How do you deal?

[newmom84]

How do you deal with the momma guilt? I am a single mom, so I have to work. I am having a really tough time lately living with this guilt that I have being gone all the time. I HATE that someone else is raising my child and I can't afford to stay home with him. It's tearing me up inside and I don't know how to deal with it. I obviously have to deal with it because there is not another option.

How do you ladies do it?

[Smplyme89]

Lots of extra snuggle time. Focus on the positives. You are showing your baby boy that you are a strong independent woman and that is important!!! It is hard when you want to be at home, but can't

[momma_k807]

That's tough. If we lived in a perfect world we'd all have lots of money and be able to be home but we dont. In order to give your child all the things you do now and in the future you have to work. I try to remind myself of that whenever I feel guilty about not being with him during the day. Because I work I'm able to buy him nice things, take vacations with him and save up for his college/future and do fun activities on the weekends. I think when they are babies it makes it even more tough. When DS was little we co-slept just so I felt like I had more time with him.

[daynasrose]

I don't know what to tell you. I don't have mommy guilt. I honestly feel that working makes me a better mommy. However, I would probably have the same considerations as you if I were a single mom. It would bother me to have someone else raising my children, especially a non-family member. My mom and MIL watch my children so I feel like I am giving them the next best thing to me.

[Consensus]

I know how hard it is. First, let me say it does get better - I found it got a lot easier as DD hit the 1-1.5 year old mark. I have had struggles and a few days where I called my "spiritual sister" on the way home from work and cried, and she knew the pain that I felt. I found it very encouraging to have those feelings validated because they come from deep within us, we want to be there, to be mommy. As time has passed, like I said it's gotten easier, and knowing I don't have a choice, really try to be a good steward of my position where I can take care of my family - both in being grateful I have the job, and really making sure I do the best that I can when I'm there. I find this mentality helps rejuvenate me so I'm not as tired at the end of the day, and makes the time with the LO more productive. Know that your son will grow up and watch his strong, amazing mom work hard to care for and provide for him, and it will be all that he knows. That's your family's normal, and that's ok. You're setting the example for your son that sometimes life forces us into circumstances we don't want to be in and can't control, but we can't spend too much time dwelling on the negative, as that will make us bitter. We can hold our head high and put our chins up and know we did the best dern job that we could have done with the cards we were dealt.
Let yourself have a good cry now and again; you feel a loss you need to mourn. Find a working mama friend who you can make a playdate with every couple months. And squeeze that little boy soooo tight every single night you walk through the door - even when he squirms and wiggles - because he'll always remember *those* hugs.

[twinmom34]

I am in the same shoes as a pp. I think working makes me a better mother. I do have a great job with great hours and flexibility. I make a good living and feel comfortable knowing I can support my family by myself. It gives me a sense of pride and self-worth. While I do miss my kids during my work hours, I know when they are in school I will also be missing them during the same hours. We spend every night and every weekend together which in the end works for me.


Try to focus on the positives to your work and make sure you have a good child care provider whom you know is giving your DS the best care possible. We lucked out in the center we chose b/c the twins were the favorites in the baby room, were cared for by my son's college classmates in the 1's & 2's and then cared for by my oldest son's favorite teacher from when he was in daycare 20 years ago. We have truly been blessed at a great center where I feel like my kids are special

[newmom84]

I know how hard it is. First, let me say it does get better - I found it got a lot easier as DD hit the 1-1.5 year old mark. I have had struggles and a few days where I called my "spiritual sister" on the way home from work and cried, and she knew the pain that I felt. I found it very encouraging to have those feelings validated because they come from deep within us, we want to be there, to be mommy. As time has passed, like I said it's gotten easier, and knowing I don't have a choice, really try to be a good steward of my position where I can take care of my family - both in being grateful I have the job, and really making sure I do the best that I can when I'm there. I find this mentality helps rejuvenate me so I'm not as tired at the end of the day, and makes the time with the LO more productive. Know that your son will grow up and watch his strong, amazing mom work hard to care for and provide for him, and it will be all that he knows. That's your family's normal, and that's ok. You're setting the example for your son that sometimes life forces us into circumstances we don't want to be in and can't control, but we can't spend too much time dwelling on the negative, as that will make us bitter. We can hold our head high and put our chins up and know we did the best dern job that we could have done with the cards we were dealt.
Let yourself have a good cry now and again; you feel a loss you need to mourn. Find a working mama friend who you can make a playdate with every couple months. And squeeze that little boy soooo tight every single night you walk through the door - even when he squirms and wiggles - because he'll always remember *those* hugs.

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I need to print this out and read it everyday. Thank you!

Thank you all for your encouraging words. It really does help to know that this is something that most of us have to deal with.

[emma1978]

i agree that it definitely gets easier with time. as a parent, there are lots of things we feel guilty about. my working is not one of them. i work so that i can afford to get my kids the best. i also think it sets a great example for them. personally, i have never resented either one of my parents for working. i knew they had to work. they always spend quality time with my sister and i in the evenings and weekends. similarly, dh and i always spend quality time with my son after work and on weekends. i have not used a babysitter in evenings or weekends. just on the opposite side - my DH currently has not spoken with his parents for over a year (and his mom was a SAHM!). i think that you can be a great parent and work. i would not feel guilty!

[AlexL2010]

My mother stopped working over 20 years ago. She is 49. Essentially she set my brother and I as her caretakers. I don't think she did us any great favors by staying at home and setting herself up for failure. Yeah I feel guilty too that I get to see my daughter for sometimes less than 3 hours a day. But I have to work to provide her with everything she will need. It must be tough being a single mom, but you love your son and trust me no one but you is raising him, they take care of him for you, but you are raising him.

[lotstolearn]

I just stumbled across this thread. How is it going now? My daughter is 3 months and I'm having a horrible time being back at work. I've only been back 3 weeks but every day seems to get worse instead of better.

[tradechick]

I so understand, its hard being torn... But think of it this way....u have stuff u want for your baby...music lessons, dance lessons, art. a specific school maybe...

Everything you do is to work toward a better life for her... maybe you have sumthings u want to do that weren't given to u... your earnings help open those doors.. its hard being away from them at first but get creative..mommy and me time when u get home, ask yur employer if u can work late one night to get off early another nite etc...it wil get better soon