie]

I could never have someone else raise my children (or partially raise them, however u want to look at it...) And simply, I would miss them way too much.

I assure you, no one else is raising my children. Even though I work part time, I spend more time with them than anyone else, I know what they are doing at any given moment, and I have made sure that any time I am not present, they are with people who love them (their grandparents or our nanny) and who are engaging them, teaching them and playing with them.

[dunegirl]

I could never have someone else raise my children (or partially raise them, however u want to look at it...) And simply, I would miss them way too much.

I agree. And I hated how much I was away from dd when I was working.

I don't think you are implying that working mothers don't raise their kids. I think this is how you would feel is you put your kids in daycare and you have every right to your feelings.

[caitlinsmommy]

I could never have someone else raise my children (or partially raise them, however u want to look at it...) And simply, I would miss them way too much.

While I understand you didn't mean that in a negative way for us working moms, I think that is a little assumptive. I can assure you I am the one raising my child........for the most part. If you think about the reality, your child is 'raised' by everyone that interacts with them. Even if you do stay home with your children till they enter school, then a teacher would be spending quite a bit of time with them. I have never heard anyone refer to a teacher as 'raising' their child. They are simply being there as a support/guide/teacher. As is a nanny/childcare etc. when they are younger.

[Jai]

I think each family is different in what there needs are.
I really want to be home formy kids as they are in HS since I really believe they almost need an adult home more at that time than when they are young.

My moms friend at worked believed this, too. She worked FT while her kids were babies, in elem and jr high and then she was able to retire and be home when they got in 9th grade. (My mom is a county worker and her friend was able to retire at like 45. My mom will retire w full benefits in 2 years, she'll be 54) She felt that she needed to be home when her kids were older ages, more than when they were babies. Just funny that I saw this since it's usually the other way around.

[Smplyme89]

I could never have someone else raise my children (or partially raise them, however u want to look at it...) And simply, I would miss them way too much.

.............

[Ky'sMom]

Wanted to say interesting conversation.

I voted that I would work full time, but I probably should have voted "other" as I do make a point to stay home with babies until they are at least 12 months old, so for the first year as I don't like the idea of putting a baby in daycare. I stayed home for one year with Ky and two years with DH because he insisted.

I do not like being a SAHM. It is boring to me. Cooking and cleaning and such is not stimulating for me. I am more of an academic and like to have challenges that go beyond planning meals or other home based situations. And I want to state that I am in no way trivializing the work of SAHMs as like the other ladies have said, I think that it is extremely hard being one. For me it was VERY difficult and I actually was depressed almost the entire time that I was a SAHM both times. I maybe was suffering from PPD and was told I probably was with Ky but honestly I think I was just bored and not stimulated intellectually and it is just not fulfilling to me at all and I could never stay at home all the time.

I also don't believe in gender roles at all and would let DH take care of the kids full time if he wanted to. He is pretty good with the kids but I wouldn't want him to be a SAHD because he would let them watch TV all day.

I also do a lot of the things mentioned earlier in the thread, I work, I volunteer (at school and in the community and for Ky's sports teams), I cook pretty much every day (if not DH will cook), I plan meals, I shop, I pay the bills, I do a whole lot and out of all of that, I truly enjoy going to work and getting out of the house everyday and learning about new things and having new experiences (I perform 5 job roles at my current place of employment so there is always something interesting to do).

I also do not like the idea of not having money. I am a very mistrustful person and I just am not going to put my financial future in the hands of anyone, not my mom, my dad, nor my DH. DH makes enough to support us and if he didn't, he would do whatever it took (legally) to do so. I never worry about not having our basic needs met. But I always make more than him when I work. I excel in every job I set out to do and am usually rewarded for it and if I'm not I'll find somewhere else to work or work for myself (which I did when I was a SAHM).

Also wanted to note that maybe it is more of a cultural thing. All the women in my family have worked back through the 1800s that I have researched. I would never think that a woman shouldn't work outside of the home just because she is a woman. My grandma was the director of personnel at her job, a very high position in a huge manufacturing company, she was the only woman with a title and the only black person who worked in the office. All of the girls in my family looked up to her and her mother, who had her own business (she had an ironing/washing business with an actual location so not out of the house in her 30s and 40s and she owned a bakery after going to school to learn to bake). We have a tradition of education and work and that is just what we do in my family. We do everything else that we would do at home too and it is all good for me.

Erin